5 Year Old with Worsening Behavior

D.,
I have taught Kindergarten for 5 years. First, it is that time of the year. It is not an excuse but the kids know summer is coming and they are excited. It seems like there is always something going on at school, programs, fundraisers, end of year assessments etc. Kids pick up on this. If his teacher doesn't mind, she might want to try giving your son a little bit of leadership. If he finishes early, he could help out his peers who are still working. If he has energy she could let him take a note to the office or another teacher. Try to gear it in a postive direction. Also, if you have taken him off his allergy meds he might not be getting good sound sleep. That could be a factor. Also, if his behavior is not dispruptive to the class I would let it go as far as the discpline at home goes. Just remind him every morning to make good choices. Kindergarten has changed a lot and boys need to be boys; there is hardly anytime to play and socialize. Don't be afraid to go to his school and "pop in" to see for yourself what is really happening. Check with the office on what the policy is. Another idea- it is work but always worth it to me- Have the teacher make a daily schedule. Set 1 behavioral goal that you want your son to work on example :talking at appropriate time If your son does well,say in Math then he should get a happy face. Have her send it home each day and then you can go over the day with your son. You can praise him for the times he was quiet and then discuss the times he was talkative and you can find out more about why he was talking. this is a great visual for the 2 of you. Plus, he know you are going to see it and that could motivate him to do well. After about a week of this documentation you should see a pattern in his behavior- he could be acting out in the mornings or during a subject area he is thrilled about or one that he excells in and just needs to be challenged more.If this appraoch works then after he has curbed his talking you can add another goal. I hope this makes sense to you. Good Luck!

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Hello D.,

I hear this story so often! I am a dyslexia testing specialist in Midland. Often children will begin to act out because they realize they are not ABLE to do their work like other children. They are smart! Please go to www.brightsolutions.us and watch a webcast titled "Could it be Dyslexia?". It will give you warning signs that you might see in preschool and kindergarten. Watching the video only takes 45 minutes and could change your child's life!! Write me if you have questions. L.

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I have found that what helps my 5 YO is:

1) diet- limit sugar, elliminate artificial colorings and sweeteners, see if there might be some food sensitivities such as to dairy or gluten (found in wheat, oats and some other things.) I'd be happy to explain this further if you PM.

2) sensory diet- all kids need adequate stimiualtion but some kids need more then others. The Out OF Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun is good for this.

3) structure- when things are a bit chaotic sensitive children may react in a disruptive manner or retreat into themselves. Overstimulation can be a problem too.

I'm sure there are more but that's what I can think right now.

I wouldn't do medication until after trying other things.

S., mom to four girls

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I just discovered after six years of continuous bad behavior that my daughter has ADHD. I have her on a chewable and two supplements that can be swallowed or put into food from a company called Melaleuca. This is where I do my shopping for my family, they have GREEN products - meaning safe and without harsh or harmful chemicals. Household chemicals are known to worsen ADHD so it's a BIG help to get your house switched out to GREEN products. I have a ton of testimonials from other customers that can attest to their success and would love to share all of this with you. Visit www.livetotalwellness.com/jenbaird

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Just because a boy acts out, doesn't mean he should be labeled ADD or ADHD. He may be just a normal boy. Certainly don't give him meds for a behavior problem that probably can be addressed. You are right in giving your son positive reinforcement. He will surely get enough negative input from school (students and teachers). The only suggestion I have is to make certain he limits his sugar intake. Sugar is a chemical - most people forget. No sodas, limit the processed food (any food in a box or can). Try to get him to eat food that is from the earth. He also my be forming friendships with other boys who are not making good choices. Ask the teacher if perhaps a new seating assignment would help matters. Good Luck.

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Don't go with the drugs yet. Evaluate the situation. Really sit down and try to figure out what is causing the behavior change. You are going back to school...is your schedule disrupting the former balance of things at home (not saying don't do it, just evaluate it as a change)? Are you stressed out more? Is your husband stressed out? Does your son get enough sleep?

Try getting him to bed earlier. My daughter is the same age and has a very difficult time getting to sleep. I have to go in and give her a head massage. At this age, they get stressed too, because they take everything so seriously. Take some time at night when he is going to bed, to sit next to him and ask him to tell you about his day. Maybe there is someone picking on him at lunch, PE, recess etc. That happened to my daughter and she reacted by acting out the rest of the day.

