6 answers

5Yr. Old with Attitude

My 5 yr. old son always gets an attitude and gets mad at me if I get upset with him for something. It clould be something as simple as "It's time to turn the T.V. off and come eat breakfast before school". I have to get angry with him before he listens, he then gets mad at me for getting angry with him(I explain I wouldn't get angry if you would listen to me and I wouldn't have to say it 3-4 times)and he starts to say smarty things. I have taken the T.V away for days before school and once I give it back he's good for awhile but then it starts again. This is just one example of his actions if he's told to do or not do something or if I get angry with him. I will put him time out for his mouth and attitude, I've sent him to his room, told him he wouldn't be allowed to do certain things, amoung other things. Anyway I'm not sure how to handle this my concern is that I don't want him to think he's not allowed to get upset or angry himself. I want him to know he's allowed to feel and have feelings whether he's angry, happy, sad, mad, ect. but I'm not sure how to do this. How do I teach him it's ok to be mad but not to have an attitude or smart mouth, to where he actually understands what I'm explaining? I love him very much and he is generally a very good boy and very helpful with his baby sister, but this smart mouth and attitude have to go, I feel like he's preteen sometimes. Please help....

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More Answers

I couldn't agree more with Liana. I make every effort not to yell at my 2.5 year old. I've lost my temper twice with him and both times he sobbed. I felt so terrible because I scared him and he wasn't even doing anything that bad. Most recently, he was playing in his baby brother's drawer and put the thermometer in his mouth. I had my hands full (I was pumping) and he wouldn't listen. After the third time, I yelled. My mom was a yeller and we all learned to tune her out really early.

That being said, I have the "Mom Voice" where I speak very clearly and stern. He knows the voice (most of the time). I've also mastered the "Mom Look", which he also knows. So, I don't want you to think I walk around with a "Sweetie Pie, please don't do that, honey. Ok, pumpkin?" attitude. When I mean business he knows.

I think we've gotten to this point because, like the other posters, I ask once and then I do, immediately. My little stinker knows when I'm feeding the baby (or pumping), or going to the bathroom though...and that's when he pushes. But, as soon as I can, I do. I'd say 99% of the time I follow through and make him do what I'm asking.

Try it for a week. If he's watching TV and not paying attention after you ask him to come eat - go over and turn it off. If he gets angry and starts back-talking, remain calm and say something like, "Son, I'm sorry you're angry, but you will not talk to me that way. Stop it right now or you will *insert consequence here*. If he continues, I'd do the consequence right away and STICK with it (I think that's a huge key). As soon as they know you will cave later on - they will use that.

Good luck!

T.

2 moms found this helpful

I have found with both my kids that raising my voice simoly didn't work. I kept a very even, firm tone and after asking once, then i went and enforced it. My daughter has been a great deal more challenging on this, she's a button pusher and really gets to me but keeping my voice firm and low keeps her from yelling and the situation getting out of control. If a child knows you aren't serious until you yell, they won't listen until that point. I always try to identify and confirm how they feel but then explain that I am still their parent and they have to listen and obey. Something like "I understand you are upset with me and that's fine, but you have to find another way to show it, yelling is NOT acceptable"
Hope this helps

2 moms found this helpful

we had this issue as well. I have a 5 and 7 year old. we started the marble jar they each have 2 the good and the bad. when you listen- thank you- you have a marble in the good jar- if not you have a marble in the naughty jar. when good I take a marble out of the naughty jar and put it in the good jar- never take one out of the good jar. I too try my best and at one point was yelling a lot so I started the yelling jar. Everytime I yell I put a quarter in. with this I plan to take them out for ice cream or use it for some fun activty. I also learn to apoligize. its importnat for us to say we are sorry too so they can learn as well. now my problem is him calling kids names or saying I am better than you at.... aghhhhh. as much as I am sure its to help him feel better he doesnt get that hes hurting peoples feelings. good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I know the feeling! I, too have a 5yr old daughter, and we go neck to neck like she is a teenager. This is pretty much where it gets tricky, because this is really the age where their personalities, feelings, likes and dislikes come out. I try to be patient with mine as well, and she too, gets mad at me for getting upset at her. I think it's a little tool for us to feel bad and give them what they want. This is really just a difficult stage, and no one wants to just haul off and beat their children. Taking away priviles has worked for me too, as well as talking with her about how she feels. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with both. My daughter (who is also my button pusher, I cannot believe how she gets to me sometimes) is *much* better behaved when she watches less/no TV. I also got frustrated at repeating myself unendingly, so I say it once now and then if I'm sure they heard me I go enforce it immediately. It didn't take long for them to catch on.

1 mom found this helpful

What worked with my children was creating a rule of no TV Monday through Thursday. Yes they complained & whined when I first enforced it-my hubby too-but you wouldnt believe how it improves their attitude. They read more & played better with one another & their grades improved. Children are very impressionable & a lot of programming portrays disrespect as being amusing. Yes I had to be the TV cop for awhile but then they got used to it.

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