A Little Uncomfortable but You Moms Are Great

Oh, please. Please don't let your child feel shame by telling her it's a sin! The other moms had wonderful advice about keeping it private. But shame is not the way to handle this, so my piece of advice is to ignore the advice about telling her she's sinning. it seems you know this, since you yourself said it's a natural thing, but I don't want you questioning yourself because someone said, "If you're a Christian...". I'm a Christian, and I do NOT believe that a child touching herself in a natural way is sinning.

I don't normally post specifically to say someone else said something wrong, but I can't help it this time. That kind of advice is not helpful in this situation.

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first off i'd like to comment on the person who
said "touching down there is bad" what are we back in the stone age?. she is just experimenting with herself, mines is 11 and has just discovered herself and i have told her a lot to make sure she does this in private, because even though it's not wrong for her to do its also important to keep that to herself. they grow up so fast but u dont want to scare her and never ever tell her that touching herself down there is bad. they have books on that at the library or online that u can sit and read with your daughter so she knows and understands what is going on with her body even at this young age. good luck

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J.,

My little one is only 17 months and she has found her privates and has a field day during diaper changes and bath time! My plan when she is out of diapers is to tell her that is something done in private (like going to the bathroom, changing clothes, etc.). Even though I think of myself as a "progressive" parent, I was a little uncomfortable when she first started doing it. My goal is to not make her feel shame about it and to be comfortable with her body as she grows!

Wishing you well.
blessings,
Stacy

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Hi J.. Our 5 yo daughter is doing this too. We had a talk with her but did not make a big deal of it. We just told her that is something she should do in private, in her bathroom or her bedroom. But she should not do it in the "public" areas of the house. It also helped us talk a little (again, not too serious) about who can touch her there and when to tell Mama things. It was good segway. She has been compliant. And if we know she is "engaged", we give her the privacy she needs. Good luck. The most important thing we can do for our daughters is to teach them a healthy sense of the bodies!!

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Now is the time to explain "private" parts with her if you haven't already, then you can tell her that what she's doing is fine, but it's a private activity that she should do alone in her room or in the shower, but not in front of anyone else. Keep it simple and try not to act upset because you don't want her to think she's doing anything wrong

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Definitely, a girl talk about her girly parts is in order. Nothing too serious....just that it is okay as long as it is done in private

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I believe talking about it is the best option. As it is uncomfortable for us it isn't as much for them so you just have to come to terms with that. Start talking now and teach her about her body. Let her know that touching or doing things that feel good are only acceptable in private, but never in public or in front of others. Also be sure to mention that because it is an open cavatiy to our body there is a possibility for infection so don't put things inside. I mention this because one time I saw my daughter exploring with a Barbie leg!! Poor Barbie!! :) I believe it is a natural part of human sexuality and although we hate to think of our young children in those terms it is what it is and nothing to be ashamed about.

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Please do not ignore it and do not make her feel ashamed. Just let her know that is something to be done in the privacy of her own bedroom. Totally natural.

Good Luck!

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J., I have seen Dr Brennan speak about sexuality and what your daughter is doing is normal. I agree that you just have to teach her that privacy is the key. As a mother I'm just a little sad for you because she is little. This kids are growing to fast in my opinion.

The best of luck,
E. M

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You have gotten a lot of good advice, so I am just throwing in my two cents worth to say I generally agree with what has been said here. It is totally natural, and as long as it is in private, no problem.

Just talk to your daughter and let her know that there is nothing wrong with what she is doing, but that it is private and not to be shared with others. You might want to talk to her about making sure she washes her hands regularly just because you don't want to deal with an infection from her touching herself with dirty hands.

If you have health concerns, you can talk to your pediatrician about it, but generally I think you seem to have a health attitude about this.

Do not shame her. I think that one of the reasons kids engage in dangerous sexual behaviors is because parents don't talk to their kids about it. What your child is doing is normal - just keep the lines of communication open.

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Hi J.,

I was a little shocked at some of the responses. So instead of giving my opinion, I am recommending a GREAT book "Questions Kids Ask About Sex. Honest answers for every age." This book is recommended by Dr. Laura, and while Christian based (bought it at my local Christian store) it gives practical, age appropriate responses to all sexual activities. There is no shaming involved and takes a progressive, yet conservative approach to sex. I think it's a good guide for parents of all faiths and political parties!

Love your daughter. Teach her, guide her.

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I just have to say I am completely SHOCKED to see the responces you got from other mom's on this site! I guess this is why teen pregnancy is at an unbelievable number and kids are starting to experiment with "Sex" as early as elementary school. My daughter is 7 and has also discovered "herself". I was hoping to find some encouraging words to help, but WOW!

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I would turn off the jets and make observations every now and then such as asking her what she's doing. If it becomes a habit then I'll for sure have a gentle talk with her.

J.,
This is a hard topic. There isn't total agreement on this subject, as you can see from the different responses. This is a normal behavior, however, personally, I believe that masturbation should not be done- however she is too young to realize what she is doing. I believe that God has given us beautiful bodies that experience all kinds of different types of pleasure, but that sexual pleasure is meant to be shared between husband and wife. If she were old enough to understand what she was doing, I would have that talk with her, but at 6 years old she is still so young. I think I might ask her what she was doing if I saw her "exploring", and if she tells you it feels good, to acknowledge that yes it probably does, but that those are her private parts and she shouldn't be touching them in front of other people because they are private. At this age, it feels good, but doesn't have any sexual connotation. As she gets a little older, and learns more things about sex- which you should talk with her about when age appropriate- then you can explain what that is and what a blessing it is that God gave us bodies that experience pleasure, but that our bodies need to be enjoyed within the bounds that our Heavenly Father has given us. This is of course, a perspective framed within my own personal and religious beliefs, and I don't know if yours match up or not, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents.

Discuss this with your children doctor. You are correct, it is curiosity, discovery time, but also, as we adults know, this is the sensation feeling part of our body. It feels good, the more you arouse it , the more she might want to do it. Ask her some questions such as, Do you wash other parts of your body? Let's do that! Try to distract her some from that or even help show her how the shower sprayer can reach her back, feel between her toes etc. It IS a sensitive subject to discuss and that is why I encourage doctor talk. Who are her friends? Has her behavior changed in any way lately? How does she respond to others her age or older people? Not to alarm you but only say that if she has obsession to this, do not put off doctor talk. Also, she may have an itchy rash or yeast situation and you know yourself, scratching relieves. Never scold or condemn her for this, just ask questions that she cannot only respond with YES OR NO... Lead her into open questions and many of your answers will come.. Thank you. Best wishes. God Bless. I am 58. Grandma to four,,mom to two girls. Been through some of this. I feel that Sheyenne has gone too deep into this. This is a child, innocent at that and she would not understand Sheyenne's deep adult explanation. Let the kids grow up first. Enjoy innocence and not shame that "THAT'S A PRIVATE PART" and talk too much about the adult stuff.