8 Month Old Boy Becoming Out of Control, Willful and Constantly Hyper

A.:
Your son is A BABY,and he is acting exactly like a normal baby of 8 months should.Your right. It is you. Did you believe he was acting whinny when you first brought him home from the hospital? Babies cry,and babies whine,and they get tired and cranky.Your son is still a Baby. He doesn't know what spoiled is. You can't spoil a baby,by loving and nurturing them.A Babies cry or whine,is the only way they have to communicate to you.If they need you,they cry. To ignore them leaves them feeling abandoned.All of us mothers devote our lives to our children. Believe me, we've all been up nights pacing. We all deserve an Oscar for the hours spent entertaining them. We've fed them, changed them,bathed them,and rocked them. We've spent sleepless nights ,when they were sick,and its A rare treat for us to get a break,even when the husbands come home.I don't know who told you, that at 8 months old,your babies intellect would be that of a 5 year old. I would strongly reccomend you reading up on A babies first 12 months,their development,and what to expect. Your expectations for your 8 month old are way to high.You sound like you are simply overwelmed at this stage,and need some help.Ask your husband for help,by spending a little quality time with the baby or you could possibly get a helper for a few hours a week. Do you have a family member close enough to help?Many mothers get their breaks,when their babies go down for their naps during the day.If your son is getting no naps, that's your problem right there.I wish you and your darlin BABY BOY the best.

2 moms found this helpful

Why are you waking him up in the middle of the night? At 8 months old, it is very reasonable to expect him to sleep through the night. If he is not waking up on his own, you shouldn't wake him. That disruption in his sleep may be part of the reason why he's not a very happy camper during the day. You need your sleep also to be a nice mommy so let him sleep if that's what he's inclined to do. It will do you both a lot of good.

Also, you may want to rethink his bedtime. 9 p.m. is fine for some kids but really take a look at how he is holding up toward the end of the day to see how he's holding up after 7 p.m. To me, 9 p.m. sounds a bit late for a 8-month old but each child is different and you will have to be the judge of whether his current bedtime works for him and you. For me, it was always very important to have some child-free time at the end of the day to unwind and watch adult tv programs before I go to sleep. I'm wondering if you need more child-free time to unwind at the end of the day as well.

If you haven't already, you may want to consider getting involved with one of your local mom's clubs and join one of their playgroups so that your son starts developing connections with some of his peers and you start getting some mommy-to-mommy time as well. Or you can go to the park a couple of times a week with his exersaucer or walker so that he can be where all the activity is and check out what's going on in the world.

When you are not at a park or participating in a playgroup, try to take time out on a frequent interval to play with him for 15 minutes or so and then leave him to continue playing on his own for a bit before you redirect him to a new activity. Oh, also, a trick that really worked for me is rotate toys in and out so that there is always a fresh supply of toys that are introduced or reintroduced every 4 weeks or so. It's a lot of work but it will keep him interested and keep his interest in his toys fresh.

As for your comment about autism, I actually do have a son with autism and, let me tell you, difficult behavior in and of itself does not constitute autism. If your son is making eye contact with you and with others fairly easily, babbling, attempting to make gestures as a way to communicate, looking at the things you are pointing and seems to pay attention to you and others, you most likely have nothing to worry about.

Lastly, I don't know what your husband is like and the dynamics of your relationship with him but he really needs to start participating more in your son's childcare and give you a break each day to trade your mommy hat in for your A. hat. Your husband may not be aware of that fact or know how he can help so I would suggest talking to him about it in a very supportive, non-confrontational sort of way. Starting out a serious conversation with a compliment, saying something like "I know you may not realize it but," and then stating exactly what you need will probably keep him from being too defensive and get you the support you need. It's not what you say but how you say it that really matters.

Wishing you and your son well.

