7 Weeks Old & Wants to Be Held 24/7

Hi K., all 7 week old babies want to be held all the time! And I think it's because they really do need to be held all the time. Try to just enjoy it, smell his little head and feel him breathing. There's no way you can 'spoil' him, don't worry. He's a little guy, and ya'll didn't start any cycle by holding him so much at first. Seriously, they need that. By giving him the closeness he wants he'll bond with you, know that he can trust you to take care of his needs, and feel so much more secure later.
Also 5 weeks from now, when he starts daycare is very different developmentally from right now. He may not cry so much about being put down then. Make sure the daycare workers will hold him when he cries, find out their policy on that. And find a place that you feel is nurturing to your baby.
Just as an aside, we successfully did the 'cry it out' thing when our first son was 10 mos old, and when our second was 12 mos old. That option really comes much, much later.
Try not to worry, remember this parenting stuff is HARD! But we're all there with you, or have been at some point.
Good luck!

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Don't blame yourself - your baby is telling you what he needs, which has nothing to do with "conditioning" or anything you've done to this point. I applaud you for not wanting to CIO! He needs you and he needs the comfort of being held, especially at this early age. I would definitely invest in a good baby carrier (http://www.thebabywearer.com/ is an excellent resource for choosing one, and http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Houston_Baby_Wearers/ is a local group for hands-on help), and wear him as much as you can. It will free you up to do things you need to do while still meeting his needs!

As for daycare in 5 weeks, I would focus on meeting his needs NOW, which may well change in the next 5 weeks. I would also see a chiropractor for his reflux, which may well be a cause of his high needs. You can see http://www.icpa4kids.com/ to find a pediatric chiropractor in your area. It has made a WORLD of difference in my reflux babies, and is often covered by insurance, as well.

Definitely keep co-sleeping with him, as it is so good for him (and you!) in so many ways. It will also help when you go back to work and aren't with him during the day, as he may need to nurse more at night (so easy when he's right next to you!) and it will help him reconnect to you. Here are some good articles on sleep to check out: http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

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Babies this young cannot be spoiled, nor are they cognitively able to try to manipulate you into getting their way, so don't let anyone steer you down either of those roads, for starters. I've heard that NICU babies are very into touch and being held, often by anyone, which will make it easier to leave him later. It's good for them in so many different ways (brain development, etc.), which shows us once again that babies really do know what they need. And you are listening! Good for you! Hearing that different cry lets you know he's trying to tell you something. I don't have your magic answer, but keep asking, and I'd look deeper into the reflux. Can your doctor recommend anyone else or something the reflux could be "masking" that is making your son really uncomfortable? Maybe it's colic....and we all know there's no cure for that!
When my first son was born I slept with him in my arms for weeks. Maybe not still at 7 weeks, but I was sure I was going to ruin him as a good sleeper forever. My dear mother assured me how fast babies grew and changed and what seems like forever suddenly changes. You are going back to work in 5 weeks. That's a long time in a newborn's development and routine, etc. I would slowly work toward changes you need starting now, but relax because he'll likely just suddenly stop fussing. (And if not, keep asking your doctor for help and find another one if s/he isn't taking your concerns seriously.) The sleepy eater is also very frustrating (been through that with my second son) and had to always feed him in a diaper only so he was a little less cozy. Does he have a strong suck so you are producing enough milk? Is his growth and development otherwise on track? Since he was early find out what a typical 5-7 week old is doing and if he is very off the mark, tell your doctor about that as well.
I hope you get some good advice from all the moms out there. Keep holding him for now, wear him in a sling or snugglie, and talk to him calmly. He knows you (and your husband ) best and needs you to help him get through this rough time.

P. (mom of three boys)

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Despite what people say, it is impossible to spoil a new baby with being held almost constantly. I've read that babies who are held on demand in the first 3 months cry less in the next 3 months, and still less in the next 3 months, etc., and that was definitely true for my 1st and 3rd (my 2nd was an extremely easygoing baby). Like you, I slept many nights with my 3rd on the couch with the baby on my chest, but rest assured it doesn't last forever. Just give your baby what he needs right now, which is apparently constant contact with you! Definitely try a sling of some sort--I loved the Hot Sling from Target, and my baby was instantly happy (and usually quickly asleep) when I put her in it. But also trust your instincts if you feel like something beyond the reflux and normal fussiness is causing the crying. Good luck!

