7 Year Old Son Constantly Whines and Cries

It sounds like he's used to do this type of thing & getting his way. Your post sounds as if you had another quarter - you would have attempted to get him another ball out of the machine. I know that "might have" ended the tantrum for the moment - but it just breeds more tantrums for later. Kids know how to push buttons & if it works - they do it more often & better the next time.

Had that been my child - we would have left as soon as the fit started. Three balls out of the machine would have been more than enough. I believe if you get stern & your realizes that his behavior is costing him fun & outtings - you'll have a better chance of him changing his behavior.

If you've talked to your ped & they have said your son doesn't have any medical issues that are causing this behavior - than it's just his bad behavior. You'll have to nip this soon & it won't be fun or easy on you - but in the long run you'll appreciate it & so will he. It sounds like it might help his reputation in the neighborhood too?

Don't be afraid to get tough mom - next time this behavior starts - tell him this "fun activity ie: game room or whatever else you are doing with him" is OVER & we're going home. When you get home - there should be a consequence too. At 7 years old (assuming no medical issues) he should have more self control or at this points needs to learn it.

Be strong mom - you can do this. You've got all summer :>)

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Let's see, your son is the cry baby of the neighborhood and it's getting worse and worse. Most kids grow out of it but they do so because they realize that behavior is unacceptable by their peers. Your son doesn't "get it" though. You don't know why?
You bought him 3 bouncy balls before he got the one he wanted! I'm sure, it's only $0.75, right? God forbid he get a pink ball. Then he lost the one that he liked and expected another. Had you had another quarter, would you have bought him a new one? Does he know that? YES! Well, why wouldn't you go cash in a dollar for him to get another ball? You didn't have one? Why wouldn't you go get more money out of the ATM so you could get more quarters so he could get another ball?
Sounds like your son usually gets what he wants when he wants it, right? If he doesn't he has a fit; thus, he's a cry baby. His peers know it and tease him for it but it's the only way he knows how to get what he wants.
Sure it's easier to avoid a fit and give in to our kids every desire but is that the right thing to do? That's what you need to ask yourself.
Sounds like he probably gets mixed messages from you and no doesn't always mean no. I would imagine you tell him no sometimes and if he cries you give in and let him have or do what he wants.
If you want things to change with him, it needs to start with you. It's hard to do! Nobody likes to see their child upset especially when we bend over backwards to try and make them happy in the first place, like by buying 3 bouncy balls so he can get a color he likes. Obviously you have good intentions and love your child but you do have a choice to make on whether these outbursts are acceptable or not and it begins with you setting boundaries of what's right and wrong everytime and not letting his poor behavior drive your decisions.
There's a big differece between a spoiled child and a spoiled rotten child. It's discipline and consistancy of the parents.

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Hi J.!
My advice?? GET TOUGH!! My guess is that he is not doing this at school because there are such things as RULES and BOUNDARIES there and he knows that there is a CONSEQUENCE for acting out there.

Our children know how to "work us moms" to get what they want and if it works, then they will become Oscar Winning Nominees and show their performance anytime that they are on stage (in public).

It is up to us to change this behavior. I know of a mother of 3 that are of similar ages to your boys but the third is about 2. He is the world's BEST performer in public and will fall out in screaming fits at a moments notice. All of the other parents have now joined in with the "Just give him what he wants so that he can SHUT UP mantra."

Belive me.. this is the WRONG action to take. He does not act that way when dad is around because dad will take him to the men's room for an attitude adjustment. Whether it's a stern talking to or a quick swat to the bottom I am not sure.. but when he comes out, he is walking tall and is no longer crying...

About the issue with the ADD, it's great to et him tested, but I think that you would have, as a mother, known if there was something awry LONG before now.. if not, the teachers sure would have and they would have brought it to your attention.

Nope- I think this is a classic case of "spoiled brat-ism" and the cure for that is good-ole tough love.

My grandmother always said, "if you give-em everything now.. get ready to keep em later!" Meaning, no one else will want to deal with them when they are older.

Please mold him into the "little man" that I'm sure he can be so that when he is older, he will be the BIG man that someone else will want. Not a spoiled, self-centered, egotistical, man that is incapable of sharing... we have enough of them.

Good luck and God Speed... for his sake as well as the neighborhood!! LOL!!