1 mom found this helpful

My first thought is if he is up from 8:30 to 9:00, with no nap, than this could be the problem. If I get my son off of his sleep schedule, even if it is minimal, he gets very hyper and unruly. Children at that age still require quite a bit of sleep. My son, who is 11 months, sleeps from 7pm - 7am with two 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps per day. I have always been very diligent about his sleep schedule because I feel it is very important for children to have enough sleep. He is generally a happy smiling content little guy. I honestly think that his sleep schedule has a lot to do with it.....Hope this helps

1 mom found this helpful

I have been there too! I agree with the first response. Sleep is very important...but also I am a STRONG believer in what you do at a young age will always be. You are trying to do everything to make him happy. As hard as it is try distancing yourself a little bit. He needs to figure things out on his own. Thess lil ones are smarter than we think! He knows if he cries or yells you will come running. I have 2 children and well... my first is now 2 and she knows that I will not come every time she cries! I had a hard time doing this too! But you can do it and about a week into it...he will realize he is ok, and you are not going to let anything happen to him. You will feel a little relief! Also try getting around other moms with kids about the same age. That may help. You are NOT the only one that feels this way. Don't feel like you are a bad mommy! Keep smiling!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.,
Your little guy is right on track! He has a WORLD to explore and now is the time to seize the moment (he feels). The days of propping baby in the corner and talking on the phone are over-he,he! You will find that his active play becomes...more active! It will take longer to get him to calm down to nap,if you breast feed, he will see how far he can turn around to look at the world...while attached! To help keep a your sanity and benefit baby here are some suggestions.
Be constant and consistent with rules. Right now he's looking at cause and effect. If I do this, what does mommy do? Does she laugh, does she yell? Both are exciting for baby and reassure a behavior. Praise what he does well! Yeah, baby turned the page!
Not everything should be 'NO'. Say you can't play with mommy's phone, but you can play with your 'toy' phone. Save 'NO' for dangerous situations. Now is the time to baby proof, so that baby can explore the world!
Pretend your a teacher. What skills are we going to learn today? Go back to basic games of patty cake, dance to the ABC's, hold your spoon,start reading.
My son and I used to go exploring. We would hop (bending over I would hold him under the arms)to where ever he wanted to go. He would touch it, push it-whatever, and then I would announce, "let's go explore" and hop to another thing! He loved the game, it was quick and he could see all those things that we take for granted to entertain them.
Circulate the toys. Every week we focus on a different topic, adjust to your son's likes. One week it's the zoo. All books related to zoo, zoo animals, go to the zoo. Another it's the colors. Books revolving around color, colored blocks, etc. The point is to change things up and approach playing differently. Also, get toys that don't have batteries like; cars, different size balls, blocks, books. It stimulates more play than just being stimulated.
Most importantly! Naps! He should be getting lots of sleep! This can cause a baby to act out!! My son's schedule at that time was;
wake at 7am, cereal, quiet play,morning nap by 9am-10:30am,snack, active play till noon, nap at 1-2or3,lunch, go for a walk quiet play, nap at 5-6, dinner, bath, bed by 8. Times adjusted slightly, but always add up to about 12-15 hours.
Your doing great, hope this helps!

I definitely agree about the nap. It could also be teething. That makes many babies cranking, and not want to do the usual.

With babies and toddlers, just when you get them into a routine, they will change their habits. It's never a static situation. They go through exploring phases, attachment phases, separation anxiety phases... it's all really normal.

Gosh, he sounds like he is not feeling well. Sometimes they can have a ear infection and show no signs of it. Take him to the pediatrician.

Also, my baby (now 4 yr old) got REALLY grumpy when she was just learning how to move into a crawl. After she figured out how to crawl, she was such a happy child!! Maybe he is trying to figure out a new skill and getting frustrated by it. Good luck

A.:
Did you say 8 month old? I don't believe an 8 month old can be whiny or bratty. Is he feeling well? Maybe you can get in a mom's club or another group and talk to other moms. All babies whine and can be crabby at times. Get him out in the stroller, I put my kids at gymboree classes about that age, in the crawler group. There are often park and rec. classes for babies too. He may be fussy because he's trying to learn a new skill and you just have to be patient. You may want to have your husband help more or get grandma over. He's just being a baby and his behavior sounds normal.

Hi A.,
I have an 8 month old too and recently he was the same way. When I took him to the doctor for an unrelated issue she told me he had an ear infection. Point being, take him to the doc & get him checked.

Also, he should be sleeping through the night, I use a Pamper's diaper right before bed and he's fine through the night.

Good Luck =)

Sounds like he's either fighting a virus, teething, or not getting enough sleep.

I agree, sleep is HUGE! Also, have you taken him to the Dr to rule out an ear infection/teething or something that is irritating him? My oldest son, almost three now, was the same way. Although...he was colicky. To this day he is just a very sensitive kid. Too much carrying, too much touching, a diaper not put on right, fabric that was too bulky or itchy would throw him into fits. Just a thought.

