Abortion Pill

Her body, her baby, her life, her choice. You don't get to pester her to try to change her mind.

Either be supportive, or don't involve yourself. I'm sure she can find another ride to PP.

16 moms found this helpful

Her body her choice. Not yours.
Does she have someone besides you to take her? If so if it makes you so uncomfortable she can ask one of them. If she has no one else then be a true friend and take her if that's what she wants and don't judge her.
Not everyone can care for a baby. Not everyone can carry a baby to term, go through labor and delivery and hand it to someone. The emotional pain and scars of that can be just as damaging and long lasting as an abortion. Looking at your body every day and being reminded of it every time you look in the mirror.
If you were my friend and felt like guilt tripping me and lecturing me I wouldn't keep you around much longer to be completely blunt and honest. Sorry, but for me it's the honest truth. I don't know how your friend might feel.

14 moms found this helpful

T.,

You aren't responsible for your friend. You aren't her. You should stop talking to her non-stop about this unless you want to adopt this baby.

It's very easy to push your love of motherhood off on someone else. Be a friend to her instead of telling her what to do, or tell her that you cannot bear to talk about the issue with her.

Planned Parenthood has doctors in it. You ask if you should take her. Are you not willing to take her to a doctor? Do you think that you will be complicit in her having an abortion if you take her to a doctor? How about a regular doctor's office? Is that a problem too? As if she can't get an abortion from a regular doctor?

It's not your business or your place to judge her. Take her to the doctor (I assume she doesn't have a car) and let her work out the issue herself. Or tell her you can't be a friend to someone who has an abortion because it's against your religious beliefs. It's better that you are honest with her than try to prevent her from doing what she needs to do.

D.

14 moms found this helpful

If she wants to terminate the pregnancy, YOU do not get to redirect her to a "pregnancy resource center" (you would be SHOCKED at their tactics), try to talk her out of it, urge her to pursue adoption, or any other of the suggestions listed by other posters. This is NOT your decision! It is hers! Obviously she does not know your feelings, but then again, you obviously do not know hers. Whether or not this pregnancy is a child, a fetus, or whatever is completely between this woman and her conscience. If you cannot support her, then tell her immediately that you are sorry, you care about her, but you are conflicted.

Take her or don't take her, your CHOICE. Terminate or not, her CHOICE.

And I'd like to add that I worked for years at a women's health clinic, and the counselors worked very hard to be sure each woman made the right choice for HERSELF, her circumstances, her life. Some women had abortions, other women did not. The counselors, nurses and doctors took each woman seriously - any woman who changed her mind was supported, was given resources (counseling, religious clergy of their choice, adoption agencies) to help her clarify and pursue her own choice. Anyone who is truly pro-woman will tell you that there is no coercion, no lying about fetal development, no nothing.

Some women regret their decisions (whether to have an abortion or to have a baby), and many, many women do NOT! It has a lot more to do with how much counseling they sought and obtained, and how clear they were on their decision before they implemented it.

If you are truly her friend, you will want her to do the right thing for herself, and not for you.

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Either go to PP with her and stop trying to change her mind, or tell her you want to be her friend, but you need to step back until after the fact. Just because you feel one way and made one decision doesn't mean it's okay for everyone or their decision. In my opinion there's NOTHING more serious, life-changing and thought provoking than having a child. I am NOT bashing single moms because I'm truly pro-choice, and if that was your choice from the beginning, then that's your right and your decision, but there's no way I would do it. I would never have had a baby in your friend's situation, and obviously she feels that way too. If I had been in that situation and had someone aggravating me about my decision, I seriously doubt we would be friends any more. Either truly be supportive or bow out.

A very dear friend of mine was in this situation, and she knew exactly how I felt, but my first question to her when she said she was pregnant was, "What do you want to do?" She didn't have the baby, and I was supportive, but if she had said, "I want to have this baby." I would have been supportive too. THAT to me is what friends do.

12 moms found this helpful

I understand you're against it, but SHE'S the one who's going to have to provide for this baby - not you.

I'm against abortion, but believe that every woman has the right to choose what happens to HER body. This means that, while I could *never* abort my own baby, I'm not going to be all 'holier than thou' if someone else does.

My sister had an abortion. She was 19 and got pregnant by a one night stand in another country. I was pregnant at the time. She asked me what she should do, and I told her that she needed to do what what best for her. She was not (and STILL isn't) in any position to be anyone's mother, was and is emotionally immature. BUT, when I had a pregnancy 'scare' at 18 I know there's no WAY I could have had an abortion.

