7 Mo Sweatheart, but She Wont Stop Screaming! OMG!

I would go to Dr. Sears' website & start checking into his advice on high-need babies. I think he even has a book on just that. Honestly, I would go back to co-sleeping till she's a little calmer when awake--it sounds like the nighttime screaming sessions may be part of the cause of the daytime clinginess. She sounds like she needs the closeness to you that co-sleeping gives--and you'll both benefit from the extra sleep.

If you don't have a good sling or other baby carrier, find one you like & see if it helps. No, it's not always the most convenient way to go about things, but, me, I value the lack of screaming highly enough to inconvenience myself other ways. It's not necessarily a girl or boy thing--it's just that every baby is a different person.

I have a little girl who will be 2 in a few weeks and a 6-month-old--and we co-sleep with at least the little one every night, and often both, so I really do know how it goes. You'll see me pushing a cart through Costco, with the big one in the cart, & the little one nursing in the sling.

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She screams- she gets Mommy. Very simple. She has developed an exceptionally effective tool for getting your attention, and it works well for her.
If you sleep train her properly, a lot of this will get better. The problem is- she knows you will always give in. I've been there. My first screamed for months and also slept in our bed. Then I trained her, and it was like having a different child entirely. Because she learned how to self-soothe, and because she finally got good quality sleep. I realized that I had done her a disservice by not giving her the opportunity to learn to soothe herself to sleep. Once she learned after 3 nights of not going in to console her, she became the happiest ever baby. I had to learn that not going in when she was screaming was what she needed most, even though I didn't like it.
Also, I got to the point where it was important for me to just embrace screaming. Learn to even love it. The more you do, a funny thing happens- they stop doing it so much. Funny how being in a state of acceptance changes everything for the better. They sense it totally- they sense that you are calm and not frazzled by it, and it calms them down too eventually.
Good luck!

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I'm sorry you are going through this. My daughter, now 14 months, sounds similar. For the first 8 months she cried a lot. Around month 7 I remember thinking, she is crying ALL THE TIME! And when I say crying, I mean screaming. I totally hear your frustration. It was very, very hard. I read Dr. Sears "Fussy Baby" book, and though there were some really unrealistic aspects, overall it helped me to accept my daughter and our reality.

Until she was over a year my baby would only sleep on me (or my partner). She still naps in a carrier. She now sleeps in our bed but not on top of us. She is quite happy during the day now--being able to crawl and then walk worked wonders. Things improved greatly around 8 months--except that we also hired a babysitter, and for 2-3 months she screamed for 2-3 hours a day, 3-4 days a week. In other words, the ENTIRE time the babysitter was there. And I was trying to work in the house. It was truly awful. But now she likes the babysitter and goes to her happily most days. She still screams sometimes, but not that often.

I really believe that the best solution is to try to meet her needs. She is telling you what she needs. She is not manipulating you---she's only 7 months old! But she does have needs that are overwhelming and totally exhausting. She is a very high need baby. Meet the needs, and you and she will both do better.

When I stopped trying to accomplish things, and just held her all the time, she screamed a lot less (but still quite a bit). When I accepted that she was a baby that was going to need all my attention all the time, and still have a hard time, things actually got easier.

Of course I loved my daughter from the moment she was placed in my arms (she was adopted at 3 days old). But I didn't fall head over heels in love with her until she was about 8 months old, I had accepted who she was AND she started to tolerate being physically apart from me (like on the floor a few feet away). She also started communicating in other ways then--waving, then clapping, etc. And this seemed to help us both.

And find a way to give yourself a real break! Leave her with your husband, hire a sitter, find a friend who can tolerate her screaming--but make time for yourself so when you are with her you can REALLY be with her the way she needs you.

Good luck.

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dear S.,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation! It sounds immensely frustrating! You've had tons of advice, but here is something I don't think was mentioned previously. You said you had a bad C-section with her-- maybe she has some latent birth trauma, perhaps this is physical or emotional. After my daughter was born, we took her to a cranio-sacral therapist for a few months to straighten out the kinks from her birth. It REALLY helped calm her down. Before this, we'd been having big screaming matches at feedings and in the night. Look for a craniosacral therapist that does work with infants. It's very gentle and pleasurable and relaxing for everyone.
If that doesn't sound appealing, you might take her to a chiropractor for the same reason. When i visit the chiro my daughter comes along and gets a quick checkup. There is no "cracking" with children because their joints are so young and fluid, but a good chiropractor can find spots that are out of whack. After a visit to the chiro my daughter often takes an extra long nap.
Good luck!!! And I hope this resolves soon so you can enjoy being a Mommy again. Don't feel guilty about those feelings-- they are so normal, especially when you're not getting any of your needs met.

