16 answers

6 Yr Old OBSESSED W/ Her Vagina

My daughter has been OBSESSED with her freaking vagina lately,
I think I have said the word vagina more times in the last couple weeks that I have in my entire life!!!

I keep catching her "playing" with her clitoris, and not nicely, like stretching the skin several inches out from her body.
And lately she has been complaining that her vagina hurts.
It doesn't hurt to pee, it is not red, there is no odor, showers are not helping.
So the ONLY conclusion I can come to is that she is messing with it too much and making it sore.

I have told her to stop being so mean to it (LOL), to be gentle and to make sure her hands are clean when she does touch it, and to do it private,
but it has become like an obsessive point of attention and conversation and I am getting FED UP!

Do you have any advice or recommendations for me or this situation?
I feel like I am loosing it, she wont shut up about her vagina.

I know it is fine and normal for kids to explore their bodies and even masturbate, and I have zero issue with her doing that, but she is causing herself pain and talking about it ALL THE TIME.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

There is no way she has been molested.
I am a stay at home mom. I am the one with her all day everyday, I put her to bed at night, I help her get in and out of the shower.
I know it is not that.
The last person she stayed with was my mom, I know nothing happened there.

It's mostly frustrating because I know she knows about this stuff, we addressed it when she was 2 and 3 and going through potty training.
She went through a lot of self discovery and I taught her all the stuff like "The parts of your body that are covered by your panties are private. No one should see them or touch them for any reason, unless it's your doctor in his office while mommy is there or mommy when I am helping you in the shower (when she was little)."

I just don't understand how she went from that lesson to sitting on the couch messing with herself and talking about it.
I have tried to tell her to only do that in her room or int he shower, and not when anyone is around, and told her there is no reason to talk about it so much, but she wont stop.

I almost wonder if she recently experienced a different stronger feeling, like maybe an orgasm, and it has heightened her interest in that part of her body?
I have no idea how I would ask that or find that out though.

I guess if it doesn't stop I will just have to take her to her doctor.

Thanks to all of you for your feedback. Dana, I appreciate your advice for a way to give an example of private things. Obviously I don't share your other beliefs, but thank you none the less.

Featured Answers

I also agree that it's totally normal, though what I would actually do, if I were you, would be to tell her to stop doing it just for awhile, so you can see if her pain goes away. If it does go away, then you'll know that's what was causing the pain, and if it doesn't go away, then you'll know that it's time to see the doc. :-)

2 moms found this helpful

We had the exact problem and she outgrew it after a year. We did everything you are doing, plus the doctor.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Yes you know it's normal... However she is getting attention from it because she sees somehow it's taboo or dirty in your book but it's not.. You're just trying to regulate it to being in a private place.

I say stop allowing her to get the attention from you because she is fully aware it bothers you. keep your lines of comuncation open, you especially need that trust when she is older!!

As for Dana, lol, you can think you don't allow such self exploration but in reality all children do it. If you make it taboo or dirty then they get more of a thrill.

Be real, if you can't handle this, then see a professional who can guide you through this time.

3 moms found this helpful

I have to remind my almost 6 y/o to do those things in private too... to wash her hands before and after, etc, not to be so rough with herself, etc... LOL it's just funny to read another Mom in the same predicament. I'm sure it will pass... just try to hold out on doing anything other than what you are already doing.

3 moms found this helpful

My daughter is 5 and has recently began exploring herself as well. Ive caught her doing the same thing to her clitoris in the bath tub & Ive also caught her putting her blankey between her legs and rocking. I asked her where she learned that and she just said it was something she did one day & feels good. I told her that it was ok, but was meant for private time only. And that we must remember that our bodies are special & what she is doing isnt in the best interest of her body b/c she could hurt herself, and then let it go. Ive noticed that the "occurances" have slowly began to dwindle now that it has been addressed & I didnt make a big deal about it. I think in time she will move on as well. Its tough being a mom sometimes, lol.

3 moms found this helpful

That could get very frustrating! I think I have a different view than you, so not sure how helpful this will be, but I tell them their bottom isn't a toy and to stop playing with it. But i never refer to it as a bad thing or anything. I don't want them to think it's a bad body part. If they are looking and learning about it, it's different. They have the right to learn about it, but if they are using it as a toy, I'll just say "Your bottom isn't a toy. It's special and you need to stop playing with it."

My kids have never been as focused on it as your daughter is, though! So, I can't speak from experience in how to stop it.

Oh, another thought, if she has ever had antibiotics very much in her life, it could have messed with her balance and it might be making it sore and itchy (though, like you said, it's also very much likely due to being bothered so much from her touching). But you might want to try some type of probiotics for a while to help balance it back out. I get yeast type of reactions easily, due to antibiotics in the past, and probiotics help. I'm not sure if mine ever looked red or infected when I was little. Just that I had lots of discomfort from it when I was younger too.

3 moms found this helpful

Well, if her vagina hurts, or if her clitoris hurts, maybe she'll get wise and leave it alone.

Reminds me of little boys pulling on their penises.

It does worry me that she is so old and doing this. I've never even pulled my own out several inches! I guess I didn't know it would do that!

I'd get some expert advise on this from your ped, I have to admit.


3 moms found this helpful

Six is about the time for her to be obsessed. Just tell her that her vagina is a special thing and she does not hurt it. The vagina talk will end when she is about a teenager and then she probably won't want to talk!! LOL LOL I think when she starts back to school and other things occupy her mind then things will be better.

2 moms found this helpful

Tell her that her vagina is a private thing and while it is normal to play around with it and there is nothing to be ashamed of, she needs to be doing it in the privacy of her own room. Same thing about talking about it - if she starts up, have her go to her room. Maybe the less attention she gets for it, the less she'll be apt to persist.

I would also take her to the pediatrician just to make sure there's nothing physically or medically wrong - then maybe the doctor can have a talk with her too about how we treat our bodies. I hate to say it, but is there any chance she could have been molested or touched inappropriately? Something like that that could trigger this sudden behavior in her?

2 moms found this helpful

I teach my children that there privates are private because they are so incredibly special. We discuss some of Mommies special things and how I don't let them play with them, like Great Grandmothers sculptures and china. Some things are so special that I don't put them out for everyone to see. I then ask them if they have ever seen me play with any of my special things or do I keep them hidden. I explain that There privates are more special than any item I own and that they need to keep it special. I don't allow masturbation in my home so I explain that God created those parts for a very special purpose and that one day they will use them as God intended them to.

2 moms found this helpful

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