6 Month Old Boy Sleep Problem or Do I Have Unreasonable Expectations?

Ok first of all at this age... NEVER leave your baby to 'cry it out' that is neglectful and teaching him that you are not to be counted on or trusted....People can "pooh pooh" it all they want but the fact remains that we build the trust of a lifetime with our children beginning at birth and until your child is old enough (Like closer to 18 months-2 years to begin understanding the concepts of self soothing and small bits of independance) dont be fooled by those who tell you that one or two nights of crying themselves to sleep and they will be fine... sure they will stop crying... but its because they have "learned' that you will not respond... thats all... and so begins the destructive stage of instilling in our children the concept of 'conditional love'... you do what I want and I will LOVE you... if you cry or dont act in such a way that I demand of you... then I will withhold love.
thats a dangerous cycle to be teaching an infant....what your baby wants when he wants to feed at 2 am is the contact... and the reassurance that you will meet all of his needs.
about 10% of it is probably actual hunger... the rest is just needing emotional contact... so give it to him.

babys go at their own pace... BOOKS cant tell you whats normal for YOUR child.
Let him wean himself through each stage as he is ready. They grow up fast enough... dont rush them

1 mom found this helpful

It doesn't sound out of the ordinary to me for a 6 month old. If you are really concerned, call your ped. Some of the ladies have given good advice here and others not so good. You NEVER put cereal in a bottle unless your doctor recommends it, the only time I have seen it recommended is for babies with reflux. BUT the idea of giving him more than milk at 10:30 may work. If the both of you are alert enough then, make up a bowl of cereal or real oatmeal (if he is at that point), something that will "stick to his ribs", see if that gets him through. When our now 2 1/2 year old was around 1 1/2, he was waking at 6-6:30 wanting a bottle. We gave him a decent snack before bedtime instead and that helped him get through the night and sleep till 7-8.

Look, you need to get this kid on a schedule during the day and he will sleep at night. The kind of waking you are describing is habitual. He is likely not hungry, but his inner clock is stuck on 2:50 am. So, you need to let him sleep through that. It may be ugly the first night or two, but I'm sure that after that, he will just sleep through.. Also, if you are concerned that he is hungry, try getting in an extra feeding during the day to boost up your supply. Both my children could reliably count on their feeding schedule and my son, now 2.5 slept through the night at 10 weeks (12 hours) and my now 6 month daughter old slept through also 12 hours at 12 weeks. I feed her every 4 hours beginning at 7 and she goes to bed every night at around 7-7:30. For sure, your son should be able to make it through the night- especially because he is such a nice size!

I don't think there is any problem with your son. I would have to agree with your second part of your question ("I have unreasonable expectations"). Kids are different so don't expect him to be like his sister. My first child slept through the night since she was born. The second one would go to sleep around 9pm and wake up at 2 to eat. She did that for almost a year. I also have my nephew who is 2 years old and he still wakes up around 3 o'clock in the morning to drink water or just to play. There is nothing that you can do.
So if he wakes up is because he has this schedule and he wants to eat. Just let him eat and then go to sleep happy. He will grow up and stop waking up during the night.

God Bless you and your family, my husband too is deployed right now but my children are older now. So I know the challenges you face. To your sleeping problem, it's not a matter of them being hungry, I think they just want to be up. My daughter would get up just as I was ready for bed. She would wake at 11:00pm on the dot and be up till 2:00am. You realy could set a clock by this child. She did finally start to sleep all night but then I was faced with a new issues. She started to sleep walk. The Dr. all said it's nothing to worry about. She is now 9yrs old and grew out of that stage around 3yrs old. I don't know if this helps but when they take naps you need to also. Thats how I servived and lots of coffee if you drink it. Best of Luck

I'm curious if he's breastfed why are you giving him formula at night? I think that 1-2 wakings at night is the norm. My dd is 2 and still nursing and still wakes a couple of times every night. I know both she and my son were big for their age and still are. She was 16lbs at 3mos and he was 20lbs at 3mos. I breastfed them exclusively for the first 6mos and they normally woke atleast 2x's a night. I think most people are told that they should sleep through the night but what actual sleeping through the nite is not 8-10 hrs of sleep most adults won't sleep 8-10 hrs uninterrupted. A lot of time we have to get up to go to the bathroom or get a drink so a baby is the same. it's just that they decide they'd like a little snack to go with it
V.

