26 answers

7 Year Old Girl Touching Herself

Well, I don't know how to react, my daughter did it yesterday while watching tv, she says it's not the first time. I know they explore their bodies and all, but I'm angry anyways. She was watching tv, and a friend was there, and she did it anyways, with a friend there. They didn't do anything together, the other one asked her what she was doing (she had her clothes on) and then she realized that the other one noticed and that she was in trouble, so she went and told me that she had done something that she wasn't suppose to. Any ideas how to deal with it??? I'm sooo disappointed and mad, I don't know why, but I am, maybe I want my daughter to be perfect???? she's such a great student, but right now all I can think of is this.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks everyone! She did tell me yesterday that she does it because it tickles, and it feels good. I am mad at myself, maybe I should have said that, because I'm angry, I know it's natural and all, but I can't help but get mad, so I'm mad at myself too, if that makes sense, sorry, it's hard to explain. Thanks to everybody and your stories helped me to see that a lot of moms go thru the same, so a lot of kids. I guess it upset me that she did it in front of somebody else, and she's 7, she knows what private means. Well, everything will get better. I know she is perfect in her own little way, all kids are, but I don't want to be expecting too much of her, or being "pushy" too much. Well, I'm gonna leave it here, because I'm making a mess of myself. Thank you ladies!

Featured Answers

First of all, it's not the end of the world. I did it a lot myself as a very young child because it felt good and not a lot else around me did. Even in preschool I knew it was a good way to diffuse the stress I felt. Do not be disappointed or feel she's not perfect. It isn't about you. Tell her in private that if she feels that's something she needs to so, to do it in private, with her door closed.

1 mom found this helpful

My personal opinion is this is quite normal. I think the part you need to worry about is her doing it in front of people. My son used to do this (he is 7)without thinking and I sat down with him and told him it was very inappropriate to do that in front of people but that I understood he wanted to explore his body but to do it alone. He has stopped. Anytime I see him doing it in the room while watching tv even if no one is in there.....I tap him and he stops. He forgets. I have since found him in the shower fiddling but he now gets embarrassed so he stops when I come in. Thank goodness!!!
Also, I remember being a young girl and having a friend who used to do this. She used to tell me very innocently 'Have you ever tried this because it kinda feels good' well, I didnt then but I did when I was much older. Try not to be angry and make her think she is bad just teach her to be respectful of others and be alone whilst doing it. We are certainly in a society that tries to be perfect so I work daily in trying to change that with my outlook as a parent.
Goodluck!

1 mom found this helpful

You shouldn't get mad or make her feel that she is doing something completely wrong or she may feel ashamed of her body. You should explain to her that what she is doing is normal, but that there is an appropriate time and place. Explain that touching should be done in private only and only by her - NO ONE ELSE. It is awesome that she came to you to tell you what she had done. If you react negatively or get mad at her, she may not tell you later when it is REALLY important! Good luck! I know its got to be hard! I have one girl now and another on the way...I am just waiting for this time to come!

More Answers

Wow. All the comments are really shocking to me. I am a devout Christian and didn't realize that so many people feel that it is okay for a "child" to masterbate as long as she/he does it in private. Let's call a spade a spade.

Yes, it is normal to children to be curious about their bodies. But it is our responsibility to guide and direct them.

K., sounds like you do not want your child touching herself. I have 2 girls and from a young age I taught them about there bodies and that there private parts were private. I do not agree with masterbation and I taught them (lovingly) that we are to respect our bodies and there private areas are God given and very special and should not be "played" with and touched inappropriately by anyone not even themselves. There are many other ways to comfort and relax themselves which doesn't include touching there private parts.

This is just my view because it sounds like you are not okay with her "touching" herself.

Talk to her about it during a nice quiet time and explain why she should touch herself. Make sure she understands that she is not a bad person for doing it. I definitely wouldn't punish her or react angrily but if you see her doing it just remind her about your conversation and give her something else to do.

Sorry in advance to all the moms who don't agree with my viewpoint.

D.

