5 Year Old Cant Stay Out of Trouble!

Maybe he needs an outlet for his energy -- like karate or theater (especially if he is so outgoing and likes people. Maybe he'll be the next Jay Leno)

Parents Helping Parents in San Jose has a good website
www.php.com

Also
www.greatschools.org

I think you should try a different school or teacher who can handle him.

Meantime, I think kids who are bullies are reflecting something from their home lives.

What's wrong with his home life? Excessive punishing, divorce, other chaos? Examine what's going on at home, and find him a new teacher.

You are right. If he's fine at home but only having trouble at school, it's not ADHD.

Have you met with his teacher? Often, teachers have great suggestions and input. Treat it like a collaboration and seek the insights in a private meeting.

You might also see if he can get in with a behavioral therapist through your health plan. Our son has ADHD and we meet with one to help with his problem behaviors. We often learn of techniques not mentioned in books.

One strategy to try is a reward system. Our therapist recommended using a marble jar. If our son had a good day at school, he earned marbles in the jar. When they reached a certain level (and don't make it too high), he earned a reward like a new video game, trip to the movies, time with dad, etc.). It really did help because it was so visual. Be sure to let the teacher know if you're doing any type of reward system so they can support it and give you ongoing feedback.

Good luck!

I happen to know that my son would love to be friends w/ every kid at school. He's just a bit behind socially because he's been home schooled for quite a while.
I also know that he can be quite the little provocateur and that there are always 2 sides to the story of how he's getting bullied at school.
There's what I hear from him about how kids are picking on him, and then there's the fact that he probably initiated it by wanting to play ninja or superhero and kids just don't know where the line is drawn between reality and play. To them it's all the same thing.
One kid says, I'm Batman and I'm going to beat you up 'cus ur a bad guy! The other one of course now has something to prove. (S)he has to prove that they're the stronger fighter.
And so it goes.
I handle it by telling my son that the superhero and fighting type games are for at home, and he's not to play them at school, and when he's at school, he's to be on the same team with the kids in his class and only fight invisible bad guys with them, or invisible dragons.
In the end, he really has to learn how to make friends on his own.
I do know of a friendship workshop for kids in SF, but can't remember the name of the co. that puts it on.
Email me and I'll find it for you. ____@____.com

Mom, I teach young children, pre-K age. I am curious what are the consequences of bad behavior at school? What methods of discipline are used at home when he comes home with a report of poor behavior? Has your boy been in preschool prior to starting kindergarten? if so how was his behavior there.? How are you sure that he does not have ADD or ADHD. Have you talked with school guidance and principal, if not you need to do so asap and see what suggestions they have. I would seriously consider pulling him and putting him in a pretty structured preschool pgm 3 days a wk so he will learn how to behave out of the home , learn self control and how to behave in a structured environment. Sound like an issue of immaturity, is he a young 5? He just may not be ready but there needs to be a structured plan of discipline with consequences that mean something to your son. Everyone who is a caregiver including Dad needs to be on the same page with this. Hope this helps.

maturity wise he may not havebeen ready. pull him out and try again next year? but put him in preschool this year.

My favorite techniques are outlined in the outstanding parenting book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. It coaches parents on how to make the child part of the problem-solving team, and because the kids get to help determine their future course, they are invested in making their solutions work.

I use this approach with my 4.5yo grandson all the time, and we have the most delightful team interactions. His willingness to find and apply his own solutions make a difference even when I'm not right there policing him. Other families who have used it report some pretty amazing changes in a pretty short time, for all sorts of parenting problems, and even with a few children who were very seriously misbehaving.

I don't know what forms of discipline you've been using with him, but if they include spanking, verbally criticizing him, or demonstrating your adult displeasure through yelling or sounding angry, he could be one of the many children who simply react poorly to those methods. (According to recent research, kids who are raised with these sorts of "discipline" are more aggressive as a group than children raised with calm, positive role-models.) Instead of getting scared straight, they take those punishments as a pattern of how to treat others, and act them out in clumsy, childlike ways. It becomes what adults call bullying.

I hope you'll get yourself a copy of How to Listen – I think both you and your son will love the results.

I have a 4 1/2 yo son who is preschool. We had been having some of the same problems. This was uncomfortable to me as I am a teacher myself. After spending about an hour with my son's preschool teacher, the school director, my husband and myself (BTW he's in a PreK/K Montessori school), we chose one behavior to work on modifying, so we didn't get overwhelmed by all of the behaviors. That was my idea and very helpful to his teacher--we're going to meet again once we get that behavior under control. (He bothers other children while they are working--touching, moving, drawing on or cutting on their work)

At home, we have made two specific changes. Absolutely no tv, computer, computer games of any kind during the week. He has to wait until the weekend (we didn't allow that much anyhow, but I read a book that I really liked and the author suggested further limitations). And, instead of taking a bath at night before bedtime stories with the routine, he takes a shower in the morning. The sensory stimuli the shower provides in the morning has really helped to calm him.

On her end, she is consistent. And when he starts to get out of control in the classroom she has a quiet corner with a bean bag chair that is calming.

It's not working every time, he still has to go out of his class occasionally, but it has gotten better.

Don't give up.

J.