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Quit giving attention to the pity party. If he knows he's going to get a big audience every time anything goes wrong, he'll be turning on the water works. Things happen - it's life. Let him carry on and throw his tantrum. When he calms down, ask him if he wants to talk to you about the issue like a big boy. The more spotlight you give to every little thing that goes wrong, the more dramatic these episodes will continue to be.

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I know some say that you need professional help. I disagree. Since there is such a large difference in age between your children. they are like only children. I can guess that many of these tantrums started a long time ago but just more mild in intensity. You need to take control and set some ground rules and stick by them. Example: He got the ball out of the machine. It should have been decided prior to even using the machine how many ball he would get to get. And what would happen if he got a pink ball. When he got a ball that was not pink he still wanted another. You should have said NO! and stuck by it by taking his hand and walking out of the store. There was no discussion to have with him. He got a ball that was not pink and he still wanted more and you gave it to him. He is learning that a tantrum will get him more and it will only get worse.
My son is now 18 years old but I remember those younger years. My husband laid down the law and certain things were not going to be happening, one being throwing tantrums in public. We as parents are the mentor of our children and we allow tantrums to pave the way it shows the public what kind of mentors we really are.
If we were in a store and our son decided to throw a tantrum, my husband took him to the car/truck with no discussion. Our son did not like this and soon he learned that if he asked nicely for something he usually got it and if we said no, it was no.
Children need to learn that the world is not always fair. Have you even seen the show Super Nanny? There is a website for that show www.supernanny.com . There is a lot of good advise on helping parents with problem children. Also try the focus on the family website. There is a lot of good Christian advice for all families, big or small.
Don't give up stand up as a parent and be firm. You can do it....

God bless,
S.

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Reality Therapy. The next time you ask him to do something or ask something of him and he doesn't do it or cannot do it, throw the exact kind of fit he does. Stomp, carry on, cry, wail, lay down in the middle of the floor....

See how he responds. Don't placate him by asking him if he thinks it's silly or anything - just go about your business after that and let him stew on it. Then the next time he starts to throw a fit, throw one right along with him. At some point he will see it's not productive.

Also, he has to learn that you have to accept the way things are and things are not going to go his way and that there will be things that happen that aren't pleasant in life. He has to learn to roll with it. Or, as one post said, spoil em now be ready to keep them later.

My twin sister's kids act like this all the time. They throw full blown fits and one is 8 and one is 11. If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will. They've been doing this forever. Funny, they don't do it when they are with me at my house or out with me. They don't do it with grandma or grandpa and they don't do it at school.

I've gone so far as to take them right home (1 1/2 hour away) the times they tried it with me. They don't do it no more.

I tell them unless you are bleeding, broke a bone, or something truly tragic has happened - dry it up. Save the drama for when you really need it.

Quit putting up with it Mom. You are a good mom - you are concerned about him, you love him, take him places, try to give him fun times and things to do - he has nothing to be unhappy about.

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A kid having a temper tantrum in a public place is the worst. Remember all it takes it one time for you to give in for them to learn that tantrums can work in their favor. I know sometimes it just easier to give in and sometimes with some kids it okay, but with others (like your son) they take it to the extreme everytime. My advise would be don't let him get away with anything, be consistant in how you handle the situtation. He'll eventually learn but it's going to take some time be patient. As to what some of the other posters said about being "sensitive", I have to disagree being sensitive doesn't make a kid have temper tantrums. To me it just sounds like a excuse to justify the behavior.

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Was it part of your plan to let him have three balls or did you give in even though a vending machine is a game of chance? Do you give in at the store and almost always get something for your child? If he has homework is it done right away or do you give into a game or play or television show? Does he have to eat what you are eating at the dinner table or is it a short order cook situation? What is his bedtime? Does he make it there most of the time on time? If the answer to most of these is he is the winner. Time for you to start behaving and being a more strict parent with consistency. If it is not the case start taking a look at some behavioral techniques to help you "QUIET" the behaviors. There is a person who does a program I think it is Raise the calm or Feel the Calm. He comes around and does parenting programs for kids who learn differently. Let me know if you want the actual name and I will e-mail it to you. Sometimes our babies of our families are the hardest to know how to raise because we still want to have our baby

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My first question would be: does it happen at school too? I've taught lots of kids who are angels for me, but monsters at home. They know what they can get away with in each situation. My 4 year old recently starting having tantrums that were worse and more often than when she was younger, so I read the book 1-2-3 Magic. We were already using counting and time-outs, but I learned one huge mistake I was making. I would try to reason with her, and the book makes the point that no child on the verge of a tantrum is going to suddenly say, "you're right mom, I see it your way"! Now I explain once (no you may not eat a snack before dinner) and if she persists, I start counting. We have almost eliminated the tantrums by being consistent. It's a tough job, but if you create a discipline plan and stick with it, you will see results. Good luck!!!

