4Year Old Girls Kissing

No, I don't think that's the solution. I think by doing this you are inadvertantly causing your daughter to wonder what she did. Although she may not remember this particular instance far down the road, but it's setting her up for problem- whether large, or small, that's up to your daughter's maturaty level. I definitly think you should explain why you don't think it's appropriate, but come on now, don't ban her from her friends.
She'll just lash out later in life. I know I did.

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Not to worry at this age, they are experimenting. It's a curious age. My son and his cousin were kissing and laying on eachother at that age. Hasn't happened since but they are still very close. Maybe have them play where they can be seen so that you are sure this is not a problem?

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Okay...I've read the other mothers postings as I did yours, and I have to agree with most of the moms. Your daughter is 4. She can not comprehend what is going on. My daughters are 5 and 2. I kiss my daughters, as does my mom, their dad, my uncles etc. Kissing is a sign of friendship and affection. And I think that if you ban that little girl from your house, your little girl is going to rebel and not bring any of her future friends home when she gets older...causing some terrible tension between you two, and possibly growing apart. Think about this for awhile before you make your final decision.

good luck,

M. f

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I am sure the correct response is to not make a big deal out of it but I am right there with you I would be freaking out too! I think I would either not have the girl over to play anymore or only let them play where they can be seen at all times that way they will not be given the opportunity to do anything.

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Hi. I have an 8 yr old and a 4 yr old myself. I can't say I have had this experience, BUT I have to say that a 4 yr old can NOT comprehend this or the implications it has in an adult's mind. I think making an issue out of it will make it worse and make her more curious than it will to stop the behavior.

I would be more worried why the little girl that did it "first" to your daughter's friend got the idea. Somewhere along the line there is a child that thinks this is the way to show love and or friendship. I would be working to help that child ! In the case of your child, I would not keep the child out of your house, instead I would not let them alone together for awhile. However, I would not make this apparent to them, that they are not allowed alone together. Just always be there. Eventually I think at 4 yrs old this would stop.

I know my 8 yr old son just doesn't understand why he can't strip to his underware when his friend (girl) is over. (afterall his 4 yr old sister gets away with it sometimes) He has not concept and honestly neither does the 8 yr old girl...but her MOm and I were a little taken back by it. Making an issue of it made it an issue with the kids and they kept doing it, until we stopped discussing it and now it isn't fun anymore because we don't react. Does that make any sense? I hope so.

M.

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Hi K.,

I haven't read any of the responses to this one, but I was in your same shoes last year and I was very sick over the sitatuion. It took everything for me to confront the mother of the girl, and the reply was that it wasn't a big deal. My feeling is that it isn't a big deal if it is out in the open (i.e., the kids are playing right in front of you and are playing house, and someone gives a little hug and kiss). However, My daughter went to play for the first time at her friend's house, who had been to my home every day for an entire summer. I never let her go to her house because I just didn't feel comfortable and didn't know if her mom would watch them (well, I guess my fear was right). My daughter came home after 45 minutes like I instructed, and I asked what they did - she said they played boyfriend/girlfriend game and that she was kissing her --- but that she made my daughter promise not to tell her mom (ME)! I asked her to show me what kind of kiss and it wasn't just a peck. To me the "DONT TELL" was a definite RED FLAG! This may sound crazy and I laugh now thinking about my reaction, but I was so sick and I just knew my little girl was waiting for my reaction so I just said "thank goodness you told me and I praised her over and over for this - I said hurry we have to wash your face, give you a vitamin and a little medicine, because kissing can spread germs and "SALLY" should know better being that she is older than you!" Later I told her how important it is that she tell mom EVERYTHING! I also did role playing whereby I gave her replies to uncomfortable situations.

I couldn't stop her from playing with this girl - and didn't want to since I figured she would NEVER tell me anything again. Instead she isn't allowed to her house, which I say is because the girls mom is too busy to watch her and keep her as safe as I can. The girl comes here to play and I don't let them out of my sight - they get mad, but I tell them either play in the living room or your friend can go home. They manage.

Best of luck to you!! I say it's always better to error on the side of caution. Just be careful not to make your little girl think she can't tell mommy things because then she'll lose her friends.... if you decide not to let her play with this girl.

1st these things do happen, and sometimes even a little more...... Your number one priority is to stay calm, and not over react about it!!!!!
2nd just let your child know that she's not bad, because you don't want them to feel bad about themselves... But, explain that they are too young to do these things, and we don't do these things with other little children....

The calmer you are, the less of a big deal it is to your child. And, you won't make your child feel as if they were wrong..... Never punish them for it either!!!!!
But, the bigger deal you make the more curious they are!!!!!

And, yes talking to the other childs mother was the right thing to do.......

wow if this is how you deal with this little of an issue when she is only 4 i can't imagine how you'r going to deal with the issues that arrise as she gets older. The most important yet difficult relationship is between a mother and daughter and from a young age she needs to know that she can come to you with anything. Without you freaking out on her. I hope that you will have a heart to heart with your daughter. and explain that you weren't ready to deal with what you saw. and let her know that you will always be there for her. If not she will shut you out. And i'm sure that you dont want that. And so what if she turns out to be gay. Atleast you didn't walk in on her mutilating animals ..that is a real issue.
gl and let us know how it works out!