5 Yr Old Sons Behavior

Hi D.
I have a 5yo daughter, I notice a but difference in her behavior if she has ANY processed sugar at all. The effect lasts 3 days for her. We also discovered she was gluten intolerant, and if ate any gluten containing foods she was a big time sassy pants for a few days.
Doc's are finding improvement when kids w/ ADHD/ADD are taken off preservatives and artificial colors in foods.
http://newideas.net/adddiet.htm

Boys brains are wired differently, not a bad thing at all. I read this great book about how boys and girls have different learning styles because of this. And the sad thing was most teachers weren't given instruction in this (per the book). I don't remember what the book is called-but I got it at my library and will try to find it again for you. So how the class room is run will make a big difference.
http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stori...

Hope something in that helps! A. H

1 mom found this helpful

My son, who is now 9 years old, had the same issues. At 7, he was diagnosed with ADHD. At 9, he was seen by a psychiatrist and evaluated and it was determined he has severe ADHD that is not likely to be controlled by medication. In many cases, kids are diagnosed with ADHD but they are not ADHD, they are usually immature and will eventually outgrow the behavior. While it's trying I know, sometimes you just have to go with the flow until he makes more of an attempt to behave. Different kids react differently to the stress of life. At 5, I would NOT recommend ADHD medication, although some pediatricians have been known to do so. Therapy and counseling are likely to be more help than any meds could be.

D.; yes, i had a child like this at times, but i think the key might be when you said he is very bright, when you raise a bright child it is more difficult, i had those issues wwhen it was too boring my children, or when they all ready knew the stuff, but just did not care to do them, in fact i still have those issues in school they are sooo smart, they can pull straight A's if they applied themselves to 5 minutes of homework, but they refuse, cause they allready know it, i would think he might need more stimilus to his brain, more thinking , more problem solving issues, he might need a challenge, kindengarten may be too easy for him, although he needs it, socially, he may all aready know the stuff, and want to do more, it could benefit him to talk to him, and lay down the rules, like no hitting, and no pushing etc, we need to show the teacher you know this stuff, so you can go to first grade, he also might need more stuff that makes him think at home, not sure, just keep trying and hang inthere, and enjoy life, D. s

hi D.,

I TOTALLY understand your worries and frustrations.

We are going through the same thing. My son is 4 1/2. He's in pre-k. WE knew something was off from when he was a baby. Every year I told myself things will just get better, he's just all boy. But even though it did get better with age, he's still far more active and has impulse control worse than his peers. It became very apparent to me once he started school. The structure was just too much for him at first. It took a good 3 months for him to get used to such a structure. I had to talk with the pre-k teacher many times about things like "if you want him to do a project and he's in the middle of playing dont just yank him out and expect him to just sit and do the project. He needs a heads up then he cooperates better"

To make a long story short hubby and I took him to see his pediatrician. Then that lead to an assesment done at the hopsital (not by the school). the assessment took about 3 1/2 hrs long and 2 weeks later we had the results. He's adhd. NO shock to us whatsover. However she did say that he's more on the mild side which was good to hear.

I know what your going through. In my opinion, just from what i've read in your post, I dont think your son is trying to be bad. I just dont think he can help himself. And school is FULL of stimulation. And when you say he's not like this at home, it's the same for us. But at school theirs loud noises and colors and stimuli every where that they cant possibly focus. I'm not saying your son is adhd at all. I'm no doctor. But It sounds to me like he just cant stop because he doesn't know how and doest really feel like what he's doing is bad. He knows no other way. He probably just needs time to grow up.

good luck D.. I know how hard it is. if you ever need to vent, i'm a great listener (or reader in this case)

N.

Would you be able to figure out what your sons learnign style is?
There are 8 of them...
Linguistic, logical- mathimatical, spatial, musical, bodily - kinestetic, naturalist, intrapersonal, and interpersonal... You tend to have all of them in some degree but one will usually be dominant.
Linguistic is word smart. Can use words effectively. Reading, writing and spelling are strengths.
Logical- mathimatical. Can be bad at math, but solves problems logically.
Spatial- Good at building,doing puzzles, reading charts, diagrams, and maps.
Musical- strong sense of rhythm and pitch. Can easily remember musical melodies. May be able to concentrait easier while humming, tapping, rhythmically rocking or listening to music.
Bodily- kinestetic.- Body smart. Involving fine motorcoordination. Have a tendency to move around, touch things, and gesture. Process knowledge thru bodily sensations and may communicate nonverbally.
Naturalist- Sensetive to the "natural " world. Relates well with pets
Intrapersonal- Self smart. They understand their own emotions, goals, talents, weaknesses, and set realistic goals for themselves.
Interpersonal- People smart. They feel empathy easily. Help others resolve conflict, make friends easily.