You can't do it all and you should relax yourself a bit. When you are frustrated and you tried everything...put him in his crib for a few minutes to calm down. (Both of you need to calm down) He may surprise you and fall asleep. (My kids get super hyper when relly tired...defies logic, but it's true)

I am SURE you are doing nothing wrong. Your baby is probably just trying to find his own personality. And, like you said, babies do in fact get frustrated about this age because they can't do what they see a parent doing. (feeding self, walking, talking, running, playing with the tv remote..etc...) It's hard to be a baby!

Please read a child development book. They are so helpful in understanding what your baby is doing intellectually, socially, emotionally, etc., and how you can facilitate him in his development. It is wonderful that he is getting bored with his old stuff, he is ready for more! Don't take it personal-- he is responding to the developmental changes going on in him-- 8 months old are so ready AND frustrated because they comprehend a lot, but can't physically do it yet. Your job is to help him, but also teach him how to soothe himself when he is so frustrated (a MOST important life skill!) It doesn't happen all at once-- but you are setting the tone and pace.
T. Berry Brazelton (Touchpoints, plus other titles) is one of my favorites, and Davis and Keyser "Becoming the Parent you want to be" is a great one for parents.
Good luck and hang in there! It is the wonderful, difficult, boring, rewarding, thankless most incredible job of mothering!

I agree with the answers about sleep. Maybe consider your first try at a remedy, as much sleep as possible. At 8 months the avg. for sleep is a total of 14 hours, 11 at night:

http://www.sleeplady.com/home03.htm

7 or 7:30 may be a better bedtime for an 8:30 riser with 2 naps of an hour minimum. Teething can even increase the need for sleep. You also mentioned you "wake up" your baby for changes and feedings. The "don't wake me, I'll wake you" saying is usually true for babies. If your baby is sleeping, he will wake you if he needs a change or a feeding, otherwise, let him sleep as long as he wants. Sneak in and check him if you can do it w/out waking him, but let him stay asleep.

After reorganizing sleep and finding his behavior has not changed, you should definitely consider the more serious possibilities and seek help.

Good luck!

Your son sounds just like mine, but he is 17 months now. He has been this way pretty much since birth - extremely fussy, demanding, active, and has no limits. He is also very smiley, loving, talkative, and interactive. But so fussy! He did have horrible acid reflux for the first year of his life - but now he is over that and the temperment has stayed. Sorry, I am supposed to be giving you answers, but I am in need of help too!! I hope you get some helpful response that will help me too! But at least I know that I am not alone.

Babies internal clocks are set for a much earlier bedtime. When I moved my little one's bedtime up to 6:30, she became a different baby. She just needed more sleep and it helped her adjust to taking longer day time naps and sleep longer at night. Also, another thought, he could just be teething. Either way, it will pass. At 8 months there are so many developmental milestones going on in his little body and head, it has to be exhausting!

Hi A.,
it almost sounds to me that he is teething. children at that age their appetites will fluctaute and one thing that is helpful to know is that children will not intentionally starve themselves. They are naturally in tune with their bodies. is your son drooling? that usually is a good sign of him teething. Also interms of his behavior it sounds pretty typical of an 8 month old. I tell my parents at the school that i teach that children are not spoiled until us as parents condition them to be spoiled. we create spoiled children. Good luck and enjoy your baby. they grow up quickly! Val

You have gotten some good responses so far! I agree with the whole sleep thing. My daughter is the same way - when she gets tired (or hungry, in her case) she gets really whiny, throws fits for every little thing and just doesn't want to do anything basically. I remember I used to think "no way does she need a nap, she doesn't seem sleepy - just CRANKY". But then I started "just trying" to put her down for a nap, and most of the time it worked! And when she wakes up she is 100 times happier. Sometimes if she is really worked-up she has a hard time winding down and falling asleep, so I just do something peaceful with her (cuddle with her, read to her, or even watch an episode of Dora while we cuddle sometimes!) and then after like 20 minutes of a relaxing activity she goes right down.
Best of luck to you! and don't get discouraged - we've all been there - and survived! And you will too ;) It shall pass!!

