8 Year Old Not Being Compliant in School

I don't know if you've been given this kind of advice...I have been looking at this subject recently as well. I have found this website:
http://www.nativeremedies.com/brightspark_for_add.shtml?i...

I haven't tried the product yet but I might. I was just trying to find alternatives to "drugs". If you aren't into ths kind of thing, I understand. Just thought I'd put it out there. Just remember, doctors are "practicing". They don't have all the answers.

That sounds so familiar, I also have an 8yr old son in the third grade. We have had a very rough beginning this year. We have had several calls from his teacher about his behavior, not listening, bothering other children, and so on. He was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD right after he finished kindergarten. His dad sees him on a regular visitation, but he does not believe in Meds or ADHD/ODD, so we try and do no Meds. Some days are VERY rough and difficult for the both of us to get through. I agree that trying to get him in a different class is a start, also ask for the teacher to keep a log of his behavior then you can look and see if it is certain kids, teachers or time of days that he has a rough time. My son’s teacher started one for us and it has helped. I know that if I yell at my son it makes things worse he shuts down and we get no where real fast.

I had to say something. I have a 7 year old who is not Adhd but Bipolar and is on Ritilin just like a adhd child. He was like this in school. ANd very defiant at home. VERY! Violent ect. During his 1st grade year i saw my son becoming worse and worse. He used to love school and now cried when he had to go. FInally after alot of research I removed him from Public School. I found he was being centered out all the time so he chose not to behave becuase they would find something else to target him with. He was being bullied by kids 4 years older than him. And no help from the school made everything worse.
I was told to check out something called ODD (oppositional defience disorder)ANd I would have swore this was him. Once I started believing him and not the school, and I stood up for him and validated his feelings things started getting better. My favorite book is How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. I have read every possible book on parenting I could get my hands on. And after reading this and I started truly listening to him and let him use his own brain to make decisions. Things did start getting better. We now homeschool so that he can learn at his own pace. And has the 1 on 1 he needed to move ahead. I do work full time, I understand time constraints. l0l. email me if you want anymore info. ANd I really am sorry you are going through this. 7 years later I think I am starting to see the light at the end of that tunnel....Most days
C.

Hi B.,

I hope you do not take this offensively, but you are here looking for advice.

A child's first authority figure in his life are his parents. Obviously, by what you said, his father is not even in the picture. So you are his Authority Figure. Being a single mother myself, I have come to realize that me being the mom, was not the Authority figure that I should have been because the "Traditional Authority Figure" was not in my sons life. So I continued to do the "Mommy" thing, and didn't realize what I was doing until............it was too late. By the time he was 8 yrs old, he was whiney, and very babyish. He wanted everything, and to get away with everything.

Now, my son is in counseling, being tested for ADHD, failing in school, and fights with his teacher. ALL BECAUSE I DIDN"T SHOW HIM WHO WAS BOSS!

So now, I have shown him who is boss, but in a loving way. He does not get his way anymore. He is grounded, and at that matter occasionally spanked. I show him that I will not tolerate his behavior.

Now, his grades went up, he is not getting into trouble at school, and his homework is done every night, and he doesn't lie or not bring his homework home.

I know this sounds terrible. but sometimes you just have to "buckle down" with your children or they will walk all over you.

Good luck.