Try to figure out what HIS specific style is.
If you go to the dr and say... he needs help with his speach, they will send you to a therapist. If you say he's uncontrollable in school, they will give you meds for him.
You know your child. Does he really need them? I would watch your wording and see if the dr has any ideas.

People tend to teach in their own learning style. Perhaps after figuring out what your sons is talk to the teacher and ask if they provide much of his style.
My 4 yr old has a bodily kinestetic learning style. He settles right down when he can be active. Ever wonder about that kid you went to school with that was always bouncing his/ her leg during class? yep, thats movement.

I would think that part of it is also him not respecting the boundries. What do the teachers do when he gets in trouble at school? Does he have any kind of immediate discipline? Something that is not abstract? (Moving to yellow or red is not a concept some kids really understand at 5) Its a color.
Perhaps using the same behaviour gauge at home would help him understand the rules don't change even when mommy and daddy arn't there.
Also what is his motivation?
Some kids don't care if you take away a toy... But if they have to pay YOU money for every bad behaviour (if they get an allowance), or give up a special snack, or tv/ video time, or phone time, or go to bed early, etc. Think about what motivates him. Money, food, electronics, friends, trips, clothes... etc. Does he respond more to punishment (ie taking things away) or reward (your good for a week so we will go to MCD's). Parenthood is trial and error. And the scary thing is that one thing doesn't work for all or all the time. :-) Good luck and keep trying things.

Hi, D.,

I'm sorry that your son's Kindergarten year has been a struggle. I have taught preK through first grade for a number of years, and while I think you have a number of great suggestions from other moms, I thought I would send you a message with my perspective. I always tried to convey to parents that there are two large categories that all behavior falls into: habit building and character building. Habit building is raising hands, quiet in line, talking when appropriate, etc. Character-based behavior issues are hitting others, bullying, disrespect, apathy, hurting others emotionally, etc. From your description, it sounds like your son is having difficulties in the "habit-building". So BE ENCOURAGED!!! His character is sweet and nice to others; he doesn't intentionally hurt people! These are all really good things...things that sometimes get overlooked when someone is telling you how he has gotten into trouble. Believe me, building strong habits is important, but not nearly as important as those character things! So take heart, and give him a chance to pick up the habits that are needed. Keep in mind, some children take a longer time to build those habits than others. Alot of factors can help or hurt habit-building....sleep, diet, change in routine, extended break from school, etc. Honestly, I would hesitate to try to find a "diagnosis" for him just yet. And I am NOT opposed to a diagnonsis for those with difficulty sustaining attention...it just should be done with a little more time and maturing under his belt. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it is still very age appropriate for him to have these troubles at school. Keep in mind that being a student is PART of who he is...it shouldn't define him. He is a son, a friend, a neighbor, a grandchild, maybe a teammate, etc. He is a child and needs time to be that...carefree, playful, silly....so home is the place for that. Make sure he has plenty of play time. Balance is a big word and a constant challenge in parenting. Take some time to remember all the wonderful things he does and is, and maybe speak to his teachers about HIM, not his behavior. Sometimes we teachers need to be reminded...:) Kids can learn an awful lot in non-traditional ways. Squeezing a "stress ball" while listening to a story, standing at his desk (instead of "having" to sit), etc. can all help in little ways that other kids won't even notice. Well, I have rambled on for a while, but I hope that this is helpful. Have a blessed day...

Many responded in regards to the ADHD. I want to respond to one thing you said. The school (and society) are more structured than home. Maybe he needs more structure all the time as well as seeing a doctor.

Hi D.,

It's always tough going through these things with your child. You are on the right track talking to the doctor about it but you also need to speak with someone at the school. They can help you in getting him tested to see if he does have an underlying condition and getting him the help he needs early on. Also, some children just do not respond to punishment. Have you tried a rewards system with him for positive reinforcement? Find a way to reward him for having a good day at school. With my older son I used a calendar and we kept track of it every day. He had several areas that needed to be worked on so it was a little more entailed and he was also a bit older than your son but it worked out very well. You could just get some special stickers and he gets one for every day that you get a good report from the teacher. Give him a goal to work toward with his stickers. Such as, after he has earned a certain number of stickers he either gets a toy that he wants or an outing with mom and dad to somewhere fun. For example, my 3 yr old has been earning trips to Chuck E Cheese with stickers he gets for having no accidents. Now he wants a Wall-E toy and he has to earn more stickers in order to get that instead.

