About a Birthday Party

I think you just need to just thank her for inviting you to her child's party, go and enjoy, and then explain that for your son's party, you are just doing something small for his friends from school...not that big of a deal in my opinion (of course, I don't know your friend) - not something to be offended about...

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This is a no brainer.

Let her know you are planning a party for 6 year olds and that what you have planned would not suit a three year old. Suggest instead that her son come over at another time for a "private" celebration and have cupcakes together.

6 Year old boys do not want 3 year olds at thier party, behaved or not.

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Explain it just as you did when you said. "My son's 6th birthday is coming up in a few weeks and he wants a small party with his new friends from his kindergarten class." You could invite her and her son over on a different day for cup cakes or something like that. But your son is now in charge of his own friends. That is what happens when he goes to school. Explain it just like that.

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Im of the mind you dont need to explain anything. Simply tell her that this party is for his school friends only. If she gets offended, tell her your sorry, but this is what your son wants. Simple and to the point. I hope your son has a Happy Birthday.

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K.,
Don't bother to tell her she & her son are uninvited. That would just be bad manners on your part. Actions speek louder than words, simply just don't tell her when or where it is at, don't speak about it around her.

If she asks just tell her the truth you would only do her a disservice to lie. Tell her just like you told us " You are off in your own world and your son is not a good child. I want my son to enjoy his first real party and I want to consentrate on him not your son, that is why I didn't invite your son."

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This is a birthday party for 5 and 6 year olds which means that you don't invite a 3 year old. What is appropriate (ie. fun, safe, and skill level) is not necessarily appropriate for a 3 yo.
I also add that it will be difficult enough managing 5 and 6 year olds and having a 3 yo, even if he's well behaved adds to the difficulty.

My daughter has a birthday party for her kids that has only kids near in age. And then the family, which includes younger and older kids have another one which is not as structured as the same age party. This year the family party included my daughter's friends and their kids. She rented the gymn at a community Center which included an adult to manage games. Each child could choose what they wanted to do. There was basketball, trampoline, a giant ball to push around, "bowling" played on the floor. And of course just running around which is what the younger kids mostly did. The adults set up pizza, cake and ice cream in the kitchen while the kids played in the gym. There was usually 1 or 2 adults in the gym with the adults rotating in an informal way.

My final word is that you do not need to feel bad about not inviting the 3 yo. As children grow older they have different skills, likes and dislikes. The 3 yo does not have the same level of skills and does require more supervision even if they are well behaved. You already know his mother isn't able to provide that supervision.

I also agree that you don't have to tell this friend about the party. However, if the 2 families see each other often it may come out. In that case it's best to mention it ahead of time and tell her the party is only for 5 and 6 year olds. She shouldn't be upset.

If you want the two families to celebrate your son's birthday you could invite them over for cake and ice cream on a different date.

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Last year my son was 4 and I did let him decide which friends to invite for his birthday party. And yes, the invited ones spread the word at Preschool and I had to apologize to some of the moms who are my friends too and just told them that we decided that he is big enough to decide which friends to invite. Well, between the invitations and the party he did changed his mind quite few times but than for us was a good opportunity to teach him that you have to stick to your decisions. Your friend should be able to understand that your son won't pick up her son for his party. You can apologize and tell her when you can have a play date and when that happen make sure you will let her son knows "the house rules". In our house as soon as the other kid gets in my son is the one who will announce the "house rules". He really likes to do that and guess what - he follows them too. May be if your friend hears the "house rules" she would be more alike to make sure that her kid will follow them. Hope I was helpful! Good luck!

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That is a toughie...trying to not invite others is hard. First off you didn't mention if she knows it is coming up or not. Also you do say that the kids there are going to be a bit older than three - if you have to say something (don't if you don't have to - what she doesn't know can't hurt her) that the party will have older kids and you have age appropriate activities planned. Try to approach it, not from the "your son isn't as well behaved and therefore..." but from the "well the party is an older kids party and we are trying to stay with that so that littler ones don't get hurt AND older ones don't hurt younger" (ie as though you are not inviting someone with older kiddos). Maybe the more understanding approach will be better.

