6-Year-old's Tantrums over Clothes and Hair

My advice to you would be to pick your battles. Is it really worth having to hold her down just for a class picture? I know as a mom we want it too look perfect, but it is important for your child to have some control over her life. Since there are not many instances where that is really possible, this is a great one. So she looks a little messy and unmatched. You can look back at what a creative and strong minded little girl you had. Remember that all this headstrong behavior will make for a strong willed woman, which is a good thing. There are plenty of issues worth fighting over, to me this isn't one. I feel your pain, as my 5 yr old daughter is much the same. I find that since I have pretty much given her the right to decide those few things she is happier for it. Good luck!

Hello Betsy, I have two daughters (7 and almost 3). I highly recommend the book "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy, by Naomi Aldort. I am reading this book right now and it is really speaking to my heart, as I am needing to heal my relationship with my own 7y/o daughter. The Love and Logic books are helpful, too, in terms of giving choices and responding without anger or force. Blessings to you on your journey!

I have a 7 year old who acts like this at times. After a conversation with my husband, he said, its just clothes, think about when you were little and your mom made you wear something you didn't want to. Right there it hit home, and I totally lightened up. If there is an outfit you toatally hate, dont put it back in the drawer, after a week or so she may forget about it. Remember it is only one of many phases, she'll be a woman one day and will hopefully laugh about it later.

Hi Betsy,

I also have a strong-willed little girl who is 4.5 yrs. I agree 100% with the Parenting with Love and Logic book by Jim Faye. The book makes so much sense and works every time I need advice.
I also use the 2 choice technique and it works! She needs more than 15 min of time to get used to the fact that she cant wear her striped shirt with the gingham pants that SHE wanted, so I tell her the night before which choices she has so its not a surprise in the AM. Stick to your guns!

yikes! i can empathize. but it sounds to me like she is taking after her mom. :) at this stage in life, she is going to be seeking some independance from you and this is a good opportunity for you to have her make choices that you can watch. the point as parents is to help guide our children into making good lifestyle decisions - we want our children to make mistakes when it the consequences are small.
i would suggest reading a book called 'love and logic'. a way to avoid this kind of battle in the future is to go into her closet the night before and choose 2 outfits you would be comfotable with her wearing. then give her the choice between outfit a and outfit b. you gave her the paramiters and she made the final decision. both of you are happy. plus it was done the night before, so you don't start off the day fighting. :)
i know the joys and frustrations of raising a strong-willed child, but one of the keys to making it work is allowing her more freedom to make decisions. i can't stress enough how the 'love and logic' system will help you both. hope this helps.
D.