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I have so been there.

My son was very similar. He needed to be close to me and wanted to be held all the time. I was losing it and never getting to shower, I never had time to myself.

I tried cry it out and was told that the average baby gets the idea after 4 days, a week at most. It took us 4 mos. He is incredibly persistent.

Here's what I figured out. Sleep and a rock solid schedule are what he needs. Feeding on a schedule is also helpful, making sure that he gets fat, protein, and carbs every time. This was difficult to learn, my husband and I work on our own schedules and rarely lived by the clock. Our lives varied day to day depending on what we needed to do. That had to change. Our little boy needed to know what to expect and when. Our inconsistency was driving him nuts.

If we skipped a nap or put him down too late, we'd have to start over with sleep training--this is why it took us 4 mos. We'd go out of town or have visitors and have to start over. Other people can have their children sleep whenever, but our son needs his sleep on time. Without it he is a wreck. With enough sleep he is a lovely, affectionate almost 2 yr old, adored by his daycare teachers and all of the other children (the older children at daycare escort him to his classroom every day and argue over who gets to carry his lunchbox). He plays independently for an hour or two at a time.

Once I started following Dr M Weissbluth's recommendations in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, I saw improvement immediately and life got sane in a couple of weeks. In case you can't run out and get the book, here's the gist of what he says for 7 mos: bedtime 6:30 PM, wake-up 6:30-7 AM, 3 naps about 2 1/2 hrs apart (So if she wakes at 6:30, nap at 9 AM). The way to make it happen is to put your baby in the crib, close the curtains, and close the door. For naps you don't open the door for 1 hour. For bedtime you don't open the door at all. In the morning, you don't go to her until at least 6:30 AM. You can put some books or toys where she can reach them. For most people this means cry it out. If you can see the sleepy signs (rubbing eyes/ears, looking a little glassy eyed) she may just go to sleep. You can nurse/soothe/rock the baby to sleep and then put her in the crib. (many books advise against this, but not Dr W).

If you are still breastfeeding, Dr W says that night feedings aren't necessary after 6 mos. I couldn't just break it off, so I tapered night feeding by selecting the time that I would feed him and had daddy go every other time. He got the idea very quickly (daddy comes two nights in a row, he would sleep through that time on the 3rd). He was night weaned by 9 mos. Around 9 mos, you should drop to 2 naps, and then at 18 mos, drop to one. But keep the early bed-time until they are 3-4 yrs old.

People (especially grandparent-aged people and moms with flexible babies) think I am crazy about the sleep stuff and keeping his schedule. They don't understand why I can't bring him out during the evening for dinners out or other events or why life has to be planned around naptime. But this is a NEED. He needs his sleep. I need a happy well-rested baby.

Having a regular nap schedule will also make you more sane. You will know that when you put her down, you have 1 hour to take a shower, or check email, or stare at the ceiling without holding her. It won't be an easy transition, but be consistent and firm. If you break the rules, she will think that there is wiggle room and cry longer and harder. Develop a consistent routine before naps so that she knows what comes next.

Most likely you have a very intelligent, sensitive little girl who will be a delight. But she has needs. If you pay attention to her needs, you will see her at her best.

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Try www.sleeplady.com I have heard wonderful things and she will do 1:1 consultation. It could be a very subtle change you need, but I think she could help. Good luck!

M. S.

The way that she is screaming might be that she is not ready to leave your bed. Maybe you could try again in a couple of months. She may be starting to experience separation aniexty. This to shall pass. Wearing her in a sling would keep her close and comfort her while allowing you to be hands free to do what you need to do.