My daughter did the exact same thing! At her 6mo well visit, I asked her DR and he said that she should definately be sleeping thru the night at that point. He explained that when she got up at 3, she was just looking for comfort, not food. He advised that I let her cry it out. My husband and I decided that weekend we would do it. She cried the first night for about 1/2 hr and a little less the next and then slept thru the night since! It was hard, but well worth it!
Good luck!

3 out of 4 of my children slept through the night once they were on solid food (baby cereal with mashed banana in it, or some other baby fruit), which they ate at 7:00, and bedtime was 8:00. They were up around 6:00 a.m., because at the time, I was a working Mom.

#4 wasn't so good to us ! She didn't sleep through the night until age 4 or so . . . she just didn't need the sleep. she'd wake up and want to play. We were both working FT, so we brought her into our bed and let her lie between us, hopefully while WE slept. We have fond memories (that weren't so fond at the time) of her saying, "Wake up, Daddy! It's morningtime!" in the middle of the night (obviously not 6 months old !!)

If your son is starting to eat cereal, and you add some fruit, and he's not teething yet, he may not need to eat again after he goes to bed, but we all get into habits, and he may be simply be waking up because he's used to waking up. Unfortunately, he can't really tell you that, and giving him something to eat (a bottle) gives him something to do while he goes back to sleep. You could also let him have his bottle in your bed, if you have him protected from falling out -- and that way you could continue to rest, rather than having to stay upright while he drinks and goes back to sleep. My theory? "I'm tired. You're hungry. Let's solve both at the same time."

(I know, there's lots of arguments both ways re baby in the bed, baby out of the bed,etc. We honestly have had all 4 of our kids in our bed from time to time -- routinely as babies, because we both worked 50 hours/week and we were too tired to stay upright at night. I could nurse and almost fall asleep, which was great. I didn't care particularly if the baby was asleep or feeding, as long as I got rested. We've had kids who just "can't sleep" crawl into bed with us, we've had children with nightmares in bed with us, we've had sick children in bed with us -- our youngest is now 12, and none of our kids lack independence, or have been adversely affected by having a safe place to go when feeling they are in a crisis. Sometimes WE get frustrated, but on the other hand -- they grow up and they LEAVE -- (2 of ours are now over 500 miles away) and when looking back, those days of being constantly interrupted, having a crowded bed, etc., seem so far away. I don't really think I'd want them back, but having a loving family, and having children who will come to us whenever they need to talk, or need comfort, or have decisions to make -- it's worth every tough minute of it.)

It sounds like you have had a very stressful year -- with this little guy's daddy gone his whole life. It's no wonder you are exhausted; and now finally seeing the end of the tunnel with joy, expectation, and also a little trepidation, I'm sure, as you guys start living together again, and you get back to sharing your children and your decisions. Transitions are tough.

so, my expectation would be that whatever works while your husband is gone, things will change when he returns. And while it's good to have him back, all change is somewhat disruptive at best, even good change, and you will see behavior changes when Daddy comes home. Both kids will have to get used to him, and he to them, and both of you will have to once again work out how you parent as a team. You'll also have to be willing to share your children, and to share the disciplining -- sometimes it's hard to have someone come back and disrupt the patterns you've gotten used to in his absence. But it will be good -- it will just be a transition thing for all of you.

Given those upcoming changes on the whole household, I would not add stress to your son's life at the same time. I sense that's why you want him to start sleeping NOW, but maybe it's okay for him to wake up. . . . . Maybe Dad won't be so good at sleeping through the night either, and maybe he would like some private cuddle time with the son he hasn't been able to hold for 5 to 6 months. So maybe if he's still waking up in the night, Dad would like to get up and feed him a bottle and hold him and do those "baby" kinds of things with him -- to catch up on some of the time he's missed.

