9Yr. Old Daughter Losing Her Hair - Ideas to Help Her Feel Better About Herself?

Updated on July 11, 2008
C.A. asks from Rigby, ID
33 answers

My 9 yr. old has been diagnosed with Alopecia and is losing her hair. At fist we tried to be creative about styling her hair to cover the bald spots, but now she has lost so much that the patches are joining together and there isn't enough hair left to cover it. She wears a lot of hats, and hates going out in public without something to cover her head. We need some ideas for soccer (hats won't stay on) and for church etc. where hats aren't appropriate. She feels like people are staring at her, and she doesn't want to look "different" from other girls her age. I just don't know what else to do to help her. Anyone else out there dealing with this? Please help us help her feel more comfortable being out in public - we need some fresh ideas!

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So What Happened?

First of all, thanks to everyone who responded to my post. Everyone was so kind, and I got some great tips and very helpful websites. Yesterday my daughter decided to shave the rest of her head, saying that there wasn't much left anyway. It was a hard day...we both cried. I don't think she had realized how much of her hair had already fallen out until she looked in the mirror and saw most of her scalp exposed. I was so proud of her for taking that step - and it was all her idea. Her Grandma, aunt, and girl cousins and I picked out a bunch of bandanas, skull caps, scarves, hats, and headbands in her favorite colors and my aunt let us borrow a wig which my mom trimmed and styled for Alessandria to wear to church or any place else she wants. We took a lot of the advice you shared and tried to show her that just because she looks different doesn't mean she has to feel different. She is still a sweet, smart, funny little girl that is loved very much. We are going to apply to Locks of Love and Alessandria is excited about the prospect of getting new hair for back to school instead of new clothes. Thank you all for helping us through this difficult time! We have a long way to go, but we both feel better about making the journey together. Thank you so much!

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S.B.

answers from Provo on

I don't have personal experience with this, but a lady who lives by my parents used to use silk scarfs because you can get them in a lot of colors and they seem to stay on better then hats.

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H.W.

answers from Boise on

A relative of mine has the same problem and she wears really cute bandanas on her head. It's a fun sporty look that you can taylor with any fabric. Maybe have her make some as a way for her to feel like she has some control. Just an idea, I'm no expert.

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H.W.

answers from Colorado Springs on

My daughter recently donated her hair...lots of it to the locks of love....
they make wigs available to those who couldn't afford them other wise (a real hair wig can run thousands of dollars).
Look into it.
My heart SO goes out to you.....
Bandanas for soccer....double sided tape designed for pasties (nipple covers) available at Kohl's MIGHT work.
Cute earrings are a must....a little lip gloss goes a long way, or you could try clothing....cute clothes....
good luck.

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J.B.

answers from Billings on

Living with this disease myself for almost 30 years I can tell you that stress has always played a factor in my episodes. About 3 months after a very stressful period I will get new bald spots. So, reducing stress in your lives should be a cornerstone of her treatment. Fortunately my spots have always grown back. I don't know if the Dermatologist will do it for kids or not but cortisone injections in the scalp seem to work wonders. Remembering back to when I was your daughter's age I always felt most comfortable when my hair was styled so that the wind would not blow my hair around. See if you can get creative with barrets , headbands or rubber bands and lots of hairspray! As a child I went almost completely bald when my parents got divorced. It really seemed to help when my Mom set aside a special time for me everyday to just snuggle and watch tv or read together. During this time my Mom also gently massaged my scalp to increase the circulation. During the summer is also a good time to get a wig if she needs it. That way the kids at school won't think anything of her new hairstyle. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.

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S.B.

answers from Pueblo on

Hi,
You didn't mention what treatment she is undergoing. Has she been tested for thyroid issues? From the research I just did on the internet, there are different kinds of Alopecia. Encouraging her about the cycles of a hairs life may help her. However, wearing cute hats out in the sun would protect her scalp. Also, she can start a new trend with hats. Acceptance from other believers church It was stated at the Mayo Clinic site, that hair grows back in 2-3 months. Also, since she is the age of many hormonal changes in her life, you might want to see if an endocrinologist could help her. Inflamation seems to be the cause. You could also look into giving her extra B vitamins as they help with stress. Probably your Dr. has done a full blood work up on her, but if not...that would give you an idea what is going on. This would be a good time to help her focus on internal character qualities... looking beyond what you see to see if a person is kind, truthful, trustworthy...
S.

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S.S.

answers from Denver on

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about all your medical problems:(

Lately I have seen a lot of pretty high school age girls wearing beautiful scarves tied around their hair and heads. I am sure you could find some that would look adorable!

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L.B.

answers from Provo on

Casja,

I went through chemotherapy a couple of years ago, with the result that my hair all fell out. It has since grown back.

