5-Year-old Daughter, Out with Her Father, Public Restroom Question

My daughter now 10 has been told to wait outside the door don't go anywhere , don't talk to anyone, don't go with anyone. DONT MOVE.
That's what he should have done. She could have very easily called out if something happened.
And most children are abducted or molested by people they know.

My BIL has two daughters and this has come up on occasion. They keep a potty seat in their car in case it's the girls that need to go and there is no family restroom. He is a very modest guy, so he would relate to the horrified employee. He tries to go in when the restroom looks empty, if he can. He also has his daughters look at the ground until they are in a stall. And since he is SUPER modest, they face the door while he is doing his business. :) He keeps sanitizer on him so they can make a speedy exit. He knows it's not ideal, but sometimes you do what you gotta do.

I wouldn't think girls going into the RR with dad any different than boys going into the RR with mom. The time a parent feels uncomfortable leaving their opposite sex child unattended to use the RR when in public is the right time to take them in with you, IMHO. Your child's safety is YOUR concern, no one else's. I think this in one of those things where you can't please everybody, and are lucky if you please half the people, lol. Some ppl would have been horrified to see your hubby leave your daughter when he went in the RR, and others (like the employee) are going to be horrified that he took her in, double edged sword!

Your husband did nothing wrong! I would never leave my child with a stranger or even acquaintence to use the bathroom. 5 year old shouldn't be out of our sight in public!

Your husband needs to practice saying coldly "I don't leave five year olds alone and unsupervised".

Your hubby is right, my husband has had to do the same thing with our 2 daughters - they're 4 and 5 and also both very tall for their ages. In some scenarios, like a local diner where our table is close to the restroom, and there is a one person bathroom, they can go in by themselves, we are watching the door, no prob. A crowded public place like in Manhattan? I don't think so!
Take them in, very quickly, get right into a stall. When my DH has been in this position, men in the bathroom were understanding and very quickly put their junk away and made sure not to show their stuff. Give me a break, even at a urinal, they're not flaunting their packages around, showing other men. It's still semi-covered.
BTW, the first time our daughters went into a men's room, was around age 2 1/2. They were AWE-STRUCK by urinals! Thought they were the coolest thing ever and wanted one in our home bathroom! LOL!

I would keep doing what you're doing. Don't let one ignorant/overzealous worker's opinion deter you from keeping your kid safe. I didn't leave my male stepkids outside the bathroom alone until they were probably 7 -- and that's in a suburban Target!

Wow! I think those people are wrong. I would NEVER leave my kid with some stranger so I could go to the bathroom!

IMO your husband did nothing wrong. Maybe if she were much older, but a 5-year-old shouldn't be left alone, not even for a second.

Likewise, the same argument for those who choose leave their kids in a running car to "pick something up, real quick." Alot can happen in those few minutes, such as kidnapping, car gears messed with and rolls away, heat exhaust and so on. No one leaves their kids with strangers then either. They take the kids with them.

Ignore this person. Your hubby did the right thing. I guess in the future, be sure to go to the bathroom before heading to the park, ice rink or whatever. I'd also use the family bathrooms versus the stalls if possible. Then you won't have people questioning whether she's seeing too much in a regular men's bathroom.

I agree that he did the right thing. I would never have expected him to leave her anywhere. Maybe he could warn the guys at the urinals, if any, that he is bringing a 5-year old girl in, wait until they are done and then go straight to a stall? That's tough. And we are about to be in the same situation with two girls. Thanks for making me think about it and work on it ahead of time before we end up getting in trouble too. :-)

I've been asked by a dad to keep an eye on his daughter in the bathroom, or to stand with her outside while he goes to the bathroom. I'm not sure if that would be acceptable in New York, but it Texas he could just look for a nice mom and ask politely.

Your husband handled it fine. I would and have done the same thing.

I would say that the girl should not have gone in the men's restroom. The urinals are usually out in the open and do not have privacy like a ladies room. He had to go so in this situation I would have tried to figure something out.

The other way around, ladies rooms have individual toilets in little "rooms" so the person's privacy is somewhat protected.

I guess my thought is this:

How would you be posting this question if men had been coming in and out of the restroom and using the urinals with her standing there? That's why I would not have taken a girl in the men's room.

