K.P. asks from Los Angeles, CA on September 18, 2010
9 Year Old Son Doesn't like Outdoor/physical Activities
My 9 year old son really fights it any time we ask him to do ANY outdoor activities. It started with sports at about 7 when we signed him up for soccer then flag football. I also used to ask him to play baseball with me, shoot baskets, throw the ball around, play kickball, ride bikes, go for hikes and on. The only thing we found that he likes is going to the beach in the summer time (even then not on consecutive days as he gets bored with it). We've gone through the entire list of possible outdoor activities along with indoor like karate and such. He doesn't want to do any of them.
He likes computer/electronic games the most, then reading (which we highly encourage) and legos outside of those it is challenging to get him to do anything physical. It's not medical as he is very healthy. It's not that we are hard on him as I encourage him with everything he does (when he does it). I am at a loss. Do I just continue to force him to do some sort of physical activity even if he seems miserable doing it? Do I just let him sit around the house all day long?
I was very active as a child in sports and just about anything you can think of outdoors. Help!!!
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K.A. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2010
Hi, I know exactly what you mean my oldest (boy now 19) loves sports from football to basketball to track wasn't really into video games that much would rather be outside. but my daughter who is now 11 didn't want to have anything to do with outside activities we tried basketball, softball, ballet and didn't like any of them! always wanted to quit so I just keep pushing her to try new things and after so many things we finally found something she just loves!
cheer leading and gymnastics! I would suggest that you just keep trying stuff till he finds something that he falls in love with. he sounds very book smart maybe you should try something like music or marching band don't give up he'll find something he loves! :)
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A.S. answers from Denver on September 18, 2010
Sounds like he likes to use his brain, solve puzzles and figure things out. Nothing wrong with it, he could be the next one to design a new type of computer :)
Might I suggest Geocaching? It's an outdoor activity where you use your GPS and observation skills to find where people have the little box of trinkets. You log it on a website and go off the the next one....the "physical" part of this is riding your bike, hiking, climbing, etc to get to them as most of them are put in accessible, but more remote spots.
Google "Geocaching" and you'll get some helpful websites to get started. GL!!
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S.B. answers from Redding on September 18, 2010
I know so many people going through the same thing with their kids at just about the same age. From what I have seen, ALL their kids choose "electronics" over being outside and that is where the problem gets started in the first place. They catch the electronics bug and nothing else seems as fun to them and believe me, I'd heard the very best whiners and complainers when it comes to not wanting to do this or that outside....they don't like it, they're bored, they're too tired or it's too hot. I've heard it ALL.
I only have one friend who made the plunge and took the electronics and video games away all together. No more arguing about being outside with the rest of the family. When the weather is bad, they play cards or board games so that everyone is engaged.
Kids need to be active. It's good for them whether they believe it or not. My one friend's son has become seriously overweight and all he wants to do is sit in front of a TV video game. She lets him because it's easier than listening to him gripe. He doesn't even want to leave the house to go camping or to car races or anything that most boys would like. He just wants to sit. What he WANTS and what is best are two different things.
I would remove all electronics. Not as a punishment, but as something to be earned.
For every hour he rides a bike with you or does something else like shoot baskets, he earns 15 minutes. He adds up his time during the week and gets to cash in on the weekend (or whatever day you choose). 5 hours during the week earns 1 hour and 15 minutes, and so on. He can take it or leave it. He's still going to do the activity, and if he doesn't think the time share is fair, fine....zero electronics then. I think you'll find that in the end he will have more fun getting out and doing things and the electronics will fade out a bit. Either that....or he'll be dragging YOU out for activities to earn his electronic time.
Don't just let him sit in the house all day. Even the most cerebral of individuals need to get out and get fresh air and exercise. It makes for healthy children, to be sure.
Best wishes.
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S.H. answers from Honolulu on September 18, 2010
Not all children like sports.. Its okay.
Try seeing... if in your city... there is a "Lego Club."
In my State, there is. It is REAL fun... and he will meet many other kids that way, too.
I would, nurture his own interests... he seems to know what he likes and who he is. That is GOOD.
A child... does NOT 'have to' play sports... in order to be a child.
