9 Month Old Still co-sleeps.Need to Get Her into Her Own Crib ASAP! Advice??

I remember doing this with my daughter. She is now 10, and was about 5-6 months when we did this. There will be a lot of crying so prepare yourself for this. Make sure that she cannot get out of her crib (nothing to stand on if she pulls up on the bars, bumpers out, etc.)

Trust me, it will be harder for you than it will be for her. Use your husband for support. She will be sleeping on her own soon. Don't cave in and take her out, it will only make it worse tomorrow.

good luck

put your baby in the crib and let them cry it out- that is the only way to break them from sleeping in your bed and no matter what you have to let her cry it out she will learn that she has to sleep there and that is the only place to sleep!!!!

Be strong, it is not easy but very well worth it. I did the Ferber method and it worked. You have to be consistent and mentally gear up for the night. Don't let you being tired distract you, keep your eye on the big picture. Easier said than done. Also if you think that the crying will be hard start with small intervals like three to five minutes before the first check and go up from there. Good Luck!

You will be soooooooooo happy you did it. They learn VERY quick and the baby will be sleeping through the night in less than a week. The feedings at night need to stop though too...... I'm sure it will be hard for you both.... but worth it in the long run. It is pure habit that the baby is feeding at night.... Just try it!!! For all of you!! I would be skeptical too if I didn't know first hand that it works! I have 3 kids (the youngest is 11 months) and nighttime is peaceful for all!!!!!!!!!!!!

My younger son did not sleep all night until he was 13 months old and my older son did not sleep all night until 10 months old. I have an idea what you're going through. Eventually, children sleep through the night, but 'losing' your husband, may be incentive to coax the process a little....smile. With my older son, we let him cry and after about a week, he was sleeping soundly. It was tough. You put them down, double check that everything is okay, and then return to bed. Of course, he cried. Get up and check, don't play with him or smile. Convey that it is bed time and be matter of fact. The first day or so I picked him up and held him only long enough to be sure he was okay and to calm him a little. Put him back into bed, making sure the crib and the room were okay. Repeat the process, lengthening the intervals. Then, gradually, I didn't pick him up, just patted his back and stayed with him a brief while. It does work, but, yes, it's tough. The crying can be very intense. We never did that with the younger one and I was up in the middle of the night, nursing several times for over a year. The next morning I would go to work like a zombie. But, he was in his own crib. I suggest you put the baby in her own crib, even if you choose to continue to nurse multiple times for a while longer. It will help her gain independence and improve your marriage.

S.,

I don't know if this will work at all for you. I would never let my hubby sleep in another room or bed just because there is not enough room because our child is sleeping in "mommy and daddy's room". I have a king size bed and yes my child understand that if they are sick or not feeling well they are allowed to come to bed with mommy and daddy but it is not an every night thing. With all my children I have nursed them. I have found that it is very easy to fall into the nursing in bed. (more sleep for mom) but that is a bad habit to start. I ended up always nursing in a rocking chair. To this day I rock my 14 month old daughter to sleep. I do not nurse her but this is a bonding time. once she is almost totally asleep I take her and lay her in her own crib in her own room. For her room not to be so dark in the middle of the night we have a night light in her room and her sisters room. She wakes every once in a while and she looks around and finds her blanket and snuggles to it and goes back to sleep.

My 8 and 5 year old were the same way. People always told me that they would want to be rocked to sleep when they got older. No they don't. So please don't worry about having to do this for years and years ahead. enjoy the time that you have when they are small, it flies by so fast.

Once you start the rocking the baby to sleep and placing the baby in the crib. you and your hubby can have your own bed back. Your hubby would prob. love that idea.

good luck!!

I did the Ferber method when she was about that age, and it works. It is more hard for the parent than the child. We have to still do it once in a while to 'reset' her sleep cycle after coming back from out of town.

Babies learn very, very fast. They are smarter than you think. They know that crying causes mama's attention. If you give in, they learn really fast that crying will bring mama back.

Contrary to what others say, Ferber method is NOT traumatic and it WONT make your child grow up to be a serial killer or some other crazed chick. Do you personally remember crying when you were 9 months old? Are you a serial psycho now? No, and she won't be either, because she won't remember the crying later on. Even the next morning, she'll greet you with a happy smile, as if the previous night's events never happened.

Yes, be prepared for crying. It can last hours, but DO NOT give in. The first night is the WORST. I busied myself with checking email, or doing housework.

After that, it gets better. By 4 days, she will be trained. For some, it can take up to a week. Depends on the baby's temperment. If she is a very strong-willed, stubborn girl, it may take longer. Especially in your case where she is waking up 2-4x a night to nurse (which is out of habit, not hunger).

