21 answers

9 Year Old Won't Stop Wetting His Pants at school......help!!

My son has never stopped wetting his pants during the day since he was a tot. I have taken him to the doctor to see if he had any bladder problems, none. I considered stressers in his life (being a step child, middle child syndrom, very shy) but none of which are new occurances. He occasionally wets at night and sometimes he has dry spells where he doesn't have any accidents during the day or night at all. I don't want to punish him for peeing his pants as I know it is extremely embarrasing to him once someone figures it out. I want to approach it positively but I've been talking to him about it for over four years now and he is at the age where it isn't just an "accident" anymore. Is it just laziness? Do I just wait until he grows out of it? How can I convince him to use the restroom frequently as to avoid wetting his pants? I tell him this already and he just says "Okay Mom, I will". Mamas...some help please.

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Find out if it is his teacher. My son told me that the teacher tells them to only raiser their hand to go potty if it is an emergency. Then he told me that when he raises his hand the teacher tells him no. Once I picked him up after school and he raced into the bathroom and I told him not to hold it for so long because he will develop bladder problems and he told me the teacher wouldn't let him go-it is so strange. I understand that when one child goes, it starts a trickle down effect (not literally-smile)but sometimes when they have to go,they really have to go. So now my son won't even ask the teacher to go. Yikes!

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I have read several places that food allergies or intolerances can cause poor bladder control. This is more common than you think and doctros are generally not with the program yet on how much the foods we put into our bodies affect the way our bodies function. I have specifically been told that dairy is often a problem.

Here are a couple of articles: http://www.sleepdisordersguide.com/blog/bed-wetting/can-c...

http://www.genesishealth.com/conditions/QuickDisease/nd03...

I'm sure you can do a search of your own and find some info on foods and you an do some experimenting. Many people I know don't want to explore the food route to treating this condition but it can be worth it.

I also just read your last post about your partner being verbally abusive to your son. To be blunt, I think you need to take control of that situation immediately. You say you are torn between your partner and your son...Your son is just a child and needs you. He has no control over the way he is being treated and is probably trying to get your attention (consciously or subconsciously) with the wetting. He sounds anxious and scared. I really think he can't help it. You said yourself in that last posting that your partner is extremely difficult to deal with. Imaging how your son is feeling having to walk on eggshells all the time and not being heard. You already know this is a huge problem and it is time to take some action!!! Your partner needs some boundaries and your son needs your support. Hang in there!

Good luck.

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My suggestion would be to ask your pediatrician for a referral to a pediatric urologist. I read somewhere that there is a hormone that if it is low, children don't feel the urge until it's too late. While often we want to attribute it to laziness or defiance (i.e., emotionally based), you absolutely have to rule out physiologically based problems or your son will just become depressed that he's trying and can't help it. Then you inadvertently add emotional issues on top of any physiological problems.

S.

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Arg!

Your doctor should have done a wee bit more than just to screen for organic issues. There are specialists in this area -- it's not uncommon, but as you know, it's really, really hard on your son. You need to find someone who works with this issue -- check your area for good urologists who work with children on this issue, and there are behavioral therapists who can help as well.

If you have a children's hospital nearby, that's where I'd start. Or slap your pediatrician upside the head and ask for a referral! :)

Best,

J.

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I would start by insisting on a referral to a pediatric urologist. I would also put him in some kind of pull up so that he can hopefully avoid embarassment. And do talk to his teacher about when it happens and what seems to lead up to it. Maybe he's embarassed to ask to go? Maybe she can schedule potty breaks into the day for everyone?

Good luck - that sounds really hard.

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Sometimes this is a medical condition. You should research it from that standpoint.

One time my son had some boys spend the night. They were 15 or 16 years old. In the morning one of the boys wouldn't get out of his sleeping bag, and sat in it until it was time to go home at noon. I then discovered a big pee stain on the rug where he had been.

Obviously this poor boy was embarrassed by his inability to control his bladder. I know he would have controlled it if he could. Fortunately my son and his friends were too kind to tease their friend about it.

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I had a relative that wet the bed due to milk allergies. Once they stopped drinking milk, the problem stopped. That may be something that you can try while you're waiting for Dr.s appointments.

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It's clear that you are a wonderful mom with your son's best interest at heart. I understand that you don't want to make this issue more stressful to your son than it has to be.

That being said, I think it is worth some serious effort and intervention NOW. He is getting to the age where this kind of thing will cause him social problems. In addition to the immediate embarrassment when someone notices he has wet himself, his peers are getting to an age where the incident will not be quickly (or possibly ever) forgotten. It might be worth doing a couple of intense days at home focussed on using the toilet. Have him get very involved in something he enjoys then practice stopping and using the toilet in the middle of an activity. That said, it might be worth getting him some "protective underwear" until he get's this under control because once kids start making fun of him, he might never be able to get social acceptance with them.

Hope this helps,
T.

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Aside from there being emotional considerations several recent studies have shown the benefits of chiropractic care for children suffering from "Nocturnal Enuresis" more commonly known as bedwetting. Several studies published in the Journal of Manipulative and Physiological Therapeutics showed marked improvement in children with this problem over children who did not receive chiropractic care. Chiropractic has been very successful with bedwetting. The nerves in the lower back innervate the bladder and if there is any disruption in the communication from the brain it can effect this. It is an extremely conservative intervention and worth investigating.

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