3 moms found this helpful

I am offended that a grown woman is mad and angry with a 7 y.o. for doing something completely natural. Touching your vagina feels good! God made it feel good so we would, eventually, procreate. It is our job as parents to teach boundaries without adding our own hang ups to it. Perhaps you should talk to your pediatrician. Treat it like picking your nose- it is something that we some times do and it should be done in private. And the stronger you react to it the more she might rebel against you and do it more.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi K.:

I have been down this road before. My daughter also did the touching thing. I immediately thought that someone was doing it to her, so I ended up taking her to her ped. From what I was told children are just exploring their bodies. They are apparently understanding that they have different parts and are just amazed by them. SHE WILL GROW OUT OF IT. However, in the mean time as long as you know that no one else is touching her, don't make her feel ashamed of her body. Simply tell her that somethings are not appropriate. She is your perfect girl regardless!! Trust me when I say...you ain't seen nothing yet. If it makes you feel better, my daughter told me that boys have been asking for her to be their girlfriend!! This will be just drop in the river of her life. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

2 moms found this helpful

Relax mom! I know it's easier said than done, but your daughter is doing something very normal and natural. I think that does make her perfect! What she needs to learn are the social rules. Be very careful with this one... you don't want to shame her or make her feel guilty about her body or sexuality. If I was in your shoes, I'd tell her it's ok to touch her body, but touching private places should be done privately. She'll figure it out - by getting older if nothing else. Best if you handle it, instead of her friends. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My personal opinion is this is quite normal. I think the part you need to worry about is her doing it in front of people. My son used to do this (he is 7)without thinking and I sat down with him and told him it was very inappropriate to do that in front of people but that I understood he wanted to explore his body but to do it alone. He has stopped. Anytime I see him doing it in the room while watching tv even if no one is in there.....I tap him and he stops. He forgets. I have since found him in the shower fiddling but he now gets embarrassed so he stops when I come in. Thank goodness!!!
Also, I remember being a young girl and having a friend who used to do this. She used to tell me very innocently 'Have you ever tried this because it kinda feels good' well, I didnt then but I did when I was much older. Try not to be angry and make her think she is bad just teach her to be respectful of others and be alone whilst doing it. We are certainly in a society that tries to be perfect so I work daily in trying to change that with my outlook as a parent.
Goodluck!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that children seem to "explore" however I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your daughter. I am not saying anything has "happened" but better be safe than sorry.
I have twin daughters and they were basically raised around my nephews and their sister (my neice). They moved away from here to a different state and we went to visit them for a weekend. Two weeks after we got back I caught them both in a very sexual position and I was freaked out of course. After questioning them both I found out that weekend that my nephew had touched them inappropriately.
I believed them because they were only 4 at the time and didn't think that a 4 year olds could just come up with a lie to such a degree. My thought was they had to of seen or had something done to them in order to learn what I witnessed.
My nephew did finally fess up to it to some degree but I know what my daughters did and I know what they told me and I believe them over my nephew-period. I realize that my girls are not complete angels but I just had to go with my gut-unfortunately it was right. I personally do not speak to my brother-in-law or sister-in-law because of the situation and how they handled it, and it breaks my heart in two because my kids were always so close to their cousins. I now have to worry about "parties" because I don't trust my girls not to do this same type of thing to someone elses child. I feel alot of guilt but honestly it was something out of my control and I would have never imagined that my nephew would do something like this. It is so much easier to hate a stranger for doing something like this to your child than it is a "family" member. The relationship as a whole has been ruined and I have forgiven my nephew because he himself was a victim somewhere down the line. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law refused to take him to see anyone besides the preist of their catholic church to explain to him that it was wrong in God's eyes. They said they really couldn't "afford" to take him to see a professional. As a whole I think the whole situation could have been resolved a whole lot better than what it was-but what is done-is done. Follow your gut and you might just want to contact a child psycholigist just to get some direction on "how" to question her if you don't feel comfortable enough doing it on your own. I hope and pray that exploration is all-but this day and time you just never ever know and I would have a serious conversation with her. At least she is 7 rather than 4 she would have a little more understanding than my girls were at the time my situation occurred.

1 mom found this helpful

First of all, it's not the end of the world. I did it a lot myself as a very young child because it felt good and not a lot else around me did. Even in preschool I knew it was a good way to diffuse the stress I felt. Do not be disappointed or feel she's not perfect. It isn't about you. Tell her in private that if she feels that's something she needs to so, to do it in private, with her door closed.

1 mom found this helpful

I have to agree with the others here... it is totally natural, and while we all know this, it's still a shock to see it. I haven't had this experience with my kids (they're too young), but as a teacher, I've had parents ask me about it. Your best bet is to do what the other moms have said... tell her it's normal, and that you know it feels good and is somewhat of a curiosity to her, but that it's best done in private, just like changing your clothes. And if you see her doing it, just remind her. Don't stress, but don't worry too much about your feelings about this, either-- it's also normal for you to be upset about it, because it's an emotionally charged issue for many of us.

1 mom found this helpful

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