I also want you to know that I was a single mom, too, when my first two kids were 1 and 3, until they were 5 and 7. But during that time, I never had to worry about where their father was, because he was somewhere in the same state I was in -- never across the globe from his children and never in a war zone. You have a whole lot on your plate, and I thank YOU and your children as well as your husband for the sacrifices and struggles you have faced while he served our country.

The words sound so "puny" I guess, compared to the reality of what your life has been while he's been gone, and certainly for how difficult it has been for him to be there. And yet, I don't know any other words that are any better.

But you're doing a good job, Mom. We all do the best we can, with whatever energy we have. Take some "me time" for you, and keep on keeping on. Your little girl will be talking up a storm soon, and one of these days, you'll wake up in the morning, and suddenly come to the realization that you actually slept ALL NIGHT ! wowwee !!

And whatever you actually "do" or don't do to try to get him to sleep at night, know that what he really needs from you is consistent love, protection and nurture. The rest of what you do, you do in a way that meets your needs as well as his and the family's needs. And, honestly, it'll be okay. If there were one thing I could pass on from my ripe old age of having my oldest be 27 now, is that it's good not to worry so much about "how" your are raising your children, and to simply LOVE them, and let them know they are loved, and to have them feel safe within the family circle. they will grow beyond the family soon enough when school starts, and then they will grow enough to completely step beyond it -- and at that time, it is the relationships you've built with them that bring them home -- via e-mail, via cell phone, etc. I wouldn't trade those touches of "home" with my big girls now for anything I gave up when they were little. And even when you "know" intellectually that the time goes by quickly, it'll never feel that way until after it's gone. That's just the way life is.

God bless you guys ! And God bless your husband as he, too, looks forward to his homecoming hugs and renewed family life.

barb w

Unreasonable expectations? Ahh, Yes and No....
You defanetly dont want a 1 yr old up at night- there is no reason for it other than the parents will was/is weaker than the childs... So,he is up once and its quick- not bad.
It will stop - it may take a few nights of you holding out.

L. ~ I don't have any advice as far as the sleeping (all good sleepers).

I just wanted to THANK YOU & YOUR FAMILY for the sacrifices that you make, for my family!! You are greatly appreciated!

Blessings ~ J.

I understand your frustration...but I'm afraid that your son is very normal!! I am 51, a mother of 4...each one was different, with varying sleep habits. My first son, did not sleep throught he night until he was 5, when his brother was born!! Not what you wanted to hear, I'm sure. My second son, slept through the night at 8 weeks!! The best thing for you to do for yourself and your son, is to not fight his sleep patterns...work with them. 6 months is still very young, and he will probably start to sleep longer very soon. If you can, try taking a nap during the day, so you make sure you are getting enough sleep yourself. It is important that you get enough sleep, so you can more easily handle his sleep patterns. I would just feed him the little bit he does take if that is what puts him back to sleep. I breast fed my first one until he was a year old, without supplementing. He would wake up once a night, I would nurse him for a few minutes, and then he was back to sleep till morning. Unfornatly, this advice is a "reality check"...every child is different, and he really is very young yet to expect such "mature" behavior from just yet. I feel for you, I remember those days very well!! And, I thank you and your husband for the sacrafices you have made for our country!!!

If you would like to talk futher, please feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com

We have 7 month twin boys. One thing I have learned is that every baby is SO different. One of them slept right through the night (10 - 11 hrs!) at 3.5 months. The other still doesn't get past 5-6 hrs. We have been doing the Ferber method and at the Dr's suggestion, we stopped feeding before 5:00 am. It's hard, but he is getting better. Now he goes down at 8:00pm and gets up at 5:00am to eat, goes back down for another hour or two.

Good luck! I can't imagine what it must be like to have a parent deployed. My best to all of you!

-K.