I know from watching kids in the classroom setting, I was a room mom for years until I started doing daycare. But some children needs are different and a school seems to try and get them to all be the same and that is not so. My son has ADHD and I do not tell the teachers when there is a change in meds or if he forgot to take them. I only do this because I have found if I say anything they pick things out and that isn't fair to him. He has always been a straight A student even before he was put on meds, but he couldn't sit still and keep his hands to himself. I know you said you have tried many different meds, have they changed the dosage? My son started on concerta and is still taking it but once he hit 74mg they couldn't (well they could but didn't for comfortable) giving him a higher dosage. So he takes a concerta and a ritalin, so he has a fast acting and a slow acting and this has made a huge difference. But he did start off w 10mg of concerta I believe he is 11 now and has been taking it since he was 5 so it has been awhile since we started, each time their seemed to be an issue we took him in and he was evaluated and they changed the dosage. I did not believe in giving him meds but when I saw it helped I changed my mind. This is just my opinion so don't take it wrong, but I have seen students come into a classroom with a 504 and it has tied the teachers hands please watch what it says, the one that I have seen is that the child had a different set of rules than anyone else, if they wanted to get up out of their seat and go and sit beside another class member they were allowed. Things have changed with this child to the better and I believe the 504 is no longer in place, but they work more one on one with the child. Also watch if they want to adjust the IEP, a friend of mine went in and she was sideswiped by the teacher, principle and counselor trying to tell her that the IEP was no longer needed. Make sure you speak up about the IEP, once it is gone it is soooooo hard to get it back. Even if you leave everything on there but revise it, saying ok he goes to mrs. b for 1 hour change it by 15mins don't cut it way back. Also the same friend of mine had added to her sons IEP that if he needed time away his out for tension and such was drawing, so he was allowed to ask to go to a room and draw. But you have to watch this because it can backfire. Don't say if you cannot control yourself you will have to go to Mrs. Smith's room, this is something that they usually find to be fun becuase they do not have to do the work with the other children and the other children will start picking because they will feel he is being singled out and treated better or given more things such as awards for good behavoir, that age they still are not sure what the difference is. I have seen kids act out just so they can leave the classroom because they don't want to be there they know they can go somewhere else. I have seen teachers send them in the hall and what does that do but show them they don't have to do their work and it singles them out. There are many things I have seen teachers do and don't agree with but I also know there is only so much they can do. There was one child their parent was called and the parent came in and stood over the child and once he realized they weren't gonna play no more it stopped. Ok I am babbling and I am sorry, I just feel really strongly about how children are treated in school, I am going to be 32 this year and I still can see clearly being sent in the hall for talking to much and then when I talked to everyone in the hall I was locked in a closet, not the door just shut locked becuase the teacher didn't want to deal with it. But anyway just becareful and I know you only want the best for your son and that is all any parent ever wants. Also you said the father isn't around and doesn't want to be check into a boys and girls club, this will give him someone to look up to and be able to talk to about things even though you would want it to be you but it isn't always possible. My friends children go because their dad is deployed and they are so different this deployment then the last one.

If you truly feel he has a problem with the teacher, insist he be moved to another class. It may be that he's acting out in response to the change in your work schedule, but I'd question what's going on at school first.

B.,

Has anyone mentioned diet and maybe paying close attention to the things he eats and if it may be related to his behavior in any way?

What about the cleaners and personal care products you use on a daily basis - I have known other children who become wild and uncontrollable when around toxic chemicals. They are super sensitive. I even know one Mom who went about getting the school to change their cleaners to a safer alternative after she had experienced a tremendous behavior change in her ADD/HD child just by changing brands on these types of products in her own home.

My son was also ADHD and had a hearing deficiency. He was put on Ritalin in first grade and by watching his diet and changing to 'green' cleaners he was completely off all med. by the time he went to 3rd grade.

Below you will find s few pointers for creating a healthy home from the Healthy Child healthy World - non-profit org.

Step 1: Manage pests safely

Though we often encourage children to "go out and play," exposure to common lawn / garden care and indoor pesticides is identified by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) as potentially causing a range of health problems, including asthma, hyperactivity and behavior problems, cancer, learning disabilities, reproductive disorders, and compromised brain development.

Rather than stifling healthy activity in children, you can make healthier choices in pest control!

Step 2: Use non-toxic products- cleaners, body care, home furnishings

We bring home a wide variety of products that can contribute to making our family and home sick and filled with potentially harmful toxicants. We put them in our grocery bags and they can be found in many home and life-style stores as well. Luckily, there are a number of safe and healthy alternatives to these products, which allow you to make informed and wise choices in your marketplace to seriously reduce the amounts of chemicals you invite in your home.

Cleaners, body care items, and home furnishings are the three main categories that can have serious effects on you and your child’s health.

Step 3: Clean up indoor air

Did you know that people in America spend 90 percent of their time indoors? It might seem safer and cleaner, but indoor air pollution is linked to a host of health effects. Common indoor air pollutants -- which are exacerbated by smoke, mildew, and gas -- include formaldehyde, carbon monoxide, secondhand smoke, asbestos, lead, and volatile and semi-volatile organic compounds.

Not to worry, it’s easy to reduce the risk. Start by replacing products that contribute to the problem, then try some other simple steps.

Step 4: Shop smart – eat more organic and healthy foods

Eating organic food reduces the amount of toxic pesticides in our bodies. It’s grown without potentially harmful, long-lasting synthetic chemicals and is approved by the FDA after meeting rigorous standards.
In conventional grown food, however, synthetic or chemical means may have been used to fertilize soil, control weeds and insects, and prevent livestock disease. These non-organic foods often contain chemical and pesticide residue.

What’s the goal? It’s simple: Eat organic foods.

Step 5: Be wise with plastics

Plastic provides a good amount of affordable convenience. Only recently have we discovered that the hidden cost may be our health. Plastics, which are used in much of our food storage and cooking, have the potential to negatively affect health in certain applications.
Some petroleum-based plastics leach harmful chemical into foods and drinks, especially when plastic comes in contact with oily or fatty foods, during heating and microwaving, as a result of harsh cleaners, and when exposed to excessive moisture.