And.... as a child ages... their interests changes too. Then as an Adult... interests changes as well. It is not static.
He must feel pressured....
He gets 'bored' with the outdoor activities he is made to do... BECAUSE he is not interested in it. He is just doing it to please his parents.
That is not the right incentive... because it does not come from 'his' interests or talents... but is peripheral.
all the best,
Susan
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M.L. answers from Houston on September 18, 2010
My kids have to do something. Anything. I'm even going to go so far as to say even if they don't like it, they have to do something that gets them moving physically on a regular basis. So, my opinion would be to keep looking for 'that' activity. There are so many possibilities. If you have to get the electronics out of the house, then get them out so that option is not there. Have you tried swimming classes? Tai Kwan Do? Dance? Keep searching. Make him choose something, please keep him moving though. Our bodies are designed to move, not sit. One of our best friends is confined to a wheelchair, and he is still active and does soccer and basketball.
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D.M. answers from Detroit on September 18, 2010
Hi K.---All humans were designed to be active. It is essential for optimal health. Keep trying and encouraging him to do some sort of outdoor activity. It's likely you'll have to join him to get him out. Eventually, he will find something he likes.
I would limit the tv/computer/elect games. Playing those will be dependent on him being outside and active. Just like limiting TV viewing time, he has to get some exercise first, before he plays his games. It will take some time, but the effort will be worth it. Sometimes being a good dad means that you will be perceived as the bad guys with your son. But it is our job to raise well adjusted people that know their boundries and learning priorities, with eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, hanging out with the right friends, doing homework before games or tv, getting proper exercise. We are parents and guides first, friends later.
Just take him out for a 30 minute walk every day so the two of you can talk. Maybe then start doing some bike rides. His, and your long-term health depend on it. Good luck. D.
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L.G. answers from Los Angeles on September 19, 2010
Geocaching or treasure hunts were the first thing that came to my mind.
I've never done scouts, but WHAT ABOUT the boy scouts...earning awards and badges, challenges. Seems more cerebral while totally encouraging an active lifestyle...
Sounds like you have a healthy lifestyle and just want him to find his 'thing'.
Good for you. I sort of share your frustration with my daughter to a lesser degree (she is 7 and does get out, just doesn't like anything organized or too challenging).
Here's to finding that endorphin, fresh air fix for those kids.
Don't let him know if you are mentally comparing him to yourself or others. Just keep yourself active and hopefully he will emulate your lifestyle. Stay positive, don't nag (maybe do the 'try it 3 times' rule, with a reward at the end?), keep offering opportunities, and praise his strengths.
On the try it 3 times rule - I know some classes cost money. Talk to the teachers and let them know the situation and you are just hoping to find the 'thing' for him and you are going to try 3 classes and could they waive any penalties or take a per class payment if he does quit....then you don't feel angry if he quits and you are just 'throwing money away'. Good luck!!!
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C.D. answers from Los Angeles on September 19, 2010
Seems like he is still young enough that you have a little control over it now. Later it will be harder. Reading and legos seem okay but the computer/electronic games will suck him in for hours and hours without end. You don't mention television, but probably some of his time is spent there too?
Maybe you could build some things together that would lure him outdoors -- a tree house, a go-kart, a skate board and ramp.
http://familyfun.go.com/crafts/build-the-ultimate-tree-ho...
http://familyfun.go.com/crafts/build-a-go-cart-709075/
http://www.a1skateboards.com/complete.asp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG0gO8pohfM
Once you build these things... invite some friends over. He needs sunshine, but he also needs companionship.
Best of luck to you and your bright boy!
K.A. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2010
Hi, I know exactly what you mean my oldest (boy now 19) loves sports from football to basketball to track wasn't really into video games that much would rather be outside. but my daughter who is now 11 didn't want to have anything to do with outside activities we tried basketball, softball, ballet and didn't like any of them! always wanted to quit so I just keep pushing her to try new things and after so many things we finally found something she just loves!
cheer leading and gymnastics! I would suggest that you just keep trying stuff till he finds something that he falls in love with. he sounds very book smart maybe you should try something like music or marching band don't give up he'll find something he loves! :)
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