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It shouldn't matter how impossible it is to give him what he wants, why would you indulge a mere child to "get his own way" whenever you can make that happen? What must your 14 year old think? Probably that the 7 year old is spoiled rotten and is probably VERY jealous of him. The more you indulge this child the worse he'll get. None of us get our way all the time or even half the time. How is the 7 year olds teacher sopose to deal with this behavior wen she has a whole classroom to contend with? You better straighten him out. Let him stomp his feet and screem in his room. You should have left the game place immediately. Punishment has to be at the time, not half an hour later. You could have put the alloted quarters in the billiard table to release all the balls but next time you go there, give him only 1 quarter and what he gets is what he gets...that's life and he needs to learn it NOW.

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Although some of our advice may sound harsh, we are correct. You need to get some tough love. Your first mistake was letting him have three chances at getting the ball he wanted. How many quarters were you willing to shell out til he got the right colored ball? Set boundaries at the get-go. Let him know that if you are going to let him have a treat that it's just the one and he has to be happy with what he gets. You wouldn't return all his birthday presents just because he didn't get the one(s) he expected, would you? We have to show our children that the surprise is the gift.

Another mom said that you need to remove him immediately from the situation if he acts out. I totally agree. Seven is a little old to start teaching him this, but it's really never too late. When my kids were toddlers they acted out at the grocery store and I warned them to behave or we were leaving. They didn't improve and I left the cart with the groceries and took them out immediately. They never did it again. Oh there were little incidents, but I reminded them and said I'd do it again. They remembered it and would behave. You may need to do this from time to time. I'd suggest even planning it. Have it in your head to take him somewhere and know in advance that you're going to use that tactic and if he acts out - take him home and send him right to his room. Let him know that when he's ready to apologize for his behavior and act his age he can come out.

You've let him get away with this for much too long, and it's not gonna fix itself and it won't happen overnight. Get ready to work really hard, you son will be the better for it (and so will the rest of the family). You may want to ask the teacher how he acts at school and let her/him know that you are working on improving your son's behavior. The teacher will welcome this and probably work with you on it, coz he's probably testing the teacher's limits too.

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What helps with my 7-year old when she gets like this is to:

1. Let her have a fit. We tell her that she can come talk to us about it when she's done. Then we let her be angry (so long as she's not destroying or hurting anything). We completely ignore her until she's done, turning our back to her so she knows we're not even watching.

2. When she's done we let her tell us about it. We ask her questions like "why were you frustrated?" We let her tell us about the incident from the very beginning. We are interested and we don't invalidate her, but instead try to get her to elaborate on the story.

3. Usually putting it into words helps her see clearly, and usually she can start to see how she caused the frustration, not us. If not, we ask her questions to help her see how she caused it (without telling her she was wrong).

4. We always end with a "what are you going to do about it?" We try to coach her into coming up with her own solution, we try not to make suggestions. Usually she'll come up with something like "I won't play with my ball outside" or "I'll save up my allowance to buy a new one."

We realized that most of her anger was at herself and also she felt powerless to do anything about it. So by helping her to see how she COULD do something about it, we've curbed the angry outbursts. She still has them, but we've found that when she gets angry she's more willing to skip the drama and just talk to us about it. In fact, last time she got mad she stood up from the table and said "I'll be right back, I'm going to go have some drama." Then she went to her room and screamed loudly. Then she walked calmly back to the dinner table and announced "I'm done having my drama now. Can I have dessert?" LOL!