But in the end, IT DOES WORK. The reason it doesn't work is because the parent wimps out (can't handle the crying), or is not consistent with the method. Be staunch and stoic with this method! Do not give in! Or the whole sleep training goes down the toilet, because you have just proved to your daughter that crying will bring you back.

Personally, I have found that going back in longer intervals (i.e. The Modified Ferber Method) does not work. It seemed to make her crying worse, because she wondered why mama kept coming and going. So I simply said "night-night" and shut her door.

AND, vomiting is very common after crying. The baby's gag reflex is extremely sensitive compared to an adult's. So with excessive, or prolonged crying (or coughing), the gag reflex will cause them to vomit. It is harmless and again, will not traumatize the baby nor you.

So good luck...it's hard but it REALLY, REALLY PAYS OFF. Everyone will sleep peacefully, and she will learn very healthy sleep habits. Esp to put herself back to sleep. Believe me, you want to train her now, not when she is 3 years old. It gets HARDER and HARDER to train them as they grow older.

My toddler is now 2 years old, and she says "night-night" as I put her in the crib at night, and sleeps 12-14 hrs peacefully. This will go the same for you, if you are consistent and resolved with this method. Good luck.

You need to use whatever method you feel works best for your family (and I mean everyone, husband included). If you are not all comfortable with the Ferber method, do not use it. We did use it on our daughter when she was 5 months and, while it was a little tough, she responded quickly and is an awesome sleeper now at 21 months. We never have an issue with her and she loves to go to bed. I have no regrets using the system (which was recommended by our pediatrician). Making your child a good sleeper is setting a the right foundation for life. Good luck.

Ferberizing can be traumatic for everyone, doesn't always work, and even Dr. Ferber doesn't advocate it anymore. You might try a book called No-cry Sleep Solutions for some ideas...

Personally, my solution was a bed in my baby's room (rather than a crib). We used a mattress on the floor and made sure the whole room was baby safe (gate on the door, etc). I would nurse her to sleep in her own room, and then go back in and nurse her again when she cried. The all-night nursing didn't last forever; she tapered off on her own, and then was sleeping in her own room because that's where I had nursed her to sleep. It does take a while and I did sleep in there with her a lot. But it meant we didn't have to Ferberize, and, truly, she does sleep through the night night fairly regularly.

Another thing we tried was letting her big sister (nearly six years older) sleep with her after our baby reached age 18 months, and that helped enormously as well--I think just having her in the same room would actually have been enough. Now our kids are 10 and 4 and still share a room very happily--they both prefer it that way.

Good luck!

B.

First, if your 9-month old is still nursing 2 - 4 times/nite, are you sure she needs to be in her own crib? Maybe your husband needs to be a bit more sympathetic...

Second, try a car carrier bed snuggled right up to your bed, then you can roll over, put her on your breast and put her back when she falls asleep.

I think since we're only little once, why make her suffer by crying herself to sleep without you all? Enjoy the bond while you're making it; she'll be grown up quick enough!

A firm bond creates a strong individual.

Good luck, Jennifer

A little about me:

Working mom who's also a pediatric occupatinal therapist.

please let me know what happens becuase I am in the same situation. good luck
M.

I'm a huge fan of the ferber method because it works. It wasn't as hard as I thought and my boys practically ASK for sleep now.
You know it's not good on your relationship with your husband since he's moved out of the bed, so it's something you should really get started!

My twins are now 6 going on 7--at that age we tried the AMA's suggestion. not quite as harsh as Ferber-izing...
you go in and check on her every 15 minutes until she finally drifts off. don't let her come to you in your room--you go to her. don't pick her up, but you can rub her back etc--while keeping her in her crib.
we had it rough for about 2 weeks, but after that it was pretty much clear sailing.
good luck

You have to go with your own instinct. It's not easy... and there is no right or wrong way. You and your husband will have to agree on how to do this, (but I think that Mom's instinct is usually best!).
I read the book The No Cry Sleep Solution and had my first baby out of my bed at 8 months and sleeping all night after about 2 weeks of using this book's method. With the second baby, I just used this method from the start and she always slept well and never cried alone in bed. I responded to every cry so he knew he wasn't alone in a dark room (pretty scary when you're little) and this author guided me through it step by step. If you don't want your baby to cry herself to sleep then read this and devote 1-4 weeks to her theory consistently. It has a high success rate from friends and I have two great sleeping kids (27 months and 6 months).
Sounds pretty miserable for you to cry yourself to sleep, doesn't it? So why your sweet baby?
Let me know what happens!
I would suggest discussing all of these responses with your husband so you can decide together how to handle this situation. He has not been researching the topic of "baby sleep habits" and therefore needs help making an informed decision. It's best if you both agree on a solution.