He is old enough to verbalize what is going on as long as he isn't distracted by TV, homework, dinner, other kids...get him alone, get him relaxed and then listen! Once you have evaluated all of the possible external causes for the behaviors, then look at the necessity for meds. You should be able to determine that yourself by paying attention to his behavior over the summer months. Good luck and God bless!

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I am sure a lot of people are going to automatically say it has to do with ADHD, but it is so often mis-diagnosed, and I think there are better ways of handling behavioral issues than drugging a child. (OK I'm off my soap-box now. Sorry!)

Is it possible that he just isn't stimulated enough at school? Could this be why he's acting out?
As much as the debate goes on whether it's better to have your children at home (either with a parent, grandparent, nanny, etc), my son acts out when he is at home and does not have the stimulation of being in a school setting with lesson plans and other kids. Although when my MIL was watching him, she tried to play games with him, learn letters, etc. it wasn't the same. Once he got into the preschool program again, he returned to his normal well-behaved self.

I personally went through the same thing when I was young. In 1st grade they tested me for the gifted/talented program and things got better, but then I got bored with that too and my grades dropped. Same thing for my 2 bros- they were even put in the special ed classes because someone said they had learning disorders; that only made the situation much worse.

Please don't automatically assume that your son has a deficit, as it may be just the opposite causing the same problem.

Best of luck to you both in working through this!

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I always feel my 7 year old son is one episode away from the school demanding he be medicated! It's not really that way, but I feel like it, so I understand how difficult you situation is.
One thing that helps for us is to not just praise kids when they are good, but look for the positive in the in-between times as well. Thank them for the 5 minutes of nice quiet play you saw, or for the way they washed up before dinner all by themselves, etc. Any time you can make a "deposit" into the self-motivating, positive behavior side of kids, do it!
Also look at his diet. We limit artificial colors and flavors, but I would dump wheat, eggs and dairy long before looking to medication for an answer. Just a thought, and there's lots of research on this idea of food affecting mood and behavior in children for you to read if you think it may help. Google it or ask a nice librarian for help.
And, as always, try to take good care of yourself, too! We moms are so neglected, but we have to be in a good place to have the energy and emotional well-being to give our children what they need. Good luck!

P. (SAHM of three boys)

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I haven't had this problem, but my sister did with her son. He was a bright and very friendly child. He loved to talk. His talking frequently caused classroom problem, even though it didn't effect his work. His mother and teacher set up a reward system to help with this problem. Everytime he had a good day at school, he brought home a token ( a strip of colored construction paper). When he brought home 5, he earned a special treat which he and his mom had picked out before hand. In the beginning it took him two weeks to achieve this goal. Later, the method was modified so he had to get more tokens to earn the special treat and then later it had to be so many straight dats to earn the treat. It took a little more than a year, but it worked. He graduated high school and college with honors and is presently working on his masters. Rewards rather than punishment is an old method that does work especially with behavior like you have talked about.

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There is a really great book called the Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. My daughter, also 5, is one of these children. Just because she has very high energy and acts out she is not ADHD. This book has helped us find a common ground and she is having more good days than bad. Focus on positive reinforcement when you can. I have limited corporal punishment only because it makes her more agressive quite the opposite from her brother. Also, watch your sons diet. The FDA says food colorings are fine but more evidence is showing quite the contrary. The battles are exhausting but don't let them think they are the problem otherwise they will resign themselves to the fact they are bad. I tell my daughter I love her but she can't do ... after her fits and she is truely remorseful. We are teaching her how to take control of her emotions not an easy task for a child especially a girl.
Good luck and keep the TV off.

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I am a mother with a daughter with ADHD and the symptoms of ADHD usually do not appear until 7 or 8 years old. Our doctor made sure we ruled out other possible reasons for her behavior. Her hearing, vision were tested,bloodwork and an EKG were also done. So many other health problems mimic ADHD. So, I suggest finding a good doctor and discuss your concerns. If he or she tells you it's ADHD within a 10 minute span, find another doctor. It takes more than 10 minutes to find out if it is ADHD. It to us at least a month of tests and counseling, etc to find out it was ADHD. Also, an excellent book to read is "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours". It is not about ADHD but, it is a good book. Maybe reading a book about ADHD could help. Some books discuss health problems that mimic ADHD. Hope this helped. Good luck.