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J.,
I feel your pain. I'm facing similar challenges with my 6 year old son. The challenge to my husband and I is that we dno't give in to every whim. We have been firm and cinsitent regarding boundaries. when a tantrum starts it is the end of the discussion. But still my son remains very sensitive, a trait which I am not willing to discourage. His sensitivity is part of his empathic nature to help others in need. And yet he is not as verbally expressive as his older sister, a fact that I attribute more to biology than anything else. So, debriefings after a meltdown are rarely fruitful.
What I am discovering is that we are walking a fine line in our house between validating his feelings and essentially permitting him to make himself upset.
What works best for us is to remove him from the situation as quickly as possible (timeouts after a car ride home only make matters worse). this requires some intentionality about where we go, and some tremendous creativity when weare in public. I've had to be willing to stop what I'm doing to take him to a safe isolated place where he can have his fit. I keep my response as flat as possible, no judgement of him or his feelings but not lettingmyself get suck into it either. Explainations of why I can't help him or give him what he wants are pointless at this juncture.
When its over, I offer him the opportunity to discuss it, but generally still have to be the one to name what I saw. He can then either agree or disagree. Either way, we come to the bottomline that the total meltdown was of no assitance to his cause.
It has helped some. the meltdowns are further apart and yesterday when I sent him to his room to "work that out", he stopped crying in less than 5 minutes.
Not sure if any of this helps you but, I'm there with you.
ABOUT ME: married-working-student mom of 3 expressive children (ages 8, 6 & 3)

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Repeat after me:

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

This is what you need to say to your son whenever he doesn't get his way. If you continue to overindulge him and always try to smooth things over for him, your life is going to get tougher and tougher and his expectations of mommy cleaning up the mess will get higher and higher. So many mothers have given such great advice here on helping you help your son develop some resilience to the 'game of life' instead of giving in to his every whim just to avoid a tantrum.

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He needs to learn that he doesn't get everything he wants, that is life! I personally would not of kept giving him money to get another ball, because it was pink, who cares what color it is. If he was three I could see that would maybe cause a tantrum, but not seven, you simply say, that is the one you got and that is the one you have to play with or I will take that one away, then you won't have any to play with! I'm sorry but we are strict with our sons, we have a 6 year old and a 21 month old. We might make them mind, but we get nothing but compliments about how "well behaved and well mannered they are! Now, I certainly am not saying they are perfect, far from perfect! But, we are the parents and are responsible for teaching them that in life, you don't get everything you want. Good luck!

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This is a faze that he is going through he will stop, he just needs a little love and care. Don't worry he will be fine.

There could be tons of reasons why he reacts this way but he obviously has trouble regulating his emotions and needs some extra support there. Why he has trouble with it is anyone's guess and it is not fair to say it is because you indulge him. We aren't walking in your shoes. I would try a more empathetic but firm approach as described in "Talk so your kids will listen, Listen so your kids will talk" Author Adele Faber. We have two very high strung, sensitive kids and this books helps a ton. I have recommended this book to so many friends and they have all praised it.

The second thing I would do is consult a family counselor. Sometimes a 3rd party is the best help - neutral and can help you get a fresh start with how you all deal with this. Additionally they could help identify other possible contributing issues like ADD.

Good Luck

Hi J.!
My heart goes out to you, as I've been there, and it makes you feel like a "bad" mom no matter what you decide to do, even though your not!!

My advice:

Try to visualize where your going ( like a game room ) and go through lots of scenarios in your head beforehand. Then take the time to talk w/ your son about it.....for instance: lets say his fave game is ski ball: tell him that you can't wait to see him play, and it makes you just as excited to watch him enjoy himself, as it does him; however, what would you do if all the ski ball games were broken? ask him? could you find another game? could you get a snack? etc etc.

The gumball thing, well, explain to him before hand, I will give you one, and I mean one quarter for a gum ball. If it's not a color you like, how will you react? If you have a fit, your going to get no gumballs, or you can take your chances on getting one gumball. It all looks the same after it's chewed anyway! So, if I were you ( tell him ) i'd take my chances and count myself lucky to get one gumball, instead of not getting any! if you don't like what you got, it's mine ( mommy's ), and pop it into your own mouth. if the tantrum continues, LEAVE!

Hope that helps! Good Luck!

