I have a 9 year old son who is becoming very hard to control. He has always been very bright. He reads at a 6th grade level and is in third. At 3-4 years old he was putting together 100-500 piece puzzels by himself. He has always done great in school with the exception of behavior and self control. My x husband and I took him to a therapist when we divorced just to make sure he was ok. He seemed to be angry about something but could not voice what it was. We did notice that he did better for a while, but now a year later he is getting really bad again. He has violent outbursts about everything. Yesterday his sister tried to get a juicebox out of the fridge and he went off on a tantrum because they were only for school. I tried to explain to him that sometimes it is ok to grab one and I told her she could but he just couldn't stop. When he did calm down I explained that he needed to not worry about things like that. He has enough to worry about with himself and it was my job to worry about his sister. He still just kept saying that the juice boxes were for school and started getting angry again, so I dropped it. Every little thing that happens causes a huge argument. My x and I get along great so we know it is not the divorce. We try to keep all the rules in both houses the same. The kids both know that if they lose something in one house they lose it in both. We talk to their dad every night and when they are with him they talk to me. I am very close to their grandparents as are they. They have a huge support system and should be happy kids, most of the time they are. My sons emotions are just out of control and getting worse. I have started filling out the behavior questionairs for ADHD just to make sure it isn't that. He does show most of the behavior listed, but when I gave it to his teacher, she was surprised I wanted it filled out for him. He doesn't have too much trouble at school, but he does act out every once in a while. He has had the same teacher for three years which has been great, but next year he will move to a different class and I worry what will happen with someone who doesn't know him. I just want my son to be happy. It hurts when he isn't. I have never wanted to put him on medication, but we have tried everything for 6 years. Rewards/punishments don't work because he just doesn't care when he gets into a mood. We have taken all dyes out of his food and tried not giving him sugar or preservatives. I'm affraid he is going to start getting violent as he gets bigger. Right now he is mostly verbal.
M. my son was a good kid always until lately but what i been doing is putting his butt on punishment and taking stuff out his room and even kept him from the boys and girls club. and he starting to do right.
That was one of my first suggestions, the dye..red dye in particular, juice boxes usually do have this in them. You sound like you are aware of watching his consumption but it really goes deep, you really have to do alot of process of eliminations and keep a journal also what about environmetal? I know from my own personal experence smells trigger different moods for me! I myself have converted my home to all non-toxic products and when I did this I now have a direct relationship with the company so I have learned so much! I know that certain chemicals trigger certain things, maybe you need to try to pay attention if you have used something the days the episodes happen, for instance did you clean that day, did you switch laundrey detergents process of elmination might help start replacing each thing you use with something non-toxic, I have had to do process of elmination for my little guy he has asthma and my most recent thing was candles. Honestly I think ADD and ADHD are just something they made up to put a label on hyper active children, but when it comes down to it the amount of synthetic chemicals that have been introducted since WWII and the increase in all of these eliments...add/adhd, asthma, cancer.....think about it, alot of it I truly and firmly believe are environmental!! God Bless my heart goes out to, I know it is so hard to see your child go through things and you feel so helpless!! I will keep your son in my prayers, the poor little guy!! Many Blessings!
Hi M., I read some of the posts sent to you. I am not sure I am a beleiver of the whole chemical thing. I know some poeple swear by it, and see a difference. I just feel like it is another way for people to look for an answer. I beleive that all children have their own personalities, just like we all do. Some kids are way more active and aggressive then others. Sounds like your son is extremely bright. The only thing that kinda sounds like a problem is the fact that he obsesses on issues such as the juice boxes. It seems like he was almost obsessed with the fact that the rule is that those are for school, and when the routine was broken he flipped. Do you notice that this triggers him? When something goes ofcourse does he not know how to deal with it? That is something I would Def see a doc about. This could be a lot of diff things, such as ocd, autism, or adhd. However adhd usually is kids who cannot pay attention or have a hard time following direction. Any way, I would consult a doc. I just do not beleive that a diet alone is going to fix this. Take care.
