December 05, 2007,
C.C. asks from Fresno, CA on November 29, 2007
6 Year Old with Insecurities
Hi, So here i am trying this for the first time... So I have a 6 year old daughter who in the past lets say 4 months is suddenly seeking lots of extra reassurance and constant coddeling.. We also have a VERY high maintenance very active 2 year old boy... He does take alot of our attention cause we have to constantly watch him due to his aggressive behavior, and his constant go go go personality.. If she does something wrong, she says (it is only me she does this to) "you hate me dont you?" or "you dont love me now?" she feels that if we tickle the baby we have to tickle her, or she pouts and whines.. she has become more of a tattle tale and she cries about everything.. this is very out of the norm for her.. also, she has been having nightmares more.. i tell her constantly how much i love her, i tell her daily that no matter what i will love her, she has asked me which one of them are my favorite..??? i try to reassure her that i love her, and i think that she is the most gorgeous thing.. but it has not helped. she has become so insecure.. can anyone help. by the way my son is not hyper if anyone thought that is what i was saying, but from the minute he was born my son has known what he wants, how he wants it, and who is gonna be done.. anyone have one of them boys.. he is another story and another "request"! bye.. and i cant wait to hear what anyone has to say..
K.Z. answers from Lubbock on November 30, 2007
Do you make sure that you are spending one on one time with your little girl? Pick a day of the week, or every two weeks that is your day with ONLY your daughter. Leave your son at home with Daddy. Take her to the movies, out to eat, shopping, etc. It will be the day that the two of you get to reconnect and it will also show her that you love her just as much as you do your son. Just because she is older and can do more things than your two year old does not mean that she doesn't want your attention and affection just as much. :) Hope this helps!
2 moms found this helpful
R.D. answers from Sacramento on December 05, 2007
I have 3 boys (6, 3, and 1) and my 6 and 3 year old both go through this daily. Come to think of it, my 1 year old also gets jealous when I hold the other boys. They all want my attention separately and this is hard to do when you have more than one.
My oldest, Cameron, does the exact same thing your daughter is doing right now. My husband tells him constantly that he plays different games with the smaller ones than he does with him. This hasn't been a great solution though. Cameron pouts when this answer is given to him, so I'm interested to see if you get any helpful advice.
I'm in the same boat. Hang in there. I really think we need to just stick to our guns and ride it out, so to speak.
Good luck! I know I need it!
A.W. answers from San Francisco on November 30, 2007
I totally agree with Krystie -- there really is no substitute for 1:1 time alone together. It is often hard to make the time, but especially at this age, she will totally notice how hard it is for you to make the time, the planning, the schedule-shuffling, getting childcare arranged, etc... all just so the 2 of you can go see a movie together, or go to a museum or something, and believe me she will totally notice and appreciate it. So, it does take time, but the benefit can be enormous.
I also highly recommend the book "Growing a Girl" by Barbara Dr Mackoff -- it has some really amazing insights on what she is thinking at that age, and how the relationship you develop now will absolutely impact your relationship with her when she hits her teens.
J.B. answers from Los Angeles on December 01, 2007
I had a simular problem with my four year old when the baby came. He was a little punk all of a sudden. he has always been a good kid but when the baby came he just started acting out real bad. So I started to spend alone time with him. when my husband came home from work i would leave the baby with him and spend and hour or so just with my son. away from the baby. It was our special time. we would go the park and play or go to a movie. anything he wanted as long as it was just the two of us. He loved it and almost immidently changed his attitude. before to long he even wanted to include the baby.
C.E. answers from San Francisco on December 02, 2007
I agree with responses read so far. It sounds as if your son is very demanding, and gets attention for being so. You daughter is observing this behavior and picking her own type of attention seeking.
More one on one time should help for sure. Having Dad take his son while you spend some quality time with your daughter should alleviate this.
It is very helpful for each parent to have some one on one time with each child. Most children respond to this very quickly.
You might also want to check to see what kind of interaction is happening in the classroom. Perhaps visit one day to see what the classroom and playground are like. Someone could be giving your daughter a bad time, and weakening her self esteem.