Good luck....I hope it all works out for you.

Hi D., first change your thinking, don't expect bad things to be said about your son. Sometimes what we think, comes to pass. Second, reward only good behaivior, story tell, books like Curiouis George, roll play, let him be the teacher you are him, & let him know how the teacher must feel. Let him know what is expected of you, and or your husband at work, and what would happen if the rules were not followed. My yougest daughter now 9yr, did not want my grandson Timmy to come over, because he is sometimes bad, hits, bites, kicks, 6 yr, I told her not to expect him to be bad, but to think of how good he will be today when you two are playing, somehow this worked. He is very young, and full of energy, I can make suggestions, but I also have only girls, and now, 2 grandsons,1 granddaughter, but girls do play different. Mom of 4 daughters oldest now 28yr. Best of luck to you, & your family.

Briefly--I would start with your doctor, and perhaps see a developmental pediatricican or a peds psychologist. Bring reports from school/have a meeting with teachers. Once you have an idea what is going on (learning issue? ADHD? Bored? etc) then you can have a formal meeting with the teachers at the school, and even develop an IEP for him (individualized education plan). Definitely discuss speech as school can provide speech therapy. Good luck!

D.,
There is a book called The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell,M.D. There is a story right at the beginning that sounds exactly like your situation. The reason for the child's behavior was that the parents are to busy to spend quality time with him, and didn't know how to communicate with him the way he needs to be according to how he percieves the giving or getting of love. Let's face it, in today's society we really don't spend much time with our children. They get shuffled off to school, then day care, then home maybe or off to other sheduled events. Our children are reacting to their enviroment and we place the blame on them. Is it really fair to them? Please don't take him to the doctor! They will probably find some reason to drug him when all he needs is more time with you and his father with no interruptions. I know it's very cold out right now but as soon as it warms up take him out and play with him...I mean really play with him. Pull him on a sled, take him sleding, make a snow fort with him. Do this often I bet you'll see a drastic change in him. It's a simple solution but everyone seems to think it's a condition that needs medical attention. They just need OUR attention! And lots of time outside in nature (this is a big part of our childrens mental problems! they don't get outside in nature enough. Go for walks, explore everything!)
Please try spending more time with them!
I'll be their voice-"Please mom and dad I really love you and I just need you to know that I'm hear and I really need you and your time because my life is a whirlwind and it's very frightening and confusing not knowing when or where I'm going all the time, I need to know for certain that I mean something to you and that I'm worth it."
Our children's mental health, happiness, self-worth, and contentment is worth more than any sacrafice we have to make. Like learning to live with less so we don't have to work so much to buy things we don't really need. We are in a vicious cycle of wanting more, more clothes, more stuff, bigger houses, better cars, better this , better that, and the ones that are paying for it... is our children. Spend less time on the computer, watching tv, on the cell phones, spend that time with your children, they'll thank you for it!

Good Luck!
C.

A little about me: A SAHM of 4 homeschooled children. Married for 14 years to a wonderful husband. I really notice a big difference when their father has been working alot of hrs (he's helping his brother start a new business). Our kids start misbehaving so I make the time to play games with them, really listen to them, I go outside with them, and I notice a big difference in their behavior....and my own! It's worth it!

How smart is he? I have intelligent kids that act out from boredom. Not just the curriculum but the static energy of school. Check out this site if you suspect he's very bright:
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/gifted_101.htm
or http://www.sengifted.org/articles_parenting/index.shtml
It is often a misdiagnosis of ADD or ADHD when really the child is unable to deal with the pace of their own mind! At 5 years old to be labeled "bad" really can stick. Good luck and I hope you find some answers.

Hi D.---My prayers go out to you and your family during this time. You WILL figure this out.

My perspecitive has to do with diet. I am taking a class, Wellness 101, offered by a Naturopath who has her PhD in nutrition. Most health issues, and add/adhd, etc, are health issues, can be affected by the wrong kinds of foods. This is not to say that you feed your family poorly, but sometimes there are physical aspects in a person that are more affected by too much of, or not enough of the right kinds of foods.

