7 Year Old Stealing

K., unlike some of the previous posts, I don't believe that your step daughter needs a therapist. At least not yet. In my home I have 2 step sons (now 18 & 13) and 2 daughters (now 8 & 10). My youngest daughter went through a phase where she was taking things too. Of course we sat down with her and talked to her at first. We thought that was the end of it, but it wasn't. But when something came into question again and her dad was seriously pissed off, I told her that she could come clean to me without me yelling at her. I just kept reminding her of this. Eventually she came clean and true to my word, I did not yell. But I did make her return the object (which was highly embarrassing) and apologize. She had this happen twice where I had her return the object. I suggest that you think about giving her an "out" where she won't get yelled at. Then follow through with whatever consequence you think is fit. Talk to her about how she would feel if someone took something of hers and about getting positive attention. After her "punishment/consequence" make sure to praise her if she takes/does it without much or any complaint. Praise her for doing the right thing and taking responsibility. I know this might sound silly, but I have found that positive reinforcement after a punishment really does work. It shows the kids that you know they didn't like it, but that you know they "took their medicine", so to speak. That you are proud of them for behaving the right way. Good luck. And if this behavior persists, then you may have to look for professional help, but I feel that to do that too soon can add to the problem. She might feel then that she is in control of the situation and getting you to do what she wants instead of the other way around. Or she might feel cornered. My younger step son went though a spell like this and his mother put him in therapy. He was kind of "fed" by the therapist and learned to work us all. Claiming that he didn't get enough attention, that he felt as though we all were ganging up on him. Personally I think this was all bullpoop. When I had him start writing tasks ("I will not take things that are not mine" -100 X's) etc., he finally started to respond. When he had things of his "stolen", he started to learn how it felt. When he had to return and apologize that is when he finally woke up. Taking the time (even though it didn't seem too important at the time) to praise him -and I mean really well, was the start to the complete turn around. He learned that by doing the right thing he got better results from all of us. Even offereing something that he really wanted to do (go to the skatepark on saturday for 2 hours) as a reward worked well. So, as you can see, this did work for my family. I hope that I have helped you at least a little. She is definately looking for attention, but you have to turn it into the right kind. Maybe some one-on-one time with Dad as a reward. Food for thought.

At 7 she doesnt really get the concept of stealing. She needs to be punished immediately when she steals, and I would punish her by THROWING AWAY one of her treasured toys. This is stealing.. the person never gets their things back if you take them, so I am going to take something away from you forever. Dont give in and give her back the toy, make sure she sees it go into the trash and then the garbage truck if possible. She will figure it out.

Poor sweetie. I agree with the previous poster: something else is going on for her and stealing is just a symptom. It sounds like all her parents work well together, which is a great place to start. Call a child therapist today and get her in ASAP. You need a neutral expert who can help you get to the bottom of what is going on in her mind that would cause this behaviour.

It sounds like the stealing is a symptom of something else going on. Try to involve a professional from her school or maybe a psychologist to get to the bottom of what is going on with her. She is old enough to know that stealing is wrong and she also knows that it upsets you. Good luck!

This is a serious cry for help. Please find a good child therapist or psychologist as soon as you can. She is lucky that both sets of parents are willing to work on this together. Ask her school counselor or pediatrician for recommendations. Children who steal when they already have all they need do it for a variety of attention-getting negative reasons. We've been there. Therapy is the key to helping the child see that there are more effective ways of getting what he or she needs. Also, don't take this problem as a sign that any of you are bad parents. You are good parents who have a tough issue to confront. Get professional help. My prayers are with you.

I had that problem once with one of mine and strangely stuff started disappearing from his room, lol, of course it was me. I then had a long discussion with him as to his missing his toys and clothes and suddenly he realized "I can't take what doesn't belong to me, others can't take my posessions" By the way 7 is really kind of young to totally realize the concept of "stealing" they just think 'they want it so they can take it for themselves"

Listen, I am going through the SAME EXACT thing with my son right now. We are seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. We are working on it. My son also has ADD which they think is the main reason. No impulse control. However, we have not completely nipped it yet. I was just told to do the “natural consequences” too, but taking something and throwing it out. I am going to try this the next time too. My main reason is to tell you NOT to include the school. I did that. BIG MISTAKE!! He is now labeled. They think he is lying when he is not and they immediately go to him when something is missing. I actually have a conference scheduled next week. This school has been AMAZING to my son. This year, the teacher, is different. Keep this at home. The school doesn’t need to know unless its absolutely necessary. My son’s self esteem when to the waste side because this teacher is constantly thinking he is the culprit right from the start. I hate it!! Its my fault. On the advice of his therapist and his Dr., they advised me to have a conference w/ the principal and to stop telling them about this. It does NOT need to be known there. Now I understand why it doesn’t. Please, if you listen to anything, listen to this. I am wrecked with the pain that I have caused him. The principal is going to get an earful from me next week, but the damage is done. I thought this teacher was compassionate and understanding. WRONG!! Please let me know how you make out. I would love to talk to someone one on one and share stories and support. Thanks…

BTW...I did what JESSICA C. said to do. For us it didnt help. If it doesnt help you either, please get help. We tried everything with my son. We are still trying. At 10 years old..you cant be a bad kid. He just keeps stealing and lying too.

I went through this with my oldest daughter at age 10...she's now 22. She started stealing from the girls scout hoagie orders and they would not do anything about it. Next it went on to stealng from my friend, whom didn't do anything. She upgraded to stealing from stores and then from me. I tried to get someone on the police force to do something about it but they would not. They only gave her fines...I had to pay. This was just the beginning of her problems. She started smoking at age 13, drinking and drugs at age 14..I had to get children services involved to get her the help she needed. She got it and has been great ever since.

You need to nip this in the butt immediately. If you don't show her that this is wrong and has negative consequences, she will keep on doing it....and get worse.

Keep in mind, this is a behavioral issue. Get her into counseling. Let the agencies out there know you need help before they come knocking on your door.

Nanc

This sounds exactly like the story of ME, when I was seven years old. I was caught doing the exact same things, and I still do not have a reason WHY I did it, I just DID. I could never explain why to my parents. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND bringing her to a therapist, specifically dealing in juvenile cases, and preferably a psychologist or psychiatrist, not just a counselor. As hard as it may be to think about, she may have something more serious going on. I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar II, and am living a happy, healthy life, but it took me sending MYSELF to a psychiatrist to get all of my behavior figured out and diagnosed. What you are explaining, and the age your stepdaughter is at, is an often misdiagnosed symptom of Bipolar. There was even an article in my local paper regarding this exact scenario, and how often it goes undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, or completely untreated until much later in the child's life. Good luck, and if you have ANY other questions or concerns PLEASE feel free to message me on here privately to discuss.

Hi K.,
This is a touch subject. Sounds like your step-daughter is looking for attention. My suggestion is to take her to a therapist.
Did you make her take the items back and admit that she stole them? Also, you might take her to the police station, (of course call ahead) and have a police officer talk to her and explain what the consequences are.

Hi K.,

I just saw an episode of Nanny 911 where the daughter was stealing from the mom's purse. I don't remember what the nanny did, but it sounds like maybe they could help you. I noticed at the end of the show they said that they were casting more families now. I'm sure there is a website. Anyway, good luck with everything. Oh, here, i just found the posting on the CMT website. ____@____.com Anyway, good luck!

M