Bring her crib into the bedroom. Both of you sleep with her blankets so they smell like you. Place them in her crib. Nurse her to sleep and put her in the crib with one side down against your bed. This way you both can transition to the change. More space for mom and dad and no walking to the other room to check on her. It worked great for us. We all actually enjoyed the effort and change.

I'm always surprised to see people write "It's harder on you than it is on the baby". How could anyone POSSIBLY know that?!?! I would think that if a baby is used to having mommy right there any time she is needed, then one night you throw her in a cold crib by herself and don't come when she's screaming, that would be very hard. Isn't that like seeing your hubby every day and then one day he says "I'm not coming home" and gives you no estimate of when he'll be back and won't answer your cell phone calls no matter how urgent? That would be h*** o* anyone, so to say that "it's harder on your husband than it is on you" would be plain stupid. Your daughter wants one thing - you, and people say you should take it away cold turkey when she doesn't understand why, or even that you are still there, just not lying next to her?
I would suggest getting "The baby whisperer". It has a good section on breaking co-sleeping and won't make you feel bad for doing it in the first place (where as books like "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", while good for learning sleep cues and tackling nap issues, will tell you you are a bad parent for not putting your baby in the crib from the beginning and leaving her to cry).
Help hubby understand that it will be a gradual process that he will need to help with because every time you go to her, she will want to nurse, she won't associate him with milk and so it is his job to go to her first each time she cries. Have him take off a Friday from work and start Thursday night. Start with a good bedtime routine (we do diaper/pjs, daddy reads while I nurse him, rocking with music or while one of us sings and then lights out). Nurse her to sleep and put her in her crib. You can warm the crib with a rice pack, a heating pad, whatever so she's not hitting cold sheets all of a sudden. When she cries, your husband needs to go in and try to calm her, not for 2 minutes, but for as long as it takes and as long as you can handle it. He can pick her up, rock her, sing to her, leave her lying there and pat her belly or back...as long as he's there she can cry because she knows he's there, she's not being left to cry with no one checking on her. You will be teaching her that it's ok to be upset, someone is there for her.
A few of my friends have done it this way and after a few nights, their babies were down to nursing once if at all and sleeping on their own.
Good Luck!

I responded to a similar request a few days ago. I think that we, as parents, find it harder to move our babies to their own beds than our babies do. I have tried the Ferber method and it DID NOT work for us. Granted, we only tried it one night, but that was enough. My dd was screaming so hysterically that she wound up throwing up in her bed. I think babies cry for a reason, not just to cry. In my personal opinion, when the babies cry in their own bed, it's because they are scared. I know if I was little thing used to the warm comfort of mommy and daddy, my big crib and room all by myself would be pretty scary. I think I would try to wean her from the night feeding before putting her in her crib. Also, does she sleep in her crib for naps? If not, I'd start with that. Let her familiarize herself with her surroundings during the day. I really hope the transition goes smoothy for you.

Some of these responses just break my heart. :(

When we wanted to transition our kiddos from our bed to their own bed, we used a gradual process.

I suggest putting the baby's crib in your room either next to the bed or at the foot of the bed. Start her off in the crib when she falls asleep. When she wakes up, nurse her to sleep and put her back in the crib. She will get used to being in the new surrounding (crib) at night instead of your bed, but will still have the comfort of having you close at hand. Once we did this, the nighttime feedings decreased on their own and we would eventually move the crib/bed to their own room.

No tears for mommy or baby and the same "end" is achieved.

We work so hard to teach our children patience because it is impossible to get what you want when you want it. Unfortunately, we adults still aren't very patient. Yes, it would be nice to snap your fingers and have your daughter in a crib in another room. Life really doesn't work like that, though, does it? Life is full of processes and transitions. You might want to re-evaluate your expectations and set a goal to have her in her own room in a couple of months. It will be less stressful for you both that way.
PS. Sorry about the lecture. :) I sometimes even write myself little reminders b/c I do want things my way right away!

I do not agree with the Ferber method. I have a 22 month old who slept with my husband and I from about 3 months to about oh maybe 11 or 12 months.
To get him to switch, I would wake up when he was in a deep sleep and slip him into his crib. Or hold him till he went to sleep then lay him in there. There were times that it did not work, but it didn't take long.
There was no way I could let him cry it out, at least not until I knew he was already used to sleeping in his room alone. I feel like if he's crying like that then he's scared, so I gradually tried to show him that everything is Ok. I would also tell him, 'Bubby is sleeping in his bed, Mommy is sleeping in her bed, and Nicky has to sleep in his bed'. He'd tell me no for awhile.
He's still sleeping in his bed. Occasionally he'll wake up and my hubby brings him to our bed, but once he's asleep I carry him back to his own bed, then if he wakes up and cries it is only for about 2 mins or less.

