11 answers

8 Year Old

I have a few problems....My 8 year old son doesn't mind very well. We have to tell him to do stuff over and over again because he "forgets". When told to clean his room he freaks out (sometimes) and says it is my room and if I want it to be messy then I want it to be messy. He has no chores around the house (would like suggestions on what chores he should be doing). We have tried spanking, taking things away, time out, etc.... nothing works! Another problem we have is he continues to come in our room and want to sleep in the middle of the night. We made him a pallet on the floor beside the bed and he sleeps there. We have tried to put him back into his bed and he fusses and wakes up his 2 year old sister. He says that he is scared and cannot go back to sleep. This has been happening for as long as I can remember..... HELP!

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He says that he is scared and cannot go back to sleep. This has been happening for as long as I can remember..... HELP!

My 9 year old nephew did the same thing for years. Finally, after going to a therapist for other issues, he said there was a monster in his closet. When his mother got him home, they went to his room to find this monster. It was so funny. It was her wedding dress that was hanging in its storage bag. Once they got the "moster" out of the closet, he swore he would sleep in his room. It still didn't work. Finally, he wanted a guinea pig. The only way he could have the guinea pig was sleep in his room.
That did the trick. Mr. Harryman "protected" him.
So, you are able to determine why he is scared and help him confront it, he may stay in his room. Or you could use some type of reward system.
As far as the cleaning issues, I can't offer any suggestions. I haven't gotten that far yet. My DD is only 23 months. Every room is a wreck that she has access to.

More Answers

Hi Rene',

I agree with the other people who have responded, but I wanted to address when your son says, "says it is my room and if I want it to be messy then I want it to be messy."

When I was young, my parents told my siblings and I that at our house, we live by the other golden rule, "He who has the gold, rules!" They told us that it was not our room, it was their room and thier house and they let us sleep in it as long as we treated it with respect. They said that if we wanted to do everything our way, we needed to get a job, buy our own house and really have our own room.

Good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi Rene',

I have an 8 year old stepson and we have some issues with him as well. As far as taking things away - have you tried the Dr. Phil approach and taken EVERYTHING away? My stepson kept getting in trouble over and over again and we would take away TV or take away sweets, or take away playing w/friends finally when it wasn't working we took away everything - took everything out or his room but his bed and clothes and he had to earn things back gradually by behaving, keeping his room clean, etc. Some chores could be emptying the small trash cans, scrubbing the toliet, emptying the dishwasher, and hanging/putting up his clothes.

I don't know what to tell you about sleeping issue.
Good luck to you!

J.
He

He says that he is scared and cannot go back to sleep. This has been happening for as long as I can remember..... HELP!

My 9 year old nephew did the same thing for years. Finally, after going to a therapist for other issues, he said there was a monster in his closet. When his mother got him home, they went to his room to find this monster. It was so funny. It was her wedding dress that was hanging in its storage bag. Once they got the "moster" out of the closet, he swore he would sleep in his room. It still didn't work. Finally, he wanted a guinea pig. The only way he could have the guinea pig was sleep in his room.
That did the trick. Mr. Harryman "protected" him.
So, you are able to determine why he is scared and help him confront it, he may stay in his room. Or you could use some type of reward system.
As far as the cleaning issues, I can't offer any suggestions. I haven't gotten that far yet. My DD is only 23 months. Every room is a wreck that she has access to.

i have an 8 year old also...he sounds like he is in control of things at your house.first i would speak to my pediatrician . does he stay on task at school? if the teacher can confirm some similar behaviors that you have seen i would then have him evaluated for ADD.hopefully that is off base. i used some step parenting classes that were very helpful. goodluck