Hi S.,

My daughter is almost 6 1/2 months and just started screaming herself. at first she found out what a high pitch she could make by screaming and now she screams for fun to be goofy and play and she has learned to start screaming and crying for attention. She is teething so I hope it passes but at least after reading this i feel a little bit better knowing its not just my daughter. My fiance tells me its because i spoil her and run to her every need but I really don't think it's true. I let her cry for a good 10 mins sometimes if I know she's fed, clean diaper and well rested. I guess high needs kids seem more prevalant in girls and I don't know why. Us women are more needy I supposed? Well I am with you and though I don't have any advice I hope just knowing its just beginning for me too helps you to know its NOT US! Also, this is causing issues with my fiance and I because he'll just let her scream forever and put her on timeout and i am not sure she gets TIME OUT or if she just feels that when she is moody or upset that we don't care about her?

Take care!

I have felt this pain. My son did the very same thing. He was 3 before I could shower without him screaming. The daily screaming did get better maybe a little after he turned one.

I have no solutions for you. I do want to say that these types of kids are a little different but I think they turn out to be very engaging people. Very likeable. There is a chapter in The Baby Book by Dr. Sears on the high needs infant. It made me feel a lot better when I was going through it.

My husband did continue to try to help with my son as he reached and screamed for me and ultimately, that helped some because even though my son wanted me, he would accept his dad on occasion. They are very bonded now and I think it was because my husband didn't stop trying.

Please, if I can impart anything other than symathy, don't let other people make you feel bad. You know the people that blame you or something you're doing for your child's behavior. It isn't you. I think its just the temperament they are born with. The Ferber/cry it out thing didn't work for my son but I had people dropping books off at the door.

It will pass. She'll be a great person.

This couple I cared for their baby girl and she was like this at home. But whenever she woke up at home it was like, "Lights, camera, action with turning on the light, diaper change, feeding, singing, having a big ole party."
No wonder she didn't want to sleep when she can have a party every night." But they could not stand to hear her cry at all. In day care I would lay her down, tell her good night and leave. She screamed! I would go back to her, not pick her up, tell her she was fine and to go to sleep. It took many months of ths but at 7 months she would just whine and not scream. One day Mom came early and was shocked that she wasn't screaming. I kept telling her what I was doing but they loved her so much that they could not listen to her cry. So you must break her of this screaming yet she knows you are near by. When she is screaming, get as far away from her sleeping area as you can. Spend some time with your 3 year old, don't feel guilty for doing this. She is fed and a dry diaper. When you check her, pat her but do not pick her up or the cycle keeps going. I know it is rough.
F.

Oh Wow, I really do feel for you. My best friend went through the same scenario you described. It turns out her son't hearing wasn't very good and he would scream out of pur frustration to see things going on around him and not be able to really hear them. I know you mentioned you took her to the doctor, but was a comprehensive hearing test done? I do hope this isn't the case, but if it is, hearing aids will help the problem. Once my friend's son got hearing aids, he was a happy, QUIET, independent little boy! Clinging to you may be the only way she feels safe.
I just wanted to share my friend's experience. I am the youngest of 9 and have 20 nieces and nephews and was there for their upbringing. I can tell you what you describe only matches what my best friend went through.
Once you have resolved the issue, and I am sure you will, I hope you let us know. Mine is 6 months old and I would love to know the solution in case she picks up the habit as well.
Take care and best wishes.

Hi S., this is not normal for a girl or a boy. Some kids just scream. She may not have acid reflux or ear infections but there may be something else causing her pain. It is frustrating that she cannot communicate any other way. Regardless of her screaming, YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN NEEDS TOO!!! Take a 20 minute shower and if she screams about it, ignore it the best you can. Don't let your husband get away with handing her off. On the weekends take at least an hour for yourself and leave the house or make him leave by taking a walk in the stroller. I had a friend whose son screamed all of the time and it turned out that he was allergic to all dairy, wheat, and eggs. The only thing that calmed him was to hold him a certain way. She may have bad gas buildup in her gut if she has an allergy to her formula of some sort. My kids each slept with me for two years or so and my husband and I are still together and happy. My kids are also very happy and connected to us in a confident way. We finally bought a king size bed and that really helped along with a side railing for the bed so that they sleep to your side instead of in between you and your husband. I know you are exhausted. If you can, start putting her down for a nap in a playpen in the room where you will be in the afternoon and stay there with her. This transitioning can take a month but it usually takes at least nine times of any kind of learning process for a child to truly take it in. Give yourself the time to transition her so that she eventually feels safe but you too get the break you need. She will learn eventually that you are not abandoning her.
ps - I have two girls and they are very different from each other.

