9 Month Old Baby Doesn't Know How to Fall Asleep on Her Own/trouble Taking Naps

There is so much I could say here. I'm sure others will give you other conflicting advice, we all have our own opinions. I believe that it is cruel to let a baby cry when she is trying to communicate something to you, this "self soothing" that some teach causes emotional problems, and it is perfectly normal to let her nurse to sleep, she needs that comfort from her mommy!. I would not only rely on one belief system or book with this issue. Check out http://askdrsears.com http://mothering.com and read the Continuum Concept and Mothering and Fathering for some other ideas. Good Luck!

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edited! Congratulations!! I knew it would happen. Great job!! :)

I trained my son to fall asleep on his own at 10 months. took two weeks to master. Then he was asking to go to bed on his own at one year or so and would sleep 12 hours so it can be done. I would definitely stop the middle of the night feedings. She no longer needs it. You can do a morning feed around 5am and then put her back to sleep (morning nap --- continuation of nighttime sleep). This morning feed for my son would become later and later and then eventually he would sleep in until 9am. His bedtime has and still is 9pm to 9am or 8am. But it is critical to skip the the middle of the night feedings because they become a habit and your baby won't eat enough during the day. Then he would take a nap after lunch time for two hours sometimes three hours. He now takes a nap at 1:30 to 4:00 every day. I would start traing her to for a nap now. She should probably go to bed after her lunch. Good luck, if you have any specific questions please let me know. And yes, I do think it is okay to let her cry for 15 minutes so long as she isn't screaming her head off. She knows you are there and you can still comfort her. Rub her back, sing to her etc. But she needs to start learning that it is naptime. She'll get it. Does she has special stuffed animals in her bed?

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My experience has been that a fairly strict nap and bedtime schedule is vital for getting my kids to go to sleep easily. I would pick a naptime -- 11:00, or whatever seems to be your daughter's naturally sleepy time -- and then ask the nanny to make sure she goes to bed then. It's just a question of planning the morning schedule with naptime in mind.

I used cry-it-out methods with both my kids and found that the first few nights and naps were terrible but that after that they suddenly started sleeping on their own. I would definitely reccommend going in to reassure your daughter that you haven't abandoned her every 10 minutes or so (but just for a few seconds, not to extensively hold or rock her).

Although I also nursed my kids to sleep for a while, I've heard that it's important not to let them fall asleep while nursing or at least to wake them up and put them down awake when they do. I can't say I actually followed the advice very well, but it makes sense to me -- the idea is that if they were nursing (or listening to music, or rocking, etc.) when they fell asleep, then they are disoriented when they wake up and are no longer in the same situation.

Good luck!

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S.,

I personally am not one for the total cry it out method but not for the no cry method either. I used a book called "Sleeping through the night" by Jodi A. Mendell, PH.D. She says to go in and check on the baby after you have put them to sleep if you feel they need you or if you need to check on them. You can go in as much or as little as you feel necessary. You stay less then 1 minute, don't pick them up and stay neutal. Make sure they are ok, say that and say good night and leave. There is a lot more that she says about different situations but this is the main jist of the go to sleep on your own. There is also a good section on -now the baby is sleeping how do I sleep through the night.
I have read a lot of sleep books and I have to say this one seems the most realistic to me. I read the no cry method and the ferberize type method and both didn't work for us. I like this one because it is realistic with you. You can go in and see if that helps them know that you are close or if it upsets them more. And then you judge from there how to continue. I would say if the method you are using is stressing you out so much you need to try something else.

Good luck,
L. M

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I've been through this with both my kids (now 12 months & 34 months) & know the struggle too well. From my experience, its best to tackle falling asleep at night first then tackle the naps (she may figure out the naps on her own). We used the Ferber method & it took 3-4 nights of letting the kids cry it out before they fell asleep on their own (those nights were hell but it worked). You need to put her down while she's still awake. If she falls asleep with the bottle before bed/nap, wake her up before you put her in her crib. When you put her down already asleep she wakes up startled because that's not where she fell asleep. We then tackled the night-time feedings. At 9 months babies do not nutritionally need feedings during the night. We followed the same routine with getting them to go back to sleep on their own. Naps were the last on our list. Try to get your little one on a set schedule for naps & bedtime, routines are key to success!

Best of luck to you, a few nights of hell are worth your baby getting good sleep habits!

