7 Year Old Daughter and Bullying

The way I would handle it is to organize play dates so to speak. I would tell my daughters to invite just the ones they wish to play with over for a snack after school. Make a batch of cup cakes and buy some things to decorate them and let them decorate. get some bananas and markers and then buy a cheap pak of misc decorations and have a banana decorating thing. buy water balloons and fill them for them to have a water balloons fight with. Just small cheap things for them to do. By not inviting the bully and inviting the others they will come because you can give them something special to do and let the others know if they ask and only if they ask that when she (the bully) can start playing nice she is welcome to come but that her behavior is not allowed in your home. If the mother contacts you let her know the same. She will either quit so she can join in or be lonely and will come around on her own. But this way the other children are being invited not just going outside and saying hey lets go to my house. Just make it a couple times a week. If you are able and up to it have a sleep over with the others. I have found that bed rolls or sleeping bags, and some movies works great. Pop corn, with grape juice mixed with sprite to drink and a box of chocolate chips cookies from walmart bakery they will entertain themselves. Trust me by not inviting the bully her mother will take it personal as if she was not being invited to functions for adults and will address what the problem is. It may seem cruel but it works had the same problem with our son in the 5th grade. We had a party at the house and invited everyone from his class except him and his mom called to say he was very upset and crying and wanted to know if it was an oversight. She started out very rude telling me how wrong it was and then I informed her that I would not invite a child to my house that constantly name called and pushed other children around cause I wanted them all to relax and have fun and if he can learn to get along and be nice I would be glad to include him. He stoped immediately and the boys actually became friends. Good Luck.

If the bully comes to your house, you are in charge. If she starts to bully tell her to go home. Explain to her that she may return when she chooses to be nice, that you will not allow XYZ to be said/done at your house. If she wants to play with the other children, she will be nice.

I always told my girls that they were better off without friends than having friends that treat them badly.
We ended up with the neighborhood kids at our house most of the time and when one of the girls and sometimes a group would decide to try to bully the others the rest of the girls would tell them to go home. I stood behind them and they learned to do this anywhere they were playing. They also learned who the parents were that set bondaries and didn't want to go to the homes where the mothers didn't enforce the rules and make them feel safe.
Unfortunately, you may end up feeling like the neighborhood babysitter, but it is worth it to know your kids are safe.

Your house should be the most fun house on the block that everyone wants to play at. Bring out all the toys, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, host a craft, provide snacks, go all out! Then after they are hooked you get to also set the rules and influence how they play together. This requires you to be a very hands-on mom while you are hosting, and you get to visit and get to know each girl. It also gives you more leverage when you have to send the bully home, but all the other girls will want to stay and play. So far this approach has worked for my 3 girls and 7 other neighborhood girls. Some of the snacks I serve that are not too expensive are ice pops, make-it yourself popcorn, cupcakes and Kool-aid. For crafts we have done painting, spin art, make necklaces from a big bucket of beads, and free form art with pipe cleaners, pompoms, craft foam, magnets (all from Dollar Tree). The key is organized activities for a couple of weeks then you can slowly let them be on their own. Oh, I almost forgot. Be sure to ask if this girl is also a bully at school and do not hesitate to get the teacher, counselor and principal involved.

Have you addressed this girl directly during any of these incidents? She is 9 and old enough to understand that type of discussion. I know it's difficult to supervise them 100% of the time when you have a toddler, but it sounds like you need to deal with this situation yourself. good luck

This is tough, we have been there years ago.

The main rule I have and can enforce is if someone is at MY house. I will personally kick someone out (and escort them home) in a heartbeat if they are disrespectful to me, my home, and my family.

I have told several girls at different times, to go home due to behavior. Once my daughter was distrought because a "frined' said "if you want to be my friend you will give me....etc" We explained to daughter that no "friend" would have demands like that.

Other than that, our daughter has been well trained in martial arts which not only has a focus on self defense but self confidence and that made a world of differnece.

At 14, she is a confident young woman but we all know she can kick some a$$ if needed. She EARNED her black belt. We routinly have 12-14 kids here per weekend hanging out (because they have no other place to go) and it works out great.

My rule is...respect my property....you are welcome to hang out in a SAFE place.

I will note that the bullies you are facing today will fade away...and yes, sometimes it takes a while but your daughter will survive and thrive when she is confident that she has someone like YOU backing her up.