I haven't read all the answers, so I hope I'm not repeating everything that's been said. My first-born was like that, so I co-slept with her as long as she needed it. She eventually grew out of it. Some babies need longer periods close to their mom after the birth. During the day, I used to wear my daughter. Invest in a good comfortable carrier. I've tried many and I always come back to the Ergo. Not cheap but totally worth it.
Good luck!

same at our house! and we thought separation anxiety didn't start until 9 months! we are now about 3 weeks from her first birthday and it is just starting to get better. nothing we tried at home worked, i learned to eat, sleep, pee, and shower with her attatched to me in some way, and truely, once i accepted that, it didn't seem so stressful. we've recently had a ton of outings with other babies and kids and each time she gets a little better about being more than 6 inches from me. watching the other kids crawl and walk by themselves seemed to give her more confidence to try it herself. she has even started to initiate time with daddy ( as long as i'm still in the room). i hate to leave you without hope, but for us there was nothing to fix it except time (and sometimes giving her to grandma and escaping for half an hour). i wish you much luck!

S.,
Consider getting a copy of the DVD "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and maybe even "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. I understand his methods work wonders.

Best wishes, J.

my second was also like this. i would pick her up, put her down, check/change her diaper, feed her, show her the pictures on the wall, walk with her, rock with her....nothing ever seemed to work. i was beside myself.

to this day, i don't know. could she have been teething? for a while i thought her guts were broken, that she must be in some kind of terrible pain i couldn't see or fix.

she's almost 5 years old now, and we've all survived. it got a great deal better once she started talking. of course, she talks nonstop. i mean REALLY. NON-STOP.

my consolation? this will pass. eventually. it doesn't seem like it will, but it will. until then maybe try teaching baby sign? i'm saying, the only thing that helped was when my girl began to be able to communicate with us.

she had lots to say, and dammit, if she couldn't say it, she was MAD.

one thing that was occasionally helpful-try music. drown her out, but if she gets quiet, turn it down to match her. turn the music on-loud whenever she gets loud. turn it down when she gets quiet. you may find either that
1. she likes the music and will attend to it instead of crying or
2. she doesn't like the music and will eventually connect that the loud music occurs when she is crying, and goes away when she stops.

good luck! this will pass! i promise.

If you are sure there are no medical reasons for her screaming then it is time to ignore it. Completely ignore her when she screams. It may last for a couple of hours but each time it will get shorter and eventually it will stop. Be sure to give her attention when she is not screaming. If screaming is getting her what she wants then she will continue. Everytime you go in there at 10, 20 , 30 minutes you just restart the process. If you have too put her in her crib and close the door and turn up the TV.

My second daughter is exactly the same way. My husband is a chef and rarely home so I listen to it all day as well. I have to say she goes through spells of being worse and then gets somewhat better although not completely. My first daughter only ever threw one tantrum that I can remember. The only thing different I did between the two was I went back to work after having my first so I don't know if always being around with my second is the culprit. I know she will eventually grow out of it, but its a long rough road while it lasts. I don't have any advice, I ignore my daughter 9/10 when she is screaming for no reason, doesn't make a difference though. She'll eventually stop until the next one. Right now she is going through a better phase and I hope it lasts. She is more sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily when she is told "no". She has never been a good sleeper either and she will be two next month and still wakes up through out the night. One thing that helped in keeping her in her crib vs our bed is a portable dvd player on the dresser in her room that I turn on at bedtime.

She's already screaming and complaining so now is the time to transfer her to her crib. It cant get much worse, right? Be consistent. Put her to bed in her crib only, and set a time limit how long to let her cry it out before you comfort her, but always leave her in the crib. I know it's hard. We dont want our babies to cry. But, she needs to know now that no matter how long or hard she cries, you will comfort her, but you will NOT give in to her.

