9 Year Old over Thinking That He's Sick, Has Cancer, Has Heart Issues, Etc.

Good Morning J., I am so sorry you are going through this. His dad could be right as it gets everyone's attention. You didn't say how long you have been divorced, but it could be a way that get attention from you both.

Also this is the age some children start thinking about illnesses and dieing. I remember when I lost my cousin, he was 7 I was 9. I kept thinking I was going to die too. He was born with a hole in his heart, the patch they placed over it broke away and he was going very quickly. That was many many years ago.

Our oldest son would hear us say we had a headache or strained muscles and the next day he would have the same thing...lol When I finally caught on to what he was doing I put it to the test. My cramps were vicious, they usually didn't know when I was having them bad or even was hurting. I stayed in bedroom with heating pad etc.. I told hubby what I suspected and what I was going to do. I laid on the couch with heat pad over my tummy, pretending to be in pain.
Yup next day he asked if he could use the heat pad as he had a terrible tummy ache.. :)) That's when I sat him down and explained to him he couldn't be having the same type of tummy pain mommy had, yesterday. This type of pain was limited only to Mommy's. I think he was about 10-12 at the time so he knew what I was talking about.

Did he out grow it? Welllllllllllll Not really, he will embellish the severity of his discomfort, it's worse then anything he has ever had, or Man I thought I was gonna die, type of things....lol We just tell him we're sorry he is ill or not feeling well and drop it... :)) He did injure an ankle when he was 17 on a trampoline, and it still swells up some if he steps wrong or something. But when he walks you would think he just had a knee or hip replacements. Looks like Gr.pa McCoy....lol You younger mama's probably won't know who that is...lolll

By you giving in to every little ouchie or symptoms he is getting your undivided attention. Why was the EKG necessary? Some of his discomfort could be growth spurts. You could tell him your heart rate gets faster when you get excited or really happy. Slows down when your relaxed and resting. It's all normal. Right now though I think he is enjoying the attention he is getting from you and his daddy, if he goes to ER then your all together in the same place. Hearing Dr's talk about other patients could make him think he could have these things happen to him too.

Be patient with him and try to talk to him about what he is feeling. You may be able to find out where all the aches pains, feelings are coming from.

God Be with you and bless you J., being a child of divorce isn't easy.

K. Nana of 5

2 moms found this helpful

Being in mental health--I've seen similar post-divorce responses in children before. This might be his attempt at attention seeking. In WHICH case, counseling would be the right way to go. Seek a Child Psychologist or a LCSW specializing in Children. Breaking the worry/anxiety cycle now (if he suddenly started this, it's behavioral and not something organic, like depression or OCD--a chemically derived issue in the brain)...will save him a lifetime of anxiety disorders. Counseling is common for children of divorce (I am a child of divorce too) and DO NOT think that you're doing anything wrong or causing this...getting him counseling and doing a joint session after a month might help you understand what he's thinking and how to curb it (and possible triggers and how to avoid these thoughts). Also, look up "thought stopping" on google, there are loads of techniques.
Good luck. Please update us.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,

My daughter is 12, almost 13 now, and she has had these same kind of fears, etc. I have worried in the past about her really being sick and that I would just ignore it since she would complain of symptons of heart pains, etc. I have found that avoiding talking about health issues around her helps alot. (Although this is kind of hard to do since many people describe their health issues when I meet them!) Next, I explained to her that we will all die sometime but that we have hope of being together again with Jesus in his kingdom. (If you have faith in a resurrection it really might help to share this with your son. My daughter had a lot of questions so I read Bible verses with her and showed her where to find some of them on her own.) Then I suggested that whenever she felt afraid of dying or cancer or heart attack, etc. that she pray and think of the Bible verse: "Resist the devil and he will flee from you; draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you." (From James 4:7-8)

I know this is a lot of religious talk but it has really helped our daughter. She was about 9 when she started being afraid of being sick and dying and now that she is almost 13 I have seen a big improvement. I truly think that she was feeling pains when she was thinking about being sick or dying. It is good to see that she is doing a lot better now. I hope you find something to give comfort to your little guy too!