Hey there! When my son was 8, I had him do a few chores around the house. I would have him empty all the small trash cans around the house into the kitchen can, and he took the trash out whenever it needed it. Also, when I folded clothesm I would have him com eget his and put them up. They may not stay quite as neat as when you folded them, but he will get better the more he does it. From time to time, I would give him small chores like sweeping the kitchen, etc, and I knew I would have to do them over, but it gave him a chance to learn. With his room, I have my son pick everything up off his floor once a day. The in-between time, well, I overlook it. But by making him pick it up once a day, it keeps the room in som ekind of order. I have also let my son vaccuum his room, and he seems to enjoy that!!
As far as where he sleeps, Ive had that problem also. It may be that it is simply a habit, and those can be the hardest to break. Even if he does fuss, make him go back to his room. Walk him in there and sit with him a minute or 2. He may fuss and it may be tiresome for you, but after a few days, the habit should start to break. He may be telling you he is scared because he knows thats what he needs to stay for you to let him sleep in your room! Just hang in there. It will get better! My son is almost 10 now, and he sleeps ion his room all night! Finally!!!! Good Luck!!

Glad to c that i am not alone! My 8yo son(he will b 9 in Aug)is full of attiude. He is actting like a teenager. I cant get him to do anything and if he does its full of attiude. As for the sleeping next to our bed,he did that also BUT i finally broke him! A few months ago i just had to keep getting up and putting him back in his bed. It took only a couple of nites. Same w/his 4yo brother(he would just climb into our bed). So i am glad to say that we have our bed and room back but as for the talking back and attiude,let me know if u find something to make him stop and i will do the same :)

Hi Rene`,
Not sure about the sleeping thing but that you have to get him use to his bed and to stay there maybe try a special thing to take to bed. My 9 yr old girl is doing the "it's too dark" thing but does not come into my room try a nightlight my daughter liked the lava light one. It its def. bright enough and cool looking too!!!!
As far as the attitude I totally agree there the room cleaning has become a big issue as well as the over all "I didn't hear you tell me to do that" stuff. She is titled ughmmmm lazy at this point ans just doesn't care about anything.
As far as this is my room talk dito there ohh my,... I said to her,"do you pay the house payment? Do you pay the Electric? Do you add anything finacially to the house? I then stated this is you room that you are priviledged to stay in "you want to call it your room" then work around the house doing chores and earn the money and then give it back to me for renting a room then you can do what you want with it. This shocked my daughter.
If you need chore ideas a child of this age w/o disabilities is capiable of runing a vacume, loading the dishwasher, dusting, and taking out the trash.
My kids do all these things as a single mother and even married soon there expected to cary their own weight here and there to aid in the mantaince of the house. When it is time for laundry they are expected to bring me there dirty clothes or they do not get washed. They do not do all these chores on a regular basics but it's also a good way of trading off!!! They want to go somewhere or out to eat say ok, you do these things for me and we will, If they dont do them then they do not get rewarded.

I did this and it works......... For many reasons if there is a big not listening issues she finally pushed me to go a different method. taking away T.V., game boy, ect didn't faze here so I got a box and told her to meet me in her room. I put in the box some of the most "valued items to her" in the box she was getting really upset!! things she slept with, her money bank "with the money in it" a blanket,Favorit items. They went into our storage unit until she follows the rules and if the attitude gets out of hand again I go to the room and clean up again!
She was really bothered by this and seemed to actually work and is trying to do things to earn them back few good things or doing things on a list I may have come up with get's her one thing back. When I noticed it bothering her I explained to her so now you know how I feel when you disrespect me and do not do what I ask of you. I feel mad, hurt and ignored. She actually related,....
Give it a try it can't hurt,......I have noticed that spanking is when I have no other options and it makes her even more hateful,.....but this hit's them personally and not a temporary effect if they want that precious thing back there attitude and behavior earns it back. I benifits both parent and child.
Good luck,
Val

Rene,

Try reinforcing little behaviors that your son does do and not responding when he isn't following directions. Reinforcement often works with problems of these sorts. Start small and reinforce constantly. Then begin to expect more and reinforce less. If he knows you are watching he will begin to do things to get the reinforcement, you need to make sure that you do it a lot in the beginning and then ween off and do it intermittently. Eventually, he will do things and not even think about it.

K.

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