Dear L.,

No, you do not have unreasonable expectations. Unless there are prevailing health issues that would make it unwise (prematurity, failure to thrive. . .)it is safe to "wean" babies from their night feeding once they reach 10 pounds.

It will take 3-5 nights that will get progressively better, but they will be difficult never-the-less. This is my tried and true - after 111 babies in foster care that I adored. I don't mind the night feeding but the truth is that they actually enjoy life more and develop more quickly mentally and emotionally once they start sleeping through the night.

This is what you do. The first night, when he cries for the feeding you can give him a bottle of water. If you use passifiers, the second and beyond you give a passifier. If you don't use passifiers you can use a bottle of water the second night and then that is the last night feeding. After that, you don't talk to him, just give him his passifier, pat his back or rub it - whatever comforts him the third night. This is often the last time he will wake up; but if he is a bit stubborn it might take another couple of nights. From the 4th night on, you only give him the passifier - don't hold or give anything that would be encouragement or a reward for him waking up. Sometimes, for the first couple of nights this is heart breaking because they cry. You are changing the rules and they really don't understand at first.

The good news is that this has worked every time I've been able to use it and friends who have tried it love it too.

God bless you as you await your husband's return. Our prayers for you are that it will be a wonderful, joyous reunion.

Warm regards,
S.

Hello L.! I feel your pain...I have a ten month old who is still up at night. He goes to bed early around 7:00. I feed him before I go to bed like you do around 10 and he is always up at 4 4:30 for another feeding. He also goes right back to sleep until 6:30 ish. I know that he definitely should be sleeping through but...I have a three and a half year old that I do not want to disturb by letting my 10 mnth old cry it out. It's out of pure habit that he is doing this and I will eventually get around to breaking him of this but for now I just have an extra cup of coffee in the morning. We all just have to chose our battles I suppose and I know that there are people out there who are dealing with worse sleep issues than we are BUT it is still really tiring and difficult. I just always go back to what my mom says and she says that these times when they are little go sooo fast try to enjoy every minute of it, even the tough times. God Bless you and your family and keep you all safe. LOL Leah

First of all..thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifices you are making for our country. It is appreciated greatly.
One suggestion I might offer...how about giving him some cereal at the 10:30 feeding along with some formula? It might be easy to do because you are most likely still awake then :)
The fuller tummy might get him over that 2:50 "hump.
The day will come, I promise, when you will wake up in the morning and say "Whaaaat happened" and he will be sleeping away in his crib! One of my fondest memories! Good luck!

The best thing you can do to insure the full nights sleep is feed him a lot ALL DAY LONG. Feed him whenever you can, as much as you can. After a few days, when his system is all stocked up-or maybe sooner-he'll start sleeping through the night. My four month old just started sleeping through with this method. My step sister had told me the trick when my 2 year old was only 1 and still wasn't sleeping through the night. I was feeding her a lot at night before bed, but not all day long-and sure enough, as soon as I did, she slept all night. Good luck! Get some sleep!

Just posting to concur with Kim Real H. I agree with everything she says. None of my kids slept longer than 5-6 hours at a shot until they were over 18mo, it's normal to "wake up" after that, we ALL do it! It's just that most adults don't remember waking because we have learned to put ourselves back into sleep before regaining total conciousness (I believe Ferber even talks about this). He's too young to withhold food during the night, so keep doing what you are doing and try to remember this stage won't last forever, even though it feels like that right now.

You have two children so close together, you must be so tired and exhausted. So, I want to add that although it must feel overwhelming right now, it will NOT last forever :D Be good to yourself, you have a lot on your plate right now.

Hi L.,

This is my first post-yay! I have three girls, ages 3 1/2, almost 6 and almost 8, all breastfed. Let me say first that my girls didn't weigh that healthy weight until close to 10 mos, so he's definitely getting enough to eat:) Also, you said that he doesn't eat much in the middle of the night, so it doesn't seem to indicate that he needs that feeding for nutritional value. My opinion is that you should definitely be able to drop that feeding. It won't be easy, but it should only take a few nights before his little internal clock gets the hang of it. Yes, it will mean a fussy baby in the middle of the night, and that stinks, but hopefully in the long run it will mean a good sleeper. All babies are different, but I think my girls were each sleeping about 10 straight hours at the time? My brain has turned to mush as the years go along, so I might be off a bit:)

Anyway, thanks for the sacrifice for our country!