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What kind od allergy meds was he on Clariton hypes me up and Zyrtec puts me to sleep. I would hold off on ADD and ADHD, My daughter is in the same class as our neighbors son and they are both starting to act out in the same manner. It could be boredom, or they are feeling the anxiety of the change from grades to summer and new class.
I remember being very scared of new things, and school is one of those continously changing things. Go to the library, and check for videos and books.

First, let me say I have no direct experience with what you are going through and obviously, you have received wonderful advice from many others who do.

So I offer this suggestion, only because I did not see it mentioned previously. I am currently reading a book called Last Child in the Woods. It details much past and present research that supports the notion that children who suffer from a myriad of behavioral problems (especially those with ADHD) benefit greatly from being in nature. A walk in the woods, fishing in a stream, camping, hiking, etc. Not necessarily organized sports (though they certainly have their own merits), but more like the free play that we probably all experienced as children.

I will say this, whenever I notice my almost 2 yr old daughter getting bored and/or cranky I try to place her in a more natural, green(nature) environment. It is not lost on me how much calmer she is after being allowed to simply play and explore outdoors at her own leisure. I try to let her lead as much as possible and I stay close to make sure she is safe. I must also mention, I find myself to be a lot calmer and clear-headed after these outings and when I am calmer and less frazzled it usually means she is calmer or, at the very least, puts me in a better state of mind to handle her more challenging moments.

I know it can be exhausting and challenging. Good luck to both of you.

I hear you. I have a 5 years old who comes home often with yellow tikets for not been able to consentrate. But let's stop and think about it and don't let the crazy society blure our vision.
They are 5!!!! They are boys!!! Scholl used to start around 6-7 years old and was a big transition. Now they want them to shut up and listen at 5 for 7 hours in a row.
If you child never has been hiper active I would seriosely consider the enviroment he is in. May be it is too long of the day, too much stimulations, social problems he has but can not explain due to the age.
When my theacher complains about my son(who is naturally very active kid and I know can not sit still) I listen, talk to him but it is all I do. I do belive it will pass with age(just not at 5 or even 6). You don't see 20-30 years old man acting out. Also I asked my teacher may be he can get up and streach or something. Even I can not sit for so long without getting up.
In any case, in my opinion everything is fine. Don't let others to tell you there is something wrong with your son. I feel for those kids. They go to shool for full day at the age of 5. I my country(Russia) children go from 9 to 12 until they are in 4th grade. Actually, the lower eduction in Europen countries, which have very short scholl days, is better.

He's a 5 year old little boy... he's going to be hyper and talk alot.. thats what they do... he just needs someone to teach him when it is inappropriate. Maybe he is bored and needs more mental stimulation. Maybe he needs to be outside more where he can run off some of that energy.

Please don't dope him up just so he is easier for the adults in his life to deal with, that isn't parenting, that is taking the easy road.

I went to a seminar about this at a National conference this week. Is he getting enough exersize? Is he bored? (already know the material.) While I agree about being stern with him, you didn't mention giving him some tools that are age appropriate for changing his behavior. Maybe there is a place in the class he can go sit until he can get himself together.

I went through that with my son at that same age. I didn't know what to do so I read just about every book in the library. Kevin Leman "How to make them mind without loosing yours" Then I did "Growing Kids God's Way" and it changed our lives. You can purchase it online or look for it in your local church. It at www.gfi.org

Have you tried to remove highly sensitive food like dairy, colors, additives, try a healthy diet rich in veggies, fruits, protein. That really helped my nephew who had a ADHD dx and is not taking drugs. Also exercise for at least 30 min (walking, bike mini trampoline, etc)

I understand what you are going through. My now 10 year old started "acting out" around the same age as your son. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, I didn't want to put my son on meds for ADD or ADHD either, so I tried other things like you are doing. Years went by and my son ended up having to repeat 2nd grad because he could not focus on his math. When he started 3rd grade he started doing things in the classroom like making paper airplanes and drawing pictures instead of listening to the teacher or doing his work. It was always a struggle to get him to do homework also. I decided over the Christmas break to take him to the doctor to see about being tested for ADD/ADHD. I finally admitted to myself that my son needed help..he was struggling in school...and I hated seeing him go through that. All our doctor did was give us a questionnaire to fill out along with a questionnaire to give to the teacher. The doctor decided that he is inattentive attention defecit. He is now on Strattera and is doing a whole lot better. My advice to you is do not wait to long to talk to the doctor.