B.,as the mom of several boys who range from the wild man type to the sit and read a book type of personality. I just want to say that MAYBE he is just being a old fashioned boy! Our son we learned did well if class was held under a tree in the yard( his 2nd grade teacher did this & proved the point) but cage him in a class room and he was nuts by recess. This teacher was also creative while she taught and kept the over active children engaged and discouraged medication of all sorts.
I encourage you to volunteer ( it will be the start of a wonderful experiance that can go all through HighSchool), in the classroom. Get a feel for this and then with all the information make sure HE understands what his mind and body are telling him. He may not think as the others and believe me in a class of 16 boys you may have 20 personalities and that doesn't include the girls! Be sure to have boundries and keep to them. I personally have the belief that punishment has to mean something to work~ so for our wild child he might have to do yard work for the mild mannered one it might be take his book away for a afternoon. But sometimes a swat on the bottom does get their attention to focus on what you are trying to get across.
I still remember when our #2 son came home and proclaimed" I am the King of the Hill at home but I am not at school so what's up?" ( his brother's disputed the fact) it's all about adjustments and learning styles and experiances. Have him moved to the front of the class, see if he can play an active game like tetherball at recess so he works off the energy and remind him that words do hurt and they can ruin lives because one doesn't know what is going on at another's house behind closed doors. I also know that the pressure is on so that another parent doesn't come yelling at you for thier child's hurt feelings.. Good Luck Mom.

The first step should be talking with the teacher. See if there is a pattern to the behavior...certain times of the day/week/etc. Is he directing his anger at one or two particular children? What are the behavior expectations of the classroom, and how are they enforced? Do his disruptions occur during structured or unstructured activities?

Is your little one getting enough sleep and a healthy breakfast?

You may also consider that he is not ready for the stress of kindergarten. If he has a summer or later birthday he may not be ready for the structure and academics of kindergarten, and this is his way of responding to the pressure. It's not to late in the year to pull him out and put him in a more play-based structured pre-school that will help him develop his social skills. Just because he turned 5 does not mean that he is ready for kindergarten. Kids sit up at different ages, walk at different ages and talk at different ages, and going to kindergarten should be looked at it that way as well. We don't judge children by how early they walk or talk, so don't feel bad if you decide to wait another year.

As a kindergarten teacher I know several families who were happy they waited, I don't know a single family who is sorry that they did.

Good luck!

If it is at all possible, get yourself into that classroom. You need to know what is happening specifically and back up the teacher about what expectations are for Kindergarten. If you can spend a few hours per week volunteering to help out in the classroom, you will quickly find that the teacher is willing to team up with you to help your child be successful in school. You may also be able to observe your child in a way that a teacher (who is responsible for 30 children) cannot and you may find that there are triggers to your son's behavior. If so, you can work with your son to find new ways of responding to those triggers.

My son started first grade this year and was having similar problems. We have had much progress with him once we circled the wagons between a behaviorist, school, parents, etc. Most of his reactions were from perceived slights from his peers and happened during transitions or recess. We started a no tolerance policy with my son. Recess at school was taken away for a week and he got to earn it back with good behavior at school so he reads the first part of recess than a teacher monitors him during the last 10-15-20 mins of recess. If he is having a hardtime handling his emotions and frustrations in the classroom his recess is again limited. We also started giving him stickers for good behavior at school....times where he was able to calm himself or use his words. At home the no tolerance in regards to the manner of how he speaks with us...using gentle words and controlling his emotions. We have him in a social skills class with a behaviorist as well. My son has made massive improvements in the past month. We have given him techniques on how to calm himself and the being more monitered during transition times at school have pretty much stopped his agressive behavior and my son has been a joy to be around. Goodluck and be consistant.

5 is a very mature age, even though many kids aren't treated as mature by then, because they are still battling immature behavior patterns due to their parents. Not saying it's your fault, but there probably are changes that need to be made in his day to day since you are certain he doesn't have ADHD (and even if he did).

Firm consistent discipline should not be removed, but is it random? Do you only get firm with him when you're totally fed up rather than preventatively? Is it unpredictable and angry? Always remember, if you're mad, you're not teaching, and you shouldn't be disciplining.

Remember, at age 5, he should be acting well most of the time (hang in there with me), he should be having mature responsibilities, some tough chores, etc and LOTS of boisterous rough play. You should be praising him a lot and treating him like a strong independent young man, and then ONLY when he is outwardly defiant, etc, should you give him a firm consequence after one calm warning EVERY time. This would keep the discipline to a bare minimum if everything else is aligned within a healthy happy lifestyle with plenty of sleep and nutritious food, etc.

Stay in charge, and keep the firm discipline, but if you are constantly negative and angry and punishing, it will lose all effect. You need to be calm, confident, positive and loving MOST of the time, so he knows your consequences are logical and fair based on his actions. Always give him a clear expectation, and clear explanation of what will happen if he chooses the wrong action and then follow through firmly while staying calm. Always use the same, firmest thing, so the consistency sets in faster. He will catch on and get in the habit of making his own right choice. If his dad is around, MAKE HIM TAKE THE LEAD on discipline. it is imperative with boys.

It's hard to give advice not knowing what your discipline style is, but "tried everything" often means lots of varying chaos, which won't usually work on difficult kids. This site and book has GREAT firm, but fair, logical guidelines for your little gentleman:
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

Im kinda new so what is DS?

We just started preschool with my daughter and she had trouble adjusting to the expectations. Just being in a group and all doing hte same thing along with expressing her needs caused a lot of backlash (not as extreme as what you're seeing) The suggestion her teacher made was to have her get more sleep. We have totally restructured our lives to meet her sleep needs and it has made all the difference. Making sure she gets 12 hours aof sleep a night it hard, but it has made everything else easier. Look for the book, Sleepless in America, and you'll have a handbook on what to change.

S.

Have you checked his diet, a child can be allergic to a certain food which is like poison to their system. Not just the junk food, the artificial colors and chemicals in food. Wash the fruit as well because of pesticides. This can make a child act out. What does he eat for breakfast?
Just a thought..good luck

This is NOT common in a kindergartner!! What does his teacher advise? she is the only one who sees his behavior at school so her opinion is the only valuable one