During this experience, I discovered the American Cancer Society's TLC catalogue. Through it, you can order wigs, bangs, hat that cover and stay on, and scarves and scarf supports. They are very good quality and very reasonably priced. They helped me through this difficult time and might be of benefit to your daughter.

To request a copy of "tlc", call 1-800-850-9445, or visit "tlc" online at www.tlcdirect.org.

Good luck.

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A.J.

answers from Tucson on

you might want to join CAPS.... http://www.childrensalopeciaproject.org/cap/index.php

She is at an age where she needs support and to know that going bald has it's advantages.. Like a lot less shampoo! Hooking her up with kids her age to talk to will help out a ton I am sure! As for no hats, how about cute scarves that match her outfits to help her out a bit! Wigs are great but can be very expensive for a growing head...
Good luck!

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H.W.

answers from Provo on

I had a really good friend in college who had Alopecia. His came and went over the years and I think it first showed up when he was around 9.

Even though she's really self-conscious you can help her to start a new trend with very cute hats (yes, you can wear them to church - they're not common, but they are absolutely acceptable) and with very wide head bands. For example, there are flexible head bands and you can even make your own - take a wide strip of material (you can even let her pick out some materials, you would only need a very small amount), gather the ends, and attach elastic to go under her head. You can make that strip as wide as you like - 4 inches should cover the entire top of her head and it will be more acceptable than a hat or a bandana at church.

Also, as some advice has said, if it gets bad enough, get her a wig. You might try contacting Locks of Love to see where they distribute for a real hair wig. It will be itchy at first, but it might help a lot with her self-confidence.

Good luck.

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E.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Since when are hats not appropriate for church? Through the ages, women have always worn hats to church. In Europe, it is still considered a necessary part of the wardrobe, especially for church. The thing about hats, women don't have to take them off for the national anthem, pledge of allegiance, or for prayers. She can wear her hats through the entire meeting if she wanted to. Also, have a little fun with the hats. Help her design her own. Lots of department stores carry some great hats, or go to antique stores to find some unique hats. My grandmother left me her collection of hats, which she wore all the time. I've worn a few to church and gotten nothing but compliments. It is a little old fashioned, but fun at the same time. She could make herself some fund kerchiefs for during the week. Go to the fabric store and get some cute fabrics...cut a triangle and hem around it, then add straps to tie it on.

For the record, you could just shave off her hair. I worked at an elementary school with second graders as an after school counselor. One of my girls, Jeanna, suddenly began losing all of her hair, her eyebrows, her arm hair...every ounce of hair on her body fell off. I'm sure it must have bothered her at first, but the kids weren't nearly as cruel as one would think, and after a month or so, she didn't mind running around bald. We used to rub her head for luck, and she loved it. She'd play around with funky colored wigs (cheap ones) and fun hats all the time. Her teachers would let her wear them in school even though they were against the dress code. No one seemed to mind, and I think the experience made her stronger. She's in high school now, and spunkier than ever, and still completely without hair. Good Luck.

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C.C.

answers from Pueblo on

HI C.,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. This must be so hard for her. First I'd like to say that I think ladies hats are very appropriate for church, not a baseball cap but like the easter hats. If you can't find any I'll send you one that we bought this year for my daughters I have 2 that are exactly alike and they don't get worn anymore.

For things like soccer where hats won't stay on try using bandanas around her head. Buy some large ones that can cover her head and tie off or get some material and make of your own in styles and colors your daughter likes. I don't know how much hair your daughter has left but would she feel better if you shaved the rest off so her entire head matched, although I can understand if she wants to keep her hair while she can. Just some thoughts of mine, hope it helps. Good luck!

C. C

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S.S.

answers from Denver on

C. A,

While I have no experience with what your daughter is dealing with, I spent many years with an undiagnosed illness that changed my physical appearance significantly. I can so clearly identify. What about beautiful scarves wrapped around her head? A friend is currently going through chemo and has appreciated her growing cache of scarves. Won't work for soccer but what about a lightweight knit cap- I'm thinking the wind won't knock that off, or a bandana tied over her head in pirate style- tucked in back to cover her head. My last thought is for stress relief- a trampoline because you can't not have fun jumping on a trampoline. As an adult I never fail to laugh while jumping. A strange suggestion, I know, but it struck me and so I thought I would share. -S.

