27 answers

6 Year Old Kindergardner's Behavior Getting Worse

My son is 6 and is more than half way through kindergarten. His behavior at first was a little disruptive, but has become terrible. He hits kids, he tells his teacher he hates her and he hates school. He has been expelled for a day and has spent many days in the principal's office. I have been working with the teacher, school counselor and school social workers. He is very sensitive and will cry and have temper tantrums about anything and everything. I have to cut most of his tags out of his shirts, his socks can't be too tight and his coat can't be zipped up to his neck. I love my son it scares me because his behavior is nothing llike my oldest two, and I know no two kids are alike, but if his behavior is so different and I haven't disciplined him any different than my other two, it makes me think that something is really wrong. I don't believe in ADD or ADHD exactly, I believe they exist, but I also think that too many kids are labelled this because of lack of knowledge by parents and doctors, I do really think it needs to be studied more. I would really like to know if any parent has experienced a child like this and how to handle this because I think I'm losing my mind. I know I'm a good mom but this makes me feal like I'm doing something wrong. Help!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Sensory Integration jumps to the fore front when you talk about cutting tags etc. I however don't think the school district will actually treat the disorder, they may have a OT to diagnose but you may have to have seek outside treatment,at least that's the district I'm in. Do ask for input from the child study team they should be able to help sort it out.

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More Answers

M.,
I have a child with many of these issues. The earlier you get help, as much help as possible, the better life your child son (and the rest of you) will have. Children act out for a reason. Obviously his school situation is not working for him at all. He may have a bad fit with his teacher. He may be struggling with sitting still, paying attention, etc. ADHD is a difference in the way the brain functions and processes information. If your son has that, he cannot control it. The sensitivity could be difficulty processing sensory information. Having your son evaluated by a qualified professional, such as a pediatric neurologist, will give you a start in figuring out what is wrong. An evaluation by an occupational therapist will help with the sensory issues. There are many, many resources if you want to read to find out more information. Raising a child like this is HARD but you can find ways to help your son and everyone cope and for him to thrive and be successful. I would be happy to talk with you more if you want to email me ____@____.com.

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No matter what problem your child might have, consistent discipline is key for him to be successful! Don't get discouraged, some kids are harder to teach/train then others, but none are impossible. :)

I had a friend growing up who exhibited the same behaviors, now she's been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and they say that the childhood behaviors are sometimes linked. However to my knowledge bi-polar cannot be diagnosed at this age, so you're kind of at a loss right now to know "for sure".

Keep doing what you're doing and have some testing done just to be sure. Also keep an eye on his diet. A diet full of processed carbs and sugars will make his behavior worse, and caffeine for sure complicates. Make sure he gets LOTS of exercise and is not sitting in front of a TV or video games. Boys especially have a hard time learning in an environment where they need to sit still, they're build for movement and so is their brain. So be sure to help him get as much of that done at home as possible. I am a firm believer that going to school before 7 is detrimental and will definitely home school my kids at least until that age. They just need to be more active and school doesn't allow enough activity. I don't know if that's an option for you, but you might consider it.

Best wishes!

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Sounds like he may have ADHD and some sensory integration issues that make him very sensitive to textures. Kids like this sometimes are super smart and frustrated. I'd have him evaluated to see what you're dealing with and if they think medication will help. Don't be afraid of it! You don't want to let him continue like this and have a long, miserable school experience. Boys like this tend to get into fights too and that's a road you don't want him on very much. Until you have a different child, you have a lot of opinions and answers. Then you have to open your mind to things you didn't really believe in so you can help him. My most difficult daughter is a successful doctor today but still does things her own way and is very high-energy and strong-willed, but it's all in a wonderful way at this point. Parenting her was a real trip. She ripped off buttons and tags and seams in her socks made her absolutely frantic. She still wants her clothes to be really non-irritating but can afford to buy what she wants. Hang in there! Don't ignore this. Work with the school. You could homeschool but you'd better get an evaluation to see what you're dealing with. Talk to your pedicatrician and local intermediate school district for recommendations. He's gonna drive you crazy if you don't get on top of this. He needs a way to make sense of his feelings too and lots of structure and patience, and that's very tough, but you can do it with some help, Mom. You haven't done anything wrong. He was born this way. No one's fault, but it won't just go away.