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I hurt for you as I was there also. It could be as simple as the fact he hears your heart beat. There are stuffed toys out there that mimic your heart beat. Try one and see. I am sure that you are tired and just about ready to hand him off to someone but they are such a wonderful gift. Your baby just has a mind of his own. Good luck.

Good for you that you and DH held him constantly early on--no doubt in my mind that this helped him tremendously to grow and will help him his entire life. Have you looked into buying a baby hammock to sleep in? Look at www.ambybaby.com and you can find them used occassionally on ebay or craigslist. They are fantastic. Keep goin', Mama! Best wishes from another Mama.

If it makes you feel any better, the "Cry it Out Method" won't work yet, anyway. (But please note, you only let them cry for 5 min. - you never just leave them - even Dr. Ferber says that.) Babies aren't capable of self-soothing themselves until about 4 months. Have you tried swaddling when you set him down? Remember, the womb is a cramped little place, and I know swaddling helped our little one - being able to move all her limbs freely was a bit overwhelming for her! Plus, being swaddled is warmer and feels safer - it's like being held by a blanket, instead of mom or dad. Good luck!

Hey K.,

I just had my third after 12yrs... But my new baby was like that and what I did was swaddled her really tight and she felt like she was back in the womb. I found that to be very helpful. Goodluck

I don't know anything about reflux, but I do know about babies that insist on being held, as my daughter did. Three years on she's still very affectionate and clingy. I would visit your daycare center and talk to the teachers in the classroom, not just the director about your concerns. If you aren't happy with their responses or what you see, start over at NAEYC.org. Any good caregiver, will learn to distinguish the different cries, and hold your son as much as possible until he's over this. It's amazing what you can do with one hand.

Hang in there. You and your hubby sound like great parents. I'm sure it will all work out.

It sounds to me that he just wants to be held. You will have to let him cry or teach him to be quiet. He will be miserable at daycare because they can't hold him all of the time and the caregivers will not like him crying all the time. You have set him up. My daughter had reflux too. But, there was a pain cry and just a "I want my way" cry. You have to be more stubborn that he is, or you will only be hurting him in the long run.

Did the Dr. give him anything for the reflux? My little man had it too and we gave him prevacid for about 5 months with fantastic results. He was a champ sleeper and the fussing stopped almost immediately. He still spit up a lot but the crying constantly was what is the hardest and that did stop. If he is on medication then maybe talk to your dr. about trying something else since it seems he may still be in pain. Best wishes and congratulations!

I have a 7 week old little boy too and he does have a slight acid reflux problem. We were told by the peditrician to keep him upright for 1 hour after feeding him. We also switched to Dr. Browns bottles and that has help as well.
One of the best things we have done is to get the DVD "The Happiest Baby on the Block". It teaches you how to invoke the "calming reflex" in your baby. I cannot rave about this enough! It has helped us tremendously with calming our little guy when he is fussy. One of the things we do is swaddle him. He spends alot of time swaddled and loves it. It helps him sleep more soundly!
The main point of the DVD is that the baby wants to feel like he is still in your belly. All the techniques for calming him on there will make him feel that way.
Before we learned about this our little one wanted to be held alot too.
Good luck!

Been there done that, TWICE!! Both of my boys had reflux so bad that I slept in a recliner for months with them. If you gut instincts tell you there could be something more, pursue it. My first, changed behavior suddenly at two months of age. I would not allow a practice of veteran Ped's tell me it was colic. I researched and on the last Ped in the practice, I demanded meds for the reflux. She was a newbie and said if I wanted meds I needed a barium swallow. Ok, I was not thrilled at returning to the hospital (he was 9 weeks early and spent 4 weeks in the NICU). During the test it was found that his intestines were in the wrong place (malrotation)and he was developing a blockage. A mother's instinct is ALWAYS correct.
Hang in there.