My daughter has the same temperment as your son. One day, we were walking outside, and she tripped and fell. There was no visible injury, but she cried as if her leg was broken. I've tried so many other tactics, but this new one seemed to calm her down faster than others: I took her to a nearby stair, and we sat down for awhile. I did not scold her for exaggerating or give her more attention than the situation deserved. I simply said we'd quietly wait while she had the chance to calm down, and then we'd proceed in a few minutes. A couple minutes later, I said it was time to go. She willingly got up, and barely mentioned her leg again. Before this tactic, her behavior and my response would usually escalate to the point where she was crying uncontrollably, and I would become mad. On this occasion, I tried to show respect for her feelings, but mainly ignored her theatrics. Of course, if there was a true injury, I'd react differently... but I hope to teach my daughter not to "cry wolf".

I understand that your son is very sensitive. That being said, game rooms are horrible places. Way too much sensory overload.

My 11 yr old son is a big, really smart kid and is very sensitive. I tell him it is ok to cry. He needs to know that it is good to feel what he feels. Sometimes he cries out of frustration, sometimes out f compassion.

Do not punish him for having true feelings. Some people think that boys shouldn't show their emotions. Boys who are allowed to show their feelings will make better adults, better boyfriends and better fathers.

Maybe a little harsh, but I have to agree with M R

He's looking for attention---don't give it to him

I've found that when I try to reason with my whining, tantruming child, or even speak to her or him, the tantrum lasts much longer. Don't tolerate any whining or tantrums at all. If you're out and he starts to have a tantrum, take him home immediately. Sounds harsh, but it usually only takes a few times before he realizes you mean business.
Also, 1-2-3 Magic! has some good suggestions with different scenarios and how to react or prevent.
Good luck! Stay strong!

Have you given any thought to "play therapy"? Some children just need a little direction from an outside, unbiased and non-related individual to teach them how to deal with their emotions. Play therapy is becoming much more of a prevalent option for many parents. Something to think about. Good luck!

J., what is he like at school? If he does the same things then it is possible that there is more to it than just being spoiled or cranky. Sorry to say that. My son is now eighteen and I spent a lot of years with a cranky, crabby person who functioned quite well, played major parts in school plays and could have fooled the world at times but not us. He made our lives very unhappy with very similar things.I tried to make him happy all the time, give him things and not give him things. STerness might not be an issue. If there is any way to get some sort of help earlier in the area of counseling or testing (perhaps schools will help) do so, so you don't spend a lot of years going through a great deal of unhappiness. It came to the point where it could have happened that we could almost lose our son because I waited it out thinking it would get better or just accepted the occasional happy days. And this is not pleasant behavior from a teenager. WE ended up taking my son to a hospital in the middle of the night and for a months worth of treatment for depression and AD D. Yes seven years old can be chemically depressed or other things and only screaming and whining at times relieves a little of it for their poor little bodies of anxiety. Not saying that is what is wrong with your son but if you don't have to wait until he's eighteen like we unhappily did, you might have a very pleasant life with him.You can get him somewhere now, teenagers become stronger in the way they act. But maybe other mothers will come up with something easier and better.

While I agree with some of the "harsher" posts out there, where setting limits and being consistent with your discipline, etc... is absolutely necessary, please know that even with all that, more could be going on.

I have a 5 year old daughter who has total meltdowns more often than I care for when things don't go her way or as planned. And believe me, we DO NOT give in. But you know what - all that tough love hardly makes a dent in her behavior! It is the transitions that seem to send her over the edge. Try reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. My daughter is super sensitive too and in the book it talks about ways to help your child "deal" with his emotions. About flooding over... we are working on this with my daughter. Trying to help her learn ways to cope and get through or avoid her fits all together. I'll be honest, it only helps minimally. She is due for her check up soon and I plan to speak with our pediatrician. I worry that she has a mild form of Sensory Integration Disorder. She just cannot recover from her fits like a normal child. Once she gets "flooded" over there is nothing that will help. Sometimes it takes up to half an hour for her to get through it. As for removing your child from the situation, like some have suggested, and it is a good and valid one, it doesn't work so easily for us. For me, it only makes it worse. She is bigger now and physically "removing" her is not always possible as she can make it impossible for me to pick her up, she clings to me, it is ugly.

Sorry to ramble, just please know that if you are finding yourself still struggling talk to your ped., his teachers, etc... I have avoided thinking that something else beyond the normal kid stuff is going on, but I won't anymore. On a positive note, her behavior now compared to her toddler years has GREATLY improved, so it goes to show that tough love and consistency do pay off, but when that still creates loopholes... seek additional help.
Be strong and hang in there!!!!