Best wishes,
A.

1 mom found this helpful

I would address this with his dr.Because i'm bipolar suffer from depression and have postparum depression which since he is a boy no need to worry about that.but I too over think something is wrong with me all the time and go to the dr for symptoms.i have racked up over 10,000 in bills back in 2007 after my daughter was born but that was for good reason's I had developed some health issues and had I not gone to get treated or helped I may not be here today.Listen to your son and get him in for a physical a well child checkup and please tell his dr what is going on.

1 mom found this helpful

I would have the doctor order a complete cbc .They draw blood it will show everything that could be wrong .Good-luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I remember going through a phase where I told my mom I had stomach aches anytime I wanted to go home or didn't want to go somewhere. She sat me down and read me the story of the boy who cried wolf. She reminded me that if I said I had a stomachache all the time, when I really did have one, no one would believe me. This pretty much stopped my behavior.

Your son may really be experiencing some type of pain (gas cramps, growth pains), but may be blowing it out of proportion (cancer). You might consider using the pain chart from hospitals with faces (ranked 1-10 with varying degrees of pain) and let him choose how bad the pain is for him. This might help you both get on the same page. My nephew just had surgery and said he hurt a lot, but when the nurse showed him the pain chart, he only chose a 4. Sometimes kids just don't know how to explain exactly how "hurt" they really are.

1 mom found this helpful

J.,

My eleven year old is very similar to your son. I finally figured out that he was getting alot of his ailments and symptoms from TV commercials specifically law suits. The day he came and told me he had mesothelioma we sat down and had a long talk about how very few children had the diseases and symptoms shown on commercials and his TV time was limited even more. Good Luck

S.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear J.,
How sad and scary for your little boy, he must be miserable. I would not discount what he is saying and feeling, and am happy you are seeking medical attention. I would have him assessed by a child therapist...has he lost any of his friends to some sort of illness? Has he lost a pet or has there been some unusual change in family, like a death or major illness? He may be living in fear that something is going to happen to him or someone close to him.
What is he exposed to on tv, with playmates, has he had some sort of trauma, physical or psychological? Does he look forward to any activities, school starting, events, that children are typically excited about? How about the relationship between you and his father, grandparents?
My heart goes out to your little boy and family. Hope that you can get this figured out soon so he can be helped.
Let us know what happens.
M.

1 mom found this helpful

I do not know how recently you were divorced; however, children can internalize their fears about divorce (one parent "left the house" will I be next?). Thankfully, I am not a child of divorce and I am currently happily married; however, my sister-in-law has been divorced for almost four years now and her children (my niece and nephew)are still adjusting. They are far more insecure than they were when both parents were physically present (their father has a good relationship with them, but lives very far away). They love to stay with our family and often make comments about how much they enjoy the family meals, etc.
Do not get me wrong; their parents are wonderful people and are doing the best they can. Nevertheless, I still see them struggle today.
Children can also cause physical pain to themselves as they deal with emotional issues. What I mean is that your son probably does actually feel pain, anxiety (heartrate issues), etc. It could be his emotions manifesting themselves as physical pains. I agree with the other posters who suggest counseling. I would also take his pains seriously and reassure him that you will be there to help him alleviate any physical or emotional pain.
You are a great mom! It even sounds like his dad is fairly involved in his life. Continue to do your best! Good luck and let us ladies know how it all turns out!
P.S. Just a thought, but some kids actually do experience real "growing pains."

1 mom found this helpful

I remember being young and afraid of the unknown, hearing that serious illness and disease have and start with some minor symptoms. Since this is a repeative thing with him, why don't you take him into to see a therapist? Find out why he feels he needs to bring attention to him with such a drastic theme and all the drama. is he really having these pains and discomforts or is it something he's noticing on a small scale and then he can't get his mind off of it so it grows bigger in his head. when is he bringing this up to you? What is the circumstance around? Is it a transition from when he returns from his dad's or vice versa? Find out if there is a pattern of his complaints and see what might be causing him to want or need this dramatic attention. If you took him for an EKG, take him to a therapist as well.