I think you should be loving and supportive of your best friend, regardless of whether you AGREE with her or not. Don't make it about YOU and YOUR baby, this is HER decision and HER life that is at a crossroads. Just be there for her. Then go home and give your baby a big hug.

11 moms found this helpful

This is why I am pro-choice. Not every woman is able or should be forced to make the same decision of another if they don't feel it would work out for them. Tell her you are hoping she may change her mind, and see what you can do to help her... but ultimately the decision is hers and as a friend you are going to have to decide if you can be her emotional support and driver.

I also had a child alone, and I have never regretted having my daughter... but not everyone is like me and can handle the very harsh conditions and financial hardships it is to be a single Mother.

10 moms found this helpful

I think that you should take her to a Pregnancy Resource Center - not a Planned (un)Parenthood. A pregnancy resource center will talk to her about ALL of her options and not push her towards abortion. They will also give her a free ultrasound so she can see the baby. They do not judge no matter what she ultimately chooses to do. They are a great resource for girls to get information without pressure.

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I would gently suggest she ask someone else to take her to the clinic (maybe the awesome person who knocked her up in the first place?)

But I would not push YOUR views on her about this, as this could haunt her later, or maybe it already IS haunting her. She is doing what she feels is right for her, knowing she could never be a good mother at this point or cause a fuss by carrying a child for 9 months and suddenly... uhhh where's the baby? Like no one would notice? Adoption is just as tough in my opinion, regardless of your values/insights/opinions.

So if you can't hold her hand, then I suggest you tell her GENTLY that you love her but you need to step out of the situation until the dust settles.

You would never want your convictions (1) gnawing at her heart strings and bringing her to sadness and depression later on (2) tear your friendship apart or (3) make her emotional burden even heavier.

eta: "cause a fuss" as in among OTHERS, not herself. I am not suggesting it's such a terrible burden to bring a wonderful child into the world. I simply meant to refer to those who would fuss and gossip about it. Thus leading to a lifelong tarnished reputation and character.

7 moms found this helpful

If you feel strongly it is understandable you would not want to go with her. Try telling her how you feel without making her feel ashamed or guilty. Maybe you could say "I don't feel comfortable doing that" or something along those lines. The choice that is right for her may not be the same as the choice that is right for you.

While I would personally not want to have an abortion, there are some situations where it makes sense. Being a parent is hard work and some people are just not able to do it well. I worked with kids in foster care who were abused and neglected (there are 100,000's of kids in foster care just in the USA). One of them was very unhappy being bounced from one home to another and asked "Why did my parents have me if they didn't love me or want to take care of me?" It's a good question and I had no real answer for her except that her parents weren't planning very well for her (her mom never managed to get her life together in the time I knew her and her oldest child was in her 20's). Also keep in mind there are a lot of kids living in poverty in this country and around the world. Maybe your friend is being realistic (depending on her age, education and job skills).

Adoption is something to consider and can be a good solution for many people. But it isn't easy and stress free for the birth mother or the child. It can be very difficult for the birth mother emotionally.

Please do you best to support your friend in the ways you can.

7 moms found this helpful

I personally couldnt take her. I am against abortion and couldnt support that. I love my friends but if any one of them asked me to take them I would say no. It would be against every moral I have, and my conscience. It would tear me up because to me, taking her would be like saying that is okay and no big deal if she does it.

I understand that people think it's her choice and not yours, and that you shouldnt make it about you, but at the same time why should you have to put your morals and beliefs on the line?

It is a big choice to have a child, especially an unplanned one, and it is a lot of work but I would never trade it for anything in this whole world. It has made me a stronger person for it, and I cant imagine life without my son. I hope that she has thought long and hard about the effects of choosing to abort this baby too. It will be so hard to do it, and might even regret it the rest of her life. Wouldnt that be hard too? It's a life. She is taking away her own childs life. I dont believe when people say it isnt, just because its still early in the pregnancy. To me, its a life as soon as it is conceived and all that.

Yes, I feel very strongly about this subject, and always have, and will.

Long story short, I wouldnt do it, I would just tell her, I love you, but I cant go with you and see if she can find someone else, or go alone. If it is her decision, then maybe she has to go and do it by herself.

7 moms found this helpful

I am not even going to bother reading the other responses, I am sure there is a lot of preaching and probably some good advice as well.

Here is my take on it: getting an early, drug induced abortion (aka abortion pill) is one of the safest (and in my opinion most humane) ways to terminate a pregnancy.

