Hi,
My 7 yr old son is in 2nd grade. I do not get a ton of information out of him in regard to how the school day goes or who he plays with. He is a seemingly happy and confident child. He always makes friends wherever we go, whether it be for a day or on vacation. However, when it comes to school, he seems to be less forthcoming with who he plays with and even mentions that he doesn't have a lot of friends at school.
At the beginning of the year, his teacher said he was confident and didn't seem to need to have the security of a group of friends and recently she said the social aspect is nothing to worry about as the kids really like him. This confuses me as he doesn't even seem to know too many names of the boys in his class and he has now attached to one child. They seemed to hit it off with the same likes and play together during recess until today when the boy told him he didn't want to play with him ever again. I think my son might have gone into - will you play with me tomorrow or the next day, mode. Which breaks my heart. Maybe he is just to much for the other kids and it's a turn off.
Any ideas on how i can handle this, or is this at all normal, or would that be way off? I tried to set up a playdate with this one boy who told him today he no longer wanted to play, so perhaps that's out now! He also has not been invited to a playdate this year...is that strange? Again, he is not branching out within his class. How can I help with this? I am not sure if this is him or if he's just not well taken to. I feel terrible and I am stressed over this.
Thanks!
Sounds perfectly normal. My son never talked a lot about school and has had the same best friend core group of friends that he made in kindergarten, he is 24.
Boys don't make a lot of friends, they don't have "playdates" they are just not like girls.
Sounds normal to me. I suggest that you wait and see how it plays out.
He doesn't need a whole bunch of friends. He's been happy and the teacher said the kids like him. There's nothing to worry about there.
And kids have disagreements, don't want to play together one day, and are back together the next. Or not, maybe the friendship has run it's course. In which case, he'll become friends with someone else.
This is normal at this age! Kids don't usually make firm friendships until later. Really most of the way through elementary school most kids have friendships that come and go. My daughter is 10 and in 5th grade and has gradually made more firm friendships at school. She also can strike up a temporary playmate at a playground or event pretty easily.
I have at times helped her work through friend issues, mostly just by asking questions so that she can decide how she wants to handle situations. I'm actually OK with her not having a really close friend, because next year at middle school, not all the same kids will be there, some will be attending a different school.
it sounds normal to me, My dd gets told every other day that so and so will never play with her again, until 5m ins later when the other little girl gets her way and does want to play again. my son doesn't tell me as much about it he just tends to play with someone else.
People are so busy that unless we invite they don't do playdates. and usually that does take some time to arrange.
It seems to me that if he is playing legos and kids want to play legos they will play with him and if he is playing cops and robbers and they want to play cops and robbers they will play with him,
I would only be stressed if there was something you are't mentoning and I'm not a mamapedia stalker so i'm not going ot take the time and go back through your posts.
As for names of the othr kdis, if you can volunteer that helps, if not if you bought a yearbook that can be handy for situations like these. Ask him to make a list of all the boys and then all the girls in his class and mabye he will be able to remember the names then.
he just might not want to answer you right when you ask him. try in the car or at bed time.
but i dont thinkyou should worry. Role play wtih him if it makes you feel better.
Maybe the deal breaker was the playdate. Maybe the kid's mom was trying to force him into the playdate and that turned him off his friendship with your son. I really think parents ought to stay out of their kid's social life unless there is something like a bullying situation. You could have asked your son to ask his friend if he wanted to come over one day after school. For you to do it, IMHO, is a bit much at this age. And I wouldn't worry about him not being invited to a playdate. I really think age 7 is a bit too old for mommy to be scheduling play dates.
Involve him after school activities so he has more opportunities to develop friendships. This will also keep him busy.
My oldest only had 1 or 2 best friends each year through elementary school. (Each year it was a new best friend). It was not until middle school, 6th grade, that she made lasting friendships. Her teacher's in elementary school always told me she was well liked by her classmates though and I had her involved in brownies/ Girl Scouts so I got to know the other girls and moms.
