20 answers

7 Months Pregnant and Fiance Wont Have Sex with Me.

Im 27 weeks "7 months" pregnant and Im horny all the time but it seems like my fiance wants nothing to do with me. I dont know what to do. We are a younger couple this I know is not normal. Im 20 and he is 26 years old. Please help me with this dilemma. I tried of going to sleep angry and unsatisfied. Im sexually frustrated and its starting to hurt my relationship with him.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Once my husband saw the baby move and kick, the whole concept just freaked him out and I respected that. After the baby is born and he's ready to go and you're tired, leaky and sore... hope he has the same respect for you!

2 moms found this helpful

Have you talked to him about it? We had sex a lot when I was pregnant - after all, you don't even have to consider the risk of getting pregnant. Let him know you likely won't be having sex for 6 weeks after the baby is born at which point you will both be so exhausted (which will last for months to years) that you will be lucky to ever have sex again. Or at least without wondering will the baby wake up, start screaming, etc. At a time when you are both awake. Talk to him.

1 mom found this helpful

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No offense, but WHAT A JERK! Sorry, just my opinion, but HE knocked you up, didn't he? He had fun making you pregnant, but now won't touch you?? Why? If it's b/c he is afraid it will hurt the baby, take him to your next OB appointment and have him ask. (It's totally safe!) Any other reason, and I'd be SO pissed. I mean, turning you down b/c he is tired or something every once in awhile is ok, but it sounds like it's more often than that. My only advice would be to buy a good "adult toy" and let out that frustration yourself. And then next time he's horny...tell him to kiss your a$$!!

7 moms found this helpful

Honey, I'm sorry for you that you're hurt but in the grand scheme of things, it's 2 months out of your life. The ship may be turned the other direction when that baby comes. When you're sore, leaking and exhausted and he wants it! Don't be angry, I'm sure it's not out of spite and if you love the guy enough to have a child with him you're strong enough to cut him some slack. Plan some romantic dinners and have some cuddle time without expectations. You'll miss those moments when you don't have the time....when the best you can hope for is an uninterrupted quickie, fun but not what you want every time! And who knows, maybe he'll get over himself in the moment ;-) if not, break out the BOB and hit the showers...this too shall pass. Good luck!

6 moms found this helpful

Well, it's not optimum, but it's actually VERY normal. Some men, once you get into that third trimester, are just freaked out about having sex. Some want it all the time -it's an individual thing. You can do other things to satisfy one another without having intercourse, and after another month goes by, you may find that he's over holding out! Of course by that point you may not want sex at all...pregnancy is that way! If you really need to -help yourself or go buy a vibrator.

4 moms found this helpful

This is so hard! I agree with Molly though. It freaks some men out, especially if this is your first pregnancy. He might be afraid of hurting the baby, but he also might be afraid of hurting you. You're getting bigger and he might feel nervous about it, which doesn't help him get excited either! Talk to him about it and let him tell you his feelings. If he clams up and doesn't talk about it, be sure to tell him yours! Tell him that it might be uncomfortable at time (b/c trust me, it will!) but you're still excited and want to have sex! Maybe you can tell him that he has to get it all in now b/c once the baby is born you can't have sex for at least 4-6 weeks. Maybe that will scare him right into doing it! haha ;)

3 moms found this helpful

My SO actually told me that he wasn't "into big women". I had to remind him that I was carrying HIS baby. The weight gain and the fear that sex might hurt the baby really turned him into someone else. From that point on, I took him to EACH and EVERY prenatal appointment and pointedly asked the doctor questions about sex in the last trimester. He listened, learned and stopped being a jerk. You deserve to be satisfied. Carrying a baby that long ain't no joke. He should hear from you that you feel the relationship is being hurt by his ignorance. I've been there! Good luck to you.