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L.J.

answers from Pocatello on

I feel you and your daughter's hurt and pain on this. My daughter was 5 years old when she was diagnosed with Alopecia. We went through the same things and soon was unable to hide it for her anymore. We bought every color of bandanna made and also found a bunch of little girl bandanna's, the have a string to tie them together and just a triangle of fabric on the top. She had a bandanna for every outfit she owned. As much as she didn't want to always wear one, she felt much comfortable having one on in public. Although the kids were always curious as to why she had a bandanna on, I told her to tell them why, but she never had to show them if she didn't feel comfortable doing so. We did eventually end up buying her a wig which she absolutely loved. She didn't have to wear it for too long since her hair did eventually start to grow back. She is now almost 15 years old and have only a few patches on her head that are not noticeable.

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L.P.

answers from Denver on

Hi C.

My daughter is 9 as well and has Patchy Alopecia Areata. Have you been to the NAAF website? Check it out it is www.naaf.org they have a market place and some great ideas to help cover the bald spots if that is what makes her comfortable. Also we have a great group of people here in Colorado who get together a few times a year and a even better kids group. Let me know if that would interest you we have a few events coming up that I can tell you guys about and your daughter can meet other kids her age going through the same things. I would love to share more with you you should email me at ____@____.com so we can talk more and I can help you get plugged in. My daughter has had AA since she was 1-1/2 and have gone through some similar things. Rio loved bandanas and head-wraps but one of the girls in our group would do different colored wigs. Talk to C. and see what she wants. So many times we worry about our own feelings or what we would want or what we think is best but this is not about us it is about them and they know what they would like. It is a long process to go through and deal like any other loss or change, I think if she wants to wear hats at church that is fine, talk to your pastor or leader and give them a heads up, again the Lord wont think it is disrespectful. Also on the NAAF web site there is a letter she can take to school, a school packet and a informational video staring all CO kids that she can use to help educate others around her. NAAF also has a yearly conference that just passed that is great for everyone in the family. It is every June/July. Okay I would love to talk more and get you plugged in....email me.

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

C.,
This idea is coming from a person who loves to where Hats and scarfs. Perhaps if you started wearing hats and scarfs with your daughter, then they will become about mother and daughter creating a fashion trend and less about the Alopecia. Especially some dressier hats and scarfs to accent church clothes or to dress up every day cloths. You never know you might start a new fashion trend for your the girls and women in your church and the area you live.
The link below shows 12 different beautiful ways to tie head scarfs.
http://www.tznius.com/cgi-bin/tying.pl

The nice thing about scarfs is they are less expensive than hats and you can even make your own with fabric you know matches what you have.

I am also sending a link for a websites that have beautiful hats and scarfs.
http://www.chichairoptions.com/osCommerce/catalog/?cPath=22
http://www.israeliproducts.com/page/IP/CTGY/Imaga

For keeping bandana on during soccer you might try beauty tape that women use to keep cloths from becoming immodest.

I'll be praying for you and your family.
J.

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

I don't have any direct experience...but I dated someone who's ex-girlfriend (need a flow chart here?) had Alopecia. He told me she wore wigs 24 hours a day. Being an actor and familiar with wigs I didn't understand how they would stay on without something to anchor them to. He said there were special kinds, often made for people with medical conditions. He actually said that in the several years they dated, he never saw her without it on (and they were sleeping together). I'm not sure if you've looked into this, but perhaps one of the cancer centers would have info about it, or even children's hospital.
Of course, hats, scarves etc are great, but I think there will be times when she feels insecure no matter how hard you try to cover it up. Maybe if she can do something to "own" the situation it would help her feel more in control. For example, she could do a special presentation at school about it and/or maybe you could arrange a charity hair cutting day when people donate their locks for wigs. I have always felt better about the "bad" stuff in my life when I've been able to use the experience to help someone else. It makes the bad thing seem less random and more like wisdom.

I'm happy she's wearing hats! I love hats and I like bringing the tradition back. Good luck!

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R.P.

answers from Fort Collins on

Hi C.,

First let me just say that my heart goes out to your daughter in having to deal with Alopecia. I am a Natural Health Practitioner in Fort Collins, CO and have successfully helped people with Alopecia grow hair back. In the "A little about me" you said that your family is dealing with multiple medical problems. Perhaps we can discuss some things that you can do that would benefit your whole family.

I would be more than happy to chat with you over the phone.

Have a good day!
~R. www.myherblady.com ____@____.com

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C.E.

answers from Provo on

i have alopecia too. it stinks, but i try to remember that of all the diseases i could have, at least this one doesn't make me sick. she's just going to look different from other girls, and sadly, children are hardest on people looking differently. but with your help, she'll learn to accept her look and she'll find friends who accept it as well. my hair started falling out when i was 3. i wore hats to church and school, but still got looks and questions of course because most people don't wear them there, but at least i felt covered. a bandanna is probably best for soccer because hats and wigs can move, especially when sweat is involved. i eventually was comfortable enough to not wear anything on my head, but when i was 9, i decided i wanted to wear a wig for other people's sake. i had accepted my baldness, but everywhere i went, my baldness was new to someone else. i felt that if i had a wig, people wouldn't notice quite so much or question me quite so often because my baldness wouldn't be as obvious. and it was true, even though i thought my wig looked obvious, many people didn't realize my hair was fake. so it really freed me from my baldness being a constant issue to everyone else. if your daughter does decide to wear wigs, help her keep them in style and looking good. find a good wig stylist who can trim them to the current style or the appropriate length, one who knows how to sew to adjust them to your daughter's head size. remember that long wigs are heavy and can be very hot in the summer. and you or your daughter may email me with any questions!