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Have you tried to adjust her schedule a bit. As babies get older they naturally change their sleeping patterns some. Maybe putting her to bed a bit later will help her to have a better nap during the day. Also, she may be too hot, or too cold, have a tooth that coming in and in pain, have to burp, or just need to know that the person who she loves the most in the whole world is close to her.
Did you know that there are lots of other methods of teaching a child a sleep better that are much more gentle.
You describe her 45 minutes of crying as "terrible". Sometimes rigid methods of sleep training do not take into account the individual needs of your baby or even take into account normal infant development. How do you feel while she is crying hysterically for you?
She is just a baby and it is ok to ease her gently into new sleeping routines and to be flexible enough to go with the flow. The fact is that some nights are just going to be hard and mothering is 24 hours a day and is sometimes tiring.
I hope that you consider some other options and that you listen to your baby and follow your gut.
Good luck.

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So sad to hear. Try letting her fall asleep in a sling. This is how my 11 month old naps every day. She loves it and naps well.
kangaroo korner or over the shoulder baby holder can be bought online.

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Hi S.,
I was lucky with my son as he slept really well from six weeks on... then hell started for us at 2 years old. Anyway when he was four we had the problem of him sleeping in our room. We got the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. It worked wonders. Obviously ideas for toddlers and preschoolers wouldn't work well for a 9 mth old but she has another book which was introduced before the other one and was apparently very successful. That one was called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." Her website is http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
good luck!

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Please, please, skip the bottle as a sleep aid. Milk and juice add sugar to the mouth, and even water keeps the baby drinking beyond thirst. Please talk to your dentist about what he/she has seen from this habit. It's heart-breaking to see youngsters with cavities.
Best of luck.
P.S. For the future, avoid juice boxes and sippy cups whenever you can. Lots of cavities are being found behind the front teeth of preschoolers.

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Hi ! I wanted to answer your request because I too, have had problems with my twins in the past to put them to sleep. Who's fault was it ? The parents ! Yes, we are guilty because when they were little babies, we used to hold them and rock them to sleep, as they got older and heavier, now 15 mths. It got harder. We tried the cry it out method and sometimes it would work but not always, mainly because we couldn't stand to hear them cry for a while, so we broke down and picked them up and held them in a blanket with a pacifier . At night time, when our babies woke up we too were giving them warm milk to get them to go back to sleep, but then it was a routine at night and we were getting too tired for that. We explained to a nutritionist from WIC and she told us to give water instead of milk, they didn't like it as much and then stopped waking up in the middle of the night. They had created a memory span, go to sleep, wake up get a bottle, back to sleep. Children past a certain age should be sleeping through the night.
Nap time is still a challenge for me, I work part time, 12-5:30 pm and it is very hard because I have twins and I'm alone at nap time so what I been doing lately is if they get really cranky and tired to sleep, I take them for a drive to my mom's . She watches them for me when I go to work. so if they're getting sleepy by 10:30 or 11 am and I start at noon well, I hang out at my mom's for about 1/2 an hour sometimes more. They fall asleep in the car on the way there. I also take them for a walk in their double stroller up to 20 minutes or until I see they're getting tired.
I have given them 4 ounces of milk at nap time, just to relax and binkies, sometimes a lullabye, close their door slightly so they don't see me walk by the hallway.
The fisher-price aquarium wonders works awesome for my daughter . My son has more of a difficulty of self soothing. Other times, I wrap him up in a soft blanket and put him on my lap and watch baby einstein or sesame beginnings videos and he will go to sleep.
He will then nap for the most up to 3 hours. sometimes less. He is teething and has always been more sensitive compared to his twin sister.
I know it is hard . There could be a number of ways that you feel comfortable of putting your child to sleep. There are times I still rock my kids a little, but I place them down onto their cribs when they start to get drowsy . So that way they can remember how they fell asleep, in their crib, not in mommy's arms.
There might be alot of controversy ... many ways of putting a child to sleep, but the key is letting the child get to sleep on their own.
One thing to remember babies have no daily schedule.
We may want them to have one to be easier for us and for them to get used to a " certain " time for nap time. But, in reality sometimes it's sooner or later than the " scheduled " time we think they will be sleepy.
I do believe in a scheduled bed time routine at night time. Bath, bottle, then bed. If we had done that from the beginning, it wouldv'e made things a lot easier .
I did do that, but I included the rocking part and little did I know that they really did not need me to rock them at all . I guess it was because I adored to hold them and look at their cute little faces. Oh well, these are all part of learning . Ages and stages and we know it won't last forever, have patience, good luck to you !! Hope I helped ~ ( sorry if I wrote too much )
Happy Spring Time ! Enjoy the weather :)