Your friend will probably get an abortion no matter if you drive her or not. If it is against your personal beliefs, then tell your friend that you do not feel comfortable doing it and decline. If she wants your advice on how you cope with being a single mom... share your experience - put don't try to push your agenda on her. This is her decision.
Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

Help your friend educate herself on ALL the choices available to her and help make a well informed decision. Be careful, her decision may not be what you would decide on BUT as her friend you have to respect her right to make her own choice. Stand by her as much as you can but don't feel the need to hide your feelings or opinions, just don't push her to do something she isn't comfortable with.

7 moms found this helpful

It strikes me that the only decision you have to make is whether or not to take her. The abortion or not is her decision. Trying to counsel her on the decision is too clouded by your experience. Plenty of women are glad they had an abortion. So it really should be done by a professional who has been trained to help women in these situations. I don't know what your friend should do and you don't either when it comes down to it. She's not the same person you are. Try to make your decision about whether or not to take her be about your friendship and how far you're willing to go for it versus whether or not she should have an abortion.

6 moms found this helpful

As a best friend I would not go. I would instead encourge my best friend to give the baby up for adoption if she didn't want to keep it. I personally am against abortion so this is something I in no way would support someone doing in any form.. I would even reconsider my best friend status after something as serious as this...i don't think bffs need to be on the same page on everything.The fact that life is not sacred enough to her to keep the baby or give the baby life in another loving home would show me what type of a person she truly is.

Sorry if I offend. But as a woman of 3 and having lost 2 babies in utero, I feel very strongly about life in the womb. Also, babies are a natural byproduct of sex...she is taking away that baby's choice to live by her choice to teminate. If you don't want to have a baby then use the 100% effective method....don't have sex!

Sounds like you are in a tough spot. Don't let her immoral/irresponsible behavior consume you or drain you. You have enough on your plate with caring for your precious little one.

6 moms found this helpful

Find your local abortion alternative clinic and offer to take her there for counseling. Most are there to educate, support, counsel and offer free preg. tests. Tell you love her, but you can't support her decision, however, you are willing to get her support in another form.

6 moms found this helpful

The decision your friend is making is just as heart-wrenching and difficult to her. Please listen to her and give her the help that she asks for. The single parent life isn't for everyone, and every child deserves to be welcomed. She is not saying she hates children, just that right now this is not what she is capable of doing. Imagine how hard it would be for you to have your best friend turn her back on you for making a difficult decision.

6 moms found this helpful

I think that although you could not do this personally, she is not you! Her life is different from yours, and if she does not want to be pregnant, then it is her choice. As a friend, try not to judge her - listen to her and try to be supportive of her in whatever capacity you're able. If you don't feel you're the right person to go to PP with her, then tell her that. A friend asked me once (before I had kids) to go to with her when she went to have an abortion, as she had become pregnant while on birth control, and she was in no position to have a baby at that time. I disagreed with her decision at the time, but now looking back on it, I can understand why she did it. Anyhow, although I disagreed with her choices, I went with her and stood by her, and did the best I could to be there for her. This was 15 years ago, and I am still glad to have helped her in her time of need. She wasn't looking for judgment, and it wasn't my place to judge her anyway. She just needed a friend to see her through a rough patch. I think that is what your friend is looking for right now, too. Best of luck to you both.

6 moms found this helpful

I would think if you were so adamant about definitely not having an abortion for yourself, then it would be wrong and a double standard if you took somebody to have one. If you want to be supportive, then talk to her about all the good that has come from having your baby and that it is definitely doable to be a single mother and that everything seems scary until you do it. I would be supportive in that matter. In my opinion, it is not being supportive if you, yourself don't agree.

6 moms found this helpful

As a mom who has had an abortion. My first thought is to yell talk her out of it. That will be my first advice too.

My second thought for this is, you can urge her only so far. If she is set on doing this, she is going to need someone so badly after the fact. She is going to be going through HELL. Do not pass judgement on her choice. Know it is probably the toughest thing she has done yet.

I didnt get help after mine. Although I married the man I was pregnant with at the time, Every year I just weep the day I made the worst choice of my life. I have a tattoo in remembrance of the baby.

In regards to her taking the pill. She can only take it up too so long. So, she needs to understand what the difference of that and an actual abortion.

5 moms found this helpful

I think if you are against it then it would be wrong for you to take her but I DO think you should be there for her no matter what she decides. I don't mean you have to tell her you think it's okay but just still be her friend. If she does do it, she might end up having a really hard time with it and need your friendship more than ever!
I agree with Jane about taking her to an abortion alternative place such as Birth Choice. They do free pregnancy tests and most of them offer free ultrasounds as well. Seeing her babys heartbeat can very easily change her mind.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out okay!

