December 07, 2008,
T.B. asks from Riverhead, NY on December 05, 2008
8 Weeks Pregnant and No Heartbeat
Has any one been faced with this horrible news? Now I have to decide if I want nature to take it's course or have a D&C. How long did it take for the body to reject the baby once you found out? Who has had a D&C? And how long before you got pregnant again? I still can't believe this has happened to me. I guess everything happens for a reason.
P.M. answers from New York on December 07, 2008
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Sadly, I know the feeling all too well. I have infertility issues, so I had IVF and had my son almost 3 years ago. As a result of the IVF I had 4 frozen embryos, which I used this year. The first time, they used 2 of them and I was pregnant. at about 6 or 7 weeks, there was no heart beat. I was faced with the D&C decision as well, and really struggeled with it. I wanted to do natural, but I was worried if it happened when I was at work. I finally decided to do the D&C, and on that morning while in the waiting room is when I started to miscarry. I've heard other people saying it would be like a regular period. Let me tell you, that mine was more of a never ending blood puring out. I was thankful that I wasn't at work, or somewhere else. There was no stopping in the blood that was coming out. I probably went through 10 pads in the 30 to 45 minutes, with most of the time sitting on the toilet. I had the D&C to make sure all was OK. I have heard that you may need the D&C even if you go through it naturally. Thinking back now, I am glad I did it. It helps you reach your pre pregnancy hormone level faster. So what ever you decide, you will need to reach your pre pregnancy hormone levels before trying again. I would strongly suggetst about 4 months. I tried again with the remaining 2 embryos I had left, and got pregnant a few months later. sadly that pregnancy ended as well but much earlier on (first couple of days) so no D&C was required. I am getting ready mentally to go through another full IVF cycle. I wanted to wait till the new year, as I feel this was a bad year twice, and I need to start fresh. I know how you feel, trust me everything happens for a reason. Don't be discouraged but do take a few months to try again. Take some time to do something special for yourself, and pamper yourself in the mean time. Good luck to you.
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T.W. answers from Buffalo on December 06, 2008
I am so sorry T.. I have had 3 losses. My first one was a blighted ovum diagnosed at 11 weeks. I had a D&C for this one because my body just hadnt figured it out. It wasnt so bad, but surgery of any kind isnt without risks. If given the choice again, I would have waited it out a bit longer before opting for a D&C. Not because anything traumatic happened, but later on I did have a miscarriage naturally and I preferred that. There are risks to waiting though too, so you have to decide how long you are willing to wait. My doc said that my risk of infection didnt really begin until 4 weeks after fetal demise, so I had time to make a decision. The risk of hemorrhage is very little in the eraly weeks and MOST women can pass everything without a D&C, being this early. Here is a link for more info.
My last loss was diagnosed at 8 weeks, but the baby measured 6 weeks. This was just the end of October. I am now 6 weeks out from the birth. I call it a birth because thats what happened. I hate the term miscarriage because it makes it seem like its something happening TO you. But with a birth, its something you actively participate in. I decided not to have a D&C and to let my body work on its own. I began spotting on Tuesday Oct. 21st, the loss was diagnosed the next morning, and we delivered at home on Friday the 24th. The entire experience was NOT what I expected at all. I feared horrible cramping, excessive bleeding and just an all around unpleasant experience. Instead I got a very anti-climatic, peaceful, wonderful experience in which we got to make memories with, see, and hold our baby (as small as she was). If you want more details, I would love to share them with you. It may help in your decision making. I also have photos of our baby, which are hard to look at, but at the same time are the most incredible things I have ever seen. If you would like to see them, I'd be happy to share. I hoped that there was a reason for our losses and I have found that perhaps it is to help other women going through the same thing. We were blessed to have experienced them in the ways we did, on OUR terms and it helped us make peace with what happened and to heal. Our choices arent for everyone, but they are an option. Please contact me if you need anything at all. I am with you because I am doing it too.
I got pregnant 2 cycles after my losses. We are waiting until I get my first period (it can be 4-8 weeks after a loss) to begin trying again. I hope we are lucky enough to get pregnant within 3 cycles.
I wish you and your husband much healing. <3 *hugs*
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J.H. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
Wow, I'm so sorry. I actually must miscarried on Halloween at 6 weeks so I know what you are going through.