However, on a sidenote, you will notice that if you get four or more kiddos together the things you explained are happening with the three year old are likely to occur. Kids get very rambunctious together and you might want to ask that parents stay with the kids (I know it seems like a no-brainer but something similiar happened to a friend recently and everyone just dropped their kids off...). Alone kids do really well, but I have three and they do so well alone, but you get them together and mayhem occurs. On that note if you decide that not inviting her is unavoidable kindly explain to her that there will be quite a few kids and that you really need her to keep a close eye on her little one so that no one gets hurt. Make it a safty issue. Best of luck!

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Easy-just don't invite them. If they ask about it, just say that he had a few friends from school who are the same age and leave it at that. I am sure that your friend would completely understand the age difference.

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What a thoughtful friend, K.-- but what you do is say- '' You know, with the school friends coming- we HAD to limit the party to -- x---- number of children- there will only be 5 and 6 year olds-- why dont you and I ( and here describe something fun for her little guy to do with yours some other time soon) --- '''

If she protests - you just get dense and say- ''' I know - but with all those older kids- I dont think it would be fun for ---------- ( childs' name)-''' Truly- if you take this tiny stand and stick to it--- you're set- and your child can really enjoy his birthday-- .

Blessings,
J.

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Your son having the party he wants is what's important. If he wants his new friends from school, then I think telling your friend that his party will be just his school friends would be fine.

I know that having two big parties is out of the question for most families, but you could consider a second, smaller party for extended family and mom & dad's friends.

Also, sometimes when unruly kids are around older kids, they do try to fit in.

Good luck & have a great birthday party.

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You don´t tell her anything. This is your sons bday and the age gap between the two is huge at this point. You can choose the friends of a 3 year old but not so much a 6 year old. They have their own opinion at that point so you can tell your friend if she asks why that your son was in charge of the guest list.

Happy bday!

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Since the ages of your sons are so different, it shouldn't be a problem. Just tell your friend that your son is at an age where he wants a small party with people from his class at school. If she's dropping hints about you being invited to her son's party, just say that it's your son's birthday, and he has invited the people he wants to invite. Really, there comes a point when birthday parties are about the kid's friends instead of the parents' friends anyway. I think your son is definitely at that age.

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Hi, don't invite him, he will be trouble. Say we had a very small age appropriate party. I have had children like the one you are refering to and it was terrible! Good Luck!

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Hi K. - My advice would be to go ahead and plan the 6 year old party with Kindergarten friends. Don't say much about it to your friend, so as not to rub it in. Then, tell her that knowing how 6 year olds are (not so good at including little ones) you didn't want her son's feelings hurt so you planned a special play time for just the two/four of you together to celebrate your son's birthday. Go skating or to the zoo or bowling or something that will keep the 3 year old busy so as to (hopefully) cut down on fit throwing!

Eventually your friend is going to have an experience that opens her eyes to the fact that her son is difficult to be around. Hopefully someone else can give her that experience, though, not you!!

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Just don't invite him... It's hard to go to a party you don't even know is happening. And if she brings it up, tell her that your son was in charge of who he wanted to invite.
That is why I let my son's make their guest lists... it's more fun for them to be in charge of their parties. I will mention a name if I think that they are forgetting someone but if they say no to that person then it's no.
I have had mothers ask me why their child was not invited and I would let them know how my son felt about their child (in the nicest way possible.)It is after all for your son and his friends. Not for the other mothers.
Just have fun with your son at his birthday party and don't worry about what other people think!
Good luck and Happy Birthday to your son!
K.
P.S. Can my sons come to his party? JUST KIDDING!!!..lol