My son was like this. WAS! That is the most important because I know how you feel and I want you to see the hope in the word WAS! :)
My son would start screaming at the smallest thing, always wanted to be held and was always difficult. After dealing with his easily frustrated, demanding ways I was pulling out my hair until my daycare lady asked if I had noticed how big his belly looked. I had, but thought it was just a big baby belly. Well it turns out that he has Celiac. Tons tons tons of symptoms! Like 4-5 pages of them, and they are ones you would never connect together. ADHD, easy frustration, aggression, thin legs, big belly, milk allergy, abdominal bloating and pain, chronic diarrhea/constipation, pale foul-smelling stool, behavioral changes, skin rash, delayed growth, gas, abdominal pain, ANXIETY, IRRITABILITY just to list a few. Some people don't even have any symptoms.
I don't know if this is the answer, but it would be worth ruling out at least. If it is Celiac it will be easy to change her behavioral issues, just change her diet and your done!
It is very under diagnosed so I wouldn't just run to ask the Dr but do some research online and really look at the way your little girl is acting. I made a list of all the things that I thought sounding even a little like my son and could come up with 17+ symptoms!
Good luck and I hope you find the answer!

Hi S.- I'm going to give you a couple ideas of what it could be. Colic could be one. By screaming she is trying to tell you something, unfortunately you have to figure out what it is. Keep trying different things.

If I were you I would wear a bijourn or a ring sling, most mom's swear by a moby so you can have her close so she won't scream and your hands are free to do things. I would also keep her in your bed for a little while longer. My 1 year old is still in our bed we are gettingready to transition her. My 3 year old slept with us til he was 1 and transitioned easily. No sleep issues.

I would also try a pacifier if you are not using one so she can suck. Also give her something to do with her hands. Try letting her eat the dissolvable little puffs by gerber to she keeps her hands and mouth busy.

I would keep taking her to the Dr. and look for things that aren't so common. Something is wrong if she is screaming all the time. Is it at the sametime everyday, is it centered around certain things, is it a painful cry, frusteration, pathetic type of cry. Listen to her cry and see what kind it is. Again, I would keep going back to the dr armed with more info.

My last suggestion is let someone who loves her like you do watch her for a little while and get out of the house. If she is going to scream when you are there, she can scream with you gone. Get some fresh air and some peace of mind so you can handle her. Make sure it is someone who you trust, screaming can drive anyone crazy and you want to make sure she isn't hurt while you are gone. Also have that person observe her, maybe she will see something you aren't that will give you a clue. Your husband needs to be more hands on. I would have a conversation with him and tell him to step up!!!!!! Good luck. If you are in the sacramento area, I am a stay at home mom with a 1 year old and a 3 year old and could help out. I know I'm a stranger, but thought I would offer anyway. I love my kids and hope you get some peace soon. Take care

I feel for you S.! I have a couple of tips that may help once you read all your posts and decide how to handle things. For me, when I got really crazy from the crying, I would put the baby in a safe place (his crib for me) go in my bedroom, close the door, put in a good pair of ear plugs and decompress for 15 or 20 minutes. That kept me sane enough to keep my patience. You can also use the earplugs if you decide to use a cry-it-out approach. I couldn't stand to hear my baby cry. I would run in and pick him up after like 30 seconds of crying. With earplugs, we had our son sleeping through the night after just a few nights. (I realize this may not work for your little one.) And you need a break! You need to find someone to step up to the plate and help -- don't be too proud to ask for help! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck!

Does she use a pacifier? Some folks say no to them, but when my youngest wouldn't calm down, I dipped the tip of a pacifier in a tiny bit of sugar, gave it to him, and having it calmed him down. He got used to using it and it became his calming mechanism. He stopped using it around age 3 (which was fine, at that point he was only using it when he went to bed). You need to shower, and when he fussed, I put him in the bouncy chair (later the exersaucer) in the bathroom with me while I showered and got ready for the day. When in the exersaucer he had baby toys, and later when eating solids, he'd have some cherrios on the tray. When in the car, try putting on some music and singing. If she's in the back maybe she can't really see you but the constant sound of mommy might help. As for your son, you need to take 10-15 minutes a day just for him. Wait to husband to come home, have him take her for a walk if she doesn't quiet down, and spend some one on one time with your boy. My oldest was really upset that younger one kept mom's attention, and after consulting a child psychologist, she suggested "special time with mom" every day. It could be reading a book, playing with playdough, telling a story with action figures, legos, whatever he chooses.

My daughter was very attached to me and would get upset. I tried the crib thing and finally gave in and let her continue to co-sleep. I did put her in a playpen in the front room so that I could clean or shower once she was good with that I put toys in her crib and we would play an hour or so in her bedroom. This helped her know that it wasnt something bad once she got used to playing in the crib I would put her in it so I could take a shower. I would tell her I would be back in a few minutes and for her to play.

