9 Year Old Chores - Arlington,TX

I suggest having a family meeting in which you discuss, including her in the discussion, all that it takes to keep a home running. Make a list of the top 10 chores that have to be done daily and/or weekly. Encourage her to be a part of the list making. In fact make it a requirement. If she holds back, perhaps go around the group or if it's just you and her and everyone adds a task each time.

Then, together, write up a description of what doing the chore entails. Then decide who will do what chore. Let her choose the ones she wants to do. If she's a part of the decision she will more likely be willing to co-operate.

I also suggest that you read the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's also on CD. How we word things makes a bid difference in how people, kids or adults respond.

Later in response to "it wasn't her mess." My granddaughter says that and since reading your question I've paid more attention. I discovered that her mother says to her, "it's not my mess when she asks her daughter to clean something up." I suggest that if you are also saying those words, it might work better to stop using them and focus on the fact that keeping the house picked up is everyone's responsibility. Doesn't matter who made the mess unless we're asking them to clean up something we know they made. Perhaps instead of saying "clean up your mess" say something like "please put away your (and name it.)" This might help to get a way from assigning "blame."

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I have 3 daughters (12, 9 and 7). They all have to keep their rooms neat, put away their clean laundry, bring their full laundry basket to the laundry room and put away their toys.

12 yr old: Feeds the cats (daily), sweeps/swiffers the downstairs floor, can use the vacuum once a week or so
9 yr old: Empties the dishwasher (as needed), sweeps kitchen floor, dusts front room weekly
7 yr old: Scrubs the toilets (I squirt the cleanser), sweeps all wooden floors upstairs weekly.

Actually, all my kids love to scrub toilets for some reason. They're really good at it too!

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Actually, I think you handled that pretty well. Give her a reasonable set of chores, but I do believe she needs to help when asks regardles of whether it is on her list or not.

However, I do think you could give her a couple more chores. My six year old
-feeds the cat
-cleans her room
-cleans the playroom
-helps wiht her laundrey and changes her sheets and towels
-loads the dishwasher after breakfast
-and half the time makes her own school lunch
Clearly my 6 year old needs some help with this and some nudging, but she is more than capable.

So decide on the chores, but don't make tha tall she feels responsible for.

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My 8yo son shovels snow with my hubby during the winters, he does dishes (meaning puts them away from the dishwasher and re-loads/starts the dishwasher again), he feeds, waters and cleans up after his pet rat, he does the socks while I'm folding laundry and then he puts his and his little brothers' laundry away, he picks up his own room and the play room in the basement, he cleans his own toilet and bathroom sink, he scrubs the baseboards (when they need it), and we're also teaching him to mow the lawn under direct supervision. Of course, my son is homeschooled so he can fit all of his chores and tons of playtime in during daylight hours and then we do his school work for an hour or so in the evening after his brother is asleep.

A 9yo girl should certainly be able to pull more weight around the house. Put her to work and stick to your guns. There is a ton of intrinsic value in having chores and contributing to the household while growing up.

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At 9, my parents had me helping with laundry, make sure that the living room was picked up (we all had a different room), load dishwasher, and watch my sisters. My son, when he's old enough, will definantly be doing something like that.

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This is way off topic, although I personally need to start chores SOON with my 4 and 5-year-old boys. I loved reading through this and wish you the best.

I am NOT a Mom that splits immunizations or gets nervous about news reports… BUT, Consumer Reports reported that Dry Dog Food has a chemical in it that has been linked to Autism.

Things like this just concern me, so maybe consider that with your chore list. My 5 year old used to feed the dog and we have modified the task (put the food in zip lock bags with hand washing rules). Just an FYI :)

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Hi~
Here is information from an excellent handout I have titled “Expecting Your Child To Do Chores-Should You or Shouldn’t You?” (by Marty Rossmann, Professor Emeritus, Family Education Program, College of education and Human Development, University of Minnesota) ….

“Household tasks build the vocational skills needed later in life to be successful in a work environment. One of the top seven reasons named as a reason for the dissolution of marriage is conflict over household tasks. Current research tells us that the key to success in later life is participation in household tasks beginning at ages three to four years. The older the child is when you begin expecting them to participate in household tasks, the more resentful they are about doing them.

