May 09, 2008,
T.G. asks from Durham, NC on April 24, 2008
6 Yr Old Male Child Crying a Lot
I have a 6 yr old son that cries whenever he doesn't get his way, including in school. He has gotten better (meaning going from screaming outbursts to crying with a little noise). I think it needs to stop, so I've been encourgaging him to express himself by talking rather crying. It's not working as quickly as I would like. Do you have any suggestions for deterring this behavior?
A girl in his class once told him that he cries like a girl, but he didn't get upset or anything, he actually thought it was pretty funny. We don't give in to him when he's crying, he gets isolated until he can pull it together. Any reasonable suggestions?
C.B. answers from Louisville on April 26, 2008
Why is it not o.k. for him to cry? Are they genuine tears or is he trying to manipulate a situation? If they are genuine tears, then it might be better to find out what he is feeling that brings him to tears. Our society places so much emphasis on boys being brave and stoic and not showing emotion. Then we wonder why they have ulcers,heart attacks, and die earlier than women. He needs to learn to express his feelings with his words - true. But he is expressing them in a non-violent manner and that is encouraging. At six years old he is going through a lot of changes. We forget sometimes how scary it is to be a child - potty training, starting school, new teachers, new students/friends/enemies, learning alphabet, numbers, reading, etc. It is a whole lot and maybe he is just overwhelmed and the least little thing sets him off. Maybe if you talk to him about it when he's not upset he can better explain his feelings. He sounds like a very sweet, little boy. Good luck.
1 mom found this helpful
K.B. answers from Jacksonville on April 25, 2008
Have you spoken with his doctor? They may need to check and see if his hormone levels are out of wack. In any case, talking to his doctor may give you insight in to whether you should be worried or not. I have been around a lot of kids, and their have been times when there were young boys who cried at the drop of the hat. I pretty much chalked it up to them being very sensitive and easy to upset. There could have been more to it. I was only around them during the school day. I don't know if they were the same way outside of school.
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T.H. answers from Chattanooga on April 24, 2008
I know what you are going through my daughter did the same thing. I know this is hard but if he starts crying just ignore him. Im not saying put him in another room and shut the door but once he relizes that the crying isn't making you budge nor that it bothers you eventually he will stop. it will take several times doing this but it does work. You just have to let him know you could care less if he throws a fit or not. You can also tell him before you ignore him that his crying is just going to make him fill bad not you.
L.C. answers from Charlotte on May 09, 2008
I want to know, why did you put, Male child crying a lot?
Girl or boy, it's ok to cry. I'm so over society telling boys, don't cry it means your weak or you cry like a little girl as if it's NOT ok to cry. A boy or man crying isn't a sign of weakness and it doesn't make them a sissy or any less of a man. I'm not saying this is what YOU meant by the title of your post but it sure implies it.
It's not ok to cry to get your way. Which if this is the case and I think it is, ignore it, he'll stop. Perhaps a good spanking will snap it out of him.
B.Z. answers from Clarksville on April 24, 2008
T., I understand your frustration. My daughter did the same thing. We tried many different routes to "fix" the behavior and it was finally changed. I can tell you it will probably get worse before it gets better, and it is harder on you than it is on him. However, the best thing you can do, is to simply ignore the behavior. Let him know where you stand and stand firm, do not give in. If you do, then his whining fits will only have worked and he will have gotten what he was after to start with. Tell him that he can not have whatever it is he wants and be serious, follow through is so important. Then stand your ground, if he starts crying, just in a quite and calm voice let him know that no matter how much he cries, he still can not have his way and then go about whatever you were doing. Let him have his fit, eventually he will realize that this tactic is not working and will try something else. So...in this phase encourage him to ask politely for things or perhaps a better choice.
My children used to say "give me a glass of milk" and I would refuse. I would say you must ask nicely and say please. They were stubborn and refused to say please, so I refused to give them what they wanted. Finally it dawned on them that if they ask nicely and use kind words, they will get that service in return. I now have people tell me all the time how polite and well mannered my kids are, it takes time and effort, but it is well worth raising such wonderful kids.
E.H. answers from Greensboro on April 25, 2008
I am having the exact same problem with my 5 year old. If you find something that works, please let me know!! I want to stop this before he starts Kindergarten in August. Thank you and Good Luck!!!
A.K. answers from Lexington on April 25, 2008
Sounds like you are on the right track, my 4 year old does the same. I tell him to stop what he is doing and take a deep breathe, or count to 10. Doesn't seem to work all the time, but it gives him something else to think about while in time out.