I have a 4th grader. Boy. He doesn't have "play dates." He "hangs out." Lol
I'd let him handle this in his best way.
I would 99.9% guarantee this is a bigger problem to you than to him.
Is HE concerned or upset?
If not, no need for you to be either.
Is he in sports or other activities? My son has frieds from age 3 and new buds through sports, etc.
Totally normal! My little boys have big dramatic blow ups with their buddies all the time. It's actually kind of funny to hear because their school has a social/emotional development program called "bucket fillers" that's really ingrained in the school culture. When you do things that help others and make them feel good, you're a "bucket filler" and when you do things that are negative, you're a "bucket dipper." Just today my 6 year old and his friend got into a fight here where they were yelling at each other about "you dipped my bucket first!" "well you dip my bucket when you boss me around!" "well you dip my bucket when you don't follow the rules!" "well I'm gonna empty your bucket!" "well I'm gonna put your bucket on your head!" It's all good, they'll still play on the playground tomorrow. Every few weeks I'll hear about how so-and-so will never be my friend, again EVER. We are SWORN ENEMIES! And it lasts for a couple of days and they're back again to being friends.
Anyway...my younger boys (the other is 8) set up their own playdates (and yes, that's what they call them). They'll literally say "who can I call for a playdate?" and then will get their class list from the binder, scan through it and call up whoever and invite the kid over. There are a few kids who they've called where they've left a couple of messages and got no return calls but for the most part, things usually work out. My kids are often the first to ask because they have older siblings and want to be social like them.
If I were you, I would ask him who he would like to play with after school and have him call the child and invite him over and see how it goes. I find that we all get busy and unless someone just stops and picks up the phone and calls, weeks and weeks go by without any socializing. So go ahead and have him call someone. But don't get anxious or stressed over this. There is no reason to believe that his teacher and he are not being accurate in saying that he has a fine time at school.
Oh my gosh it's so hard to agonize over this stuff, isn't it?
Looking back with my two sons (18 and 15 now) I wish I had just relaxed more with these issues. If he's fine at school and not complaining I wouldn't worry about it. Trust me - if he was not liked within his class, or doing annoying things that prevent friendships, you'd hear about it.
With this specific other kid, I would be casual. If there's no playdate acceptance forthcoming just gloss it. "Maybe another time sweetie." And I'd lure my son into a conversation about friendships at school in more general terms (maybe when you're riding in the car, or he's pretending to play something he likes). "Sweetie, it's probably good to be on good terms with everyone in your class if at all possible. You don't have to have a best friend or play with only one person. People change friends over time sometimes anyway."
I would not worry about this too much, yet, in other words. And I wouldn't stress about it in front of him (not that you are).
Good luck!
Are you able to go into the class? If there is a class christmas party I would volunteer to come in and help. That way you can get a better sense of how he relates with the other kids in his class.
The one thing I would make sure is that your son isn't a clingy kid-which it sounds like from your guess that he might have gone into future detail with his playmate-that he might be. From having 2 boys I do know that boys do not take well to this kind of behavior from their peers.
I wouldn't stress to much though...your son will notice and then you may have a self fullfilling thing.
My ten year old is kind of quiet and has basically had the same three best friends since grade one who he plays with at school and outside of school. My seven year old is quite popular at school and plays with everyone. Even so, he comes home and tells me "I'm not Sean's friend anymore.", but by the weekend he is asking to go to Sean's house, or "Jessy won't play with me", but then Jessy will call him over to play the next day. I would try to set up some more play dates. Some kids find it easier to get to know kids one-on-one as opposed to at school. I would just plan activities on the weekends and ask your son if there is a frined he would like to invite to come along.
Sometimes kids invest too much in one friend. Then if that friend moves away or even decides to branch out to other friends (maybe feels smothered) then the child is left bereft. Encourage your son to make multiple friends in multiple places (not huge numbers of friends). Also, you might want to take some action and make playdates for your child so he can better solidify those friendships, invite a friend to your home, or meet at the mall or a playground.