You may want to try cutting out any dairy or gluten in his diet. I have a friend with a son who gets really agitated and aggressive and sort of "ampped up" from a dairy & gluten sensitivity. good luck and hang in there mamma.

wow- sounds like you need some help, some space, and to stop projecting your judgements on his needs. Take a deep breathe- its not easy living with someone who has to sleep all day and a baby. Go to parenting classes, and get him to socialize- you will benefit also-

I recommend reading the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. The author recommends a pretty radical approach to parenting, but it is a real eye-opener. I think you'll find it helpful with securing the great bond you and your son share. Good Luck!

Hi there,
Sounds like he might be a little bored. But, at that age, they are usually entertained with just about anything.
I just signed my little girl up for My Gym, it was a lot of fun for her. Your son might be a little young for it, but it would give him a different environment to crawl around in.
I always tell my 21 month old that "you get nothing when you whine". And then ignore her. Of course your son is a little to young to do that, but that may be something to keep in mind for the future.
How do you discipline? Or do you? It's never to early.
You could say to him, "mommy will not play with you if you are going to yell" (or whatever he is doing wrong)
If you are consistent, then he will eventually get the picture.
My daughter loves her pacifier, so I use that as a punishment. I say to her, "if you don't stop touching that, mommy will take away your binky!" (even when it is not in her mouth) It works because I ALWAYS follow through with my threat. That is the key...consistancy.
But again....he is still so young. Nip it in the bud if you can, otherwise it will continue into Toddlerhood.
I hope you get great advise from other mommies.
Good luck to you.

Great responses so far. I would definitely work on bed time, check for teething, and look at possible food allergies. One other thing, has he been on antibiotics lately? Reason I ask is that hyperactivity can be a side affect of antibiotics (chech the Physician's Desk Reference at your local library). Good luck, God bless, and remember to breathe!

join "mommy and me" group in your area. also try to find professional homeopath. homeopathy works well through these early issues. it should not have to be MD, ND, OD or anybody else with some other "modality" under the belt. Homeopathy, pure and simple.
Good Luck
V

Well, first off, 8 month olds are not willful, bratty or spoiled, no matter how they behave. I certainly don't intend to be mean, but you need some education in baby development. Have you talked to your pediatrician? If this is NEW behavior, then possibly something is wrong----an allergy to a food or formula, or some other health issue. I would schedule an appt. ASAP and discuss your concerns w/your doctor. He can make the necessary evaluations and order any tests he might feel appropriate. He might recommend some books to you, but there are so many good ones. You can go to Amazon.com and type in baby books, child development, etc. and many will come up for you to browse. They also have reviews from other parents so you can see if they found the book helpful. Do you have in-laws you can discuss these problems with, or good friends with children? It sounds to me like you need some help---both with advice on how to handle this baby and some breaks from him. Can you put him in the stroller and take long walks every day, because exercise will help your mental outlook to cope with the stressors of being a new mom (motherhood is extremely stressful!) and the fresh air will do you both good. Can you get away to the gym or do some exercise dvd's at home? Yoga is very relaxing and excellent for your body, but any exercise will help your mental outlook, make you cope w/any stress more efficiently and of course, do wonders for your body. The next step is to educate yourself in baby behavior. Sadly, babies do act like this and it's part of being a baby that has nothing to do with willful, spoiled or anything like that, so you need to stop thinking that way. It's not your son's fault he's acting like this and he's not doing it pourposely. Your job is to try and make him feel better and figure out, what if anything, might be causing this behavior. Evaluate your son's diet---what food have you recently added? Are you adding his new foods in at one new food per week to rule out any problems w/that food? If not, you need to do that. But the most important thing is to call your doctor ASAP to rule out any medical causes. Good luck and God bless.

Hi. My first reaction is: do you think he is getting enough sleep? Have you tried sleep training to get him to sleep through the night? The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" suggests that babies should be in bed between 6 and 8 every night, sleep through to at least 5:30 and nap for 3 hours a day in whatever combination is appropriate for baby's age. That sounds like a whole lot more sleep than what you describe. For your son, two naps/day still make sense. They are different people (as are we) when they get enough sleep! Also, at his age, he probably doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night.

Maybe he's just cranky because he is tired. The sleep training can be difficult at first, but within 5-7 days, I swear, it will be worth it. There are plenty of other sleep books out there that may make more sense to you. The one above is just the one that I used. When he is sleeping through the night, you may find that you have more patience with the outbursts that occur during the day, too!

These are just thoughts. Maybe you have this part all worked out for yourselves.....

best of luck!