K.

your son should sleep through the night. give him baby food and see if that works. if you are only breast feeding him chances are that he is waking up because he is hungry. my son goes to bed later between 10 and 11 and sleeps until at least 8am the next morning.

Hi L.
I have four kids with my youngest being 6 months. First of all I read this great sleep book by mark weisbluth I believe called healthy sleep habits happy child. Both my boys were getting up at 6 months so I cut them off and let them cry. After 2 nights they started sleeping 7 to 8. Maybe I am lucky but this book really gave me great insight.this Dr said if you keep letting them eat after 9 months then you might cause a night waking habit but they may actually just be hungry until then. I guess what is am saying is read this book and let him cry a little because the long term effects of sleep interruption are far worse than the crying. Good luck. N.

Thanks to you and to your family for the sacrifices you are making for our country and the free world.

My son was HUGE...and I never survived the breast feeding b/c I couldn't keep up. However, when he was your son's age, what I used to do was feed him a bottle of formula with cereal mixed in just before I was ready to go to bed. The cereal seemed to keep him better than just formula. Most nights, he never even opened his eyes for this feeding...but he would drain a full bottle quickly. That seemed to help hold him through the night. Hopefully the night time feedings will end soon and you'll get some much deserved rest!

Hi L.-
My daugther sounds very similar to your son. She was about 18lbs at six months and still waking up about once a night for some formula. So instead of cold turkey with no formula, we decreased her formula by about 1 oz every three days or so and then one night she finally slept through the night - can you maybe pump and give a bottle at this time or maybe switch to formula for this feeding??? - I don't know how you feel about that-it's a very personal decision, I just wanted to make the suggestion. we still have some wake up calls, mainly becuase of teething or some kind of developmental thing she's going through (like now, she is starting to make crawling moves), but generally she sleeps through the night. Hopefully it will work out for you. Also, I heard from a pediatrician friend of mine, who through observing and talking with her colleagues, that it's not really age that determines sleeping through the night but weight, and she said at around 20 lbs is when babies really make a turn around. It seemed to be at that point with our daughter that she began to sleep through.
Hang in there, I don't know how you do this alone with your husband so far away from you, but you will get through it!!!! Good luck and all the best to you and your husband.

Couple things to remember-no child is the same. I have 4 and my 4th one is not like any of my other kids in any way!! He is an awesome, happy boy, but doesn't sleep well. He's 7 mo. and up 3, 4, 5 times a night. I have a friend that has 5 children and her 5th one is the same way. I have tried letting him cry and that hasn't worked like it did for my other 3, so being tired is an understatement. When they sleep during the day, you need to sleep, what ever you have to do will be there later. You can go to your health food/natural store and they have some natural products that will help him stay relaxed enough to sleep. If you have a good store the staff is usually well trained and can help you. These products are not drugs and have no side affects-sometimes people freak out about natural remedies, but there are some that are really great. This is what we are trying with my little one now. It usually takes 3 weeks to establish a habit, so keep trying and hang in there. Good luck.

I shared this the other day and thought it was appropriate,

My husband and I went in and rocked our son or went downstairs to watch TV around the same time. By 14 months, we were exhausted. Nights were miserable and naps became longer. We were stuck in a situation that we created. I suggest, and only suggest, that you think about your future sleep and sanity. We parents need them. They are valuable when babies become toddlers and are hard to get back after we give them up unknowingly. Good luck and you are doing a great job!

Good luck and stay strong!

Hi L.,

It must be so difficult for you with your husband overseas. I can't even imagine. At 6 months, your baby is still little and probably needs to be fed during the middle of the night. Many babies don't sleep through the entire night until they are over 1 year old. The medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is sleeping 5 consecutive hours - and it sounds like your son is doing that. I would say keep meeting his needs. Eventually he will start sleeping better. But waking up once really isn't bad at all.

