46 And Baby Number 3 on It's Way with Family Conflict.

Maybe it's time to clear the air and set them all straight. If you can't travel to come to the shower, than you just can't. And you don't want to give them outdated items, just tell them you've already given the items away and you are going to get all newer things for baby #3 because you need them to have the latest safety upgrades. If they are going to make rude comments, then just be firm and tell them like it is.

Why do you have to "drop a couple hundred dollars on a gift"?

Last time I checked, new moms didn't hand out gift assignments.

Even a registry is a list of suggested and wanted items.

Seriously, you can buy her anything you want. Why would you give her an old crib that you're not going to use for your own child? Or, if you are OK with the crib--wouldn't you be using it anyway? Maybe I'm confused.

What's NOT OK is the bitterness you are feeling. Your niece asked for a hand me down crib. You declined. (On the basis of safety.) End of story. Either attend or don't and send a gift of your choice.

Maybe someone will throw you a shower, maybe they won't. You could still register...for gifts after the birth right?

Ignore any and all rude comments and assumptions by your family members. I'm sure they are aware you don't have a ton of baby stuff around after all these years, right?

Enjoy YOUR pregnancy and YOUR family and don't worry about anyone else! Congratulations!

Congratulations : ). Enjoy your pregancy and try not to let them and their opinions effect you and your family. Send a small gift and your regards. Take the money you would have spent on airline ticket(s) and do something for you and/or your new little baby : )

Send a gift, purchased, not hand me down, don't go to the shower, you are pregnant/busy that day. Smile at the ignorant rude questions.

I believe Babys R Us takes recalled items and gives you credit toward new things. I would also check rummage sales. I found lots of great stuff that looked new for mine. I did buy a Precious Moments bassinet at Baby Depot for a nice price. It was adorable. I sold that at a yard sale pretty cheap. For the things that aren't going to be used that much or long check the garage sales out. For things like a crib it may be more money but you can find them. The city wide yard sales usually have a lot of this stuff. You can look them up online just type in the city and then city wide yard sale and it will tell you when they are and get there right away! If you work maybe they will throw a shower for you and go in on something you really need(a big gift).

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! 1st of all, you are not alone. My mother had a baby when she was 46 too (20 years after the last one!) and everything turned out just fine.

Next, you shouldn't feel obligated to do something you can't afford nor should anyone expect you to. Maybe you could mail an inexpensive item from her registry- or send it w/ someone else who is going. Be honest with your family about your financial situation- that way they don't think you're being stingy or anti-social. Have you ever seen the show, Til Debt Do Us Part on CNBC? That's what she always has people do- they never want to, but always feel relieved when they do.
http://www.cnbc.com/id/33421145/

As far as shopping for your little one, there are good deals to be had. My favorite place for baby clothes and blankets is the Carter's outlet. Looks like you have one there in Columbus. You can go on their website and print a coupon for even greater savings. I can get things there for less than it would cost to get something similar at Walmart.

My husband registered me on the Enfamil website, and they sent us free formula and lots of coupons. I think you can do the same at the Pampers website.

Google "best deals on baby cribs" You'll find lots of sites. Register @babies r us- even if you don't tell anyone you're registered. I hear you get a bunch of coupons for registering. We found a crib there a few years ago on sale for $119 and we had a coupon besides so we got it for less than $100 I think
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You've got time to keep an eye on sales, and get things when you find a really good deal, a little at a time. The baby depot at Burlington Coat Factory has good deals too. Maybe if you don't know anyone looking to pass along baby clothes or gear, one of your friends does. Ask. You never know. Also, there's a great book on finding the things you need for baby for a lot less:
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-Furniture-Equipment-M...
Hope it helps :)

at 46 i think it's time to be forthright. of course the family will throw a shower for the girl expecting her first. you don't have to deal with it. they are. and you don't have to go along with whatever their expectations are about a gift (and how do you know you are expected to drop a couple of hundred? that's nuts. i just spent $20 on a gift for my niece's new baby.) tell them politely and with love that you're not going, and don't. send a gift or a some money in a gift card, but only what you're comfortable with. the resentment caused by showers of all stripes is so ubiquitous and avoidable.
if you want a shower, let someone in the family know.
the 'rude comments' are probably not meant to be so. family probably feels close enough to you to be less than tactful in their comments, and also may well just be well-meaning and light-hearted. have a terse/snappy/funny retort handy (whichever fits your personality best) and go about enjoying this lovely, lovely surprise pregnancy and don't let resentment spoil things for you.
khairete
S.

Ah! I responded to the other one. Anyway...
- You don't have to go to the shower- if you do, it's your choice.
- You don't have to spend a ton of money on a gift- if you do, it's your choice
- If you don't have everything you need for your baby, start putting money away now to purchase the things that you need.
- If someone asks if you need something, be honest.