Hi K.. My daughter is almost 5 months now and had been put on medication at about 6 weeks for reflux. We saw a huge difference once on Prevacid. Before that, screaming for hours in the evenings, wanted to be held all the time, walked around, and in an upright position at all times. Especially after feedings it is good for them to be upright. The reflux bothers them a lot and they can't seem to get comfortable. Hope things get better.

I went through the same thing with my now 5 1/2 month old. I spent many nights with her asleep against my chest in a recliner. I tried the carseat, the swing, and the bouncy. I found the carseat and the swing actually made the problem worse because of the position of her body it caused the acid in her stomach to come up more. Has he gotten a prescription for prevacid or zantac? Those might help with the burning he is feeling but they take a week or so to fully start working. My daughter finally got through it all by 12 weeks of age. She now sleeps in her own bed. He will out grow it. Just be patient. the only way I got through it with my daughter was because I have 3 other children to show me that they grow up so fast and this is but a moment in time. Also, Fussiness tends to peak around 6 weeks and then gradually tapers off. Best of luck. It will get better.

First of all, congrats on being a mommy! I know this is hard, but it will pass. I do NOT believe that you started a cycle. Many experts agree that you can not spoil a baby under 6 months. Even those that don't agree with that surely would agree that a newborn can not be spoiled by holding. Honestly, this is what he needs right now, and I would just do it as much as I possibly could. Get a sling (a ring sling like the Maya wrap, or the Moby wrap are both easy to get online and pretty easy to use, from newborn to toddler. I know of a place in pearland to get a moby if you don't do online ordering.) and wear him. Hearing your heartbeat, feeling your warmth....

Dr. Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) talks about a "4th trimester" where babies are getting used to the world outside. Most professionals say that you should count from due date if baby was early, so you're only 5 weeks into his 4th trimester (another 3 months, at least!).

Add to that he is high-needs because of the acid reflux...You are one tired mama! If you can keep it up, I would. Let him sleep on you. It will help strengthen his neck and arm muscles because he will try to look up at you and get lots of practice turning his head. THis is good since he can't have tummy time right now. He's getting his tummy time on you!

I honestly believe that you have not spoiled your baby. You are doing what he needs and he needs it more than other babies his age right now. Daycare will handle it. They won't let a newborn lie in a crib screaming, don't worry (no reputable place would, at least, and I'm sure you've done your research). It wouldn't hurt to discuss with the daycare your situation, but he won't be the first baby with acid reflux they've seen. And from what I understand, they do grow out of it pretty young.

I would highly recommend reading Happiest Baby on the Block (or watching the DVD). If nothing, it will help you understand how normal your little guy really is!

It's exhausting, but this is what he needs right now, and you've been doing a great job, it sounds, giving him what he needs.

As for the breastfeeding, this too is normal. I always changed my babies' diapers in between sides (or whenever they needed to burp) to help wake them. My second was particularly sleepy, and I would just get her practically naked to feed her so she would stay awake, and tickled her feet. That worked for us. Some babies are really tired, though, and it sounds like your little man is exhausting himself as well.

Good luck. I really do think this will pass, and in the meantime you are doing what he needs you to do. He will not be spoiled by being held all the time at this age. He's still adjusting to being in our big, loud, bright world, and he didn't have acid reflux in the womb. He's got a big adjustment that he's experiencing right now!

Have you tried swaddling him? We used the SwaddleMe blanket and it worked wonders for our little screamer! They also have a blanket called the Miracle blanket that is a true miracle!! We used that in combination with a vibrating chair and she would calm down instantly. Also, keep trying a paci even if he won't take it initially. Try different kinds too! We bought Soothie pacifiers after she wouldn't take the other kinds and kept giving it to her and would hold it in her mouth for her. Once she found it and realized that it was something to suck on she was a happy camper! Good luck and let us know what happens!