To agree with another post, you really must remove all processed foods from your diet, especially for your son. Artificial sweeteners, processed sugars (high fructose sugar is really bad) and foods, food dyes and other chemicals and preservatives all have a profound affect on the brain. Gluten tends to be a problem as well. Be sure that you are eating as many fruits and veggies as possible, 7 to 13 servings each and every day are recommended. Whole grains and legumes are extremely important as well. I have a number of articles and ideas that I can share with you. Dr. Pam has also recorded a CD talking about add/adhd and ways to help your child without the need for meds. That doesn't mean that he may not need some help until you discover all of his 'triggers' but you will want to find a physician who is willing to work with your wishes and possible treatment plan. If meds are needed, you want the lowest doses for the shortest possible time.

Let me know how I can help. I also have a way to help you get more fruits and veggies into your diet, 15 different ones, each and every day. Ask me how.

In health, D. ###-###-####

PS. A Naturopath from Kalamazoo will be speaking at the Birmingham public library on Thurs, Feb 19. Dr. Oelke will be speaking on the topic of brain health and will also discuss add/adhd. Let me know if you would like a flyer. Email me at ____@____.com or provide yours through the mamasource system. Good luck.

D. ~
Your son sounds exactly like my son behaved at that age. He was diagnosed as ADHD and placed on Ritalin. He was very smart, he knew his letters, his numbers, could add and subtract in his head, and the teacher did not encourage him moving ahead of the class, so he was bored and acted out. And typical of a boy, he was immature (even though he was one of the oldest in the class). My son is 23 now and so not ADHD at all! LOL I know that alot of people are against medicating, but my son went through quite a bit of testing first. My opinion has always been that if he couldn't pay attention, then he couldn't learn, which would in the long run cause him to fall behind, have lower self-esteem, etc. Talk to your pediatrician and to his teacher. See what she says. It can never hurt to have him tested.
D.

hi D.,
my son was the same way at school and home, uncontrolable and he started at 2 and got worse by 5, i took him to a dr. found out he is adhd and odd and now he is 15 and worse cause he never was on the right kind of meds i was told. so he has in the past 2 years been said to be bi-polar and ashburgers which i do believe....so hang on and get help for him before it gets worse.

I have a son who has ADHD his is hyper active. No doubt about that when you take him to the Dr. they will probably say that he has ADHD. There is ADHD that is called inattentive type, my daughter was diagnosed this at 6 along with ODD, at 7 she had more added the diagnosis then was ADHD, ODD, IED, Bi-polar 1 and then later that year we added Impulse Control to that. I understand how you feel we were called to the school at least 4 days out of the week to pick her up the school couldn't handle her. Hopefully your son doesn't have all this, but to me it sounds like adhd. Good luck.

Hi D. -

Have the school do an evaluation on him to see what their specialists think. Write a letter to the special ed department requesting behavior and speech evaluation and they will have only 30 days (I think) to complete their evaluation and give you their opinion. During the evaluation you should be asked to fill out a questionairre and offer any additional information you think is pertinent to the situation. Tell them EVERYTHING that has been going on his whole life. When did you notice the problems begin, what specific problems do you see, how often do they happen, did he hit his developmental milestones, etc. If you can keep a journal of events as they happen that will help, too. If they find a problem then you will be able to set up an IEP (Individual Education Program) and get him the extra help he needs. You can also take those findings to a psychiatrist for diagnosis verification and possibly medication intervention. I have three special needs kids, all have IEP's and all are on meds. The earlier you get help the better. He may even qualify for extended school year services which will carry him through the summer to the next school year so he doesn't have a break in intervention services. When they start services, stop services, then start again it's often difficult for the child to get back into the routine of extra help. The school should also be able to give you local resources to help you, too.

Good luck - S.

I have a 6yr old (nearly 7) 1st grader. At the end of K last year it got so bad that the school asked me to pick him up halfway through the day (he was full day K) We ended up doing a Conner's Assesment (questionaire for ADHD) and took him to a child psychiatrist. He was diagnosed with Moderate-Severe ADHD and is now In Medication. The Meds aren't a fix it he still has days when he struggles. But hopefully we are getting there.

I agree with the poster who references diet. My 4 yr old son will often have changes in his mood when I'm lax on his diet - processed foods, not enough veggies, etc. Once he's back on track with the right foods, he is my little angel once more.

Diet has a lot to do with behavior. Read this article from Dr. Sears about the link with good nutrition and ADHD. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/t042800.asp

Good luck!