I'm surprised you would want to go from one extreme to the other in one fell swoop. This seems like a recipe for disaster to me and also confusing for the child. Also your husband and you are not really on them same page (or so it seems) and that doesn't bode well. So often the Mom instinct says one thing, and Dad wants something else. But babyhood is short and instinct happens to be there for a reason. Making sacrifices for your child is not crazy or inappropriate. Also, if you look at these posts you will see that not all children react the same!!!! They are individuals just like you and I!!!! If there was one foolproof method don't you think everybody would be using it? Therefore, I repeat that your instinct about what is right for your own child is your best bet. Good luck.

there is a middle ground between attachement and ferberizing. You might want to do this in steps. Try moving her first to her own room. Yes there will be some crying. But often it doesn't last so long. Then when she wakes, wait a while before going in. If she doesn't quiet down after 10-15 mins, then nurse her to sleep and put her down again. You could have your husband go in first to see if he can get her to sleep without nursing. Then by degrees decrease the number of times of nursing until it is phased out. You are right, she is only nursing because you are nearby. A little crying at her age won't hurt her. But you don't have to let her cry for an hour. After a few days she will be fine.

Oh, it breaks my heart when people do the Ferber method. I understand that it gets the child to learn how to self soothe but, I also believe it teaches your child to think Mommy and Daddy won't always be there for "me" when I'm scared. I get that your husband is fed up though. SO, if you must try the method, try placing the nightie you wore last night or even a t-shirt in the bed with your daughter. I know we're not supposed to put anything in the cribs these days for safety but, let's face it she's already used to blankies and such if she's been in your bed. The scent from your nightie or shirt may comfort her. Just a thought. Good luck.

Please do not do Ferber if you don't feel comfortable with it. You are going to be miserable and crying right along with her. No matter what other people say, you have to do what feels right for you and your baby. Your husband is not really going to understand the extent of the anxiety this is going to cause you. A much easier way to night wean is to follow the steps outlined in "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley. This involves night weaning. You have to be somewhat awake and aware when she wakes to nurse. Then you only let her nurse for a very very short time. When she fusses for more, again let her nurse, but even shorter time this time. It took us less than a week to night wean this way, my son was about 12 months. What I did with him from 3 months on was that I would nurse him down and put him to bed in the crib. Then when he woke he would cosleep from then on. Once we did the night weaning he just stopped waking altogether.

Good luck!

S.,

I totally understand your situation! My now 12 year old son slept in the family bed until he was 3. I resisted vigorously. In retrospect, I would have made it a non-issue. (As I would a lot of things!) Read "The Magical Child" by Chilton Pearce. It gives new meaning to being human and our need for contact with our "tribe". Have you given any thought about getting a bigger bed?

Cynthia

I tried the Ferber method with my son when he was around 9-10 months, and it did not work at all. Not only did the crying last for hours, but my son worked himself up so much he threw-up. Then he went from crying for hours to throwing-up in twenty minutes because he realized it was the quickest way to get mommy in his room. Shortly after trying this method he learned to hate his crib, and we had to move him to a toddler bed by 13 months. He's now 15 months, and I still snuggle him on the couch(not in bed) till he falls asleep. Then I place him in his bed. I just stopped letting him fall asleep in my bed, and unless he is sick I won't even bring him in our room. He sleeps through the night for the most part, but if he does wake up, I still go in there and lay down next to him till he falls back to sleep. It's a hassle, but I figure it's the price I have to pay for wanting him to sleep with me for so long. All of the books tell you to start the sleep training at around 4 months of age, so I figure I just waited too long. However now my son's schedule is really nice, because he'll play in his room by himself when he wakes up till at least 9am, so I get to sleep in. I've noticed that he will even wake up in the middle of the night and play for a while, but then has started to put himself back to sleep on his own.

Dear S.,
Our children(6) all were put to bed in their own beds and then were brought to our bed usualy in the middle of the night to nurse, and stayed there 'til morning.(I needed my rest). Get a king size bed so your husband can return.
At your child's age I would cut the nighttime feedings to 1 (maybe 2) times. Also never talk frivolously to your baby when it is dark and she should be sleeping and keep your eyes closed as much as possible ( I got to be real good at peeking out through just thin slits of my eyelids). She is old enough to understand "No, it is time to sleep". Repeat as needed.

Instead of trying that method, you should get the book "The No cry sleep solution" Try that instead. I have co-selpt with all my children, and my youngest was just like your daughter is at 9 months. About a week before his 1st birthday he fell asleep on his own, so I muved him into his toddler bed, and we have never looked back. He actually is my best sleeper now!! Hang in there, it WILL happen!