Don't go to the shower, but send a reasonable gift ahead of time with a hand-written card. You're pregnant, so you have a legit excuse not to travel.

My niece was pregnant at the same time I was- her 3rd, my 1st. She is the same age as her uncle, my husband. I'm sure she felt a little "twinge" as her family was planning my shower, but she helped and attended. As a family, we asked her what she needed and chipped in $$ to buy the double stroller and a new crib mattress. In all honesty, people brought gifts after my nephew was born.

As for the what to say... if someone asked me how I got pregnant at 46, I would smile and say "the same way I got pregnant at 29" and leave it at that.

Wow-I am so sorry your family is behaving like that. It has to really hurt. I am amazed at the nerve of your neice for hinting for a crib as well! I mean-you have your own crib to get so why would you be getting her one as well!! I would NOT attend this shower if I were you. I have a feeling you are gping to come away from it feeling much worse than you do already. It will be painful to see them make a huge fuss over her while either ignoring or belittling your pregnancy. Don't put yourself in that situation. If you really must-tell them you are coming and then get "sick" at the last minute. Send a present off of her registry and be done with it.

In my opinion you don't need to make them see the light. Just say you are unable to attend (if in fact you do not want to attend) and send a gift priced as you can afford. If you are going to attend you still can purchase a relatively inexpensive gift. If you feel you must explain things to your family why not try the truth: Obviously I am still fertile and sexually active...that's how I got pregnant at 46. Because it has been nine years since my last baby I have to budget to replace baby items due to safety recalls so I am not spending a lot on gifts for others right now. That should make things clear, I think. If there is a problem it is theirs and not yours.

Ther is no need for big explanations. Just excuse yourself, tell them it's not a good time for you to travel right now and send a nice card - if you want to include anything send a gift card or cute outfit. Just because they are expecting you to drop a few hundred dollars, doesn't mean that you are obligated to in any way.
Should someone be so rude to actually bring it up, just say as you are preparing for the birth of your child, you are only able to make a small contribution but that it is the "though that counts"... right!?
Good luck.

Since you are pregnant yourself and you need to buy things in prep for your new baby I see no reason why not going to your niece's shower would not be understood by all. Send her a card with a gift card in it or a check for what you can afford. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself.
Congrats on your new baby. The money you save by not travelling 400 miles and overspending on a gift will be the gift from you to YOUR child :)
*Maybe your family doesnt know your situation because you havent explained it to them, maybe now is the time?

I'm in my thirties and I have finally come to the conclusion of Not Giving A Rat's A** about what other people think,do or say. Because you know what, they are NOT thinking about you!

Your child is your #1 priority right now. Let them know, "I am sorry, but I can not travel to the shower" and send her a small gift. Don't feel expected to give hundreds of dollars, use that money on the things YOU need for the new baby.

In the long run, no one will remember whether or not you went to that shower, but you will remember that your child had safe baby equipment!

How about a baby shower for 2. The family could host a shower for you and your neice. Let your brother know that you have nothing for the new baby and could really use some new stuff. All babies should be celebrated.
If anyone makes a rude comment that you are preggers at 46, tell them 'because my hubby and I have sex and enjoy it, jealous?'

hello
Perhaps IF anything, everyone could go in on a bigger gift for the niece.. I mean cribs can cost a lot of money... Also, these days, with so many baby consignment shops, your niece could get a good quality USED one for a fraction of the price. oh it's not new, but in many cases, it's barely used.. you aren't being unreasonable when you say you have your own expenses.. I would send a gift and wish her many blessings.. Thing is, IF family members don't understand and think they know YOUR LIFE AND YOUR NEEDS, then they are highly mistaken.. Only you can judge for certain what you need and don't need... People often are so mistaken when they assess other peoples' lives.... They tend to look around the room and sum people up in an instance. You will need to be strong here and take a stand (however you see fit.) you are pregnant and therefore, your health comes first as does the health of your baby.. again, send a nice gift (it needn't be too expensive) do what you feel comfy doing.. IF people don't understand that you choose to NOT be in debt because of them, then that is their problem.. you can't go buying into their mind-games. if you do, you'll become resentful.. and right now, you don't need that.. stay positive, think positive and remember.... this is your life, not theirs.. live it as you see fit....

When my sister in law became pregnant with a surprise child after 10 years, we threw her a shower because she obviously did not have any baby things left. She was so appreciative! I'm sorry you don't have a family like mine.

That said, Congratulations on your pregnancy. What a lucky child to be born into a family who have some experience and stability to offer.

As far as your neice goes, I would send a gift of whatever you can afford and wish her well. Don't let those hormones make you feel any less special because this is not your first baby.. Blessings to you!