I decided to let nature take its course. I feel that it was nature who signaled to my body that something wasn't right, and so I let nature finish the job. And in a way, watching everything physically happen allowed me to fully grieve the pregnancy and I think facing your grief can be very emotionally healing. I'm at a peace with what happened and I feel very strongly that everything happens for a reason. (truth be told...we already had something good come from it...an amazing oppurtunity that we would have passed on if we were pregnant we can now take on)
I began bleeding a week after we discovered no heartbeat and had some very strong, very painful cramping along with it. I bled for a total of 15 days. A month later and my hormone levels are still not back to 0, but are pretty close.
I'm hoping ot get pregnant again but for now I am going to let my body rest for a few months and then try again.
My thoughts are with you.
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D. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
I started spotting at 8 wks. The ultrasound showed the baby stopped growing at 5 wks. And I miscarried on my own at 9 wks. 5 wks after the miscarriage I had my first period. 2 wks after that I was pregnant with my daughter. Just make sure that your ready to be pregnant again. My pregnancy with my daughter was plagued with difficulty (including bleeding) and it was very stressfull on me and my body. And since I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with her it was very hard on me. I constantly thought I was going to lose her too. But she was born healthy and happy 1 day before her scheduled c-section.
G.C. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
I'm so sorry you have to go through this and totally feel for you because I've been there. The same thing happened to me before I had my daughter and I got a D&C. My OBGYN recommended it because if you let nature take its course, it could take up to 2 weeks with a lot of pain and bleeding. If you choose to get the procedure, it's under general anesthesia and you'll get your period within 8 weeks. My doctor recommended waiting until after 1-2 periods to start trying again but it didn't take long, a couple of months after we started trying, before I got pregnant again and had a healthy baby girl. I didn't realize before this happened to me that miscarriages are fairly common. It seems everyone knows someone who's had one. Good luck to you and please email me if you want to communicate more about any of this.
M.W. answers from New York on December 06, 2008
T., I am so sorry that you are going through this - it is so hard! When I had a miscarriage, I was amazed to find out how common it was to miscarry and it does happen for a reason although that doesn't necessarily take away from the pain.
I found out on a Tuesday that I was pregnant. I went to the MD on Fri - he did an internal (I can't help but feel that is what caused it - although they say no - regardless...) I began spotting that night. I went to the MD the following week - they didn't know if the pregnancy was viable or not. Within the next week - I went for blood work and the levels did rise, so they still weren't sure. Until, the ultrasound within the next week - where there was no detectable heartbeat. With all the info put together - the MD told me this was likely not a viable pregnancy. I opted for the D&C. It really was pretty easy to go through (I went through all my emotions before I went in, so I felt at peace with it by then). I had some cramping that night and heavy bleeding two days after the procedure for the next few days. Other than that - it was ok.
As for trying again - my MD told me that they tell you to wait 3 mos of regular cycles before trying again - BUT - that it is only for your peace of mind to know that you are on regular cycles again. He said there is absolutely no indication that you cannot start trying again right away and have a healthy baby (he had). So - we tried as soon as I felt like it again. The D&C was on the 10th of June I think (2006) - I got my next period and we began trying after that and in the middle of October of that year, I was pregnant and now have a 2 1/2 year old.
I wish you much peace. This is such a difficult thing, but it is so common and so many people with children have had them. Grieve your loss, but know in your heart - it wasn't meant to be right now for whatever reason. Good luck.
D.S. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
I am so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me 25 years ago with my first pregnancy. I was devastated, and can remember it like it was yesterday. I was around 12 weeks back then they didn't do sonograms until then and I still remember the look on the technicians face when she said call you doctor. I didn't even leave the hospital I called from a phone booth in the lobby and got the terrible news. I had what they called a bladed ovum (not sure of the spelling) and had to be scheduled for a DNC. I was in such denial I went to a different doctor and got the same results. I finally started to bleed and cramp the next day which almost as crazy as it sounds made me feel better because then I knew that nature was taking its course. I still had to have the DNC because the baby did not abort on its own. There really are no words to express my sorrow for you because everyone said the wrong things to me. I went though so many emotions mostly anger because there are so many babies just tossed in the trash and I wanted a baby so bad. It is normal so allow yourself to grieve. And now the good news three months later I was pregnant with a healthy baby and he is now 24, and I later got pregnant with my beautiful daughter who is now 19 so do not be discouraged many women which you will find have been through this heartache. I am sure in a few months you will be posting to tell us you are expecting and things will be fine!! Again I am sorry for your loss. Good luck!!