I understand completely what you are going through. I have been going through the same thing since last November. I am trying my best not to put him on meds because I don't really know what is behind my 5 year old's behavior. I am getting him tested at U of H in the Psychology department and am undergoing a class on how to deal with his behavior better, although I don't experience the behavior he has at school at my home. I don't know if it is the children or the teacher or the work that trigger his wanting to act out. I am sorry I cannot give you any advice right now as I am about to start the classes. It is a 10 week program and I begin next Thursday. I will keep you posted and as far as the testing goes, they test all sorts of behaviors like intellectual, achievement, academic, learning disability and a psych. evaluation that includes behavioral and emotional problems. Let me know if this is something you are interested in.

At five children have a million questions. They need lots of attention. Bad behavior usually means he needs more of your attention. Take him to places on the weekend where he can ask questions and learn things. Keep him busy with activities that build charactor and keep his mind active. See to it he gets plenty of physical activety. The library is a great place to get books on his level. Yes, it is difficult to raise children, but so worth it.

As the mother of a child with true ADHD, I can tell you it was VERY obvious pretty much from the day he was born that he was different!! If this is a recent change in his behavior, you are probably just dealing with typical 5 year old stuff. I would ask him if he is having any problems at school (with his work, other kids, etc.)- chances are something else is the problem. Also, is he in full day Kinder and was his pre-K half day? Sometimes the adjustment to full-days can last a while.

Also, have you had his eyes checked? I have a friend whose son started acting out alot at school and they wondered about ADHD. Turns out his eyes were not focusing properly together- and he was simply acting out of frustration. Since then, I have heard alot about that particular problem- it is worth checking into.

I have suffered with ADHD my whole life and it really angers me when people put down giving medication for this. ADHD is not a made up diagnosis. It is an actual neurological ailment that causes serious problems in a person's life. I would not encourage someone with high blood pressure not to take medication for it if they needed it. Why would anyone counsel someone else to not take a medication that can seriously improve the quality of that person's life? I went on Strattera several years ago and it transformed my life. Okay, now I will step off of my soap box. Since the behavior is recent it may not be ADHD. My best advice is to talk to his doctor. I noticed you took him off of his allergy medication. Why? Was this what was making him hyper? Sometimes children will act out because they cannot cope with stress or pressure. Is there something else going on at school? It would be worth probing. Have you thought of homeschooling him?

Welcome to my world! I recently went through the same things although my son was 4 1/2 and in pre-school, I took chocolate milk, pancakes, donuts, etc. out of his diet...to no avail. tried rewards on Fridays, that worked for about two weeks...talked to his pediatrician and we decided to try the daytrana ADHD patch just to see...10 mg. we put it on his hip area in the morning before school, take it off about 4 in the afternoon, WORLD of difference...best thing ever...it gives medicine only when its on, doesn't stay in his system or build up in his system..worked wonders for us! Good luck!

Hi D.,

I can say that I feel your pain and I'm still dealing with it with the school. It has gotten so bad that I think the school is making matters worse by just treating my child different from all the others. It is a never ending battle but also know that there are programs that can be provided by law in order to support your child and his hyper activity. I have come to find out that most of the educators that my son has had to deal with at his school are no longer teaching for the love of it and children. Now it is more of a chore for them. Please don't let the school force you to put your child on medications if he is not actually diagnosed with ADD/ADHD/OCD/ODD, etc from a physician/neurologist. I have found out that my child is having none visual seizures which are contributing to his behavior issue at school. If I would have listened to the school and just requested to put my child on ADHD medication it would have made him worse and actually start to convulse. It's a scary thought to think that my child could have had a serious episode because some teacher wants to diagnose my child yet have no medical background. It just helps make their day so much easier to not have to put up with your child. That is what they get paid to do and have been trained to do. They know that every child is going to have their own way of learning and personal issues and they are suppose to teach according to your child's learning level or disabilities or what have you. There is nothing wrong with your child. He is just learning to adapt to this new environment of school and sometimes acting out is the way they do it. My advice would be to take him to his pediatrician and discuss the issues and if possible see a neurologist who can diagnose your child if he truly has ADD/ADHD and can give you options in order to help him in school and everyday life. Medication isn't always the answer. I hope this helps you out!! I can tell you more of my situation if you'd like and what I have done up to this point. It's been a long process I can tell you that.

Thanks,
D.
Working single mom of a 7 year old stinker!

In the other direction--you mention stopping his allergy meds.

