13 answers

A Little Frustrated with Wedding Planning...

My mom works 8-5, I work from home (plus maintain the house and run errands and take care of three kids), and my dad just lost his job (but he's busy with a side project), and my fiance just started a new job, usually 8-5 but not always. Our schedule's never match up. It seems like every time I have some downtime, they want me to find a sitter (that I'd have to pay), drive 40 minutes to their house, just to TALK about wedding stuff. Because they're paying for this wedding, I've been trying to work off their schedules for the past few months, while doing as much legwork as I can to take the responsibility off them (and to flat out get it done; my parents are notorious procrastinators). But ladies... I'M BEAT. It would be sooo much easier for them to come for dinner one night so I can get my stuff done, WHILE talking about wedding planning. They refuse to come to my house, and expect me to drop everything when they want to get together. Again, not trying to sound like a spoiled brat because I'm grateful that they're paying and want to help plan, but it's sooo much easier for them to come over as opposed to me having to find/pay a sitter (which I REALLY can't afford right now) or drag 3 kids 40 minutes away and get them off their normal routine/schedule. This is making MY life a mess. Is there any common ground? On a side note, 90% of the places we need to shop for wedding stuff are on my side of town... so if I drive all the way out there to 'talk', then they say 'oh great, let's check it out at [store name], I have to come back all this way for nothing, when they could have met me here, then driven the extra 5 miles to the store. I'm just frustrated and tired and trying to hold it all together and get this stuff DONE. I'm beginning to decline family get togethers at their house because I am driving out there ALL THE TIME for things that, quite frankly, can be done via phone or email. I can't afford the fuel to get out there anymore!! Ugh... what to do??

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

It's already a very small wedding and I only want the bare necessities... no extra something fancy for me ;) I've been super organized and sending emails with every detail they'd like to discuss, but for some reason they feel like we HAVE to do this in person and it's about killing me :/

@lucky... this is NOT a second wedding, this is the FIRST.

Featured Answers

Why dont you do stuff over the phone? I live in MO, and planned my whole FL wedding over the phone. Since you already have 3 kids, why not scale back the wedding and not have so much planning? My husband and I had .a baby before we got married. I gave up my big wedding plans for my kid. We had a very simple, non stressful wedding.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Skype! With the cost of gas these days, that alone would be enough of a reason to stay put. Add kids and their schedules to the mix and it's just nowhere near reasonable for them to expect you to come out there for a conversation! Use the technology of the day (if you don't already have them, you can get very functional camera for your computer for $20 or so.) That is if they require the ability for show-and-tell. Otherwise, you can use the phone.

My mother lived in Italy while I was planning my North Carolina Wedding. E-mail and phone calls is how we did it.

4 moms found this helpful

This will be over soon, thank goodness!

Here's what I suggest, even though it is still hard. Schlep the kids over there every time. If they ask why, TELL them flat out that you can't afford the babysitting fee. Let them have some of the pain of having kids off their schedules, and I'll bet these meetings lessen.

After the wedding, you'll be better able to put your foot down. Don't forget to invite them for weekend dinners and cookouts afterwards so they don't think youngest don't want to be with them.

Good luck!
D.

3 moms found this helpful

If they feel that it has to be done in person, then throw out 3 or 4 days/times over the next week or so, and tell them that you'll host them at your house and make them a nice dinner (or, maybe splurge and take them out to dinner). Point out the obvious: you're already on a super tight budget, so a babysitter for 3 hours is prohibitive; that bringing the kids would make it very very hard on the kids and throw them off schedule for days, resulting grumpy/crabby kids and family; that if they want to run to X store, the stores that you're likely to need to run to are already on your side of town.

Then, if they won't budge, I think you need to either just suck it up and make it work. ... Or, just thank them and respectfully decline their help.

If this is typical, where they want you to accommodate them (and/or are being manipulative or controlling), you might consider this second option very seriously, since by doing this yourself instead, you setting very clear boundaries. Yes that means that you'll likely end up just getting married by the minister with just your witnesses present, and that's it (maybe having a BBQ potluck later to celebrate, instead of a "traditional" reception).

Personally, I think that the BBQ potluck sounds like a wonderful, fabulous time and more fun than a traditional reception, but that is just my opinion. :)

3 moms found this helpful

I like what AC said. Tell them what you have told us, You cannot afford another babysitter, you need to keep the kids on schedule and you just cannot keep going to their home. They need to meet at your home, where they can enjoy a meal with their grandkids and then fiance can watch the kids.

Do you think having the children around during the meetings is the problem? Do you allow your kids to interrupt your discussions with your parents? Can the kids entertain themselves for 2 hours AND go with all of you to these businesses to look and price items. Will the children allow fiance to take care of things or do they tend to just want you?

When I meet with brides, we have no interruptions. We focus on what we are doing and then I send them the notes of the meeting with talking points and further decisions that need to be made. I try to not have a bunch of little meetings, because I know their time is valuable.

Just be honest with them, that all of this running across town is totally stressing you out because you are exhausted and cannot afford the babysitting. Heck think of the money you could have spent on the wedding yourself instead of paying a babysitter?

Try to enjoy the process and be assertive of what it is YOU need.

3 moms found this helpful

They are paying and that is nice, but they are not being logical - logistically, they are wrong. I would suggest Wedding Planning Day every week where you put aside time SPECIFICALLY for them to come to you - fiance can watch the kids. You can all have dinner together, etc. They need binders or notebooks that they can write down the stuff that pops into their heads - you could even make something for them and present it to them. Make a fuss so they know you appreciate what they're doing, but get your fiance on the same page with you that the method of you bouncing back and forth is NOT working or efficient with time/money/stress - don't be emotional about it - you want to save time/money/planning/stress and make everyone's lives easier. Otherwise, elope :)

2 moms found this helpful

Maybe it's time to decide what you need and what you want.

I would first try laying out a spreadsheet or list or something that you can pass back and forth electronically to save gas. I would be upfront that it's costing you money you cannot afford to run over there and see if they'll do the email thing for some of it.

If they keep insisting that you run over there, then maybe you need to decide if it's more cost effective to save the babysitter and gas money and have a smaller event that YOU pay for. You can still have a lovely day on a budget.

1 mom found this helpful

Why dont you do stuff over the phone? I live in MO, and planned my whole FL wedding over the phone. Since you already have 3 kids, why not scale back the wedding and not have so much planning? My husband and I had .a baby before we got married. I gave up my big wedding plans for my kid. We had a very simple, non stressful wedding.

1 mom found this helpful

Tell them everything you just told us. It's expensive paying a sitter, easier for them to come to you rather than drag the kids out, and the stores are closer to you. Hopefully your parents are reasonable people and agree. Resentment tends to build in situations like this. A wedding should be a happy time (although a lot of work!) so see if you can at least compromise if they balk at your suggestion. Good luck and best wishes for your future!

1 mom found this helpful

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