5Th Grade Bullying?

My daughter went through bullying in the 4th and 5th grade. I took the normal steps of having her ask the name callers to stop, to talking to the 4th grade teacher...it started to get better after that, then in 5th grade the same girls started up again and it became borderline physical (i.e. standing threateningly close, etc.).

I decided I'd had enough, as had my poor kid. I looked up our district's anti-bullying policy and wrote a nice, thinly-veiled threatening email to the principal. I cc'd my daugter's teacher and the bullies' teacher. I made sure I used specific legal terms lifted from the district's own policy. I also reiterated my kid's right to an education and how this drama at school was depriving her of her access to education.

Well, the excrement really hit the proverbial fan. I had a meeting with the principal, stat. I told him if those kids didn't stay 10 yards from my kid on the playground, my next call was to the police (and I was NOT kidding. Mind you this had been going on for almost 2 years) and that I would bring a legal action. I thought he was going to wet his pants, he looked so nervous. But my daughter had no means of defending herself--the main bully outweighed her by about 50 lbs and was almost as tall as I am.

It totally worked. I know the principal called the bullies in and they had to apologize to my daughter, and I also know he rang their parents. I hope your daughter's principal takes the proper steps because your district must at least have an anti-discrimination policy, if not an anti-bullying policy. I would check this out online...Good luck! Sorry this answer is so long.

9 moms found this helpful

You are only putting a call into the school? Get in your car and DRIVE TO THE SCHOOL RIGHT NOW!!

If the principal won't get back with me? Go to the school board- that will light a fire under his butt.

Find out who the students are and go to their parents - I'm bold that way. I would NOT allow this to happen ONE MORE TIME.

If the school doesn't do anything? Get to your news stations and start making a ruckus....I would not be on here typing - I would be at the school getting in EVERYONE'S face to get this HANDLED TODAY.

4 moms found this helpful

Document everything.
Good you told the Principal.
Follow up if he does not.

In Hawaii, there are so many different ethnic mixes. And it is really great.
Korean and Caucasian kids or other mixed kids are common here in Hawaii.
So we don't get as much racial taunting here, but there are still Bullying. My daughter was bullied even in 1st grade.

Now, if at any time, your daughter feels unsafe or threatened, you need to make sure she knows what to do. ie: tell someone right away, her Teacher/the Principal/any adult at school, and don't be by herself... keep her friends around her. For safety etc.
And YOU as the parent, NEED to step in and do something about it, too. With the school.

ABC news, had a show on Bullying a couple of years ago.
One girl, was even followed home. And then beat up outside her home. She ended up in the hospital. Beat up by 2 other girls. Why? The Bullies said it was because she was "pretty."
It is, absurd.

You need to make sure, your daughter is telling you, about anything that is happening to her. Because, if the Bullying ever gets out of hand, you need to know.

3 moms found this helpful

Calling the principal was the right thing to. Now wait and see what he has to say after talking to your daughter.

Yes it's perfectly fine for your daughter to meet with the principal (and any school personnel) without you present. No need to insist you be there too. She needs to be empowered to be able to go to adults on her campus for help. This will not happen if you accompany her to the principal and make her feel like she needs mom's help to talk to her support system at school.

Before you get too upset let's see what the principal does and how things pan out. I'm a counselor at a school (and a lot of times the parent calls about bullying come to me before the principal), and I know my principal comes down HARD on bullies.

A few of these responses seem to already assume that the school is going to screw it up and you are going to need to come in with the big guns (march yourself down there now! Don't let your daughter talk to the principal without you! etc). Understand that the school wants to partner with you. They want to help your child have a safe learning environment. The principal needs time to investigate. If he is going to talk with your daughter in the afternoon, he may need time to talk to any witnesses, the teachers, and the bullies themselves, and probably apply consequences and notify their parents. That's a lot to tie up. That's why he said he'd probably call you the next day.