5 moms found this helpful

It is her choice. What is right for you may not be for her. As her friend I would hope you will stand by her no matter what she decides. I've never heard of that pill. Pp has a morning after pill but she is too far for that. She would need to call a abortion clinic and either have the surgical procedure or a chemical abortion which is a pill but that way is not guarenteed to work and can be very painful. Please stand by her. She needs you

5 moms found this helpful

Don't be a part of it. If she wants to do it, she'll have to do it without you.

5 moms found this helpful

I haven't read all the responses posted, because this is a very emotional topic. Your friend needs your support right now more than ever. This is the hardest decision anyone can make. Pregnancy, child birth, and caring for a baby (even with a partner) is life changing, and not always for the better. As you know, your life is never the same again. Becoming a mother is the hardest job a woman can take on, and comes with a huge emotional toll. If she is persuaded to see the pregnancy through and isn't dedicated, think of the guilt and resentment that may occur for the baby. Knowing what I know now about motherhood, I'm glad I made the decision I did when I was younger. There is a time and place for everything.

Please be her friend and support her in this very scary decision.

5 moms found this helpful

If you are against what she is doing, which is what you said, then the answer to her, is to say No.
If she is a friend, she will understand.

4 moms found this helpful

Based on personal experience:

If I were you, I wouldn't take her to the clinic for that appointment to terminate the pregnancy. You can be supportive in other ways, but be prepared for this situation to affect your relationship. When this situation occurred to a friend of mine and she forced me to participate in her decision process, it rocked me to the core and our friendship has never recovered. I have very little respect for her and her morals (but this is part of a much larger picture).

This isn't you being judgmental or forcing your opinion or feelings or morals on another person. You're giving her space to make up her own mind. But you do have to be true to yourself and what you feel is right, and if that means backing off from what you feel is an amoral situation then that's what you need to do.

Just remember that one situation where someone behaves in a less than perfect way doesn't make them who they are for life. If this is a pattern of behavior for her then you might have to reconsider the friendship as a whole.

4 moms found this helpful

i think julie b's exactly right...i have my sweet angel now, but i didn't CHOOSE to be a single mom, most of us don't. she's walking straight into this knowing she won't have ANY social/emotional/financial support (just kinda assuming on that, really don't know). anyway, i think if it hurts your heart too bad to take her, then i say don't b/c you have to look out for you first & foremost. but i do think if she does decide to go through w/it (and she will - with or w/o you), PLEASE be a good person, a good friend and be there for her afterwards. nobody knows how something like this feels until they've actually been in the SAME situation. good luck mama

3 moms found this helpful

It depends a bit if she has anyone else to take her and/or doesn't have transportation of her own. If there are other options for her, then likely best she uses them versus put you in this position. If she doesn't, perhaps make sure she will first receive counseling as to other options. Then if she decides to go through with it, only you can decide if you can further support her. It doesn't mean agree with her but provide some help. If you can't, that's fair. You didn't get her pregnant... For me, it would depend on the friend, how close we are, what type of person she is etc. I will say there are people who have had abortions and do not regret them. I know more than one. So while you can't imagine it, that's you. But end of the day, you have to do what you feel you can taking into account the bigger picture.

3 moms found this helpful

I do not believe we are given things that we cannot handle. Adoption is another choice. If she does not want to be a mom, nothing you say is going to change her mind. It is her mind. She will have to live with the choices she makes. As a friend you will have to live with yours, so be a friend but stay true to yourself too. Tell her you love her and care about the direction of her life and for the life she carries. Tell her your beliefs and do not take her to the PP place. If she is a real friend she will respect your values and understand why you cannot condone this one choice. Let her know you will be there for her before and after but you cannot be part of the act to end a life.

3 moms found this helpful

You do not have to live with the ramifications of your friend's choices so be a good friend and support WHATEVER decision she chooses. You don't have to like it but you don't have to act like you're the one who has to live with the outcomes that she will.

Try to be objective.

3 moms found this helpful

If I was in this situation (which let me add I am extreamly prolife) and it was my friend I would explain how my feelings to her that you are against abortion and that you can not take her. With that being said I wouldn't let her choice have an impact on my friendship. We all may not see eye to eye on things but when it comes to a very touchy subject like abortion (or gay rights or even politics) you kind of have to stand back and see that even though you aren't for it other people are and everyone is entitled to his or her own choice. It would break my heart if I had a friend wanting to do that but I can not see myself trying to talk her out of it.

I would have one talk with her to be sure this is something she wants. Tell her all the other options she has. And if she still decides to have it then it's her choice. I know it sucks and your heart is in a good place and you only want to see the best but over all it's her choice.