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S.M.

answers from Casper on

I don't know how your daughter feels but if it were me I would look towards natural remedies to help my hair regrow. A change in diet, lots of vitamins, a chiropractor and even an accupuncturist may all be of help and have some suggestions you have not thought of before.

As far as soccer, paint her head with a nontoxic paint and/or sunscreen. Bandanas are an idea, I know a wig could be difficult during a soccer game. Best of luck, that sounds like a hard trial.

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L.O.

answers from Denver on

Hello C., I wanted to let you know about one of our products. I am an area manager with Arbonne International and we have a thermal fusion hair revitalizer cream that helps your hair grow back. It is all natural and affordable. My husband uses it and loves it, also many cancer patients have used it for safe and positive results. If you would like more information please contact me. Thanks, L.

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D.P.

answers from Denver on

You might check into getting her a wig. The wigs they make now days a lot of them are made out of real hair. I would check locks of love as they donate wigs to kids with hair loss. Good luck to you and your daughter.

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S.B.

answers from Denver on

Check out Locks Of Love- hair is donated to make children's wigs. http://www.locksoflove.org/ During soccer, she could wear a colorful bandana to coordinate w/ her soccer uniform.

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A.P.

answers from Omaha on

I have no experience with this and I feel for you and your daughter and what you are going through. would she be willing to wear a wig? how about some pretty scarfs to wear on her head at church and a bandana for soccer good luck take care

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M.S.

answers from Denver on

I don't have any experience in this area like others have said, but I was wondering if you had looked into support groups for her. Maybe try to find other children her age in the Denver area that understand what she is going through. Not too mention it would probably do you good to speak to other parents as well. Oh, I go to church regularly and I see women wearing hats all the time. I don't think it's inappropriate at all. In fact I think it's beautiful.

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S.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

it is only inappropriate for men to wear hats in a church so find her some cute bonnets and don't stress that one

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

pick out scarves she likes. Sporty/bandana types for soccer, long, fancy, flowy kinds for dresseir events like church. You might also want to learn some creative ways to tie them so that they look very attractive. Bring her with to make the choices and don't skimp on the price!

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K.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

maybe a wig will help. locksoflove.org

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B.M.

answers from Pocatello on

Your daughters doctor should have websites for wigs for you. Bandanas work great. Make sure you have lots of sunscreen if she goes without a hat. Celebrate the beauty of skin. Make a point out of telling her how beautiful she is even with out hair. It is the person within that matters the most

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D.G.

answers from Colorado Springs on

this may not be helpful at the moment, but i once watched an episode of extreme makeover where the wman had alopecia. they did a procedure that implanted hair on her head and eyebrows. she could wash the hair or swim with it, just like regular hair and it was supposed to last for several years. this is probably expensive, but it may be an option you can look into for when she's a little older. does your daughter like bandanas? they are very easy to make and she could pick out fabrics to match her favorite outfits and they ma stay on better for soccer than hats. just take a square of fabric and fold it in half to make a triangle. then take a long strip of fabric for the band (or ribbon) and sew it across the top leaving plenty of extra for tying around her head. you may also ask your doctor if there are any support groups she could attend, especially if there was one for younger poeple with alopecia. good luck with everything.

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R.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hats are okay for women and girls to wear at church, just most people don't wear them. Locks of Love was created by a women with alopecia. She created Locks of Love when her daughter developed the condition. They can help you get wigs for less and may have other ways and ideas to help her cope.

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D.C.

answers from Boise on

Hi, well have never dealt with this, but have you ever thought about some hair extensions or just simply a small wig.they make them for some children with cancer. locks of love or somthing like that. most of all just let her know you love her and anyone making fun of her is not her friend and not worth her time.

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K.P.

answers from Fort Collins on

Hi! How about colorful scarves you can wrap around her head in different styles? You can find them at thrift stores in every imaginable color/print. Your daughter could go with you to pick them out, and since they're inexpensive at thrift stores, you can get several! Good luck!

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M.H.

answers from Boise on

Have you tried contacting Locks of Love? I have donated my hair their for several years and they make human wigs for kids with alopecia or cancer.

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