I feel you pain! My 9 year old son is the exact same way. I think it is just that they are becoming more aware of their bodies. And they hear all about diseases and death and it becomes more of a thing they are understanding. Shooting pains and achiness can be contributed to growing pains. Everything checked out fine with his heart so there is no need to worry about it. He is just becoming more aware of how his heart beats. It is a phase and he will get over it eventually.

HE could be calling out for attention but he could also be having panic attacks maybe talk to the doctor about it I have dealt with this my whole life better now that I'm on panic attack meds. Stress could also be it.

Obviously have the doctor check him out thoroughly...but I think you're looking at psychological counseling. His complaints sound vague, inconsistent, and all over the map. I tend to doubt he's really physically ill.

Since you mention a divorce and working a lot - there may certainly be some emotional issues he's working through. You might want to check out the book "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys" and find him someone he can talk to - a *male* psychologist might be best.

Hi J.,

I have a nine yr. old who acts out with perceived illnesses and fears of dying. His three siblings are in foster care as a result of their dad's drug issues and DFS is being unconscionable about NOT allowing him visitation with his siblings. This has been going on for two years now. He is literally "coming undone" emotionally over the family situation and not being able to visit his brothers whom he is extremely bonded with. Whenever he is over-stimulated (from watching too much TV) or feeling lonely for his brothers, or gets into too much sugar (a very bad thing for a child) he "gets sick" or has "boo-boos" of every description. It is how he copes with the myriad of unknown feelings and despair he is feeling inside.

Nine is a complicate year for children as they are going through (what I call) "a life altering phase". They are testing boundaries, beginning to develop hormonal start-ups, dealing with peer-pressures, and experiencing an overwhelming awareness of emotions that they have never experienced or actually paid any attention to before.

You explained that you are divorced and work two jobs. Believe it or not, these two factors are a severe influence on the emotional stability and security of any child, especially a nine yr. old who is experiencing raw emotions and sensitivities that (s)he has never before experienced. Add the over-stimulation of worries by TV, the media, games, cartoons, and life in general, and it is easy to understand how a child can be fearful of having something gosh-awful and/or may be dying! Add sugar to the equation and ... Well ... Poor kid!

You say that you have taken your son to the (medical) doctor for tests and such and that everything is fine. Okay. That is a good beginning.

You say that you "worry about it but discount it" and go do whatever you want to do anyway. Okay, "worrying" is not a good thing for you. "Discounting" your sons complaints is not a good thing for him. Not allowing the situation to interrupt plans and activities is good in that it shows the child that life does go on regardless of how one feels about it, but on the other hand it tells the child that his concerns are not important to you and that his feelings don't matter.

I have a tendency to agree with your son's father in that your son is seeking attention. Children are experts at getting the attention they need, whether it is positive attention or negative attention. Children need attention. They know how to receive the attention they need. They do not care whether it is good or bad so long as it is attention. If "being sick" is the only way they can get attention from the adults in their lives, then "being sick" is what they will use. I would also venture to say that in addition to "attention" there is a strong "need" being expressed yet being ignored.

While children are very resilient creatures, their emotions and security are very fragile things. Very often, we as parents, fail to recognize or fail to remember that they are, after all, JUST children, with immature brains, child perceptions, child feelings, and child reactions. Very often, in our haste to keep up with our own flailing emotions and life pursuits we apply adult logic to child equations. We expect our children to be able to handle our adult choices--good or bad--as good as (or better than) we do without any regard to the fact that their precious little brains are not yet developed enough for them to handle such a huge responsibility. Thus, the child acts out. Feigning illness, believing that he is ill and/or possibly dying is a form of acting out. It is telling you, the parent, the primary caregiver, that he is hurting inside and needs help coping with it and this is the only way he knows how to express it.

