7Month Old Doesn't Sleep in Crib

E.,

I am the mommy of a 9 month old little boy, who was in the same situation you are in about 3 months ago. The first two months he slept in his crib at night and in the swing for naps. And then one night, after getting up to nurse for the what seemed like the 100th time, I brought him in bed with me. So, we co-slept for the next 4 months and continued to nap either in the swing or he would fall asleep while nursing and I held him in my arms.

I was happy with this situation until he was about 5 months old. Then, he started waking up almost every two hours at night wanting to nurse and when I would not let him, he pecked at me like a chicken until I gave in. UGH!!! And like you, I needed to have time for me and to clean and do household things when he took naps in the day.

Something had to change and I did NOT want to let him cry it out.

I got tons and tons of advice. Most of it was to just "let him cry it out, he will be fine." That is not what my husband and I had in mind, but I had read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and it just did not work for us...it had too many different techniques and it was really just not structured enough for us to follow when we were trying to put a baby in the crib that screamed his head off each time we would lie him down in it. So, against our better judgment, we let him cry it out.

The first and only night we did it, he cried hysterically for two hours straight, I wound up crying too and he ended up sleeping with me.

Then a friend (a guy no less! with two daughters, a 2 year old and 5 month old) recommended a book called "The Baby Whisperer Solves all of Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg. I thought, that sounds like a load of garbage, if it worked then why is he the only one that told me about it. The title sounded arrogant and hokey. But, nothing else I did worked either, so what the heck!

I read that book in one day and started implementing her plan the next day. She uses a method called "pick up/put down". And basically, you put the baby in the crib sleepy, but awake and as soon as they start to cry, you pick them up...the second they stop crying, you put them back down. Even if they start to cry on the way back down, you put them all the way down, wait a second and then pick them up again. On the first day, he took both naps in the crib (1st nap, took 32 pick up/put downs, 2nd nap took 26)and he slept the entire night in the crib, (took 20 pu/pd) only waking once around 4 and it took me 5 minutes to get him back to sleep (took 13). I was hooked!!! This was a way to get him to sleep on his own, learn to self soothe, and we could still comfort him if he cried!

And now, my son will be 10 months on the 21st and he has two 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps a day and sleeps from 7 to 7 with one, sometimes two wake ups at night IN HIS CRIB and he does not need our help to fall asleep! When he does wake up at night, he just makes little noises and usually falls back to sleep on his own. There are nights when we have to go in, but I think that teething is to blame there. And yes, those first few days you have to pick them up and put them down a lot and it takes some time, but hey, you are already holding her for the entire nap time anyway.

I have since recommended this book to 5 friends and it has worked for all of them.

Best of luck with what ever method you choose to use. Here's to happy sleeping!!

M. F

P.S. I also weaned him from night feedings the same day we started the pu/pd, went from feeding 4 to 6 times a night to just once around 10-11 pm, in one night! Tracy Hogg calls it a 'dream feed'. And we weaned that night feeding three weeks ago when he hit 9 months.

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Obviously that's just one person opinion & yes, I vehemently disagree with it. I have two children that I refuse to CIO. Always is a pretty strong word. I would let them fall asleep with a bottle, in my arms. Then, lay them in bed. With my son, he just started sleeping on his own. All night. With my daughter, we are co-sleeping. However, we are transitioning to her own bed. She is sleeping all night. Cio & co-sleeping are simply personal opinions. Won't it make sense that if babies understand that crying=mommy coming back then they understand the idea that if they scream & mommy's not there for me. And, really, until they start speaking at birth, no one really knows what they think. :) I simply don't believe in CIO because I don't think that a person/baby can get the best nights sleep after having to cry themselves to sleep. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? I have & I wake up still exhausted. That is simply my opinion.
Sorry for the soap box, I just had to respond. The point here is to give advice & options, not to tell you what you HAVE to do. The only thing that you HAVE to do, is what's best for you & your family. So, my advice is to talk to your husband & try to find a middle ground. Is your baby sleeping in her bed at night, or at all? If it's just for naps, does it matter that she doesn't sleep in her crib? Would it be OK for her to sleep in a swing, rocker? My daughter has slept on the couch, on the floor, & even in her bed. I still do what I need to around the house, except vacuum. She sleeps through all of it. She takes a bottle, falls asleep, & I lay her down. She has fallen asleep on her own on the floor. I will leave her. In my opinion, the nap is more important than where she naps. I also found pretty early on that the going from the warmth of me to the chill of a bed would wake her up. I simply layed a blanket on her back, so when I layed her down, she was still warm.
Also, please don't think that anything that you are doing or may do is a "mistake". You are doing what you think is best & will only continue to do so.

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Hi E., I had somewhat of similar experience with my daughter. When we came back from a month trip to my country all of the sudden she will only take naps while breastfeeding. I thought it was weird because even during the trip she was taking naps by herself without any problems. The following is the path I took and hope it helps.