Good luck...many battles to come...many you can overcome.

I agree with the other posts, you are the boss when the child is on your property! This really is the best scenario... you can set the tone for what's acceptable behavior and what's going to happen when it's not. Take the Super Nanny approach and post the "rules" on a poster board - she's 9 and should be able to read them for herself! Then there's no question about the rules! Take the position that you are going to be the good parenting influence for this child (because it sounds like the parent is either ignoring the behavior or doesn't know how to correct it). You may end up being a great role model for this young lady! As far as when the kids are not on your property, teach your children how to respond to certain situations that might arise... role play, role play, role play... this will give them a firm ground to stand on when the situation does arise - and teach them to look out for eachother. If things don't improve or the children keep getting "bullied", then the rule may have to change to "You and so and so can only play here where I can keep an eye on things". BTW, I don't agree with a neighborhood intervention with the parent, I only believe that will result in hurt feelings and make things worse! Although, I don't think it would hurt to talk to the other parents invloved and agree on a plan for when this child is in eachothers homes with all the kids - maybe everyone can post the same set of rules and have the "walk the child back home" approach when rules are broken. Best wishes!!!!

Assuming the kids are playing outside, there's nothing that says you can't be out there, too. Just hang around on the outskirts, but the minute the bully starts acting up, intervene. Do it nicely but firmly. You will be role-modeling for all the other children how to take a stand against bad behavior. Most girls are brought up to be nice and play fair, so they don't have the skills to handle something like this. While I agree that the ideal solution is to get everyone over to your house, it doesn't always work out that way (even with lots of fun activities and snacks, although I love those suggestions and those moms - they're the best!).

We have had a similar situation in the past. I just gently inserted myself into the situations, told the child the behavior was unacceptable and he'd have to go home if he didn't quit, and after a couple of times, it resolved itself. At one point, the child's mom confronted me, but I explained that it was the behavior we were rejecting and not the child, and we took ample opportunity to demonstrate that in other situations (always being nice, saying hi, etc), so it worked out. This child still has some issues, but the kids feel more empowered now to confront him themselves, and they have also kind of grown out of playing all together like they used to, probably because they've been a mixed gender group and just naturally gravitate towards different kinds of play, now.

Good luck! It's not an easy problem to solve, but you've gotten some great input on ways to approach it. But never let anyone tell you that you can't tell kids how to behave even if they're on someone else's property. I think it's completely right for adults to intervene appropriately when things are getting out of hand with kids, no matter where. It's like being a coach and just directing the action a little bit, not trying to be in the game itself. And I also believe that if we demonstrate strong, healthy ways of dealing with negative behaviors, then we teach our kids and other kids how to take care of themselves in an appropriate manner - a very important life skill!

You can only control what happens in the situation at your home, so set the rule that hse has to leave or cannot come over if she can't play well with others. I'd say some positive reinforcement if she continues good behaviour (I'm at a loss on this one, though! :)

If other kids moms are aware of this same problem when she comes over to their place, brainstorm with them. A united mommy front may help. And maybe her mother will get the message and become a better parent on this matter. Good luck!

If the child is coming to your house to play or is outside your house playing, take her home and tell her mother her behavior is unacceptable. Have you talked to the parents of the other kids? Maybe you all need to get together and tell her mom that she is not allowed to play with any of your kids until the behavior is stopped.

NOW CASTING SUPERNANNY!!!!

Are your children driving you nuts?
Had enough sassy back talk, disrespect and shenanigans?

E-MAIL ____@____.com
INCLUDE FAMILY DESCRIPTION, YOUR NAME, THE NAMES AND AGES OF YOUR CHILDREN, ATTACH A FAMILY PIC AND INCLUDE CONTACT INFORMATION

ABC is looking for families with children (toddlers to teens) to take part in the hit television series
featuring Jo Frost, America’s #1 nanny!

The casting team of ABC’s popular parenting series SUPERNANNY is currently casting for season five. The casting team will be sending producers to TEXAS to find the next amazing families for the show!
This season producers are searching for families with unique interests; parents who have ordinary and extraordinary circumstances; teen moms, parents with mean girls or bullying boys, same sex parents, culturally diverse parents, and blended families where both sides are seeking help. Producers want families from every type of background who are ready for the opportunity of a lifetime—a visit from America’s number one nanny, Jo Frost!