"A Mother Without Birthing a Child"

I too believe that God has a plan and a purpose. Seek His will. Also, I don't believe that God would punish anyone by not giving them a child. His timing is always perfect, even when we can't see. Conversely, when he chooses not to do something, we have to be just as accepting.

To that end, I would encourage you to find out what could be going on with your body. Modern medical science has so many ways of helping most of the things that could be wrong.

Think how much easier finding support would be once you know what could be wrong. Then again.. could be nothing but timing.

I will pray for you!

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You sound like a wonderful mother and birth does NOT make the mother, the HEART does. I would definitely see the Dr. just to confirm or deny any issues and with your faith in God, I would then fully place all trust in Him that maybe someone as special as you are has a higher purpose on earth than to give birth. I am thankful that I have been able to bear children, but at the same time, I am no more a mother than you are and I think God will reward your efforts with as many children as you could possibly dream of, but you just might not birth them.

May God bless you.

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Dear S.,

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. We have been pregnant 3 times and have no surviving children. There have been two miscarriages. Our second preganancy I carried to term and gave birth to an amazing and gorgeous little boy we named Riley. He passed away at the age of four months from a rare neurodegenerative disorder called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Every time we attempt to get pregnant we risk having another child with the same disorder. We have explanations for SMA. They cannot, however, explain the miscarriages. We even tried four in vitro transfers, but none of those pregnancies took. I share this with you because I understand your frustration and fear of failure. We keep trying, though we're terrified each test will bring us closer to even more bad news. Our continuing question has been when do we stop? We are unable to afford adoption at this time. See your doctors...IF there is a problem they might be able to help. At least then you'll know for sure and you can make the decision of what to do next together.

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S.,
I'm sorry for your heartache. Please know that God is in control and don't blame yourself or think that he is displeased with you. The God that I know is not vindictive or witholding. Sometimes we don't get what we want in this moment, but it is all part of a bigger plan. It sounds to me like your heart is in the right place. You have this yearning and that is natural, and nothing is impossible.
As far as seeking medical advise, please don't shy away from it out of fear that there may be something wrong. If there is something wrong, science is in a place to help you with those problems. There are many people out there with fertility problems who, with the help of doctors, wind up having the children they so desire. Never close your eyes to something for fear of what the truth may be. The truth will always be the truth, whether or not you want to see it. Closing your eyes will only keep you from embracing that truth, and moving on to what God has for you.
Finally, if you wind up not having a child from your own womb, don't think that you are less of a woman. You have mothered and are a mother regardless. As hard as it may be, if you can relax and accept and even embrace your role as a purely adoptive mother, your life will be much fuller. Also, many say that anxiety is a major reason for not conceiving, so relax and don't obsess. Everything will be fine.
Hope this helps.
-K.

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I was in the same situation,at 35 not having children. I went to my gyn and had the testing done. With his help, which was as simple as knowing when I ovulate and suplemented progestirone for the first three months I, at 37 and 39 had two beautiful baby girls. The best part was the human body is a amazing thing because at the age of 43 I had a health baby boy with No help. My body learned what to do after baby #1. Do not be afraid to find out. Make sure you find the right Doctor and go for it.

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Not to be too personal or judgemental - but if you are not already having relations with your boyfriend, maybe the problem of not conceiving was with your first husband, not you. But if 'it' is not happening with this man either, it could be you, and like a good friend of mine (also 36 and finally just had her first baby), you may have a problem that can be worked around - a miracle of medical science and all that.

I personally applaud adoption and foster care over trying too hard (and spending too much money) on something that hasn't occurred naturally. I love that you are and have already provided a loving home for a child that otherwise would not have a family to call his/her own. We are hoping to adopt or foster children soon, although we have 3 of our own biological children. I thought I was "done" having kids after my daughter was born, but have still desired at least one more, one that God provides however He sees fit. Even though all my pregnancies took me by surprise, and I didn't feel prepared - God gave me 3 wonderful (and all very different looking) children that I love more than life itself. However, I do not feel that I love them more than I could love a child borne of someone else's body. Maybe, like the other Mama said, Satan is trying to make you unsatisfied and pull you away from God, wondering why the Lord won't give His faithful what they ask for.

No matter what you decide, let prayer lead you. God will provide everything you need to make you happy!

God Bless,
A. V

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i truly believe that God has a purpose for everything and everything in life. HIS will will be done, in HIS time. God could forsee that your 1st marriage would not last so maybe he chose not to bless you jsut yest because of that reason. Kudos to you for adopting a child and giveing him the love and support that his bios could not. My hubby is sdopted and is very proud of that fact. But you definitely need to go to see a gyno. he/she can run tests to find out what if anything is preventing you from getting pregnant. and if there is something wrong, they can help correct the situation or inform you of other options...i.e. in vitro, surrogacy, fertility meds. Jsut keep praying and be pacient. things will work out.

