5 Year Old Will Not Wipe His Own Butt After Going "Stinky" in the Potty.

I have the exact same problem with my 5-yr old who will be starting kndergarten. What I believe is that he will be just fine we he gets to school. When he is not given the option of mommy or daddy wiping his butt for him. My son, I feel, just does it because he know that I will help him. He has been fully potty trained for sometime and will go pee on his own get himself on the potty and go number 2 then call for me to come in and wipe his butt.

I bought flushable wipes and I stand in there with him and hand him the wipes to clean himself and sometimes I just hand him the wipes tell him he needs to wipe himself , remind him to flush the toilet and wash his hands when finished, then I walk out of the bathroom. It seems to be working. I no longer give in (most of the time anyway) and he does just fine. Honestly, I think it is just because he knows that mommy or daddy are going to do it when he asks. Just be straight forward about him wiping himself. I find that when I am right to the point, tell him what I expect hom to do and leave, it works best.

Good Luck!

My daughter did the same thing until she was six. She would "hold it" at school since she could not seem to wipe herself either. Then one day, she stopped asking for help. It's frustrating, but I think it's a normal phase.

My four year old did the same thing. He had to go at a friends house one day, and I decided to run a quick errand, making sure to tell her not to wipe him when he was finished. He called for her when he was done and told her he needed help, to which she responded that he needed to do it himself. Suprising us all, he did. He was very proud when I got back to their house. He still tried to get me to do it the next time we were at home, but I just had to flat our refuse. It was a bit of a power struggle, but I reminded him that he did it himself at the friend's house, he could do it at home. When he realized I wasn't going to back down, he finally did it himself. It only took a couple of times for him to get the hang of it. I also told him if he ever feels like he needs me to check, I would be more than willing to check to make sure he got it all. I also keep a package of flushable wipes in the bathroom in case he has a messy poop he can feel cleaner. Every once in awhile he protests, but he knows I am not going to back down, so it doesn't last for long. He really just needed the confidence of doing it himself that first time to really get him over it.

My 5 year old daughter has been going through the same issue. It drives my husband, in particular, nuts. I felt like she was having a difficult time reaching around to wipe properly, which led to my doing all the wiping thus far. Recently, however, I have been telling her that she has to wipe 3 times by herself first, then I will check her work so to speak. At first she protested, but I held firm (she couldn't leave the toilet until she was wiped). It didn't take long for her (and me) to realize that she really could do this by herself. Now, with exception of an occasional messy poo, she goes solo without even asking for help. I'm sure your boy will soon get the hang of it. Maybe he just needs the extra reassurance that you will still take care of him even when he can do somethings all by himself. Good luck.

Honestly, do not worry about it. He has all summer to work on it AND I absolutely believe that once he goes to school and must deal with it on his own he will do it, somehow. It takes kids a while to be able to clean themselves properly. Don't put too much pressure on him, he will wipe himself before you know it. I worked with kindergarteners for two years. Kids step up to the plate when they have to...and are very capable of doing things for themselves when they are away from their parents (more so than when they are with their parents, because if mom is right there they will defer to mom automatically, as you know). TRUST. (I am a SAHM and have an 8 year old daughter and a 1 year old son).

I have read the responses of other moms and I agree -- this is very typical behavior in my experience. He will outgrow this phase, most likely soon after he starts school. If he gets a nasty diaper rash from not wiping, he'll really learn the lesson. And having those flushable kid wipes in the bathroom do encourage wiping. The one thing I would add is this: if you refer to BM as "stinky" with your son, you might be undermining your goal. I think the term "stinky" might be telling him that poop is something undesirable and untouchable. If he is really ashamed of pooping, he probably just wants to get off the pot and hide it asap. This could lead him to be scared to wipe. In our house, we just call it poop. Hope this helps!

My son used to do that when he was around that age, and he always seemed to do it when we had all sat down for a meal, and I was the only one he wanted to do the dirty deed! Right when I would start eating, he would call for me. lol
What helped was the Kan Doo wipes since they don't fall apart as easily, and they are flushable!
Don't worry, he will get the hang of it, and it is normal behavior for that age.

Good Luck!

M.

We have been where you are with the "I can't". From our experiences with both our children, it is a very real feeling and it is attached to something bigger than potty or shoe tying skills..It is a need. I finally let go of stickers, rewards, treats because they are like a boomerang for some children, they work and then they come back to you. This is what DOES work in our house. I use EFT (emotional freedome technigue) It is simple self talk, behavior modification. You can google it to get the idea of it but a simple version of it is" Even though I am afraid to wipe by botton, I can wipe" while tapping your forhead. I know I know, it sounds bizarro but the tapping tells the brain to stop the thought and it is calming, no fuss muss. Check it out. We use it on any situation. It may not take effect immediately, they say no tapping at first You can tap his forehead, undereye, nose and chin and chest area while you say it. It takes time but after a while and protests and me forgetting to to do it..I will see my son( 5, starting k, was a major bowl withholder until january when we did diet change and EFT...) and he self taps very discreetly...talking to himself...and I think, hmmmmmm. it gives a lot of control( potty is all about control and autonomy and even not wanting those things just yet and wanting them all at the same time) and no meds, no rewards that lose luster...Best, C.