3 moms found this helpful

This is extremely normal. A huge percentage of men feel really weird having sex with pregnant women, especially as they get bigger. Sometimes it's because they feel grossed out but don't really understand that's how they feel, sometimes it's because they are scared of hurting the baby, sometimes they are simply confused as to 'how' to do it with a big belly in the way, sometimes pregnant woman act like royal pains in the asses and puts them out of the mood. Its' in all the pregnancy books. Don't worry about it... it will pass.

Seriously though, relationships aren't just about sex, get over it and find other ways to have fun together for now, sex isn't the only intimate thing out there. It would be a shame if you allowed this to ruin the relationship before your child ever even got here, because it's going to get a lot tougher.

3 moms found this helpful

First I too would be a little hurt if my hubby were like this so I understand where you are coming from BUT its not a reason to let your relationship sour and 'fight' with your fiance throughout the rest of your pregnancy. It IS normal for relationships to go through stages of having lots of sex and not so often. You most likely will trade off too depending on what is going on in life. In my case (8 months along with #3) my hubby wants it all the time and loves sex with me while I am preggy and I am the total opposite. I get that you can't hurt the baby and it is safe but I cannot get it out of my head that the baby is right there and being poked especially when they move so I can see where your fiance is coming from. I seriously can't let the thought go long enough to get in the mood, ever. Its not anything personal against my hubby I just can't get the thought out of my head. Only a couple of times a month throughout my pregnancies I have taken one for the team. My advice is to try to talk to him but if nothing changes please don't take it personally and take care of yourself. Remember its just a few months out of a lifetime of marriage.

3 moms found this helpful

Is it because you are pregnant, or is he not in the mood? Sometimes just doing mutual things orally or manually can help a lot. This is my third pregnancy and we have had very little sex in the last month and a half (I was due two days ago) but it has been my most uncomfortable pregnancy. It is driving us both nuts and I can't wait to not be pregnant so we can have a normal sex life again. :)

If you haven't talked about it sometime other than bedtime, just try to bring it up and discuss it--ask him if he is uncomfortable and wants to look at other positions, if it has to do with your belly size (you do NOT have to be face-to-face, and sometimes spoon position or you on your knees with a pillow supporting your belly/hips is more comfortable anyway later in pregnancy--sorry to be graphic). Play up what is sexy with lingerie if it helps him. But make it a conversation. He might be going through something that is affecting his sex drive, like stress, worrying about the baby/finances, work, how it will change your relationship, etc. Some medications, stress, alcohol (more than one drink), and being too tired all affect my husband so we have to sometimes find other times (rather than bedtime) or make that a priority before he's had a medication or something. Don't just go to bed frustrated, but don't try to talk about it when you're both frustrated.

2 moms found this helpful

Once my husband saw the baby move and kick, the whole concept just freaked him out and I respected that. After the baby is born and he's ready to go and you're tired, leaky and sore... hope he has the same respect for you!

2 moms found this helpful

I am sorry---Do you think he is afraid? Some men are afraid they will hurt the baby or poke it---lol. I would sit down with him and ask him whats going on? Maybe he is fearful you will go into labor prematurely etc. You never know until you ask. Talk with him and tell him you really need to feel close with him and see how you can compromise. Reasure him that he will NOT hurt the baby or poke it etc. Sex during pregnancy is safe, normal and good for mom and baby. Find out what is bothering him and see if you can set it straight. If he can't have sex with you right now, find out what he is willing to do. Will he cuddle with you? Kisses and holding hands, watching a movie etc? Open up the communication and see what he is fearful about. GL~

M

2 moms found this helpful

My hubby wasn't like this the first time when he was young but this last time, as he was older and actually thought about it he had a vary hard time once he could see/feel baby move etc. When I asked him he said it was a thought that he couldn't get out of his head that he son "was right there"! I know we all understand that it is still safe, he did as well but it was something he kept thinking of and there fore wasn't in the right mood/frame of mind.

Try to be understanding with him although I know it is frustrating. Maybe talk to him about other ways you both can be intimate together. Such as touching, kissing etc rather than intercourse....maybe he will be more comfortable and open about that.