My husband and I have decide since our baby was born to always try to do what is in her best interest even if it goes agains our own wishes and wants or against the so called "adult" world or the many theories on how to raise your children.
I trusted that there was a reason she was requiring this and decided to let her feed while she slept. I was studying at home at the time so I arrange my time around her naps, I either took a nap with her or read while she slept. In about a month and a half she started to sleep by herself again, and I could not tell you why but she just did. The house work got behind and many times I wish to be doing something else but I just checked in with myself and knew that this was what I need it to do. My husband was supportive helping around the house and also listening to me when I felt frustrated because of this.
I believe many times our children know what they need and there are reasons why they ask for certain things and there are also stages they go through and I turst this of course it takes time, patience and trusting ones inner instintcs to do what feels right. I don't agree with letting children cry out to go to sleep, I would not like to be treated that way. But this is also a personal choice each parents makes.

good luch
C.

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Wow, this question has certainly evoked some strong opinions and feelings on the general topic of letting babies cry themselves to sleep! Well, I'm going to jump in on the NOT letting them cry side, although I do believe that most children will turn out fine if they are trained to fall asleep on their own. My mother's heart couldn't take the idea of leaving them to cry like that, though, and since crying is the only way a baby has of communicating, it seems that the child is learning that even the most important people in the world, its parents, will not respond to its needs and feelings. If we found an older child or adult equally distraught, would we not take it seriously and respond? Now I'll climb off that soapbox and respond to this specific question, which was about daytime naps in the crib. My children are all older now, but I do remember the feeling of wishing I could get a lot of housework done while they were napping. One thing that helped was to use a sling. When they fell asleep nursing in the sling, I was often able to pull it over my head and lay them down still wrapped in it. There wasn't that sudden change of temperature and they would often - not always - stay asleep. And I'll just add that, from the perspective of someone who's beyond this stage, it really doesn't last terribly long. The memories of snuggling your baby will overcome the memories of a messy house. But I realize that, when you're going through it, you do long for some relief. Good luck deciding which advice to choose from among these very different philosophies!

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from the perspective of a mom with a 3 year old....

my first i definitely did not want him to cry. and we still, almost 4 years later, have to spend at least an hour with him before he can go to sleep.

my second we let her learn from the beginning to sleep on her own, and she's always fallen asleep in her crib. she fusses a little, but it's how she winds down and she knows it's sleeping time whenever she goes there.

if i knew that nursing him to sleep would carry on so long... i would've tried harder to help him learn to fall asleep without our help. now he's not nursing of course, but he still needs to be rocked, read to, snuggled with, get a drink of water, spread the blanket just right, etc etc etc..... it's really hard for him to settle down on his own.

SO. i've done both ways and definitely love saying "goodnight, go to sleep" and then having some time for myself a lot more than the hour-long bedtime process.

now, i'm not saying i hate the bedtime process, it is sweet to read and snuggle and rock... but it does take a long time still.

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Had to edit this after hearing so many awful responses. When did it become o.k to neglect your babies needs? It is appalling how many of you think it is o.k to ignore your child. I should hope that you would respond to your baby during the day if something were wrong so why is it o.k to neglect them at night just because it is not convenient for you? I'm not going to go on about how you are ignoring your motherly instincts-to me it's just plain common sense that it is WRONG.
The most ridiculous response was the mother who actually stopped her nursing baby from eating and woke the baby up to put to bed in their crib still hungry and left to cry. Who wakes a sleeping baby in order to put them to sleep. That poor thing. What is this baby boot camp? When did mommas become so rigid and militant with their babies. Their BABIES for goodness sake. You act is if it is some great accomplishment that you broke your babies ability to communicate with you in "just 3 days". How lovely. It's such a shame. It makes me want to cry.
Look at the cost you pay for a good's night sleep. Studies have shown that children who are left to cry may have "lost the ability to trust, loss of the capacity for intimacy, and a diminished a bility to emphathize with oneself and others." Nt to mention the societal cost in children with attachment deficiencies "agoraphobia, alcoholism, depression, anti-social personality disorder...) and so on. Why take that chance? In other cultures it is considered abusive to leave your child to cry. ANIMALS IN THE WILD TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEIR YOUNG!

wow! completely disagree with the crying it out advice!! i am in the exact same position as you. in fact my daughter is sleeping in my arms as i type this. she too is 7 months. i bought a beco carrier much like the ergo and i wear her on my back while i do household chores. she loves it, and sleeps great while i wear her. why is it that the majority of cultures around the world wear their babies, sleep with their babes, and would never even consider the cio approach? why do so many american mommas feel they need to detach themselves from their babes. believe me i compeltely understand your desire to get stuff done. i just remind myself she's only a baby for a short time and the housework will always be there. also, it sounds like you have a great hubby! good luck and i strongly recommend a sling or carrier!

quoted from another mom "Pediatricians will tell you to let them cry it out, but parents are spoiling their kids to much and say that it's inhumane to let them cry."
yikes! if my ped to me to let my baby cio i'd consider looking for a new one. and many ped's completely disagree with crying it out. to say that you are spoiling a baby is ridiculous. it's your responsibility as a parent to respond to your children's needs day and night.