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I wouldn't point out that they're not invited. Instead, if you talk about the party to your friend, tell her how excited your son is to be having his first birthday party with just his school friends. If she asks why her son isn't invited, just explain that the only kids invited were a few of his friends from his class. Enough said. She shouldn't get her feelings hurt because it's not a reflection on her son. If she does, then honestly, that's her problem. If she's a friend, she should understand. :-)

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We have had this issue too. WE just let our friends know that this year we are doing something a little different and our son was only having school friends at his birthday. Since this was his first party getting to invite classmates we wanted to just keep it low key. Offer her another day to come over and celebrate the birthday. It worked well for us. There wasn't any complaining or if there was we never heard about it. :) My kids are getting older and we have lots of friends with younger kids so inviting them to a party just doesn't always work. Most people will be understanding of this and if not don't worry. You may have games or activities scheduled that the young ones just can't do and you want eveyone to have fun at the party.
Good Luck.

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Hi K.,
How about reminding your friend, that the boys' ages, at this point in time, cause them to have different interests and activities. And that in her son's interest, it would be better for him not to have to come, as he would be left out and not do well at the games and activities in comparison to the other boys....
Dress it up as you like, but that is the truth. Mentally/emotionally a 3yo and a 5/6yo are miles apart. Hopefully, for your friend's sake, that is a lot of the problem with her son's behavior as well.
L.

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With the age difference I think it is acceptable to politely say we are just inviting kids from his class this year.

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Maybe you can tell your friend that you'd like to have a celebration with just you, her and your two boys, since the bigger boys might not be gentle with her toddler. Then your son gets two "birthdays" and you get some peace of mind, and it doesn't seem like you're snubbing your friend.

Do you ever take the kids to fast food stores with those habitrail-style kid play areas? If you have a kid who likes to climb furniture, that might be the perfect solution. I've sat in many a McDonald's when my kids were small, drinking coffee and socializing while our little ones wore themselves out in the play place.

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Stick with inviting friends you son's age. At his age, he should have his own friends. If we invited all our friends' kids, we'd have a zoo for a birthday party! We just invite her own little friends that are her own age. It eliminates hurt feelings too... at least for now. It's his birthday; let him invite who he wants. When he gets married, you can maybe help him a little with his guest list again :)

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I my opinion the polite thing would have been to politely decline their invitation, if you knew beforehand that you would not invite this child to your own house.
I just don't think it's nice to go to birthday parties of kids that you wouldn't want in your home.
Well, too late for that now so just stick with "only kids from his class" this year and maybe invite them over for a seperate play date at some point - if you are interested in that at all.

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Just DON'T invite him. Who says you have to invite him. Your son is not this kids age either.

Maybe let the mom know that the party is only for his school class only and then make other arrangements to celebrate with the 3 year old?

Don't talk with her about the party. If it comes up in conversation, tell her the truth, abbreviated. You will be having a small party with a few members of your son's school class. You enjoy spending time with them, but don't want to little one to be bored or run over by the big kids. Something like that. Perhaps you simply don't invite her, and have a response ready incase she inquires. She is your friend, that doesn't necessarily mean that your children have to be friends. Try to make peace with that. Hope it helps. If she insists on doing a birthday thing, maybe you guys can get together for coffee and cupcakes later as a mini playdate. Just a thought.

I have a niece who is very controlling of my daughter and monopolizes her whenever there are other kids around. They go to the same school together and my daughter wanted friends from school to come to her party. I decided to have two parties, one for friends, and one for family. You could choose to have a smaller party - low key - in the evening and invite your friend and her son to that party. It may make life simpler and keep everyone happy. You could also have the evening get together around 7, that way they have to go home eventually to go to bed. Good luck to you, it's tough keeping everyone happy, including yourself. - T.

Great advice so far. Since she is a good friend, I would go ahead and tell her about your son's party, rather than not say anything, hoping she doesn't find out. Otherwise, she may hear about it from someone else and think you are hiding something from her. Plus, keeping it a secret puts alot of pressure on you to not say anything by accident. Because the party is an event for your your son's classmates, your friend shouldn't feel that her son is being singled out in not being invited.