What parents need to know about teaching a task?
􀂾 Learning the task will take considerable time.
􀂾 Decide exactly what needs to be done.
􀂾 Divide tasks in manageable steps and size – “Hang up the clothes you wore today” rather than “clean your room”.
􀂾 Introduce the task using the child’s particular learning style:
* Describe the big picture
* Start on the first step with no overview
* Give a demonstration showing the child how to do the task
* Write out the steps to accomplish the task
* Leave the child alone/Stay with the child to supervise
* Expect to have to repeat the instruction
􀂾 Communicate requests clearly and succinctly, trying not to give a lecture (say “wet towels on chair!”)
􀂾 Develop reminder systems: Charts, Plans for someone to remind the child, link the task to associations, such as do the task before you leave for soccer.
􀂾 Give appropriate rewards - Say thing like “Thanks”, “Well done”, “I’m grateful to you”, “You’re really helping this family”.
􀂾 Give lots of hugs and kisses-the best reward is affection.
􀂾 Provide supervision: Don’t hover, don’t help too much after initial instruction
􀂾 Give appropriate negative feedback along with sufficient encouragement
Say “the bed looks ok. Next time, be sure the sheet is pulled up before pulling up the spread”

Appropriate tasks for children at various age groups:
Ages Seven-Ten:
* Cook simple meals using the range and oven
* make a grocery list for family meals for one week
* simple home repairs (cleaning sink drains)
* family laundry
* clean the bathroom
* recycle cans/ bottles/newspapers
* Answer phone/take messages
* help with yard work
* write thank you notes for gifts
* clip and use coupons
* shop for clothes with help
* help to clean the car
* help to paint their own room
* prepare own school lunch
* care for their own bike

hope that helps!

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Mom my daughter, now 14, made her bed daily at that age and was responsible for putting her clothes in hamper each day. She set and cleared the table after dinner and unloaded the dishwasher when asked.Our daughter also had to do "nugget duty" in the yard cleaning up after the dog when asked. She helped sort her laundry and bring it down to wash in addition to keeping her room reasonably clean ,She also puts her own laundry away once it is taken into her room. If there were extra jobs we needed to have her help with she would earn add'l allowance based on the job(s). We don't consider homework part of household chores, it is expected and is always done after school once she has had a snack, there is no allowance tied to it. Now that she is older there are more chores that are tied to more possible allowance. If they arent done no allowance. Hope this helps.

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Please do not forget that school and homework are just that work. They load kids down with homework and after sitting in class all day trying to learn, the kids need a break too. I would say that if she will keep up with the dog, then let her room be messy untill the weekend. Then she can clean up a little bit. She needs time to be a child and play. Her major chores are school and homework.

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My son is 8.5 y/o& he: takes trash out, bnrings the dumpster back to the house, cleans the kitchen table, he takes to dog out & feeds the dog, does his homework & keeps his toys picked up. He can hand wash dishes too, but I prefer to do that. On weekends my oldest gets his breakfast & breakfast for his little brother (4.5 y/o). He is a very loving child & loves to help, but there are days that he fights his chores.

God bless!

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My kids are supposed to keep their room clean (very poor job of it) and the girls have to take care of teh cat while my son has garbage duty. I got fed up with coming home from work every day to a mess and hearing "I didn't do it". Well, I know I didn;t so why should I have to clean it. Anyway, I divied up the rooms: kitchen for one girl, frontroom for the other and bathroom for my son. They have to make sure nothing is left on the floor, clean up around, wipe counters, sink etc. Sweep, swiffer (they make the floor look awful) I still end up coming home to mess and lots of stuff to do myself. Nowethat school has started they will have detailed instrctions for everyday duty. My daughters also have to do some dishes and my son sweeps the back stairs. Your doaughter can go through the rooms and make sure stuff is picked up and no garbage was dropped or left out without giving her too much.

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First, correct the disrespect she displayed by speaking to you that way. Secondly, have a chore list on the refrigerator and have her check off the box next to each chore as they are accomplished. Her "reward" can be a special daily snack, extra hugs & kisses from mommy, watching a tv show, or (I don't pay kids for their chores, but some do) a dollar.

Chores can be:
Feed dog/let dog out and watch in the yard
Set the dinner table/clear the dinner table
putting her laundry away/folding towels
sweeping
writing the shopping list/help finding the groceries/putting groceries away**
cleaning up toys/keeping room straightened up
let her help get the dog a bath**
let her help wash the car***
**Kids generally love these chores**

Good Luck!

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Unfortunately, my kids are a little spoiled. Mainly because we are so busy with school and sports and other extracurriculars during the week, they only have time for homework, dinner, and a shower during the week. On weekends, I feel bad because we are busy so we do family stuff after a little bit of chores and whatever sports they have. My kids basically have to keep thier rooms clean and their area of the bathroom, clean up any mess they make in the house, fold their own laundry every once in a while and put away their laundry most of the time. Sometimes they fold and put away towels. I would be curious to know what other kids this age do because sometimes they have the nerve to complain about doing just this little bit!

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Maybe she needs help with time management... ie: instead of telling her what to do or listing down what to do, you need to write down the TIME she needs to do it.
ie: feed dog at 8:00am
clean your room by 11:00am before lunch
Do your homework by 4:00pm

That is more "specific." Even adults.... can have a hard time doing household chores... unless they know by what time they need to have it done by.
So... 'assist' your daughter that way.... it makes it more approachable.....