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M.,

I feel your pain. My 10 year old daughter was never disruptive once I got her to stay in class. But getting her to stay was really hard. Starting with Head Start I had to force her to stay at school. Often times the teacher would have to hold her while I escaped or I would have been fired from my job by now. She is very shy and didn't want to be left at school alone. She has an issue with expressing herself. Letting people know what her wants and needs are. She never had to stay with anyone but close family since I returned to work from maternity leave. So she always had someone there to protect her. The reason why I'm responding to this is because you mentioned your son’s issues with his clothing. My daughter is the same way. She will not wear turtlenecks or anything that is tight around her neck. Her shoes and socks have to fit a certain way or she won't wear them. In school once she moved to grades where she had to go to lunch in the cafeteria instead of having lunch in her classroom she couldn't deal with all of the noise and activity that goes on in the lunchroom. It would freak her out.

I was lucky that she had the same teacher for 2nd and 3rd grade. So she was aware of my daughter’s issues. My daughter is smart she has a 3.8 grade average the highest in her class the last year she attended school. Last year I enrolled her in a new school (we moved). She couldn't handle it. Now my daughter is currently being home schooled. She has been diagnosed with a severe case of anxiety (school phobia). She would break out in hives and would have a meltdown every morning. I take her to see a therapist twice a month. And she is currently on medication. I hated to put her on meds but I can see the difference in her. She is still very shy but she is more out going now. Before meds she would hesitate before she would agree to go anywhere with anyone other then me or my mother. Her father and I are separated and she won't go and visit with him unless I’m with her. She wouldn't even spend the night with her older sister before meds.

I can't say that your son needs to see a therapist or should be on medication. But something is bothering him and it seems to be in school. Unless he acted like this prior to attending school. Working with the school counselor and social worker is a good start.

Always let him know that you are there for him and love him no matter what. I know it's very scary and frustrating. He is so young and may not know what's bothering him or how to express it. He may just need to learn some coping skills. My daughter still can't put her finger on what is actually bothering her most of the time. Just be very patient. Because you may be dealing with this for a while to come.

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I don't know if you'll accept this or not. I was just like him growing up off and on. No one figured it out. My parents were and are Christian Science and knew nothing about medical things. It wasn't until I cleaned up after drug use that we found I may have depression. After 2 years I was fine until a few years later when I crashed thanks to a terrible doctor. I wound up in the hospital finding out that I am bipolar. My husband and I were on the rocks because I was so nasty to him and didn't know why. I didn't know why. Since I've been on meds, now for 8 years, I'm just fine. I'm not saying your son is but a full psychological makeup is in order. I mean a real psychiatrist and therapist. School counselors do not have the training for such things. I wish my parents stepped in much earlier since I wound up doing a lot of things I regretted later.

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I second the ADHD and sensory disorder. Our son has ADHD (was kicked out of preschool for the types of behaviors you described) and I can tell you it's real and not a cop-out diagnosis. If your child has it, the behavior you described is out of his control. ADHD has been studied extensively, for many decades. UC Davis' MIND Institute is just one organization studying ADHD. Unfortunately, it's often misunderstood by those lacking first hand experience or an appropriate medical background. It isn't caused by parenting skills or whether you give your child too much sugar -- it's a brain disorder involving low dopamine levels.

I would highly recommend getting your son in with a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist for an evaluation and diagnosis. You may be dealing with a couple of conditions here. With ADHD, it's extremely common to have another condition with it.

Also, check out the website for ADDitude magazine. Even if you're not dealing with ADHD, you'll find some great resources for dealing with children exhibiting the behaviors you've described.

Good luck!

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I have been there with my daughter who is now 10, i didn't beleive in the ADD and ADHD things either, but i investigated it further and took her to her pediatrician and she gave me a questionaire to be filled out by the teacher and the parent and i did this and and my child had all the signs and sysmptom of being ADHD she started her on Vyvanse she was 8 at the time, she is now doing very well in school and making straight A's. If I had not done this I think i would have lost my mind by now, Don't think that your a bad mom for trying to help your child. This might not help but I just thought it may give you some insight.

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I can so relate. I agree we Kellyan. It really sounds like a Sensory Processing Disorder at the minimum. Definitely read Out of Sync Child. Also, we sent our son at 2 1/2 to a child play therapist (who helps with the behavior and social skills), then got him evaluated by a pediatric neurologist who saw sensory and asperger tendencies in our son. Through him, we then got our son evaluated by both an occupational therapist (OT) and speech therapist (ST). My son qualified for OT and it has helped tremendously. We also got our son evaluated by the OT and ST through the school and he qualified for both so he gets those services through school also. He went from extreme behavior problem to functioning normally once we addressed his sensory issues and anxiety.

I hate labels, but am so glad that we got him evaluated to find out how to help our son be successful. At 3 1/2 he is a different child.

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