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At nine months old it is perfectly safe to allow her to cry it out. My pediatrician once said to me....."In all my years I've never heard of a child being hurt or injured from just crying! It's what babies do!" I agree changing one variable at a time is best. Start with nighttime cry outs first. In a week or two when this is mastered it will transfer much easier to naptime. 45 minutes for her first time of crying it out is actually not so bad. Once our child cried it out at night we then duplicated her bedtime routine (change diaper, close shades, turn out lights, etc) for her naptime routine. The 45 minutes of crying probably feels a lot worse and longer to you b/c you're listening to it. I used to put my daughter down and then pick a chore to do that would last about 30 minutes and would put the volume on the monitor as low as possible for the duration. For a few nights in the beginning I left the house and had my husband stay b/c the crying bothered him a lot less. Just remember, when shaping a new behavior it is not uncommmon for the behavior to worsen a few nights into the sleep training. It's sort of a test by your daughter to see if you're being sincere about not coming in. Things get worse before they get better. Do not give in!! Once you make the decision to let her cry it out everyone who is her caretaker (nanny included) MUST stick to it b/c you don't want to go in and comfort her randomly. Then she'll learn to think that maybe on the fourth or fifth time someone will come in for her.
Like you said, another issue is her dependence on the bottle, stroller, or rocking to soothe to sleep. You have to remind yourself that these are "crutches" she uses to go to bed. A good bit of advice that I received when I struggled with this issue was that don't give your baby anything that you can't continue to give into toddlerhood (Baby Whisperer Book). It's like a previous advice posting from Ana....her babies got too heavy to rock! You wouldn't necessarily give a 3 or 4 year old a bottle before bed so break the behavior now-it'll be easier than trying to do it later. Same rule probably applies here too-start slow by first removing the "crutch" then once that behavior is broken shape the new one of straight to bed at nap and bedtime.
When my husband and I commited to sleep training we basically had the most strict schedule for about a month. We committed to putting her down at the same exact times during the day and at night no matter what. Once this was habit we then could relax with the schedule a bit. We didn't budge on schedule times until it was done.
All in all sleep training, when completed, will be a very liberating experience for you as the parent. It will feel like quite an accomplishment to be able to smooth sail her into bed and shut the lights. There may always be a few minutes of fuss that will seem like nothing in the end. Be sure to write out exactly how you want the nanny to do the daytime sleep regimine! Just remind yourself it's better to do it now. The longer you wait and the older they get the harder it will be to do this. I know this for a fact b/c I watched some of my friends struggle with it after waiting too long.
Good luck, stay consistent, and stay CONSISTENT!!

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Hi, just saw your post. The best book I found on this was Tracy Hogg - The Baby Whisperer book (Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems plus there's another one). Her advice is to never let e baby cry it out - that at that age they geniunely need you and have no other way to communicate. She's also a total believer in a routine and my 20 month old has been on a routine since she was about 3 months old. The routine changes all the time but it is a routine. My mother in law thinks I am crazy but it works for us. I encourage you to check out the Baby Whisperer books. I've heard good things about Dr Sears. Good sleep really does beget good sleep, so once you figure one piece out, it will fall into place. Good luck!

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S., Babies love routine. I also have a 9month old and he is my second and i am VERY strict regarding nap scheduals. At that age, the ideal time is 9am ish morning nap and 1-2ish afternoon nap. My guys sleeps 1 1/2 to 2 hours each nap as did my first. But, it was trial and error with our first and we learned alot! your Nanny MUST abide by your babies schedual and make it a daily routine. My Nanny KNOWS the deal. Also, I found that dark blinds and/or curtains and a fan for white noise helps alot! also, i nurse him down and sometimes he falls asleep at the boob and sometimes i put him down awake and let him fall asleep on his own. My Husband and I read a great book "Healthy sleep habbits, Happy child" that really explains all of this much better and gives great advice about letting your baby "cry it out" if need be. I am not a mom that can do that, But sometimes you have to at first for short periods until they get the hang of it. I have to say, once you get her on a consistance schedual, chances are very good that she will actually look forward to her naps like mine do now! good luck!

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9 month old babies don't have the capacity to fall asleep on their own. Buy Dr. Sears book about sleep... he also has books about attachment parenting in general. If you let your baby cry it out she will end up with alot of sleep issues later in life... nightmares and fear of the dark to name a couple. Good Luck!

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