Hang in there!

2 moms found this helpful

It is fairly normal for a man to be uncomfortable about, as one guy I know put it, "sharing sex with a baby." Some guys are terrified they'll hurt the baby. When I guy has a bug in his head about something like that, it can make sex virtually impossible for him.

As Erika said, this is a short and refocused time in your life. It's hard (believe me, I know how lonely and hard lack of sex can be), but it's a relatively small part of a whole, multidimensional relationship. Unless you are with this man primarily for the sex, think carefully about how much you this to affect your future with him. Being a single mom is not easy.

Perhaps you can find ways to meet your own needs during these months. My sympathy.

1 mom found this helpful

Have you talked to him about it? We had sex a lot when I was pregnant - after all, you don't even have to consider the risk of getting pregnant. Let him know you likely won't be having sex for 6 weeks after the baby is born at which point you will both be so exhausted (which will last for months to years) that you will be lucky to ever have sex again. Or at least without wondering will the baby wake up, start screaming, etc. At a time when you are both awake. Talk to him.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband was the same with our first pregnancy... not sure why but he "outgrew" it. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and it will pass, but darn it is frustrating!

1 mom found this helpful

There could be a variety of reasons for him giving you the "cold shoulder".
Possibly he is afraid of "hurting the baby" (a lot of men are). I think you should make him come along to your next doctor's appointment and make sure you ask the doc, in front of your fiance, whether it is safe to have sex while you are pregnant. That way, your fiance gets the facts from a professional. Another reason could be that he doesn't want to put more stress on you. When I was pregnant with my last baby, my husband and I went months without sex. I was really hurt at the time because I felt like he wasn't initiating because I was fat and "unattractive" (at least I felt that way). I finally talked to him about it and he just had not pushed for sex because he could see how tired and sick I was all the time, and he did not want to burden me further. So, definitely try to initiate on your end, let him know you are interested in getting it on, and get him to the doctor so he gets the facts.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry you're going through this, but some men just freak out, like others said. My husband has done that with both of my pregnancies, and I assume he'll do it again with the next two. It sucks, but then, that first time after the baby is born is really special. Good luck, and hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful

S. it could be he is put off by your current shape. It could also be that he is hiding something from himself like sexual molestation.
With all the priests and step daddys who hurt young boys I would not be surprised if this is the reason he cannot make love.

You can tell him that the Doctor said its fine.
Check with your Doctor.
But, some men just get scared... of hurting the baby.

When I was in the later stages of my pregnancies, I got like that. But, having more sex brought on more contractions for me. And my first child was born 1 week early.
But that is me.

Try not to get angry about it... talk with him about it.... Is this the first time he and you are having a baby? If so, then Men get apprehensive too.... so talk about it. If you don't... then things get worse.
HE is having a baby too. Not only you.
Men need to talk about it too... or express things.

Or you both can do other things besides sex....
Or just pleasure yourself... and it may help him get horny, too.

My hubby was the same way. I think its just 'weird' for some men. Make sure you talk about it. Find out why, he is uncomfortable and tell him how it makes you feel. Try not to take as him not loving you or wanting you. I am sure he still loves you, wants you and is torn about it himself. Try not to go to sleep angry and just accept it as a 'for now' thing. When the baby does come, your sex life will change also - you will be tired, stressed, touched out and it will take some time for you both to get your groove back on. There are ways to 'take care of things' for each of you that don't involve intercourse. Talk to him, find a new way for now. Intimacy is very important... don't loose it - just change it for now to fit the changes in your life.

Could be he is afraid to hurt the baby. Could also be that he is cheating on you. My ex cheated on me when I was 8 months pregnant. :(

Look for the signs.
Check his phone and his e-mail if you have access to them
Look in his car.

Is he out of the house and unaccounted for?
Is he working late a lot?
Is he working out a lot suddenly?
Is he buying himself new clothes/style?

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