A Really Embarrassing Problem

hi, I have an almost 4yr old and a 16 month old. We co-sleep also and we have sex when we both want to.... we've come to terms about them being asleep right next to us (but we have to be very quiet)... However, we do get creative, we get out of the room and look for other places around our apartment.. look around and imagine yourself in another place, it might give you peace of mind and enjoy yourself better.
M.
PS. You shouldn't feel embarrased about this... I bet all of us who co-sleep face the same issue!

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ok the 4 yr old i don't know if he were to catch you what he would feel but when my son was 3 months he was in the room while i did it (asleep of course) and i think its perfectly fine as far as the 4 yr old is concerned i don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you know he will stay asleep

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Tip toe out of the room and do it ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! Pretty soon you'll just be able to do it in your locked room. Enjoy the freedom now.

1 mom found this helpful

getting creative about the spot can be a lot of fun. but if you're both settled in bed, i don't see anything wrong with doing it there while they sleep. think about where people in other countries have sex when whole families are all sleeping in one room. ;) i've talked with a young man who grew up in mexico about this very subject. it's just a non-issue there. wether the kids are awake or not! we have such sex hang-ups in this country.

sex is just a part of being a couple. it's not a dirty thing. it's not going to dammage your kids. now, we've always been careful about being caught, we always have at least a sheet over us jic the kids wake up or anything. but if we were ever caught(or walked in on), i'd much rather my kids walk in on that than us fighting or something. ;)

so i say, if you both want to do it, and it feels right, go ahead and have fun! :) quiet fun, but fun all the same. lol

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Sorry, but I do not believe that it is a good thing for children to be in the same room with parents to sleep. It causes problems in many areas. I NEVER let any of my children sleep in my room. NEVER! Not that I don't love my kids, because I do. I saw my Aunt go through a lot because she couldn't get her kids to sleep in their own room until they were almost 10 years old. I believe that your kids need to learn that their room is the place go at bedtime. You and your husband need time for yourelves--not just intimately, but as an adult couple. No offence, but your husband may stop asking.

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I have a 4yr. old and he does not always sleep with us, but when he does,and we feel freeky in the middle of the nite,i just put a pillow between me and my son and get busy!It adds excitment,and there is nothing wrong with that as long as,you keep your space and your causious not to wake the kids.Dont feel guilty!Just be causious.

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I am a cosleeper too and a big fan of sneaking out of the room. It makes things interesting. ;)

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Cia,

I am going to play devil's advocate for a moment. I am sure that you have thought of other rooms prior to this question. I am going to ask you a question. Is your sex drive in the toilet? Are you using the children sleeping there as an excuse to say no?

If this is the case you need to examine yourself or your relationship.

If you do not have a sex drive, go to your doctor. It may be caused by a slight depression. If that is the case do not get a SSRI (classification of depressive medication), ask for a trycilic antidepressent, aka amytriptline. If it is not depression, your hormones may be out of whack and that may be part of the problem. Either way, I suggest that you go to visit your doctor.

If you are using your kids as an excuse to say no, then you need to examine the relationship as a whole. When talking use I statements as opposed to you statments (I feel . . ., I need your help with . . ., etc).

As far as damage to the psyches of the children, i would not worry about the infant, but the older child my hear and think that daddy is hurting mommy. As far as the older one being in the room, I do agree that this may cause some attachment problems down the line. You may want to start putting him in his room one night a week at a time. He will cry, but you have to be strong and let him cry himself to sleep and he will get used to it. Then, maybe once a week, if he has been a good boy, let him sleep in your room as a special treat like a sleep over.

Good luck.

L.

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We were co sleepers with our dd . My son slept with us for the first 3 months but he did better on his own... he likes to spread out and roll around.
We use to just do it in another room after they were in bed. makes it fun and more spontanious too.

Good LUck

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Hi Cia

I have the same problem with my 2yo and my 19 month old. Me and my fiance we stay in a one bedroom apartment. So the boys sleep in the room with us. And when it comes to alone time for the both of us. We try not to disturb the boys so we take it in another room. Or we will get intimate in the shower that's also fun. Don't be embarrassed about this cause I have to go throuh the same thing...

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I was going to say: why don't you go have sex in another room? That could be kind of fun!

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Cia,
Get out of the bedroom! Not the kids you! You and your husband might as well enjoy the rest of the house while the kids are young. Once they get older, all bets are off and you can confine yourselves to bedroom sex then. Contrary to popular belief, you can have sex anywhere (nearly) and even in the daylight hours. My mother would have a heart attack!

As far as the co-sleeping goes, this is a personal decision. You are the mom here and only you know what works best for your family. I've co-slept with both of my kids and moved them to their own rooms at different times for different reasons. My 6 yr old still crawls in bed with me occasionally which I don't mind at all.

Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

You will regret later on having your children sleep in the same room as your husband and yourself. It is a matter of self conscience whether to answer to your husband about this or not.

This is not something to be embarresed about. I think you should sneak out of the room. I dont think it is right to do it in the same room as the kids. That is like if you did it in there room, while they were sleeping. Kinda creepy. LOL
Imagination.

why do your kids sleep in your room?

Funny that this is a question because I was just having this argument with my significant other the other day. I feel kind of creeped out by it, personally. But my partner has children from a previous marriage and he says that he used to do it all the time, he was just quiet. I'm going to agree with everyone else, that you should try other rooms, but I know that could be a pain because when you're already comfortable in bed, who wants to get up? But I wanted to share this with you because he says that a lot of people have sex while their child is in the same bed. I don't know if this helped, I just wanted to ease your fears a little bit.

I just go ahead and do it. I haven't gotten caught yet. You can also go to another room or out in the hallway where you can still hear them if they wake up. One thing I've learned about co-sleeping / sleepsharing is you can't limit sex to a time of day or space. You do it when you can.

Hope that is helpful.

Y.

I think when they are young its great to have them sleep with you.But as they are getting older,i feel parents need alone time,and the bedroom is that place.We still have our almost 9yr old son coming into bed with us from time to time(maybe 1day week).We stopped him from coming in at about age 3,which let me tell you was hard to do,but the best thing for my husband and myself,along with our son.He now loves his room,we let him pick the colors everything.Children really just need to be in thire own rooms and beds.If i would to have another child(which i'm not) i would'nt start the sleeping with me again.

You gotta start getting the kids to sleep in their own rooms. That will fix the problem right there. I had made that mistake before. My youngest slept with my ex and I until he was over 2!! I took forever to get him to sleep in his own bed. Better to start them now then to wait any longer.

The only thing I can say is most people close the door so their kids do not "catch" them having sex, but you want them in the room while you do it. Stop and think about your question before you ask it. The only solution, besides putting them in their own room, is for you to go to another room to have sex, then return to your bed after. The infant is not an issue, but the 3 1/2 year old definately is an issue.
OH one more thing to add. MY nephew is 9 years old and still sleeps with his mother(my brother's EX) her bed. Do you want the boys in your bed then?? If not I suggest moving them NOW before it get REALLY hard.
D.