April 19, 2008,
C.G. asks from Elkton, VA on April 15, 2008
8 Yr Old Daughter Misbehaving.
I have a 8 year old daughter that does not want to go to school. She does none of her class work and stopped doing work at home. She was a real good student since she has been in school and now with the end of the year of 2nd grade she is not doing good and back talking not doing things she is told just dont know what is going on and how to handle it.
S.B. answers from Grand Rapids on April 16, 2008
I don't have a lot to add as you've already got alot of great advice but try getting on her level. Make sure your communication is open and she feels like she can talk to you! My 8 year old is a boy, but My friend has a daughter around the same age, and I was amazed at how cruel little girls can be at such a young age. Also try making learning fun. Plan some activities to help her withe her homework..maybe rewards if she does well. Also have you had her vision tested? My son had trouble with wrting and refused to do it and we found out a few weeks later he needed glasses! I wish you the best!
H.F. answers from Washington DC on April 16, 2008
My 8 year old son is doing the same. There are several reasons, and one very important one is that you daughter might be bored in school!!! The tasks on second grade are VERY easy, and she may be ready for more challenging work.
Other reason for refusing to do the work may be the age. I have discussed with many other parents of a child this age, and they all struggle with the same things, defiance and disobedience.
More reasons may be problems with other kids, disliking the teacher, someone said something to her, that she didn't like, etc.
There is no easy solution until you go thru all the options and ask your daughter what is going on, what is she thinking about this.
What has worked this far with my son is bribery. We tried punishment, but that resulted in not wanting to go to school at all. So, we bribe him with promises of doing something he really likes to do like playing certain computer games, a trip to his favorite store, etc.
Yes, we still do punish him if needed, we are not soft parents.
A.L. answers from Danville on April 16, 2008
My daughter is 15 now, but when she was in the second grade, she did not want to go to school, if she did she was lying to go home. It took a half of the year, before I figured out why she did not want to go. 8 is when alot of kids start picking on other kids, that much I knew. Later I also knew, my child was not the only child not wanting to go to school. The teacher, believe it or not was singling my child and a few others out in class. My baby had to put up with it the rest of the year, because they said it was to late to transfer her to another class. The more I talked to the teacher, the worse it got for her in class. I promised myself that would never happened again, I would pull my child out of that school and put her in another one. Thank God, it hasn't happen again. This might not be your daughter's problem, and hope it isn't. My child still remembers that year. One good thing came out of it, The teacher ended up being fired and left town. Angie L.
D.S. answers from Allentown on April 19, 2008
I can see that you are overwhelmed by all your responsibilities.
To make things better, institute a family circle, which includes everyone. Everyone is affected by this child's behavior, not just you. You are the facilitator. You state what behaviors you are witnessing and how it makes you feel. Then go around and ask the others how they are feeling about what is going on.
After everyone has spoken,
Ask the child these questions:
2) What were you thinking of at the time?
3) What have you thought about since?
4) Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
What do you think you need to do to make things right?
After the conversation, thank the child for having the courage to share. Each person then says something good about the child. Then hug her/him.
Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
S.S. answers from Charlottesville on April 16, 2008
I am sure that you have talked with your daughter and her teachers about what could be going on in school to cause this change in her attitude about school. If you haven't done this, it is where I would start. Make sure to listen to your daughter and that she knows that she can tell you the truth without getting into trouble and that you are her "safe place" to share her secrets.
Once you find out what happened, do not expect any help from the school in fixing the problem. If you do get help, that is a real plus. My experience is that most schools blame the victim and do nothing to help students already labelled as "problems". If this is the case, please consider other educational options. We did after a similar situation, and are now finishing our 4th year of homeschooling. It has proven to be the solution for our family. My daughter has her confidence back and loves learning again. There are free national, state, and local support groups to help you get started and answer any questions that you have. BTW, I have worked while homeschooling and thanks to a national yahoo!group know a lot of others that do as well.
R.M. answers from Washington DC on April 16, 2008
I too had the first same thought as many others. She is crying out for help about something. I would definitely talk with her teacher and/or the school guidance counselor to see how you can help your daughter communicate what is bothering her.
D.H. answers from Washington DC on April 16, 2008
Clearly something has happened and is bothering your daughter. If the guidance counselor is available at school, have him/her talk with her at lunch time and ask them to provide you some feedback. Our school guidance counselor meets with kids for lunches and discussions all the time either in the classroom or in her office. She is great!
B.S. answers from Roanoke on April 16, 2008
Have you talked with her teacher, the school counselor, etc. to find out what they have said? It can be a bully is making her life miserable. Worth checking into.