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S.,

I have a child and its a great experience but I want you to know that "physically" giving birth is not the only way you are a "mother". My mom worked a lot and even though we are closer now, I had other female figures in my life that I called mother and I wouldn't trade them just as I haven't traded my own mother. I went to one lady's house with my siblings and we used to bake cookies, caramel apples, go to the park, and watch movies. Another lady let us ride her horses and another invited us over to watch the little mermaid and play with her REALLY big dog--We called him Clifford.
So I wouldn't worry about being what society considers a mom. Be you and love children no matter who they are because they are a blessing for everyone to enjoy. It's really hard for some people to accept children that way so if its you, then be a mom to everyone because sometimes the haven is the best thing a young person can have. I hope I helped you feel better about the situation. God Bless.

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It sounds as if you are a deep rooted Christian ...is it poossible that you have only been intimate with you're prior husband and few others??? Maybe God has you waiting for the right man? But the most important thing is to remember to meet God half way...so take a deep breath and make that appointment.. God is very busy so somtimes he delagates some of the miracles !

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S.,
There are a lot of little children out there that are lost and without parents. Waiting to be adopted into good homes with mommies and daddies who will love them unconditionally. As sad as it may make you to not have a child of your own, and you wondered if you were doing God's will, have you ever thought that this is the way that God has chosen for you to do His will? Many women have babies that don't need them, and can't take care of them. It seems so easy to bring babies into the world these days, and yet where is the love for these wee ones. Any mother can have a baby, but it takes a lot more than that to be a MOM. I am a Christian lady and I relate to God in lots of ways and His Spirit is strong with me, more times than others. My dreams come true at times, or at least something will happen to remind me of them. My feeling on this is that you should heavily concentrate on caring for the little boy you have and the little girl who is "on the way." Not many people are chosen to adopt children, S.. It takes a real special kind of person to even be accepted by the state to be allowed to adopt. So even though you are feeling less worthy because you can't have a child of your own, you should feel so blessed and honored to be able to save these children from a life without parents and a real sense of family and being wanted. I feel that if you just go on with your day to day life and devote yourself to your "children" then things will fall into place. It's like I've heard all my life, " A watched pot never boils," or so it seems.
Look at Sarah in the Bible, God blessed her with a son, in her old age.
I wish you well, and I didn't write this to put a damper on your spirits concerning having a child of your own, but to help you see that you are truly a God given blessing to children who have nobody to love them and care for them at all. I hope things work out for the best for you. God bless you, R.

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Hi S.,

You sound like an amazing person with great strenght.
Go to a fertility center to be diagnosed and then make decisions on how to move forward.

Good Luck.

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HI S.! I just saw your post and thought I would respond.

You say you are "a firm believer in what God can and will do
in your life no matter what the obstacle." Have you taken this to God in prayer? Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? Because God is under no obligation to us if we have no relationship w/Jesus. Jesus came to interceed for us. Secondly, God is a God of order. So by his rules we need to follow them and then he will answer the desires of our heart. In his rule book, the Bible, it is marriage first. I am only able to say theses things to you, because I was a non-believer for so long. Then in 2005, realizing that I was a mess w/o Him, trying to do things my way, resulting in disaster, I surrendered to Him. He saved me, my marriage and my family. These results came from prayer and folowing His Ways. The problem with many people today is that they want to assimulate Jesus to their ways. "Jesus said, I am the way, and the truth, and the life,; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." John 14:6 (NASB)

Take this to God in prayer and if you have not asked Jesus to forgive you of your sins and come into your heart, please due and continue to pray about this and for God to work His will in your life. God says come before the throne "BOLDLY". In the book of James, it says,". . . You do not have because you do not ask." James 4:2 (NASB).

You also might want to read about Hannah in the Old Testament, she had the same desires as you and after humbling herself before Him, He fulfilled her hearts desire.

I have just had such an awsome experience since I accepted Christ as my Savior, I want everyone to experience His joy and peace.

I will continue to pray for you and if you need a Pastor refence in this area or a church I will be glad to get that to you.

In Christ,
D.

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YOU need to go to the doc and find out, it is that simple. You are fearing the unknown and fear is not from the Lord. Maybe you do invetro with this new guy and get that mini me you so desire. So what if you have a problem, deal with it and find a way around it. press on don't be a victim be in charge and go for it. You are young, You can handle this, the devil is trying to stop you thru all the self doubt. Get thee behind me Satan!!! Now get on your feet and move out soldier!

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S.,
I'm not sure how much support or advice you are looking for. I am an owner of a Yahoo support group called Heart_of_glass. Feel free to check out our homepage. The women in the group are wonderful. We've dealth with infertility, fostercare, adoption, births and alot of other fertility medical issued and there is always someone there to support you. We'd love to have you if it sounds like something that would be of help. Please take care,
S.

