21 answers

6 Year Old Behavior... Ugh!

I have a 6 year old daughter who is in 1st grade, a great student, a very sweet intelligent child and very respectful to everyone she speaks to. She is very well spoken and very social. She and I have lots of us time together! She always tell me no and yells back at me. I am a full time working mom and my hubby is an over the road truck driver. She is the youngest of my kids the others being 13, 15, & 17. However she is rude and talks back to to mom. Talks back, yells at everyone including her brother and sisters. Anyone having those problems or can give me any advice.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Well I have listened to everyone's advice. I have sat in on many classes before and we have a na excellent repoir at school, great teacher excellent people that we work with at school. I do work in the school often. We began a positive reinforcement technique using her counting bears as tokens. At the end of the week after doing good things all week she will get .25 cents for each bear. She can also lose bears by misbehaving. We also made a deal that I would not holler at her and she does not holler at me. When she hollers she gets 1 warning to not talk to me that way. If it persists she looses a bear. She is already worrying about loosing bears. The weekend was much better than it has been. I know many peopel have addresses whether we spend enough her and I time together and we do every week each child has a special outing with mom. I also play games and watch movies with her during the week. WE also do things as a family every week. Thanks again for all the suggestions!

Featured Answers

I know a lot of people going through this at this age but you MUST set rules and follow through punishments. I say that but I must admit I let more slide then should. but most of the time I have my son write 25 times I will respect my mom. I then talk to him about it and ask him how he would like it if his dad talk to his Grandma that way? We dont talk that way to eachother.

Oh my gosh that sounds like my seventeen year old son's behavior! Talks back, argues with us all the time. I hope someone has some advice that will cover both ages. People are always telling me how nice he is. I hope he doesn't stay like this. Maybe different ages but maybe something works in both cases. Ugh.
Update: Just read some of that advice. I am going to try the not yelling back thing, I seem to escalate with this son, but didn't have the same problem with my older son. I'll try that and get back on that in a couple of weeks. See if that works, also.

More Answers

Hi D.,

my middle child (almsot 10) is like this sometimes when she comes back from her dad's house.

Basically, what we do is remind her firmly that she WILL be respectful or suffer the consequences. If she calls names (she called her sister an idiot for leaving their shared bathroom to give her privacy while she went to the bathroom - obviously her sister was being respectful of her privacy) she gets a 'pleasure item' taken away; computer, guitar hero, nintendo DS, Hannah Montana show, etc.

Your daughter needs to learn that she cannot be disrespectful to you or others in her family. I would suggest finding out why she finds it so easy to hurt people who love her, and see what's bothering her. 'something' has to invoke this behavior... find out what it is.. talk to her - it might take a few times to really get to the bottom of it, but I tell my kids, this is our sanctuary from the rest of the stress out there.. school, mean people, traffic, work... we have to find a way to leave the garbage at the door and find peace here.... if that means you need to tell me how crappy your day was, lets talk over an 'after-school-snack' so you can feel better and get on with being happy to be home with people who love you.

Sometimes i noticed the behavior gets worse because it's allowed to continue... she's used to being abusive, so it will take a little work to get her out of the 'habit'.

stand your ground mama.. good luck

~J.~

Make your expectations and consequences crystal clear, and FOLLOW THROUGH every time. If you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. In my opinion, speaking disrespectfully to an adult is unacceptable.
However,if she has anger or tension from the day and needs to vent, then let her talk to you about it all AFTER she's shown some respect and/or received a consequence.
And maybe try to set aside some special time for her and you (I know you're busy) to let her know how special she is. (Paint your nails together, read a book).

I feel your pain. My 6 year old can be so ugly at times too. I do not tolerate rude behavior, talking back (even though she still does it). she gets immediate discipline when she does. Sometimes when she smarts off I will reply with "excuse me? Do you want to rephrase that?" If she does ok, if not then it is time outs or privileges taken away. I have heard all the arguments that we Moms should be happy the child is respectful at school and feels comfortable testing the limits at home----yeah right, give me a break! There have been many a day in our house tv rights, candy, bed time reading have been taken away. The smart alek mouth is improving. Good luck!!!

Hey I've got one of those too! My daughter is "the best kid ever, sweet as can be, she must be a wonderful help at home". These are the comments I get from other parents, her teacher, but at home all she does is push my buttons! She goes with the exact opposite of anything I say. The sky is blue, her answer is not it isn't! It is really frustrating and hard to deal with. I think part of it is the fact that personality wise we are very much alike. Another part is that she is trying to get attention, I've got a 5 and 2 yr old also. So I've tried lots of things and I can't say any of it is working perfectly. Yesterday she spent 2 hours in her bedroom because of back talk and screaming at me. The best I can say is don't tolerate it. Not even once. She is trying to see where her boundries are at and how far she can step. Stick to your guns and don't lose heart. If we lose it now it will just make it that much harder when she becomes a teenager (God HELP us!) The plus is I know I'm doing a good job because she does behave so well outside of the house! Good Luck!

Hi D.,
I recommend Tuesday's Child. ###-###-####
4028 W Irving Park Rd
Chicago, IL
They have helped me emmensely with my sons issues which were very similar. It sounds to me like maybe your daughter could be angry she doesn't get enough time with you. If this is the case, maybe making a special time to be with just her each day- or maybe a special weekend trip with just the two of you- will help her feel more secure about your relationship and then will be more likely to listen and/or be polite and respectful towards you. I hope that helps.
Blessings,
J.

I know a lot of people going through this at this age but you MUST set rules and follow through punishments. I say that but I must admit I let more slide then should. but most of the time I have my son write 25 times I will respect my mom. I then talk to him about it and ask him how he would like it if his dad talk to his Grandma that way? We dont talk that way to eachother.

Oh my gosh that sounds like my seventeen year old son's behavior! Talks back, argues with us all the time. I hope someone has some advice that will cover both ages. People are always telling me how nice he is. I hope he doesn't stay like this. Maybe different ages but maybe something works in both cases. Ugh.
Update: Just read some of that advice. I am going to try the not yelling back thing, I seem to escalate with this son, but didn't have the same problem with my older son. I'll try that and get back on that in a couple of weeks. See if that works, also.

I recommend seeing a professional homeopathic Dr. She can help get your DD an appropriate attitude adjustment. Homeopathy is a natural medicine that helps with emotional situations. I read a great story about a little girl who had an older sister that she dominated and was mean to, and would throw tantrums, etc. Homeopathy helped her get more into balance and the meanness and tantrums and dominance subsided so much.

We see Dr. Polich at Dupage Homeopathic Ctr in Naperville (www.dupagehomeopathic.com). You can email her to see if homeopathy can help or if it s/b cared for more by a counselor. She even tells me about her own daughter being a happy girl, well balanced, and non-confrontational with her sibling and parents.

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