Send a small gift and that is it. As far as having old/used things for your child, used is okay, but unsafe is not. Check out craigslist for some gently used items. Also, many big cities have "just between friends" type sales a couple times a year. They are usually at a convention center and it's like a gigantic yard sale for baby and kid stuff. IMO, buy a NEW car seat.

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First off, congrats to you and your family. It is a blessing to be able to have a child, at any age. As far as your family is concerned, you should just send your neice a gift card, or gift through the mail, and move right along. You have to be concerned with you and your child. Times are hard for everyone, and they have to understand that. As far as there comments are concerned, everyone has their opinions, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. You don't need to be pregnant and stressed. I'm not where you live, but I'm sure they have pregnancy centers in your area that give baby items at no cost, for those who need it. I myelf received a pac n play for my son. It was very nice and appreciated it. If not, there's always places like Good Will, that have a lot of nice items as well. I hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted. :)

Congratulations on your soon-to-be little one! Don't worry what others think, ok? I personally would send my regrets to my niece with a card and a gift of your choice. I've never spent a couple hundred dollars on a baby gift for anyone, but I would see myself doing this in the future for any grandchildren that I may have. That's about it. Your first priority is your new baby!!

Why are you expected to attend? Just send her a gift card card to Babies are us.

You do what is best for your family. If you could not afford brand new, you are not the first person to make do. If you wanted or needed a shower, you could always kindly ask someone where you live.

When people make comments, you can let them know that what they have said has offended you. You have a right to set them straight.

The only way to be truly happy, is to be truly happy. I am going to guess you are tired and hormonal. Look at all of the blessings in your life. Make a list.

Take a breath. See if you can borrow from friends some newer baby things. Try to quit looking at what you do not have, but what you DO have,.

1st of all congrats to you on your newest little bundle of joy. I find it rather rude that your family never held a shower for any of your pregnancies yet expect you to not only attend their showers but also to "give" them all of your stuff. What part of you being pregnant do they not understand? You will need anything you already have for your baby. And yes, it all does need to be updated for safety issues. So you will be spending all your money on providing these things for your own child. They will need to do the same for their children. I would send a outfit or baby bath basket type of gift and simply tell them you are not able to travel at this time.

On a side note, check your local consignment shops, they are usually well stocked in gently used baby gear. Be certain to check the expiration dates on the car seats. Someone in the store should be able to help you with that. Also it's getting warmer out and we're moving into yard sale season. Grab your local paper each week to check for yard sale listings. If you're there early you can usually find tons of baby gear really cheap. Good Luck and God Bless.

First of all congratulations. Secondly,I hope all is well with you and the baby. I would see if you have any girlfriends that would be willing to put a shower together for you. You do need some new stuff. You do not need to be ignored because it is your third pregnancy and because of your age. That is awful that you are treated that way. You can get second hand nice stuff at consignment shops and craigs list. Take care of yourself.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW BUNDLE OF JOY!!!! I am so sorry you are not getting the support you need and deserve from your family. They should know about the safety recalls and how after so many years things tend to wear out and not be safe. I cannot believe they are saying such mean things to you and expecting you to go to such lengths for them when they will do nothing for you. I know that we help people just for the sake of helping them without expecting things in return, but they are being riduculous. I would just ignore them for now, you do NOT need the extra stress and drama while being pregnant. I would save your money and get the things your child needs first. It is not being selfish or mean, you have to take care of your kids. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and just dont listen to them! Again, congratulations!!!!!!!!

" in truth I have nothing I would feel comfortable or safe putting my child in."

If your own baby equipment is that old and unsafe, replacing it should be your priority. Even if it's hard for you to spend money on something you already have an old version of,do it for the safety of your baby. The peace of mind will be worth it.

Traveling 400 miles when you are pregnant or with a new baby is impractical, to say the least. It sounds like you have some interesting family dynamics going on. It would be nice to send a heart-felt, meaningful but inexpensive gift to your niece. But you can't make everyone else happy, just tell them the truth simply and let it go. Your responsibility is to your own baby and family.

Just say Congrats, but decline the invitation. And heck, tell a little white lie if you have too... "I am sorry, I am soooo old and in such a delicate condition that my dr will not let me travel.":)

I am actually not permitted to leave the city during pregnancy, due to being high risk my dr asks that I am within 20 minutes of his office at all times. - True Story. :) Feel free to use it as yours. Hugs!

what is wrong with your family and so called friends!!! 1st you give what you can afford or feel like shipping!! I am 47 and it is no not one persons buisness if i get pregnant... nor should we have to explain our birth control methods... GIVE NOTHING TO THE GREEDY!! give to the needy.