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it takes more to being a mom than giving birth, God puts very special people on this earth to be adoptive parents. there are so many children born into this world that need someone to be their mommy besides the one that gave birth, sounds like you are one of these special moms. as you stated nothing is impossible with God Matt 19:26 and all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8"28 you have been 'called" to be a mom to the parentless child. good luck with this new child you are adopting. remember we are all adopted by God Romans 8:15 let us hear how you are doing J.

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I feel you are a Mother of many. And God has given you a wonderful gift to be that. Touch a child with loving arms and just maybe if it is God's will you will see a miracle of that wonderful love of a Mother.

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S.,
I would suggest that you see a doctor. If you are afraid of something being wrong that you don't know about, thats ok. You're a normal person. But even if there is something wrong, it might be something you can fix. Since you are a believer, don't forget to rest in the Lord. You have hope. Something that unbelievers don't understand. But God made you a woman, and with that comes a desire to nurture and grow. He designed you that way! At the same time, the Lord loves His adopted children as His own. There is a testimony in that. I will be praying for you. Here are some passages to cling to, that are God's love letter to you. I'm sure you already know them, but sometimes it's a good reminder! Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:5-7, and Ephesians 1:3-10 (this one in Ephesians is especially encouraging!) I will be praying that the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart as you delight in Him! (Psalm 37)
~J.

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I didn't experience childbirth until I was 32. I had been married before but never got married..good thing we ended in a divorce and he finally said he didn't want the responsibility of kids anyway...I had gone through all kinds of tests, some were really embarassing to me, and finally they blew gas through my fallopian tubes saying I had a blockage and that I should get pregnant..but I didn't. After I divorced, I dated a few different ppl and like four years later i finally re-married..I got pregnant the first time we tried..I couldn't believe it, I didn't believe the pregnancy test and went to the doctor..he said yes I was and said it was a miracle...I still didn't believe it until I saw the pic on the ultrasound...here I was at age 32 and for the first time in my life pregnant...I was shocked! So, don't give up and I do advise going to the doctor and seeing what they say..it wouldn't be fair to whoever you marry if they wanted kids and you couldn't have any. It's a stress that you will always worry about, get it off your mind by finding out! L.

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I had fertility issues...and I am a huge believer as well. I also know that God helps those who help themselves. If you don't go to the doctor...how will you know if it is something as minor as not having fully healthy eggs, that can be treated with Chlomid (how I got two of my three boys) or something more? Make an appointment, find out what you are dealing with...and then, if it is going to be worth it, take action. Don't feel as though you have to be pregnant. It is a wonderful thing, but so is taking on children that either weren't wanted, or couldn't be taken care of. What an amazing gift! Not only did God entrust you with these little guys, you had to go through a process to make sure other humans would. Take heart and fear not, for the Lord is with you!

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Get your hind parts to the doctor PDQ and find out for sure what if any problem there is...sitting around guessing and stressing over it will help nothing !!! To whom or what are you referring regarding "your failure" ??? You do not know if it failure on your part...and why would you conside it YOUR failure...there could very well be a reason for this.. God does not revel to us His plans for our lives...you know, if there is something "wrong" who says it can't be fixed ??!!?? Get to the doc and begin the process of finding out if there is something really wrong...and if there is...can it be fixed...stop stressing about something that you are only guessing about...find out the facts !!!

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Go get tested! It may be something simple, it may not. But at least you will know. If it is something simple, you can possibly get it fixed and have the child you want. If not, you can always adopt another child who needs loving parents.

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More women than you know have unexplained infertility. It could have been a combination of fertility issues with both partners. It's not always "just the woman". This was the case for my husband and I. At age 39, I underwent IVF. We were fortunate that it worked the first time, and even though I vividly recall my doctor saying "expect one baby", we got three. So, be careful what you wish for! I was on bedrest at 19 weeks, and my children were born at 27 1/2 weeks, so I never really got to experience the best part of a pregnancy. I only felt them move once. Children are a lot of work, and are very expensive, especially if they end up having special needs. All of this puts a strain on a marriage, and they are only babies for a very short amount of time. If you are already in the process of adopting another child, you may want to wait another year or so to see how you and your potential spouse adjust to the change in lifestyle, and then if you still want to experience pregnancy, and have a child together, then seek out a fertility specialist. This would also be a good time to do some research into insurance coverage because very few insurance companies cover IVF. We spent about $14K, and that was seven years ago.

Hi S.... just letting you know I had fertility issues. I was also nervous to find out what exactly was going on, but I thank God that I did. My problem turned out to be very fixable! My body naturally produced a low level of progesterone and all I needed was a prescription medication. It still took almost another year to get pregnant, but I am blessed to be the mother of a little girl. I know it can be scary, but modern medicine has come a long ways! I got on with the Fertility Center in Chattanooga and I feel like they were a blessing from God.