I can relate to your frustration! I,too, have a child with ADHD. Through my experiences (he was diagnosed in kindergarten, and is now in second grade), I have learned the following:
1)Contact your psychiatrist about your daughter's behavior. If you're not satisfied, get a SECOND OPINION. Not necessarily from a psychiatrist, but a NEUROLOGIST, preferably a pediatric neurologist. My son's pediatrician could not increase his dose of Straterra because of his wt. But, his neurologist increased it, saying it is a safe medication and we can go as high as we need to go, unlike other medications. (We tried stimulants and he developed severe motor and verbal tics, which he still has two years after being off of them!!)
2) Medications may help, but our children may suffer side effects from them, either now, or later. I learned that the hard way. And, medication isn't a cure-all. It should be used as one method to help our children, but not the main method! We should be helping our children learn to cope with their disability so that when they are adults, they will have these needed skills. We got our son involved in Martial Arts (recommended by a friend's Dr.), and believe it or not, within a month we began to notice a difference in his school performance! It has helped to build up his self-esteem and helps with focus and discipline. He loves it, and its not only for boys. The class is divided, half girls and half boys.
3) Get her teacher involved. We have a wonderful teacher who unbelievably, has ADD! Its great because she understands the challenges. She is very open to letting Joseph do things that others consider taboo. To help with his talking in class, she lets him chew gum. Believe it or not, it really helps. She lets him get up and move around, as long as it does not distract others. When he's having a reading lesson, she lets him go where he feels he'll be less distracted, either in a corner, or even under a table. And because she has been so supportive, my child is enjoying school! He used to say he hated school last year. But these simple little tricks have turned his attitude around, because he's experiencing success. ADHD kids experience so much frustration because they experience great challenges, and more failure; what's easy for one child is hard for them. No wonder they are so frustrated and angry!
4) Ask for testing by the school, to see if your daughter needs extra help in certain areas, such as my son needs extra help in reading. Its not that he isn't bright (in fact, he scored high academically in other areas; a child with ADHD can have intelligence as any other child, from high to low), he just has a hard time focusing long enough to want to read. Perhaps she's frustrated like my son was, and can continue to be.
5) Do you like to read? When I found out Joseph was diagnosed with ADHD, I wanted to learn as much about it as possible! His pediatrician recommended a fantastic book, with information for parents, information for Dr's, and information for teachers. Its called," ADD/ADHD Behavior-Change Resource Kit" by Grad L. Flick, Ph.D.The teacher's info is great for classroom support, and I even copied portions of the teacher's info for his first grade teacher. Just because she's a teacher does not mean she has specific training for children with ADHD. Remember, most teachers have to buy alot of their own supplies and books. This may help her to understand your child better without having to purchase information out of her own pocket. It is the most resourceful book I have, with information about medications, activities to help behavior, etc. I love it!
Also, I am in the process of reading a book, The ADD Answer, by Dr.Frank Lawlis. This book is recommended by Dr.Phil. Some portions are a little strange, but it does have some good tips. It tells about detoxifying them from lead, etc. I am not sure about those areas, but I am keeping an open mind!!
S., I hope this helps. I know its a struggle, and there's no quick solution. But there is support, and feel free to email me anytime. The best advise in the second book, is to remember that our children are children first, NOT ADD FIRST. Don't look at them as a diagnosis, but as a child. They need us to help them, and to love them, and provide positive encouragements. For every negative comment, be sure to make three positive comments, because its the negative that they remember the most.