Think it's time to see another doctor for a 2nd opinion. There are other disorders like bi-polor and manic depression among others that could be going on here. Hopefully you'll get some good referrals from people on here. Sorry I don't have any. But don't let it go, start asking around, and look online for anything relating to those two conditions, you might be linked to a Doctor who specializes in young kids with these issues. Good luck. : )
my son who is also 9 is very bright, had issues with anger management and was diagnosed ADHD w/ anxiety. we had been thru counseling in school and privately and i found what worked the best was a counselor who used creative art combined with positive words that my son had to come up with about himself incorporated into the art to build up self-esteem. they would also role play and sometimes the counselor would come to the house & include siblings in these sessions. made much more of an impact than playing a board game for an hour. A book by David Stein was very good regarding how to deal with certain behaviors. i believe it's called "Talking Back to Ritalin" or "Ritalin is not the Answer" something like that. charts and rewards didn't work long term for us. this is a link to the website for the national foundation for gifted and creative children, maybe this can give you some other ideas and where you can turn to locally for help. best of luck to you and your son.
www.nfgcc.org
Hi there!
First, I think it's great that you surround your son with love and e has both you and his Dad!
However... the anger he carries I beleive is from the divorce. I am the oldest in my family and my parents divorced when I was 5. They were not as close as oyu and your husband, but I still got to see my dad. I was very angry at the divorce and I to was verbally agressive. About his age, my grades began to drop b/c I was bored in school. The anger maybe at you and your X, and it can also be at him self. It took along time for me not to blame myself for my parent's divorce. I never expressed it until I was in High School, but then it was too late. I don't think medicine will help your sone, perhaps a conceler, or therapist. I would suggest helping your son find a creative hobby or outlet for his anger, so when he does get angry he can let it out, but in a differnt direction. I don't think it's wron to get angry, it perfectly normal, but how one expresses anger is a concern. As for him being violent, if ther eis no viloence in your house or he has not given any indication of it to this point, then I do not think it will go that far.
There's my two cents... I would also suggest that you and his father show steady intrest in his school work, so that he doesn't let that drop. Other wise, it seems you are very loving and want to help him in anyway! The fact that you are conscience of his anger issues is wonderful as well!
Have you tried a no sugar , no caffience diet? I have a 10 year old step son that was on ADHD meds. When his dad and I married, he came to live with us. All I did was limilt his sugar intake and caffience. He doesn't need the meds. He's a very good boy. He does visit a counselor in school to deal with his real mom and the problems she caused him, but he's a great kid and he's low sugar!!!
As an educator who deals with 9 and 10 year olds, this doesn't sound like ADHD to me. If it is a disorder, it sounds more like OCD or perhaps bi-polarism, but not ADHD. More than likely though, he's expressing anger about something (the divorce or something else.) More counceling may be in order.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a therapist or doctor... "just" a teacher giving you my gut response to your post.
Goodluck!
Hi M.,
I am very sorry to hear about all of this unfortantly I go through this every day with my 9 yr old son. He has been diagnosed with sevreal conditions, been in hospital 4 x, on meds has a therapist, and still don't know why but is going through the same thing as your son, he is a big ball of anger and once a fit occurs theres no stopping it, he is not just verbal but also very physical to himself, sister and any one else he may think he can hurt. If you find a solution please let me know I also am looking for help.
Best Of Luck!!!!
D. F
sounds like OCD ....what ever it is i wish you luck with your little guy.
hi M., Being a special education teacher I just want to share somethings with you. I have seen alot of times kids being put in my class for BEHAVIOR issues...after I have had them tested it comes to find out that there intelligences is the cause of this behavior. Smart children often get board in the classrooms. The average child is taught at a rate there brains can learn at. when you have a above average intellectual there brains process information at a faster rate meaning you child my just need an advanced class. Speak to your child's teachers as them if they feel this maybe whats needed. He may have over heard something in the home that you don't know he heard and he is responded to this behavior. don't hesitated having him speak with someone again divorce is h*** o* children. And sometimes we don't alway see were there coming from ...best of luck kindly B.
Hi M.,
This does not sound like ADD/ADHD to me. I don't want to speculate about what it may or may not be but I deffinately think its worth talking to your pedi about it.
Hope everything works out for you
H.