One night (she was about 1) I told her it was bed time and we started to walk to the bed room. She however went into her room and up to her crib. She weened herself of co-sleeping, she just needed the confidence to do it. I think that the suttle steps helped her. Every child is different and needs different steps it is our job to figure out what steps to teach that works with that child.

Best of luck and remember that when you are frazzled your child will feed off of it. It is hard to stay calm and relaxed but in doing so parenting tends to be easier.

HI S.!

I remember when my son did this at this age.

There has been a "breach in her security", and she must be very sensitive about it.

Try to keep her with you wherever you go, even to rotate laundry. When you DO leave for just a second, keep talking to her so she can hear your voice.

This should last for awhile until her securitiy is back "in tact". It doesn't take much because they are so "new" and still learning our routines.

Be patient. This isn't a little person playing a game. Just your daughter who needs to know that you are always there for her. It's your job to keep reassuring her over and over and over, and over again :O)

~N.

hi, S.,
I have a 13 month old, super happy baby, who loves to be held. When he was an infant, he would scream non-stop as long as I did not hold him. The first three months were hard, because I did not have a back carrier and I had to put him in his little rocking chair, while I prepared dinner, cooked it, cleaned up and also took care of my 3 year old. Needless to say, he would be crying for like five hours straight, with intermittent breaks whenever I could pick him up to soothe him. Finally, I got an ERGO back carrier and then I got the happiest baby ever! He could just stay in there for hours and hours and it did not hurt my back to carry him in it. As he got older, he stayed in there less, but I still use it with him! WHen he is tired, I just put him in there and he naps quite well. Some babies just need to be held more, but I do think they grow out of it into well-adjusted, happy and secure kids. He is definitely turning into one at 13 months and he has been happy ever since I put him in the back carrier. Good luck!
PS. he also sleeps in our bed.

Hi S.,

I've been there too. I had a son who was even-tempered and independent and then 2 years later a daughter who was clingy and needy. I felt like an alien from outer space had been dropped into the family. There wasn't anyway that I found to change her behavior. Eventually (and I'm talking about when she was 4), I realized that I had to stop thinking of her as an alien and start accepting her. That has worked wonders. She is 7 now and still clingier than I like (she can't go anwhere in the house or yard by herself), but I have enough breathing room that I don't feel resentful. I think if I had been able to meet her needs better when she was an infant, it might have helped. Also, we kind of ignored my son for a few years because he didn't seem to need so much from us, but he suffered as a result. The only thing I can say is that it will get better, but might be awhile. Maybe you and your husband can talk about how you can survive this for 2 years. Apparently from the responses, this isn't as unusual as it felt like when I was going through it. My heart goes out to you as I know how extremely stressful it is. My daughter brings me tons of joy now!!

E.

I just want to say that I am totally in the same boat! I love my little 7 month old boy, but he is displaying many of the same behaviors. We too have tried the "cry it out" method to get him to sleep in his crib, but he just cries, and never wears "out". It can be so stressfull to have a high needs little one, and it seems to take over our whole life. My husband and I are now having some problems as a result, and I find myself thinking, "what did I get myself in to!" Just wanted to say that you are not alone!

S.,

I feel your pain-- What about having the grandparents take care of her for an hour or so a few times a week? Is that possible or setting her up with a trusted friend for even an hour-- so you can both get a break from each other? Babies pick up on their parent's stress and feed off of it--maybe if you get a little break from eachother, you will be less stressed which will make her less stressed and you will be able to cope with her crying a little bit better. I hope this helps-- just know this stage will pass...

M.

She loves you. She wants to be close to mommy. Yes, it's exhausting but this too shall pass.

I didn't read all your responses, but for my first who wanted to be held, held, held, I bought a sling and kept him with me. It was great bonding for both of us. She'll grow out of it- she needs the security of knowing you are there for her. All babies are different.

Don't worry about sleep training when she obviously wants to be close to you. "The No Cry Sleep Solution" may be the book for both of you.

Best of luck- you'll both be happier with the sling I predict and she will settle down knowing she is close to you.

Hello S.,
It's hard to be thoughtful and loving to anyone who constantly screams at you, even it's your dearheart! You need to get away more regularly. Call another mom, insist your husband take a longer turn or hire a sitter and go somewhere to rest and take of yourself. Your daughter will be fine. Even if it's only for a couple hours. Go to a gym to workout and shower, read a juicy magazine in a coffee shop, or just take a nap in the car if you have to! You must take care of yourself to get that lovin feeling going and to be able to problem solve. Once you have done that, re-read your posts and see what can work for you....
You will know what's best!