2 moms found this helpful

This is the website fo the National Right to Life : http://www.nrlc.org/abortion/ASMF/asmf1.html

It has some great info. and some things to think about.

Bottom line this is a baby, a person. Though abortion seems like the easy answer it isn't. There are so many other options out there. Stick to your guns and tell your friend how you feel. You should be open and honest about your beliefs. Don't do or support something you don't think or believe is right. Just remember this is a very stressful time for her and her hormones are out of wack right now, so speak with sensitivity. You have experienced this situation first hand so you know how she feels. You have a lot of wisdom to share with her. Please don't hold anything back, you may be this baby' only advocate.

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i understand where you are coming from as a family friend found herself pregnant and single at 38. She had accepted that she would never have children of her own and was afraid to be alone and at her age there are more complications. We talked alot to start with and honestly she kept sticking with her abortion decision until her first ultra sound & heartbeat. She bawled and decided to continue and now constantly tells us thank you so much for helping her see what a blessing this child is to her.

If you are against it I would say as a friend you can let her know all the wonderful things a child can bring to your life and how heart breaking her decision can be and how that can affect her life long as well. Let her know that you are very sorry but you can not bring yourself to help her in something you feel is wrong. Talk to her about the option of adoption. i am not sure how old your friend is but maybe she is right and she won't be able to provide what a knew baby needs. She has other options though...help her through those.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

If you feel that strongly about it, don't take her. That said, I think you should support her emotionally regardless of her decision. She is your friend and regardless of your stance on abortion, forgiveness and love should be offered. That said, I would talk to her openly and honestly about her options. Tell her you think that she will come to regret her decision and don't want her to make it hastily. Get some info on tangible options for her - adoption, WIC, free healthcare, etc. Personally, I would push adoption if she really doesn't want to be a single mother. She would be giving a grateful couple the ultimate gift.

1 mom found this helpful

I really feel for you having to deal with this. I wish there were something that I could tell you to say to your friend that would help. There are so many people out there that want babies and can't have them. You're friend would really make someone very happy if she'd let them raise the baby in a happy home instead of terminating it. I for one am one of those people. We have a son, but were not able to have another. Please stress to your friend that there are people out there that would love this baby so much!

1 mom found this helpful

1- The abortion pill is AWFUL, and awful for you. Check with the doc.

2- I was once in your shoes. My girl friend had 2 kids already, and one stupid night led to a pregnancy. She had an abortion, and I supported her decision though I would NEVERRR do it for myself. Next thing you know... that was her form of birth control. I dropped her out of my life in a heartbeat. Now, she regrets it horribly and goes to counseling.

3- There are other options. She could always place the baby up for adoption (forgive me if I'm repeating here).

Remind her that nothing in life comes easy, and that everything good has to be worked hard for. There are no hand outs. Personally, I couldn't imagine life without my kids, and I was a single mom with the first 2.

Best wishes! Let us know what happens!!

1 mom found this helpful

Well, the abortion pill is a better alternative than the fetus being ripped apart by scissors and a vacuum.

I am pro-life, just to be clear. I would probably speak with her about pregnancy counseling and ask her about adoption. A wonderful free service is here:

https://itsaboutlove.org

1 mom found this helpful

I would not take her. If that is the decision she wants to make, then she should be able to take herself to the clinic. Has she considered adoption? This way everyone wins, your friend can go on with her life, and a family will get a precious baby to love.

1 mom found this helpful

My heart goes out to your friend. She must feel very scared and overwhelmed, especially as this is very new to her--she really hasn't had time for everything to sink in. It sounds as if she latched onto this idea of the abortion pill, is feeling the time pressure and is letting that dictate her actions. She should know that the abortion pill can be very dangerous--there have been deaths associated with it, as well as other serious complications. I urge you to get some of the facts about it that PP won't tell her: http://www.nrlc.org/federal/RU486/index.html. I applaud your example to her, but also encourage you to ask her to consider adoption for her baby. I know she may be overwhelmed right now, but there is time for her to consider _several_ options for herself and her baby. The abortion pill is NOT her only option, and she should take time to consider all of her options. I'll be praying for both of you!

1 mom found this helpful

I have no experience with this, but my gut tells me that this is not your decision. Tell her what you believe and look inside yourself and decide what you can and cannot do. If she has decided to abort the child and you feel uncomfortable, maybe you can take her to the door and not come in. Maybe you find her someone else who can help her. this is a tough one for you and her. But my gut says it's her decision and you just have to see where you fit in to help or not. I don't know if this helps, but I wish you peace.

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