Congrats on your pregnancy - your priority needs to be taking care of YOU, which in turn will mean taking care of your baby and your older kids.

I'm not sure why your niece thinks you should give her a crib - either say you need it for your baby or you gave it away when your boys were done with it. I think it's fine to say that your kids only had hand-me-downs, and so many things have been recalled that you just don't have anything left that's approved.

There is NO WAY that you should be expected to travel 400 miles while pregnant, for any reason. And where did this "couple hundred dollars" gift guideline come from in your family? That's nuts. I would send a card and either a gift card or something small - consignment shops often have new items that someone didn't want so you can save money but still send a token gift. Put a note in, if you like, saying how much this item was enjoyed by your boys and how you wish her the best during this exciting time, making it clear that you are thinking about her.

Just say you are not able to travel at this point in your pregnancy, period. If they're all fired up about your age, then use that as your "excuse" if you really think you need one. Honestly, the people who think we women dry up in our 40s are out to lunch. Kelly Preston just had a baby at age 48 or so.

You can either spend your time telling your family what you bought at consignment shops (making it clear that you have nothing for this 3rd child), or you can leave them out of the discussion entirely, whatever reduces your stress the most.

Perhaps your friends can put together a shower, and you can invite the relatives or not, whatever pleases you. The invitations technically come from the hostess, not from you - you just provide the addresses & stay out of it. Let's see how many of them travel 400 miles.

I'd ignore them and focus the energy on yourself. If it would help to clear the air, fine. But if it's going to stress you out, don't waste the energy.

Just tell these noisy gossipy relatives the truth. Yes equipment does get old. Fashions in how to sleep with your baby have changed. So have the car seat requirements.
WRITE AN E-MAIL. Tell them the truth about your financial status. You are starting over in child rearing with the emotional experience and without your baby having any clothes, toys, or a much needed stroller.
Have a safe healthy pregnancy.

Why would you need to spend a couple hundred dollars on a baby shower gift!? I would only do that if it was for my own grandchild!
Just tell them the truth, you're sorry to miss the shower, but you just can't afford to make the trip. Send your niece a card and small gift, whatever you can afford, or maybe something handmade.

I start getting upset with these things. Why do women place so little value on themselves and their own feelings. You do NOT have to spend a million dollars going anywhere, you do not have to part with your stuff, your money, your baby things unless you want to on YOUR OWN, and you can very nicely put a bib in the mail and celebrate you own good news and treat yourself and your little family to the things they like and need. Why do women ALWAYS put others first? You are first. I am jealous. I hoped up until two years ago (now 53) that I could be pregnant again. What a miracle and I think it's wonderful. You have my permission to gloat a little to me...I eventually had a hysterectomy and will never be able to have more and who is this family that thinks that you are so stingy? The ones paying your bills? Your niece got herself pregnant, not you and she didn't help you get pregnant and she hasn't supported your children over the years. I suggest you toss out the guilt, and enjoy the possible wonderful years ahead of you.

You should be point blank honest. Tell your niece you've never had a shower and always had to accept second and third hand me downs. You are now pregnant with your 3rd child and can't spend the money on her child when none of the whole family will be helping with yours. Congratulate her on her soon to be Motherhood and concentrate on YOUR family.

Then - after that chat... start calling other rude family members and tell them the same.

If your family can't understand, have the shower with your friends. Send a gift and tell her you can't make the trip. End of discussion.

Do not feel bad about saying no to the crib. Cribs have changed a lot in the years since it was new (they are taking drop-sideded cribs off the market) so not only is it not available, YOU won't even be using it. I think it's very rude to ask someone who is pregnant for a big item.

You need to focus on your needs for your own little one right now. Certainly send a card and a small gift but there is no other obligation. Especially when travel is required.

People are expecting too much from baby showers any more. Recently I was invited to a baby shower and the young mother actually threw a fit! And when I say young, I meant young. 20 maybe! It was her first and she expected to be handed everything on a silver platter, even the big ticket items. So when all she got were clothes, diapers, bottles, etc. she actually broke down crying and screaming that everyone hated her and how she couldn't afford to buy these items so we HAD to buy them for her (I found out later her mother had told her to expect all that stuff). Ugh! It was so embarrassing, especially since I didn't really know her well.

I never had a shower either and I was no older than her when I had my first little one. I bought all of it myself on a very limited income (some used, some new) and was blessed with very caring family & friends that helped me when it was needed. But I could never have seen myself throwing a fit at a party in my honor just because I didn't get what I wanted. It was beyond rude, even counting for those dreaded pregnancy hormones. (Granted, I did throw a small tantrum about Valentines Day my first pregnancy but it was nothing compared to this. Only my husband witnessed my tirade. Not all of my friends, family, etc.)