If you are sure that nothing is wrong, then you have a behavior problem. And if she is this good at manipulating you at 7 months, imagine what she'll be at 14 when she is able to really formulate a good plan.

Everytime you give in, you are just letting her know exactly what she has to do to win. She will just up her game next time you decide to stand your ground because she has pretty good evidence that you'll cave.

The very best parenting advice I ever got was to pick your battles and then win them. If you want her to sleep in her own bed then put her there and leave her until she sleeps. It will probably take a long time the first few times, she is really smart and has you figured out, so you have to teach her that things are different.

When you choose your battles, you children learn that when you say something, you mean it and you WILL enforce it. They will also learn that some things are not worth fighting about. Just don't pick every battle.

Then when you have teens and they really start to push the boundries, they will also know that you have boundries and they can push all they want and the boundry will stay.

So, yeah, you might have a few misreable nights. Better now than later. She needs you to do this for her. It will make her feel safe and loved. It will make your husband feel important again. Her behavior isn't a character judgment about you- it is her asking for you to take control and to make her world predictable. She is way too tiny to have this much control and she must be terrified.

Besides, it will make you feel better to have your power back.

Hi S.,
First, big hug and understanding:) Please know you are probably on sleep deprivation and everything feels worse. I am going to give you a variety of ideas, take what works and what is doable:)
1. Get a break from a family member if possible ..I know it is hard to ask for but at least ask.
2. Get a helper (junior high, high school, college, adult moms who need cash. every one is willing to work for less now, even if an hour or two a week..give it a chance to work.
3. Please know it may take a little time to figure it out.
4. She could be hungry, have allergies, sensory issues ( I know about those so please feel free to email me)
5. Read ( ha, I know no time but google for a few minutes)
up on children who are a little more intense than others, not bad, just more..cry more, talk more, ask more, need more.
6. proactively hold your daughter so she is not screaming for you.
7. CRIB..I have replied to many people on this so feel free to read my posts but my son loved his after initailly co sleeping...my daughter HATED her crib..did not matter..
at nearly two we bought a twin bed and side protectors, loved it!
8. Create time with your son as it will impact him if he does not get some ultra special time and notice.
9. I am attached parent who nursed, wore my babies, developemental preschool co-op, pediatricians, etc although I had two e csections..BUT when life became overwhelming when my son was turning 4 and my daughter 1, we did hire a behavorist when my for some behaviors (testing, not listening, very smart, best spent money....your daughter is still very young. I found my daughter's love language is acknowledgement of her feelings and hugs (Sensory) where as my son who also needed affirmation, also needed more rules governed situations at times. It is always changing. I also find that often in life, woman do not feel heard and that the more they complain, the more people tune them out. The more we comfort these children now, it is my hope they have less of an unmet need to be heard later. I am not sure how to address people who say do not give in because their baby brains are in cognitive growth and esteem building years. I am not saying they are not little sweet manipulators but I whole heartedly believe you can accomplish what you want if you are rested, able to find that love under the exhaustion and burn out, give it and then talk even to baby...about what you are doing next...as she gets older, even use visual pictures with her..give her a laminated picture to look at of what you are doing..shower, on the phone, cleaning, then tell her what is next
10. They pick up on it all..you need your rest, composure, nutrition, exercise and it is just not helpful when people nag you about this, I know but if you have super perceptive kids, you will need to be aware of their awareness:)
11. Get in touch with Developmental Pediatrician. Regular Pediatricians are great for colds and illness, well baby issues, but a Dev. Ped will look at the brain body connection and all influences.
Best of luck..it will get better..from a mother of 2 intense children:) who now at age 6 and 3 are settling into who they are..but not just naturally, from a lot of sensory, positive behavior support, diet, excercsise, cuddles, educating daddy...occasional support, some drives alone...friend support..prayer.

Wow, you poor thing. I don't have any real advice, just a question: Since a mom can usually tell what kind of cry or scream it is -- what kind of scream does it sound like? Pain? Frustration? Just wanting attention? As long as it does not sound like the pain kind, then at least you don't have to worry about that. The other moms can give you more ideas.