12 answers

9 Year Old Son Very Sensitive..... Cries Alot

My 9 year old son is very sensitive. If I try to help him understand his school work better, he ends up crying. I never yell about his school work, or mock him, or anything like that. So I am not sure why he ends up crying. He does really well in school. Sometimes, like every child, he makes a mistake. What could be causing this and how can I make the crying stop??!!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I don't have any advise but if you find something that works PLEASE let me know. I have a 9 year old that cries at the drop of a hat. If I tell him to clean his room, if we are having something for dinner that he doesn't want, if he does do as well at something as he thinks he should.... He has been like this since birth and I thought he would grow out of it. None of the response you have gotten so far apply.

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Probably something else is going on. Perhaps he is being bullied at school or experiencing some other emotional trauma that you don't even know about. I recommend you check out the book "Raising Cain: Protecting the emotional life of boys" by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon. Good luck.

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I have had the crying when helping with school as well with my two oldest. We are also military and it is definatly worth being sure that they know how to express concerns when he is gone. As mentioned it could also be something at school. The other thing I found is that I also had to make sure they knew that I was there to help them, I am a good guy. They are learning and may not get it the first time and it is OK. I am here to help them get it. To practice until they are good at it. We talked about what I may be doing that starts the tears. I try to mostly listen. I hope you find answers it can take time and sometimes I have had to point out it is just not a crying about thing. Good luck

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he might be exhausted from sitting in school all day. Talk to his teacher and make sure he isn't getting ridiculed at school by anyone. Has his Dad been deployed lately or is he deployed? There are several factors that could be causing it with having military kids. Does his school have a lot of other military kids he can relate too? You may want to have him talk to the counselor. Maybe he isn't feeling well. My kids come home with headaches often after school and have to sleep them off to get rid of them.

He shouldn't have more than 30 minutes of homework a day. The rule of thumb for our school district is 10 minutes per grade level and most of the time they have time at school to get it done so most kids don't have homework unless they didn't get it done at school. My son is 9 and a 3rd grader. He does get a homework packet every week which requires 60 minutes of reading, 40 min of studying math flash cards, and 4-5 worksheets and has all week to do it but he prefers to do all the worksheets one night, read all his 60 min at once on another night and do math facts one night so this usually takes him 3 days and gives him the other 4 days in the week without homework.

My boys don't cry all the time but they are sensitive and have compassion for people so it doesn't bother me when I see them cry because I would rather have them sympathetic towards people than be tough like their military Dad that doesn't know how to show his feelings when he is upset or frustrated and usually holds it all in and very grumpy for weeks before he is able to work through his problem.

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I have a 10 year old son who has the same issue. He is a very sensitive boy and we have just learned to ride out his days when everything just seems too much. I think it's natural for boys to be like this and the most we can do is just hug them until they're done and then talk about it afterwards. Let them know it's ok to cry and get them to talk about their feelings. If he's doing well in school and doesn't have any other issues I don't think that bullying has anything to do with it. My son has ADHD so I know that it plays a part in it but I think it's just his nature as well. Good luck!

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I was going to give advice on your first question about him feeling dizzy, but then I saw this, and it just confirms that my first though might be correct. Has he ever had any trouble concentrating? ADHD/ADD can cause children to have headaches and become dizzy. The kids try so hard to focus, that they end up straining themselves, causing headaches, dizziness, fatigue....etc. Now, you are saying that he cries occassionally while you are having him work on homework. He may be trying so hard, but is unable to concentrate enough. Therefore, he is working ten times harder than an average child his age. This means that he is stressed out, and doesn't know why. You might get him checked, and really observe him.

Good luck.

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I am not the child of a military family, but we have many of them in our family. Some kids just feel pressure to get things right all the time. And I think sometimes the military life accentuate's the need for perfection in some areas. My sister's 2nd child gets very emotional if he can't grasp something quickly. He excells in Math and Reading. He's in 2nd grade but reads at a 6th grade level. I would try to find something to build his confidence. Maybe Tai Kwon Do or something like that. I would try to get him to understand that when you get that upset your mind doesn't work right. It like shuts down. So if he could practice breathing deep long breaths to calm himself down that would be better than losing it.

Praying for your sweet boy and you.

L. B. (H. now)

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Hi S.,

Is your son crying about everything or just about school? If it is about school only, something he does not feel right is happening in there, probably nothing big, but big for him; may be an attitude of a teacher or a classmate may be causing this, and it would be important to find out what is going on. If he is always that way for different reasons, probably needs to mature or he is just that way. My oldest son is a little bit immature for his age and he is sensitive. S., work on building his self esteem, sports or a hobby he is good at it. Kids also need to build their own confidence, and feel they are capable of something. It is good that you don't mock him or yell at him, keep that great work, and be patient, you will see that he will outgrow this sensitivity.
Talk to him openly just the two of you at bedtime (it is the best time to talk to the kids...), and you would be surprised what kids tell you at that time.
When he makes mistakes, he will need re assurance and let him know that everybody makes mistakes, and everything has a solution. Let him cry, and vent when this happens, and then talk to him.


2 moms found this helpful

There could be something else going on at school than
just the schoolwork. Hang in there. I am sure you are
doing a good job. Is dad around or on duty?
He may just miss dad. Or if dad is around have him help
with his homework if he can. And definitely with having
siblings he may need more time with just you or both of you.
God bless you and May God watch over your family.

2 moms found this helpful

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