The fact that your house was a wreck after you and your younger daughter came home... well, of course, she didn't do 'her' chores. But the other things/mess... was not on "her" list. Kids... sometimes see things, literally. They don't naturally think ahead or 'anticipate' other scenarios... and to her in her mind... it is 'not' her mess.
BUT... amidst all that 'mess' as you say... DID she or did she not... actually do what was on 'her' list??? If so, then she DID do her part. Which you listed down for her.
So in that sense, she was compliant. She was.

You need to be more specific perhaps, with her. Everyone being different. What is common sense to you.... may not be to her... or to a 9 year old. They don't 'anticipate' like adults.... nor can they think ahead as much like a multi-tasking Mom. A kid, does not think like that.

Also, my Mom was the oldest in her family. She was a good responsible kid. BUT, she also had to take care of the house and her siblings. Sure this was a different generation... but to a certain extent... she really resented her parents...because, they "expected" so much of her... being that she was "responsible" and 'smart'... but personally, she felt that that was a 'curse'.... because, since she was so "responsible" and smart, her Parents then assumed she could do everything and/or anything else... with the household. She was like a mini-parent. She did not have a childhood... and 'had to' be like a "Mom" for the house when her parents were busy and working... and it was not, according to her, a pleasant childhood. She was their "Cinderella." NOT saying this is like your Daughter. But just giving an example.
Young Kids... do not foresee nor anticipate nor are able... to do everything as succinctly as we may think they can... nor multi-task as we may think they can or should....
But yes, a family is a family... and we all help... I teach my kids that too. But I observe my kids with chores... and I know, that what is common sense to me, is not to them. They cannot do it like I would... but I praise them for 'trying their best'.... always.
I have my own way of 'cleaning'... and they have theirs, per their age/ability. And, when they do do their chores... and complete it. I am glad. EVEN if it is not "perfect."

all the best,
Susan

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We have a chore chart. It is pretty involved but it works for us and it worked with the foreign exchange student and my 21 yo who came home this summer from the Navy. .

Each day of the month has three chores assigned to it. CAT, DOG, KITCHEN
Each child has a colored marker. Purple, Blue, Pink 3 kids

On the first day of the month my 15 yo gets Cat , then day two she gets dog then day three she gets kitchen. I mark the calendar with day 1C,day 2 D,day 3 K in her color, purple.
Then on the first day of the month my 12yo gets Dog, day 2 kitchen, day 3 cat and CDK is written in pink
My 9 yo gets the same only he starts with the kitchen his CDK is blue
Day four is just like day 1 for all of them. This has been in effect for almost 7 years. My kids do not fight about whose day it was or who did it last.
I look at the calendar and say Jessica, your on cat, do the cat chores. Or whatever they are on.

The chores include
CAT: feed, scoop litter, water every day
on Saturday Downstairs bathroom, laundry room(where cats' box is), upstairs hallway, stiars
DOG: Feed, water, take outside and tie out, pick up poops
On Saturday piano room, dining room, foyer
Kitchen, all kitchen duties, setting the table, washing dishes, loading/unloading dishwasher
Saturday kitch person also gets the breakfast nook area and the family room.
On Saturday they all dust, vacuum, pick up, wash windows in their respective rooms and they all know how to do the laundry.
Start slow and teach her. Be in the room with her and say "this is how we do the dusting/vacuuming/toilet."
You can hide things in the rooms she is supposed to clean too. Sometimes I go around on Friday night and put quarters under things that need to be dusted. Any money they find is for them to keep.
My son is 9 and does a pretty good job, but he's been doing this since he was in diapers. If any of them do a half a$$ed job I make them redo it.

No I am not a clean freak. Today there are dishes that will sit there until tomorrow and my husband fed the dogs. But my kids do know when I mean it and they need to get the house clean.
Take the fight out of it and let the calendar do the talking. Give the 3 yo a dist rag and let her have at it. That way she's helping.

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I agree, chores are good for kids. My daughter is turning 8 next month, and she dusts all of the wood furniture, scrubs the toilets (she puts on her Cinderella costume to do this - nobody ever said my kids don't have a sense of humor!), and waters the plants. She also helps do the laundry (puts it in the washer, adds the soap, turns on the machine, then puts it in the dryer once the washer has stopped). She loves to vacuum as well. She actually enjoys her chores. I don't know how long that will last.

My younger daughter is 5, and her chores include feeding the cat, cleaning the bathroom counters (using Clorox wipes), sorting the laundry into lights/darks, putting away her folded laundry (she does help "fold" the underwear and socks as well), and she cleans the windows and mirrors in the house using Windex. She uses the carpet sweeper to "sweep" the hard floors in our house.

Both kids help us wash the cars every week, and they brush the cat every day.

I think having chores helps them feel like they are essential to our family continuing to run smoothly - which they are!

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