K.,
I know you've had lots of responses. Just wanted to wish you luck! I encourage you to pay attention to the mom's who've had a child with reflux and get ideas on what to ask the doctors. You are his advocate and if you're not happy with your doctors response, go to a different doctor for a second opinion. Take notes and bring written down questions to help manage the appointment until you're satisfied. You're the one who is with him all day - not the doctor who has to weed out the paranoid mother from the one who knows what she is talking about! :) (been there)

pay attention to his different cries so you can distinguish "pain" from "i want to be held and am being a stinker". General crabbiness starts to get better after 6 weeks usually and markedly better by 12 weeks (read Healthy Sleep Habits). It's true in my experience with 3 kids. BUT, a "horrible scream" may need more attention nd you have to be his advocate at the doctor!

Good luck!

I HIGHLY recommend that you try baby-wearing...AT his age he should be held almost constantly anyway. But baby wearing makes the holding much less complicated because your hands are free...there are a lot of places to get the wraps and all. And some shops that sell the slings also do little classes on how and why of using it. I hope you will try it.

Oh my gosh!! You just described my son. He did the exact same thing and had silent reflux. Congrats on holding him a lot. I agree with all the other mom's...you WILL NOT spoil him. I am also a first time mom and was very unsure of thigs at the beginning. My son had to go back in the hospital at 3 wks old and was in the NICU unit for a week. The HORRIBLE Physicians Asst. told me that I was holding him too much and that babies are very manipulative. She was awful...very cold towards my son. However...she was sooo wrong. Looking back I am sooo glad that I help him all the time. He eventually grew out of it and is fine now playing by himself. Now he doesn't want me to hold him as much--getting independent. :( growing up too fast. I also had to go back to work and I was lucky to find an in-home daycare that will hold my son when he wants it. It was hard, but the interaction he gets with the other kids during the day is great.Good luck and Congratulations on your new baby!!

Hi K.. My advice would be to try to get a second opinion about his condition. You may also need to really look into delaying going back to work. Please understand, I know that may not be an option you think you have. Speak with your work, (i don't know what you do). Look at your expenses. I had to work with our first child and I was able to get set up at home. Maybe just a delay of a few weeks may help. I am a mother of a 10 year old and a 7 year old. We have had many unplanned changes in our lives. As you already know, raising that child is the most important job you and your husband will ever have. I hope I don't come across poorly. I do understand being in a position with no or very few choices. Please consider a second opinion from a doctor. Plus, those baby slings i hear are great for these situations. Good luck. This all comes from a place of wanting to help. Trust me, the dilemmas continue to come no matter how old they are. : )

Hi Candace,
Hope we can help you through this. When I read your message I wonder how often you are feeding him and for how long? With our son's reflux I would worry that he would never get enough to eat because he kept spitting it up. I asked his doctor about feeding him less but more often (he was not supplemented) and it worked. The doctor asked to see him often to ensure he was gaining appropriately and he was. As far as work, I didnt return until he was nine months old. We cut alot out, but since he was our first, we were able to make the sacrifices. Talk to his doctors about what they recommend. I didnt take the medication route, but my nephew was medicated- each case is different and each solution is unique. God Bless, M.

HI K., My youngest is 4 months old. We had this same problem with him when he was little. What kind of formula are you supplementing with? My son had acid reflux also and we had to swith to a Similac/Isomil formula. That did the trick. He has been a totally different baby since then. With the acid reflux he just needed a formula that wasn't so strong, so the Isomil was it. I'm not saying go out and switch formulas, but ask your doctor if maybe this is something that you could try! Things will get easier, just hang in there.

One of my babies was 3 weeks early and we were told by a nurse that if we held him a lot he would thrive. My arms would ache with exhaustion, even though my husband helped as much as he could. We eventually realized that we could lie him down (already asleep) and put rolled up towels on each side of him as "arms." He also had acid reflux which I thought he would never outgrow. He is now a strong, tall, healthy young man.

Your little one has a lot of catching up to do in the bonding department! He is not spoiled! He is just trying to figure out this new world he is in. Please explain to your caregiver his special needs now and if they can't deliver, look for someone who can. He may also be distracted in a setting with other babies, so may be content - who knows? A lot can change in a month. Check to see if you have www.care.com in you city- they have child care givers who can come to your home, if that helps. Good luck!