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Babies should never be screaming. God created that to be your signal that something is wrong. Only our forsaken culture encourages separation from the child - that everything else is more important than the child. You should not be outside working, giving your baby to day-care or going out with the girls. When you took God's precious life into you, you are committed that life. It is your job to make sure your child FEELS secure and cared for. Do your motherly instincts tell you to dump the child in the crib? When it screams you should ignore it until it can't scream anymore? If so, you don't have any, and should not be a mother. Strap the baby to your back if you have to and go about your chores. This time will pass and you will eventually be able to devote more time to other things. Babies need constant access to you until they are about 3 and then it starts tapering off. There is nothing more important than the needs of your baby. Next time you are confused try listening to your God-given MOTHERLY instincts instead of the main-stream nonsense you constantly hear. It is wrong. I am so very sick of hearing people say these frightening things! Is it any wonder this culture is plagued with so many social problems? DUH?!!!

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Eeek. I won't weigh in on the whole CIO debate here, as it is heated. All I'll do is offer two suggestions. 1) Read The No Cry Sleep Solution (Elizabeth Pantley) she has great tips and many people find her advice helpful and 2) consider wearing your babe in a wrap or carrier -- my Ergo is the only way I get things done sometimes! My son (7months and 21 pounds) will sleep peacefully on my back and I can easily and comfortably do dishes, laundry, even weed my garden! They are a little pricey but TOTALLY worth it and good to 40 + pounds.

Good luck!

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You could wrap her in a blanket before you feed and rock her that way when she is laid down she is still wrapped up and feels secure. You could lay her down on a pallet on the floor or the sofa. It is easier and joggles her less so she is less likely to wake up.

My fourth child (a boy) is a high need child. Go to www.askdrsears.com and you can read all about them. CIO would never work with him because he would cry until he hyper-ventilated and threw up and then we would be picking him up anyway so that we could bathe him and wash all his linens. We didn't create his situation as he was born that way. He is two and just now getting old enough to set boundaries that we can reasonably expect him to meet.

The website I mentioned offers lots of good ideas for transitioning babies into sleeping soundly. It might have some other ideas to offer you.

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Since most people have read my response already, I am going to start over for lack of wanting this to be a novel. I am the mother who very PROUDLY says that I let my children CIO when they were learning their wonderful sleeping habits. For someone to say, whom I will answer here in a second, that I let my kids go hungry by waking them up before they fell all the way asleep, and that I neglected my kids' needs, I seriously laughed out loud when I read that! Thanks for the early morning humor. I can say that and mean every inkling of it since I know that I am proud of people being so confident in my mothering skills that I get asked for advice CONSTANTLY. My kids are two of the most loving, funny, outgoing, good mannered, goofy little love bugs that I have seen in their age group, no offense to other mothers of 4 and 5 well behaved kids, just haven't met yours yet!! It is RARE nowadays to see kids as good as mine, and I'm sure many many mothers feel the same way. But, what makes my face beam with pride for them is the fact that people look at them and know that they're happy. They crack me up with their shockingly funny senses of humor, they come running at me when I come to pick them up from places, I see other mommys look at me with blank stares while my kid is running into my arms, and their kids are screaming and throwing tantrums because they don't want to leave. I literally thank God everyday for rewarding me with His choice of me to be their mother. I feel lucky. So, now that I've told Jessica a little about the my family, I will go ahead and humor her back with a response.

Jessicaannmiller, you have the right to agree to disagree with my ways. Of course you do. I will be thinking of you tonight when I lay my kids down after we've had a wonderful cuddling session, and a favorite book that one of them has chosen for their loving, fun, nurturing mother to read to them. Then, we do piggyback rides to bed, where we say our prayers and thank the Lord for our "wonderful, lucky family", give 10 kisses in various parts of the face, and squeeze tight hugs. Then when I stand at the door and blow a kiss at my beautiful child in which they catch, and then blow me one back, I will shut the door and think of you, and how you are at the same time probably having to carry your child around, and in a couple of years, how you'll be going in every 5 minutes for 2 solid hours. While you're doing all this, I will be hanging out with my adoring husband while my kids dream their wonderful dreams and wake up to their mom's smiling face.

In other words, it's fine to disagree. But do NOT EVER assume that CIO means anywhere near NEGLECT. And for you to actually have the nerve to say that what I do is ABUSE, well, I don't even have to answer that one, you buried your own hole on this board there. Thanks for doing that job for me. Have a wonderful, pleasant day.

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