You'll get a good hint on how seriously he seems to take it by what your daughter reports of the conversation today...

Above all, don't come at the school with guns blazing, until you really have to. Give them a chance to take action first.

3 moms found this helpful

I think at this point you have done what you can do, other than demanding the principal call you and talk to you TODAY after he's talked with your daughter. But when you talk to the principal, emphasize what your daughter is being called and the words these are other kids are choosing to use - not only could this be bullying, but could also maybe be construed as sexual and/or racial harassment. If the principal cannot or does not stop it in it's tracks, or the name-calling continues, I would actually go to the police and file a complaint. That's really terrible that children ages 10 and 11 are familiar with terms like that and are willing to use them and I would not take it lightly. Good luck to you, I hope it gets resolved quickly.

2 moms found this helpful

Once you hear back from the principal take all your concerns and his plan to make this stop and put it all in a nice email so you are sure you are both on the same page. CC your daughter's teacher in on it.

The next time it happens jump right on it. You've got your documentation on what the action plan was suppose to be. Our school district has anti bully guidelines. They didn't when my kids were in school so every situation that came up had to be handled by me working with the principal and teachers in elementary school and the principal, guidance department, and teachers in jr high and high school.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh my Lord!
How horrible.
Sigh.
Although this IS an urgent matter, principals ARE busy people. Tomorrow will have to do.
Let the principal know exactly what is being said, by whom and where and when this is taking place. Those other parents NEED to be made aware of this right away. I certainly would want to know if my kid was using those ugly terms to hurt someone, wouldn't you?
IF you get no satisfaction or action from the principal, then go higher.
Your poor kid! My heart aches for her. Nice kids (like yours and mine) just don't understand when others are just hateful and mean.
Until this is over, please reinforce to her that these are clearly "bullies" -- the term that EVERY school kid has been hearing about NOT being since Kindergarten. They are best handled right now by ignoring them. And if it is happening at school--she should let a teacher or whoever is "in charge" at the time know about it right then. She shouldn't dignify those rude remarks with a response. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so sorry you are both going through this.
My son has "issues" at school although not for the same reason. At the first hint of something like this I would be down there in the middle of everybody's business on this. I would also see the superintendent. There would be an army looking after her on that campus after I got though with them. That is ridiculous. While you can't completely eliminate minor bullying, this is over the top!!! Go get 'em Mama!!!

Susan L. is so right.

Look up the school system's own language on bullying policies. Nothing will get you some action like a letter quoting their own policies back to them. You DO want a good relationship with the principal and teacher; you don't want them to feel attacked (because unfortunately I've seen that rebound onto the victim kid, who might be treated with some chilliness by teachers if the parents are very assertive--sorry but it does happen). At the same time, your child has rights for which you must fight.

You say they are meeting with your child today; why did they not ask you to be present? I would not let them meet with my child unless I were there -- preferably both me and my husband, actually. She is the victim, yes, but depending on the school and the individual teachers involved, she may need some adult she knows and trusts present with her when she is talking to the principal; they may end up thinking she's exaggerating, or she may be intimidated and backtrack on what she has said to you at home.

I'm not saying this happens in every case but I've seen the victim (not my child, a friend's) turned into the one who was "causing trouble" and "seeking attention" when there were indeed real and vicious bullies at work -- all because the school administration didn't want to deal with the bullies.

I also would ask: They are talking with your child; so....when do they plan to call in the bullies and their parents for a talk?

The administration will tell you "Oh, we can't discuss anything about another child or our contact with other parents." And they legally can't. But you can be clear with them (in writing!) that you expect a change or you will involve the school board and/or police immediately the next time your child reports being bullied.

Please update us here soon. I have a fifth-grade girl too and though there is no bullying going on that she's reported I can see how this would be just horrible for her and for you too. You're in my thoughts.

wow! I like Susans idea. I would copy those words. Great idea!

I hope you get this handled quick. Your poor girl!