Congrats on your new baby.

J.

A Mother's Boutique
Breastfeeding clothing, nursing bras, breastpumps, slings and accessories
MamaSource members save 10% off their first order (excluding breastpumps) with promo code MAMASOURCE
http://www.mothersboutique.com

Hi L.,

Well, here's my story to maybe make ya feel a lil better, lol. My youngest is 8 mos old. Dude used to sleep 10-12 hours thru the night and take great naps. Now, since he is getting teeth more often (he has 6 now), well, he barely naps, ugh, and the last few weeks he has been sleeping only a few hours at a time, like 2-4. It's exhausting. He's my fourth, so I never really get much of a chance to even rest or nap during the day. Last night, he did wake up once at 2, we had guests and were a tad loud, but then went right back to sleep and just woke up here at 845. He is bottle fed and other than infant cereal and occasonal stage 3 baby food, he eats some reg food too. He's 22 lbs. lol. He did used to eat much better, I'm talkin a good amount of cereal and fruit for breakfast, a stage 2 dinner and fruit for lunch, and veggie and cereal for dinner. He doesn't really eat as much as he used to, sleep as much as he used to, but he is still a happy go lucky baby growing wild, lol.

I pray for all your sake, your child sleeps thru the night for ya, more then not. Good luck and God bless.

L.

Ya just never know with kids, they get a schedule, and I swear as soon as you're used to it, they change it. Don't be afraid to feed him more, he may be hungrier due to his size, and maybe make his dinner time later, like after 7. My son used to wake up around ###-###-#### and literally play for almost an hour in his crib with his crib toy. Not lately, tho, ugh.

I seem to remember my son doing this too! What worked for us was just a little rescheduling. I've always tried to feed my son dinner at 6PMish and at around 5 or 6 months, my son seemed to pass out at 7PM. I'm not sure if it was a growth spurt or a boy thing or what. My solution was to let him sleep for 30 minutes and then wake him back up to play for a little bit. That way he got the nap he needed, but it didn't totally interfere with his sleeping at night. I'd do the bedtime bottle at 8:15PM and he was in bed by 8:30. It seemed to work well and eventually he grew out of that 7PM nap thing. As for the 3AM wake up session... my son seemed to do that longer than all the "experts" told me he should. We tried the cry it out method and/or rocking him to sleep. Eventually they learn that it's not eating time, it's sleeping time. It just takes time and a whole lot of patience, unfortunately. Remember, his entire life he's gotten a bottle at that time. Wouldn't you be out of sorts if something like that suddenly changed? Good luck and thank you for all your sacrifices while your husband is overseas.

He should be sleeping through the night and really shouldn't need the feeding at 10 pm either. You might want to get the Ferber sleep book. I tell everyone I know that it is the best thing I EVER did for my two kids. You actually have to read/skim the book, buy into the technique and do it without exceptions. It works like a charm. Good luck.

Hi L.. Let me say that I completely feel where you are coming from. My husband is also Army, and he's in Afghanistan right now. And I just went through a sleeping "thing" with my 5 month old (big boy...20 lbs!) Do you think your son is waking out of habit? Or is he really hungry? I had a lot of people respond to my questions, and I got a lot of good suggestions/reasons for why he wasn't sleeping so well. My son was not teething, so that did not contribute to anything. But I'm guessing maybe it was a growth spurt. So, I don't know if teething or growth spurt have anything to do with your son waking. If you do think it might be out of habit, it really does take only a few nights of letting him "cry it out" until he will realize that night time is for sleeping (more than 4 hours!!!) The past week or so, my son has been sleeping for anywhere between 6-9 hours at a stretch. Now, he will wake up within that time and I hear him, but if he's not making a hungry cry, I just let him do his thing and he will fall back asleep. I'm not sure if any of this helps, but it seems like he should be getting enough food, if he is eating some solid foods now too. Good luck with everything!