If this is becoming a major factor in your son's life, your life, and is impeding positive family functions, I would suggest you contact a doctor of psychiatry, a therapist, a counselor, or some other like-type professional and obtain some professional guidance and counseling for both yourself and your son. It is not a bad thing to ask for help wherever it is needed. Seeing a doctor of psychiatry, a therapist, a counselor, or clergy to help resolve an issue is a GOOD thing. It does not mean that you or your son are "crazy", mentally ill, or anything else that society stigmatizes people with. It simply means that you are responsible and caring enough to do whatever is necessary to help your son through whatever it is that is causing this behavior. My nine yr. old. has his own psychiatrist, he sees a child therapist every week for an hour, and practices "talking" to his significant caregivers (his mom & me) for at least one (totally committed to him) hour every night before bed.

It is especially important to NOT ignore the behavior as if it will just disappear one day because it won't. It is also especially important, for the mental well-being of your son, to not "discount" his feelings, ignore his pleas and questions, or "blow it all off" like it is "just a bad case of hypochondria". Hypochondria is a severe form of mental illness. I do not believe that your son is any more a hypochondriac than my nine yr. old is. As parents and caregivers, we need to address the issue head on and do whatever is necessary to find the root of the problem and help the child to cope with the feelings and emotions that are plaguing him and causing the acting out behavior. If this means employing a psychotherapist or psychiatrist, then go! Go fast! Your son's mental health depends on it as much as his physical health depends on regular (medical) doctor check ups.

Sit down, in a non threatening environment, and talk to your son...on his level...ask him questions and LISTEN to his responses. Pay attention to what your son does in a day. Is he spending all day with his head in electronic stimulation while you 'work'? What kinds of things is he SEEING within these environments? Is he missing his father? Is he just plain missing you because you are too busy to spend quality time with him on his terms? Do you just need to "take him out for lunch" once in a while to assure him that you still care about how he feels and what he needs?

Most children's "acting out" issues can be resolved by looking at ourselves and determining what we as parents are NOT doing that the child needs to be done. It is not a bad thing to be missing something. It is only a bad thing if we KNOW we are doing this or that "wrong" and refuse to do the work involved to remedy the problem.

Talk to your son. Seek out the professional help you both need to resolve the issues and help your son to feel safe and secure in his home environment.

:-)

M. K.

I have a Very young neice who is like this and has been since she was old enough to use words....nip this in the bud. SET RULES...such as you only stay home from a pre arranged outing if you have vomiting, fever or diarrhea. Also for "fun" activities even if its something as simple as having a bowl of ice cream or having a cookie..."oh we can't have that when you are sick" Slowly but surely this will sink in that being "sick" is serious and no fun. Do not give extra attention unless you are SURE he is really ill ( mommy instincts for the win) Also if he is saying he doesn't feel well...maybe you better go lay down with no tv...hope all works out, it is like any little kid thing, they find a way to get extra attention and it works so they use it.
B.

Perhaps he heard something from a friend? Is anything going on with him that you know of? School or social issues etc? I can say I had issues with my heart during my pregnancy and during nursing and my OB kept writing it off as "hormones." When I finally got her to listen and got a referral to a cardiologist I had to have heart surgery within three weeks. Prior to my pregnancy I had not ever had heart problems. It has made me a believer in listening to both my body and the complaints of my family members.

My son started that at age 5, when he started school I had to walk him into school every day until third grade. I took him to a family counseler thinking maybe he had something really bothering him since he was in a broken home. Nothing seemed to work. Finally his pediatrician advised us to a psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. He no longer has all sorts of ailments and isnt worried about going places or me leaving and getting hurt. He takes a low does of non-narcotic straterra. I was very reluctant to have him taking medicine for this but after soo long of him being miserable we decided to try it. Maybe talk to your pediatrician and see what he or she thinks.