Luckily, we can all make safe choices.

the website where you can find out more is
http://healthychild.org/

There are several options to try that can be very beneficial.

A Little bit about me: I am a Shaklee Dist. and a Health and Wellness Advisor. I help people make informed choices and lifestyle changes to improve their individual health and/or the health of the environment. AND...Yes I recommend safe, non-toxic 'green' cleaners to everyone, even those who don't have children with ADHD. My website is www.shaklee.net/ser
If I can help in any other way - please lt me know.
S.

Hi B.,

IS the ADHD still a problem for your son? if so let me know. My son just turned 9 and was just diagnosed. We were advised to make sure he got good exercise every day and we also give him an all natural supplement that he loves... seems to help him sleep better . . . you can review the website and let me know how I can help http://www.vickyb.sababuilder.com/

Have a great day!
V. B.

____@____.com

I didn't read all the responses yet. But have you thought about homeschooling? It might be the way to go. You can give you son the one on one attention he needs. You could work your schedule at the hospital around your home school schedule. I know that there are a lot of resources out there. Good Luck!

Hi B., My sister is having the same problem with both of her boys. One of the things that has helped her oldest is Adderal and getting him on a regular exercise program. His is ADD and it is VERY bad. I was told by a child specialist when I went through that rotation that a putting a child on a regular routine that INCLUDES a physical sport or exercise routine is crucial. By the way, where are you going to school? I am a 3rd semester nursing student at Butler.

T.

Your situation sounds like mine. My daughter's contributor has never seen her. Was a paratrooper in the Army and as soon as I got pregnant he requested the first oversea assignment and never came back. Anyway, I have gone through this with my daughter. The first thing I would do, if you haven't already done so, is to visit your md about the medication. It may be time to make a dose adjustment or try a different med or combination of meds. When I went through this with my kid, that's where I started. The second was I called a meeting with my daughter's teachers and principle to find out the cause of the problem. (Do you have him in a inter-related program at school? If not, I would suggest trying it.) You and the teacher need to come up with a game plan that promotes positive behavior and the best thing for that, that I have foung, is positive reinforcement from the teachers and the parent, but when there is negative behavior the child must be disciplined consistently in a way that the child responds to most effectively, both at home and at school. If you are not happy with the response from the school, call the school board for your district and ask for the # to the parent liason-they will help you resolve any issue you may have. I have had to go that route and it was definantly a smart move on my part. There is so much more I could say, but this is lengthy. Hope this helped. Good luck

Have you looked into getting an IEP for him. It sounds as though he needs an individual program with guidelines/support within the school (and some flexibility) for him to succeed at school.
Also, look online for a support system for you and he to get through this rough patch. Get more information! No child should be put in a box and defined as "non-compliant" for having perhaps a real organic/chemical imbalance....maybe you can consult a homeopath for alternative therapies. There is some evidence that dietary changes are helpful. Allergies can be involved.
P.S. His behavior may be "rotten", but I winced at your description of your son being rotten....

I work at an elementary school, and we have several kids who sound similar to your son. One thing our principal has implemented this year, which has done wonders for our "challenging" kids, is to ask for volunteers to "adopt" them and be their buddy. The buddies are adults (teachers or other staff at our school) who take a special interest in kids who have had repeated behavior problems and just spend a little bit of time with them each week, hanging out, talking, playing games, anything BUT school work or discipline. Also, the buddies do not discipline the kids, although they can refer them to another adult who can. Last year, there was hardly a day that went by that we didn't have at least 5 kids in the office because they were out of control, but that has been very rare this year. Have you thought about a program like Big Brothers & Sisters? I think they're similar to the buddy program our principal started. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!!!

Oppositional Defiance Disorder???
That is what the nuerologist declared my 7 year old son to have when he started showing signs similar to your sons behavior issues.
My husband and I did decide to use medications in conjunction with counseling. Our son is supposedly bipolar, but we aren't sure we believe that.
I will advise you to visit your local library and check out "The Love and Logic" parenting series of books, CD's, and videos. I think the authors name is Tim Faye. He is brilliant and really teaches you how to turn your child's issues into his problems, not your problems that he causes. I found that when my son came to realize the cause and effect of his own actions, he became much more compliant and compromising. There are also many other books on ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder or basically a defiant child. I found some of the stories enlightening and gave me some good ideas.
As for the teacher, I would say it depends on what kind of vibe you get from her. I mean, mothers know best and deep down moms can decipher if the teacher is pinpointing a student or if there is a case of clashing personalities, or maybe she is blatantly targeting your son. I would say, go with your gut. There are many options to medicine too by the way....maybe a change in diet or activities. Staying away from red meat and simple carbohydrates is supposed to help, but honestly I couldn't tell a difference.