Your husband did the right thing. If I had a problem like that, I'd ask to use the employee restroom if they have a problem with it. I'm not giving my kid to a stranger just to make someone else comfortable.

so many people angry at the poor rink worker! it's not small matter. women tend to be pretty laid back about boys in the ladies' room, but men are (and should be) uncomfortable about whipping it out in a urinal with a little girl there, especially one who looks older than she is.
balancing what's safe and appropriate for her is a important, and not a no-brainer at all. both perspectives have serious pros and cons.
i'd probably have gone with your husband's solution, but it's an uncomfortable one at best. i also like the idea of giving her a whistle and stationing her right outside the door.
it was around this age that my boys became unhappy at going into the ladies' room with me, so i spent a lot of time looking wild-eyed and borderline psychotic, hovering outside men's rooms, poised to invade at the slightest peep from my cherubs.
it's probably a good idea to hash this out en famille and have your decision ready to implement before the next outing.
khairete
S.

My husband takes our 5 yr old with him unless there is someone else we know either there or with him. If she has to go, he takes her to the mens room...just as I would take her in the ladies room (or when my son was little, he had to go in the ladies room with me).

My friend's husband also had this issue with their 6 yr old. He checked the bathroom to see if it was busy, waited until the guy that was in there left, then had his daughter go into a stall to wait. Then when he was done, he waited until the others finished-let them know his daughter was in there-and then they washed their hands and left. It took a little longer but worked out so she did not have to stand by the urinals while waiting.

I find nothing wrong with what your husband did either.

However, my husband has this great fear....he doesn't take my girls out alone to crowded places often. He has...but not sure if he's ever been stuck in this situation but I know he's always worried about it.

I've received advice from other parents before who said they give their child a whistle when out with dad. The child is then able to blow the whistle if they need help. I've always thought that was a good idea in theory but have never tried it.

A parent cannot leave a 5yo kid all alone outside a public restroom, period. I think warning the men in there is a good idea, but still a "new" man could get inside and use the urinal with her standing in there. I would definitely warn/wait until the bathroom is empty (if possible) AND tell her to face the door while she waits, just in case unappropriate men show up and decide to do their business regardless of her presence. What else can a father do?

Simple, wait out here, don't move, don't talk to people. If someone approaches her yell into the restroom. I don't know about you but my daughters could replace the warning sirens around here they are so loud!

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a child with a security guard either because of the distance from me.

The other thing is ask a stranger. If a man asked you to keep an eye on his daughter so he could run in the bathroom wouldn't you. By stranger I mean a mom. They are easy to spot, they look really frazzled and generally have a strangle hold on their own child. I would like to think your husband has the ability to tell who is a good person and who is not....

Can you just imagine how the other men felt with your daughter watching them pee? Men already get a bad wrap for being perverts ya know?

I think your husband acted appropriately. I have 2 boys and I take them in with me all the time, they are 5 and 2. For us it is a safety concern. Even if she is 6 or 7 I wouldnt let my child go into a restroom alone in a busy place.

http://www.survivalcenter.com/Emergency%20Toilet%20Suppli...

I agree with your husband's actions - it's not wrong to bring my 5yo son into the ladies room with me! However you could also look into the product mentioned in the link they are good for this reason - not just camping!

The only problem I have with what your husband did is what if men were using the urinal? Hopefully he checked that out before he brought her in. That aside, I think he did the right thing.

Wow! I would have expected my husband to do exactly what yours did. It's Manhattan for Christ's sake!

PS - we have a 3-year old daughter and 5 & 6 year old sons.

When I was that age, my father used to take me into the restroom too. It is really no big deal. Do what you are comfortable with.

And by the way . . . I had heard a news report about this type of thing a few months ago. Some cities are creating laws about what is an appropriate age and when it will not be allowed any more. I believe the city they were reporting on was an age limit of 8 years old, so you might want to check into something like that. The information can help you in the future if there is a hassel.

i would take it to the manager. shes 5! i see moms still bring their 10 year old boys in the ladies room. it doesnt bother me because i know its a safety thing.
when my husband has to take our 4 year old in the bathroom he takes the stall and she faces the corner.

Hi,

What your husband did was correct given the circumstances. I understand also that being left alone with a stranger would be upsetting but if he plans on going back to the rink several times perhaps getting your husband and daughter to know at least one security guard or worker at the front desk of the rink just in case it happens again would be a good idea. I have been asked to watch a child before by a dad by the bathrooms and if he and your daughter feel comfortable with that it is another option. Good luck!

Personally, I think he should have stood outside the ladies bathroom, asked someone going in to holler out to those inside that a man and his daughter are coming in. I think it would be fine...I know I wouldn't have a problem with this. I know when I had to send my boy into the bathroom, I waited until a dad/son were going in and sent him with them. Most people are good, kind people and I always felt better asking someone who had a kid with them. I have also offered to take a little girl in the bathroom with me when I see her dad trying to figure out what to do. We have to protect our babies...

Your husband did the right thing. If it happens in the future, have him do it again.