My son just quit taking his on his own. I tried to get him to keep it up, but he said he would rather be stopped up than on them. I recently started on some diff. meds and ....they exhaust me! I can always tell my allergy meds made me a little tired, but the allegra (generic) I was on was absolutely making me feel like I could not stay awake or get anything done.

It is possible that your son's allergy meds were slowing him down and now that he is off them his body is adjusting. Plus he now has excess energy and does not know what to do with it.

I would just explain to his teachers and ask for their patience in giving him time to work through this. I have always talked to my ds teachers anytime we changed meds and they were very understanding once they knew what was happening. ;-)

Good luck

D.
It sounds like sleep or the lack of may be the problem.I have a CD that I would be glad to send you of a Dr. talking about ADD and ADHD and lack of sleep. I don't know how I get your address.
My # is ###-###-####
L. C

My son was acting up also. I tried everything too. Changes stir up kids my changes were divorce, marriage, starting school, and he saw his dad 4 days out of the month you know every other weekend. So his dad see's him every weekend. He slowly got better also there were a few bad apples in his class that were misbehaving in class and going to the principals office alot and so was my son. He has not been in a long while. I go to lunch with my son . This also helps...Good lucK..He'll snap out of it. Keep him away from medicine..Play with him on his level, Attention and tlc one on one time...Also routine is important...My son,daughter, step son and husband get up at 5am every morning...Sleep for the children is important too

I have had similar issues w/ my son (5). He is ADHD. But I personally don't feel drugs are the answer. We have taken him to a child behavior clinic & is in OT weekly. The behavior clinic was wonderful & really taught us as parents how to adjust to his situations. We are so busy we would forget he needed our personal time. It sounds like your son is asking for attention. Good or Bad. We now take 15 minutes a day (at the same time every day) with our son to play with a toy he wants to play with. Everything he does during the 15 mins is praised. Nothing in those 15 minutes is wrong. But remembered to set your boundries before you begin & follow through. Example, "If you throw the toy we will have to put the toy away until tomorrow" etc..."then we won't get to play together." Always follow through, But never disipline him in the 15 mins. We were taught to use descriptive words with everything he was doing, but not "instructing" him. IE "Look at the yellow truck move under the bridge & up the hill, the yellow truck is stopping, the yellow truck has big black wheels & is moving very fast." IE NOT to do - What is the yellow truck doing, Where is it going, why is it moving. Delete all questions. It is hard to get in the habit, but it was a huge success. PS we still have ruff days once in a while. But no more angry mommy. "Love is in the Air"

I know this may sound weird but have him checked for an ear infection that is how my son age 7 acts when his ears are infected that is the only time he acts out alot

I understand you not wanting to put him on drugs if not an absolute must. I have a 7 year old with ADHD and bipolar so for a while I was giving her two meds. She was taking Abilify for her bipolar and Retalin for her ADHD. I figured out that the retalin was making her gain weight so I took her off both meds. The Abilify worked perfect by itself in the beginning. I now have trouble in school but I don't want her to feel bad about her weight along with everything else. I tried the reward method with three poster board. She helped me create happy faces, and sad faces. We then did a chart of reward and consequences and a calendar chart for each week. When she behaved she got to put the happy faces but when she misbehaved she had to put up her own sad faces. I worked while I stuck to it so it might work for you.

I really know what your talking about!!!!! My son has done all this. The principle even talked to my son but he said she was very nice and didnt scare him at all. We are going through all the adhd stuff (just geting started). What has worked for me for the past 2 weeks is we had a talk about breaking mommys heart (he started crying), I told him that I would put mommys heart on his hands so he can think about the hearts during the day, For the past 2 weeks my son hasnt got in trouble minus 1 day which was his birthday. I hope you try the hearts.....and it works at least for a little bit for you and your son. good luck.

I highly recommend this book: Healing the New Childhood Epidemics by Kenneth Bock, M.D.

To find out if your som is ADD/ADHD on saturday giv him half a cup of black coffee (NO sugar in it). Here's the thing. For some reason children who are ADD/ADHD have the opposite reaction to caffeine than a normal person. It will calm them down and allow them to focus.

If this works, you can see how long this effect lasts and perhaps try just giving him a half a cup of coffee each day, I have a friend who does that, or you can begin interviewing psychiatrists until you find one who will not overmedicate your son.

If it does not calm him, then he is not ADD/ADHD. And you might consult your pediatrician for some dietary changes that may help with his challenges.

Either way, you might consider family counseling for help in working with him.

Good Luck!