70 Year Old Mom That Won't Go to a Doctor North Shore

Updated on October 06, 2006
C.D. asks from Winnetka, IL
4 answers

Help! I am worried about my mom. My mom has always been a thin, stylish, hip mom. Around the age of 60 years old she started to let herself go. She is now extremely over weight. Her knees hurt her, she has a skin problem all over her legs(she is seeing a derm), she's very testy, very intollerent, not happy at all. She's secretive about her health and will not tell you if she feels bad. If you ask she will bite your head off and get very defensive. Her clothes are too small but you can't buy her new clothes because if you buy her size she gets angry that you think she is that big. She has a terrible snoring problem, I am sure she is not sleeping well. She sleeps during the day and yet she sleeps at night too. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, my sister is going through a terrible divorce, my brother was in Iraq and came home not the same, I am going through a divorce but I try and act like everything is great so she doesn't take me on as a plight also. My father is a typical old fashioned he rules the roost kind of guy, and now after being married 49 years she decided she's going to take him on, but only in front of us kids. He even looks at her funny and she goes off on him. Is this normal? She already went through menapause,(without a doctors care, it was a bad time for everyone)she will not go to a doctor, hasn't gone to one since my sister was born 42 years ago. What do I do? Has anyone else gone through this? How do I help her? (I just emailed her and asked her how she was, she emailed me back, "What is that supposed to mean"...that is the way she is now)
So if anyone has any suggestions I would really like to know, Thanks

What can I do next?

  • Add your own comment
  • Ask your own question
  • Join the Mamapedia community
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers


answers from Chicago on

Hi C.!

I really don't have any suggestions except above all else "force" her to go see a doctor. Whatever you have to do, get her to go. Pretend you're taking her somewhere else, bribe her, tell her that you guys will never speak to her again ... whatever it takes ...

Last year after not being able to get my mom to answer the phone, or the door, we went over to her house and broke out a window to get in (she had changed the locks). I found her in her bed dead. She was 62. Like your mom she had become mean, intollerable, and very defensive. It got to the point that if you said hello, she'd ask why you were speaking to her. So needless to say it was VERY hard communicating with her. Also like your mom, she had not been to see a doctor in many, many years. Anytime I mentioned it she bit my head off. So eventually I stopped asking, but I felt guilty because being an only child I felt as though it was my responsibility. I guess I should have listened to that guilt, but we get so caught up in our own lives that just getting through the day is a challenge. And not wanting to meet with any more resistance, or deal with any more stress, you lose energy to "fight the fight" - if that makes any sense. So as to not make this into a novel (smile), my advice to you is to get her some help by whatever means necessary. I really DO understand just how difficult that may be, but if anything were to happen to her; wouldn't you want to be able to say that at the very least you did everything you could?

Please let me know how it turns out.

God Bless!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I think you should call around and see of you could get any doctor's to come to your house and brief them before they come.
You could also try and use your kids as an excuse to go and get her to the doctor, say things like "Sally" is worried all the time because Grandma won't go to the doctor...etc..
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

My mom is very similar, but i finally said if you want to see the grand kids and my brother said the same thing and us then go with me to the doctor you will feel so much better, she found out she had a thyroid condition that causes those mood swings and weight gain, since she is on medication she feels so much better. Try push and push. Hope this helped. B.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I agree. Do whatever it takes to get your mother to a doctor NOW. She surely will have health issues from going so long without care. Also, she sounds depressed. She needs to be evaluated by a psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker. If she is evaluated/treated in this way, she might become interested in caring for herself in other ways.
Just do what you can. It sounds like you have a very heavy load, yourself.

Next question: Potty Training My 3 1/2 Year Old Boy