Most kids won't poop at school unless they have an upset stomach so don't panic. You can try some kandoo wipes at home for him. Sooner or later, he'll do it himself. If it's bugging you, you can reward him for wiping himself with some little thing (sticker, marshmallow, whatever). Otherwise, I assure you he will do it himself sooner or later.

I had this same problem with my son, He would whine and cry that he couldn't do it himself. This may not work with your son, but it worked with mine... Before or after he goes hand him the paper the first time, and close the door, he will cry, but if you go in, it will tell him that all he has to do is whine to get his way. After about 3 fits, he will do it on his own. The first time I did this with my son, he was in the bathroom for about an hour, but when he finally came out, he was so proud of himself. There is NO one to wip your butt in Kindergarten, so this is so important that you build his confidense on doing things himself. He is 5...he CAN wipe his own butt, and will if no one will do it for him. Hope this helpsl...good luck, it can be VERY frustrating, but just have patience.

My 5 1/2 yr. old boy doesn't wipe either but I don't push him to do it himself in fact I prefer it this way because there would be skid marks on his underwear and they don't come out in the wash. Children aren't coordinated enough at this age to reach behind and do the duty. They will want to do it around 6 yrs. old. My daughters just started doing it themselves at around 6 or 6 1/2. I noticed one day that I hadn't wiped my daughter in a week, then I said to her oh my gosh I haven't wiped you in a week, have you been holding your poop for a week. She said no I've been wiping myself. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't push your son to do it, it will come in time. My son hardly ever poops outside the home. He will hold it until he gets home.

Dear M.,
Your son is WAY old enough to be doing his own wiping.
I have news for you, they will NOT do it for him at school. You're going to have to take him in the bathroom, show him the right amount of paper, and make him do it himself. Never should he be allowed to leave the bathroom without washing his hands.
My son had a little friend over when he was in kindergarten. I adored the boy...no problem there. But he went into the bathcroom and started screaming for me like he had killed himself in there. He wanted me to wipe his butt. I have babysat a ton of kids and changed at least a million diapers, but the minute I opened the door, I started gagging and could not help myself. I felt bad. I didn't want him to think I thought he is yucky. But, it took me a couple of minutes to compose myself and then go in and give him the paper to do it himself. I praise, praise, praised him for doing such a good job. My own son had long been taking care of things himself. I might check after he came out to be sure he washed, etc. If a kid needs help, no problem, but just wiping a tooshy...I just couldn't do it. I can handle, vomit, blood or guts. Poop....NO. At 5, that's not baby poop anymore. It's just not.
You will just have to practice with your son doing it himself. He can't get off the pot until he does it. Worrying about not doing it right can be an issue, so just encourage him til he gets the swing of it.

Best of luck with that!

My son will be5 in sept. and he did not like to wipe with toilet paper but when we got him the flushable wipes for toddlers to be able to do it themselves. I let him pick which ones he wanted there were like 3 choices. He was excited and did it himself. Now he will even use toilet paper because we ran out one day and he tried it and he was so excited that he could do the toilet paper himself.
C.

Hi M., We had the same problem with my son who is now 8. He always said he needed help because it was so messy (even the times it wasn't). My solution was to keep wipes in the bathroom as IT IS much easier with wipes opposed to toilet paper. Not that you need/want a-l-l the details but to this day he gets completely naked to poop. When he's done he stands up, turns around and faces the toilet, puts one foot up on the toilet and then reaches behind to wipe himself.
Luckily for him he is an afternoon 'pooper' so hasn't had to go thru his whole get naked routine while in school.

I have a 5 1/2 yr old daughter, who at 4, would not wipe herself after going stinky either. I started offering her kan-do wipes to wipe herself, but at first I would "help" her, and before I knew it, she wasn't needing my help. She now occassionally uses a little to much regular toilet paper, which has caused a few floods in the bathroom.I asked her pediatrician why was she acting like she couldn't wipe herself, and he said it was due to I was always doing everything for her (she is an only child) and to encourage her she could!!! He was right!!!! Good luck!!! D. A

My oldest son was the same way until I bought him "special wipes" that somehow seemed less intimidating to him. When he started kindergarten I sent the wipes in his backpack. He is seven now and wipes his own butt with good old fashioned toilet paper.

Have you tried the Kann Doo Wipes for kids? That is how I got my girls to start doing it themselves. They are flushable wipes for kids that help them get themselves clean all by themselves. I always buy them at Target and they are located on the baby wipe aisle. I hope this helps!

Im sorry.....but its so funny you say that. I have a 3yr old that has that problem. He will not wipe. He would rather get n the bath or swimming pool to clean his self off. I dont wipe for him & will not wipe for him, he can not stand poopy on his butt at all or even the smell so sometimes he will wipe his self but he'll use pretty much the whole roll of toilet paper but as long as he wipes i do not care!so maybe try not wiping for him & if hes a normal lil boy he wont like the feelin og popy on his rear.see if that works for a bit & let me know. A. h.

Hi M.,

I had same problem w/my son, we used baby wipes only for that reason, I showed him one time( wipe once fold over) he got it, and then supervised him his first time and now he can do it and can use t.p. at school if need be, and usually its alot. I would recomend the ones you can flush, you don't want plumbing problems... hope this helps.
J.