22 answers

9-Year Old and Sleepover Parties

It is starting to be the fashion for my daughter's friends to have sleepover birthday parties. My daughter has attended 3 sleepover birthday parties and they've all had some kind of disaster. The first one she called me at 3:00 am because the girls were fighting over a sleeping bag and they didn't want to get the host mom because the little girl having the party was afraid her mom would ground her. Don't know why they called ME!! Second one there was some kind of another fight and my daughter and another girl ended up sleeping on the kitchen floor and I never got out of them why--if they were told to go there or if they chose to go there. Either way, they were fighting. Another one they got no sleep and my daughter was so overtired that she had a TWO HOUR hysterical fit the next day over something small.

I'm thinking that her and her friends are just not mature enough to have a sleepover party, and also my daughter can't seem to handle not having enough sleep. After all three parties she was completely difficult to the next day, and of course she would not nap or go to bed early. She just flew off the handle and cried over every little thing.

My daughter's best friend is having a sleepover party. She is begging to be allowed to sleep over, but I don't think we can handle another disaster! (That was the one where she called me at 3am the last time). The two hour hysterical fit not too long ago from a different sleepover party sealed the deal for my husband.

Are we being totally mean by not allowing her to sleep over at her BEST friend's house? The mom puts the kids in the basement and goes up 3 levels to her room and shuts the door so I think lack of supervision is part of the problem. Also, we have a family party the next day and I don't think we can have her throwing fits and being sensitive--she's really hard to deal with when she has no sleep.

Currently she's truly, truly upset and I feel like a Mean Mommy. I offered to have her do a special day with her best friend to celebrate, and we are currently planning on picking her up at 10pm at the sleepver so she can still go to the party. She will not be the only one not sleeping over, 2 other girls are also being picked up at 10.

I just feel rotten because I know how much she wants to go.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Glad to know I'm not the only "mean mommy!" LOL!

I don't remember doing sleepover parties until I was in Middle School. I think they are just really young to be up that late and to not have good supervision.

She's begging for a sleepover birthday party and I think we will have a "pj party" so the girls can wear pjs and eat popcorn and watch movies and all be picked up at 10pm. I may allow her to pick ONE friend to sleep over (she seems fine with just one friend sleeping over) and we won't tell any of her other friends so they won't feel left out.

I guess this is just the beginning of what's in store! LOL!

Featured Answers

if this is a one on one it should work out perfectly, it's when you get the groups of girls that you get the stuff you have run into. So, for the party night have her picked up at 10, but then arrange a one on one sleep over for a later date.

2 moms found this helpful

This is why we don't do sleepovers. I am picking her up at 10(last year it was 9). The kids are left totally unsupervised for at least part of the night.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

What kind of mother leaves 9 year old girls unsupervised 3 floors away?

That would be my issue.

3 moms found this helpful

Sometimes doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing. Trust your instincts on this, it sounds like you've already made the right choice. Show her you mean what you say, maybe over the summer break you can try another sleep over and if she is able to manage her behavior better and is open in talking to you about what goes on at the party (why she slept on kitchen floor) that's how you'll know she matured enough to handle this extra privilege more often.

2 moms found this helpful

Aaaargh!!!! Sleepovers suck! I made the mistake of letting my daughter have one for her 8th birthday. You're right, it was awful. At 1am, after HOURS of trying to sort out who gets which pillow, "trust me, there's no ghost in our house, I'd know if there was", just on and on and on and on, I finally closed my door and started ignoring them. I think they finally fell asleep around 3am. They all got up at 7am. Parents weren't coming until 10am to pick them up, so I had another 3 hours of just he!! and yes, she was a BEAR the next day, as I'm sure all her friends were. I will NEVER go through that again. EVER. So I'm with you. Go pick her up at 10pm. Especially since you have plans the next day and need her on her best behavior. You'll be mean mommy for a day, but she'll get over it. She can do sleepovers when she's much older. And she will understand when her own children do sleepovers.

2 moms found this helpful

if this is a one on one it should work out perfectly, it's when you get the groups of girls that you get the stuff you have run into. So, for the party night have her picked up at 10, but then arrange a one on one sleep over for a later date.

2 moms found this helpful

I know you will be the mean mommy for a day or two but you have to trust your instincts, you are the adult and you know what's best for your daughter. Maybe the next weekend have her BFF over for a one on one sleepover at YOUR house. Lack of supervision never has a good outcome no matter how. I am sure she won't be the only one picked up early.

2 moms found this helpful

My boys have been having sleepovers since they were 5 years old. Maybe younger.

I have rules at ANY sleep over.
1. no fighting.
2. lights out and asleep by midnight.
3. no food where they are sleeping - yep - mean mommy here - that includes popcorn for movies. (this rule came about because of a food fight and I didn't find all the popcorn and had an invasion of ants...)

Talk to the other mother - find out what she has planned. I don't leave my kids 3 floors down from me. We only have a two story home - but I'm in the den while their playing - so they aren't really "alone"....

If other girls are being picked up at 10AM - you are NOT being a mean mommy. This happens so don't crumble. YOU are the MOMMY!! YOU are in charge!!

1 mom found this helpful

Good Job!!!
My daughter doesn't attend sleepover parties and she's in high school. If she does decide to go, she usually asks me to pick her up by 11 or 11:30 depending on where the party is. (we live way out of town)
She does not like sleep over parties because they don't sleep. My daughter needs her sleep. She would much rather be at home in her own bed. I also did not allow sleep over parties until she was in middle school and even then, I only allowed her to go if I knew the parents very very well. After the first one, she decided that she was done with them.
You've got to do what is best for your child. Assure her that nothing good happens after 10pm. You might consider offering to bring her back for breakfast if she wants. Chances are, when you pick her up, she'll tell you that she'd rather just stay home in her jammies.


1 mom found this helpful

I would certainly not worry about her behavior the next day...you are supposed to be groggy the day after a sleepover. It is one day in a life. I would talk to her about her attitude on the day after-she can be groggy and still by nice to everyone. Tell her this will be her one chance and if she acts badly at the family party then no more so's b/c she is too immature for them still.

The real problem is the maturity of this group of girls. I bet they have problems outside of sleepovers as well. I would have a long talk with my daughter about what is going on there. They are only 9-can you imagine in 2 more years what it will be like? So glad I have boys! They are always having sleepovers and never ever once has there been a single problem.

1 mom found this helpful

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