J.S. asks from Dallas, TX on June 09, 2011
5 Year Old Boy - Imaginary Friends, Hurting Self, Bizarre Behavior
My 5 year old is a very bright very lovable child but he has a scary side to him. We usually try to ignore it and not make a big deal out his tales but sometime he does things that we can't ignore. Since he could talk and walk we have known about "Bobby"; who is his "bad" imaginary friend - for lack or a better word, HE will sometimes say HE is "Bobby". If something bad happens it is "Bobby's" fault. "Bobby has caught the house on fire, has colored on walls, flooded the bathroom, ran away in the middle of the night... the list goes on. Its been pretty peaceful for awhile since "Bobby" hasn't made an apperance but now he has a new friend "Jean Luc" I dislike him even more than the former friend. "Jean Luc" pees "designs" on the carpet, threathens to stab me with forks and "cuts" my son. My son will sometimes go vacant - it is a very strange thing to see. It's his body but he is clearly not there. Kinda like "The lights are one but no one is home." I am certain this behavior is not normal - our pediatrician has suggested we see a child psychciatrist. My oldest son has never exhibited any of these actions. I am hoping he is just very imaginative and creative. Does anyone have any similar experiences or words of wisdom?
PS - We have made an appointment with the psychciatrist - he has just not been to see him yet. Also my child is not possessed or a demon or sexually abused or anything of the sort - nor is he like those girls on 20/20. I will not have my child involved with an exorcisim nor will I read books written by former vampires and witches who are now born again Christians. My son attends church and I refuse to turn that into something traumatic for him.
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So What Happened?™
His father is a problem. I say I hope he is just creative not to discount the issues but because my stepbrother who is 3 years older than me is schizophrenic and he did some AWFUL things, trying to strangle me, planting pipe bombs outside my window, killing my cat, bird and making my life hell. Ashton is nothing like my stepbrother - he had no remorse or concern for others. My son is very much with it 90% of the time - the other 10% well its sends chills down my spine. I am not afraid of getting him help. His father will be a challenge, I am CERTAIN that his father has some pshycological issues that he refuses to address. I would not be surprised if both of them are schizophrenic. His father (which BTW is in the house -we are still together) does not approve of me or anyone else for that matter "giving into his ideas" we are not allowed to talk about his friends or episodes.
Featured Answers
L.V. answers from Miami on June 09, 2011
Okay, so I know this is going to be very WOOHOO but here it goes. Do you have any family members that are sensitive to paranormal activities? You may want to look into this as well. This entire situation sounds too adult for a 5yo. You need to look into spiritual possession (wow sounds weird to just right it) and discount that as well. Talk to you religious leader and get his/her feedback. He may be someone sensitive to the afterlife and these “imaginary friends” may be trying to get someone’s attention.
GOOD LUCK!
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P.W. answers from San Francisco on June 09, 2011
I don't think the imaginary "bad" friends are the problem -- the problem is the behaviors these bad friends engage in. Catching the house on fire? Peeing designs on the carpet, threatening to stab you with forks and cutting himself??? One of these things in isolation might be something you could overlook (except cutting), but these things in their totality indicate a severe problem to me.
Yes, the psychiatrist is a really good idea.
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M.J. answers from Dover on June 09, 2011
While your son definitely sounds both imaginative and creative, he also sounds dangerous, to himself & others. If his pediatrician has told you to take him to a child psychiatrist, what are you waiting for? Until he seriously or permanently injures himself or you?? He is only 5 years old, still really a baby, & you need to drop the denial routine & get your baby the help he needs.
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L.R. answers from Washington DC on June 09, 2011
As other say, yes, you and your son must see this psychiatrist immediately, and if this one doesn't click with your son, find another one. You don't mention whether there is a husband or significant other in the picture but if there is, he too must be 100 percent on board with getting help and he needs to be there by your side to hear what the doctors say. Imaginary friends, great. Destructive and especially self-harming behavior--a cry for help.
One red flag that concerns me isn't about your son. It's about you. You write, "I am hoping he is just very imaginative and creative." He may be both those things AND also still need serious professional help. You and his dad need to be very open and receptive and willing to learn if the psychiatrist finds your son has problems that must be dealt with through therapy, medication, behavioral changes, etc. Please be sure you're not, in the back of your mind, trying to convince yourself "He's just creative" while a doctor is simultaneoulsy saying, "He's ill."
I've seen this happen and the kid picks up on the fact that mom and dad are not fully on board with the doctor and will use that to wriggle out of treatment because he knows mom and dad are not totally going to enforce it. I'm not saying you'll do this, I just know it's a risk that is there if the parents hope, hope, hope their child is "just acting out" or "just in a phase" or "just creative." You already know his behavior's not normal, as you wrote, so you're most of the way there.
You are doing totally the right thing to have him seen, but be aware that this may just be the beginning of years of therapy and other interventions. If it's not -- fantastic. If it is -- be ready to accept that.
Please update us here. Your son is going to get good help!
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K.M. answers from Chicago on June 09, 2011
"I am certain this behavior is not normal - our pediatrician has suggested we see a child pshyciatrist".... DO THIS NOW! Please, for your safety and the safety of others in the house, IF your son has a mental disorder they CAN help, but they have better results when started early. There is NOTHING wrong that anyone did in this situation and it seems that he may have a form of multiple personalities or something else... either way, please get your son the professional help he needs for your whole family's safetly.
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A.C. answers from Wichita on June 09, 2011
I am not a doctor, nor do I claim to be. Your post first made me think of schizophrenia ("A Beautiful Mind"). I have 2 cousins with schizophrenia. They struggled and struggled for years, and their parents never took them in to get checked out. Their parents hid their heads in the sand and ignored the signs. Now, as adults, both of my cousins have much more severe problems. It was once mentioned that both would have had a much better chance at a 'normal' life if they had received treatment early on. I do not say this to scare you. Just please make sure to follow through with this appointment with the psychiatrist.
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J.L. answers from Minneapolis on June 09, 2011
I'm no psychiatrist, but have seen a report on 20/20 about a year ago that featured children (same age as yours) who exhibited these same symptoms. They were diagnosed with a pediatric form of schizophrenia. Perhaps read up on that topic and see if this is your experience.
If you are a religious person, you could also seek spiritual guidance for support for your child and family.
See: http://abc.go.com/watch/2020/166626/254267/inside-the-wor...
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M.L. answers from Houston on June 09, 2011
No, this is not normal. Imaginary friends are, but the vacancy and self-hurting is not. I'm glad you have an appointment with the child psychiatrist, I hope you can get him in soon. I grew up with a sibling who was very dangerous to us and himself and he also had some mental problems, so I wish you all the luck.
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M.L. answers from Chicago on June 09, 2011
Imaginary friends are normal however it appears this is more than just having a great imagination or an imaginary friend. Please, please, please take your pediatricians advice.
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J.C. answers from New York on June 09, 2011
Creative - hum?? I don't know if creative is the right word.
Your pediatrician has suggested to bring him to a child pyschologist. What are you waiting for? Sounds like your son needs some therapy ASAP. Child therapy is wonderful. It uses art and music to bring out underlying feelings.
On a good note - imaginary friends are a sign of high intelligence.
Best of luck!!
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