B., I really empathize with you. We are going through this right now with our ten year old, and I went through it years ago with my (now 21 year old) daughter. It is so hard to deal with your child's behavior at school - you aren't even there and it's pretty difficult to make a difference in the classroom from afar!

I don't know if you've tried this, but I suggest you tell the teacher you want to spend an entire day in her classroom, watching your son, so you can understand what you're dealing with for yourself and be better able to help her. Spending an entire day will ensure that at least at some point your son forgets that he's being watched, and that the teacher forgets she's being watched too! A good teacher should welcome this, since it is very difficult to teach the entire class when one child is disruptive.

I also have a friend, Lori Willens, who works with kids who are having learning issues of one sort or another. Her email is ____@____.com could tell her that S. P. referred you.

Finally, I will tell you that with my daughter, I ultimately decided the school was wrong for her, and put her in a different school. She did not do well in a regular learning environment (also ADD) and needed a smaller school with smaller classes, where the teachers were used to dealing with "unusual" children. I found a charter school that suited her better. It wasn't perfect, but at least she finally liked her school environment and did not fight going - a major improvement! I just moved here from Arizona, and don't know what the situation with private or charter schools is in Kansas/Missouri, but in Arizona, charter schools did not cost extra money.

You might also call the state's department of education and tell them you need to know what sort of help is available for a child diagnosed ADHD who seems to be failing in the classroom, when the teacher doesn't seem to be adept at integrating him. They may offer you some sort of additional assistance or testing. They may offer different kinds of classrooms or someone to help his teacher. I don't know. My brother lives on the Missouri side and has a child with sigificant mental disabilities and they have offered him quite a bit of help.

I am so sorry to hear all of this... you must feel so frustrated.
I have heard some great things about fish oil being great for congnitive function. (the DHA)??
You could try the fish oil (Carson's taste like lemon oil) on a salad, or make him a smoothie and put some in there...
GOOD LUCK!

Hi B.! I too can relate a little to your situation. I have a five year old girl that was diagnosed ADHD. We tried meds for a while and decided to take her off of them b/c they weren't as beneficial as they should've been (in my opinion). I've worked with kids in the mental health field so I know there's no quick fix (God, I wish there was!). We tried the Native Remodies also. No luck. We recently began taking her to the chiropractor and giving her fish oil. She still goes through cycles (like every kid) and is actually in one right now which I can't wait to end! But the combo of the fish oil and chiropractic treatment really seems to help. Outside ("green time")or physical activity is such a must, at least for mine. The more running she can do the better! Also, a dr. told me about cutting dairy out of their diets as well as refined sugars. I think the main thing is to keep them healthy and work on things from there. A great resource in this area is Shana Schmidt at Family Connections. She teaches great techniques from Dr. Becky Baily. She has classes that she offers as well. They are great and very helpful! I've went through it once and may go again! Best of Luck to you!

Hm... well personally, I think 4 is WAY too young to diagnose a kid with ADHD. They tried to tell me my son had it when he was 3 or 4 and my doctor told me they were nuts. I guess my question is, are you sure he has ADHD? It's possible the medications are hurting more than helping. Have you tried anything herbal or homeopathic? I ask because I used B'Calmed on my son for a year or so and it really seemed to help. I wish I had an answer for you because I know you are suffering - nothing hurts worse than watching your child suffer and being able to do nothing about it. Have you considered signing him up for Big Brothers? Maybe he just needs a positive male influence? Now about the teacher - how did he do in 2nd grade? I went round and round with my son's 4th grade teacher, we just didn't agree, but he made it through. And... if he is unable to get his work done in class, he should be allowed to take it home, that's just silly! Each kid works at a different pace.

Sadly, the whole ADHD thing will always be a big problem. My 16 year old had so many troubles in school. We just barely made it through. Sometimes I had to get very angry and fight back when some teacher was being too h*** o* my daughter.

We were lucky that she was a good student achademically. She simply couldn't be still or be quiet. She would get lower grades because they would take points off because of her behavior.

Is your son having real achademic problems? Or is it mostly behavioral? You may need to try and get your son into another school or with another teacher.

I forgot when I was writing this that I make it sound like she's through school. She's in the 10th grade now and she's doing great. Last year she almost made it through the year without any trouble. What trouble she did get into was over kissing a boy, so she had NO trouble because of being hyper, mouthy, or running around. This year it's been good so far on all fronts.

Suzi