11 answers

4 Yr Old Says He Is 'Scared' of Everything

My son will turn 4 on Feb 2nd. Last year he started to say that he was scared of his bed, his room, everything. We recently moved and he now has his own room and again is saying that he is scared on his bed, room, poster (he picked out), the ceiling.. you name it he is scared of it. Yesterday while taking him to his daycare; I brought his stuff in the house (never losing sight of him) while he listened to his music.. I came back and he was crying saying that he was scared..
He has just recently started this again and I do not know why.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Hello everyone and thank you for all the input I received. As of today, nothing has really changed. We ask what he is scared of and try to take it either out of his room or out of his view. Last night it was his dresser... we only have his radio/cd player in his room no other media. I try to let him play out side as much as possible except when its raining or dark. I guess we will just have to keep reassuring him that there isn't anything scary in his room. It just makes for LONGGGGGGGG nights for me..

Featured Answers

My son was the same way. He was afraid to sleep in his own room because there was a monster in there. We bought him Spiderman sheets & comforter, and he's been sleeping in there by himself for a month now. We just tell him there is nothing to be afraid of, because Spiderman wouldn't let anything get him. He's really into Spiderman. Maybe if you try something like that, and the closet doors have to be shut for my son. He's 4.
Hope this helps.

S.

More Answers

I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old. He has always slept on his own and in his own bed but now all of a sudden he wants to sleep with me. We have tried everything. Taking pics down. Changing his room around so his dresser covers the window. Putting everything in his closet so the "toys" doesnt scare him. I am going nuts. I dont know what else to do. This is an every night thing and goes for hours!! And is much worse when there is a thunderstorm or lighting. Please if anybody knows how to help let me know. Thanks

My son gets scared of certain things,too. It gets really frustrating sometimes, like when he won't even go to the bathroom by himself! He sleeps in our room because of it and sometimes says he's scared there! But I have to step back and take a deep breath and remember how I would curl up in the hallway on the floor outside the bathroom door at night when my dad would be taking a shower and my mom worked nights because I was scared in my room by myself. I don't let him watch scary things on tv or even any really aggressive things for that matter. I just pray with him and pray for him and hope he'll out grow it. When you left and came back and he was crying did you ever find out what scared him? Did he see something that looked like a bug or a monster or something (like a shadow or a piece of string)? Did he lose sight of you and not know where you were going?? Kids have a lot going on in their minds that they can't always express with out help.
I don't know...hang in there. Hopefully it's just a phase.

Hi,
I' mom of three and a music therapist and teacher.

You did not say anything about media in your request, but I recommend strongly to radically reduce media intake. It's undigestible junk that becomes overwhelming to many children.
Get the electronics out of his immediate environment (his room) and spend much more time outdoors. It takes a few days of withdrawl agony- and then the difference is usually profound!

Ask him questions about his fears. have a discussion. Find out why ('why' is a hard concept to get them to communicate sometimes). THen in a calm, reasurring manner, acknowldege his feeling, but let him know that it isn't something scary (if it really isn't) and explain why.

If the poster he picked out is scary to him, offer to take it down. If the items are removable, offer to removed them.

He may just be seeking attention (feeling insecure), but then again, he may be interpreting something as scary because it is unknown. I've gone through this a little with my son (4 in February). If you can be open about the communication and expain things reasurringly without condescention; it works wonders.

Keep us updated, hang in there.

Oh, my goodness!!! I am so sorry. My son went through this same phase when he turned 4. He was afraid of the trees, car, his bed, his hair, his teeth, music, everything. I drove me nuts but I finally just bit my tongue. He even admitted that he was not truly scared, but then would insist he was. I finally quit responding to it. He hasn't done it since before the holidays so I'm thankful. It is a phase - your son will grow out of it. Hang in there it'll get better soon. The move probably made it worse. Good luck.

My son was the same way. He was afraid to sleep in his own room because there was a monster in there. We bought him Spiderman sheets & comforter, and he's been sleeping in there by himself for a month now. We just tell him there is nothing to be afraid of, because Spiderman wouldn't let anything get him. He's really into Spiderman. Maybe if you try something like that, and the closet doors have to be shut for my son. He's 4.
Hope this helps.

S.

I have a 6 year old who is the same way. As a toddler (2-3) she was afraid of going out side / sliding doors / open doors, etc....Now it is candles & fans. If a light goes off unexpectedly she will completely freak out. In the beginning it was exhausting ( we even lost a babysitter we had had for 3 years because of it ). Now we just removed the fan and tread lightly with candles. She is truly afraid of these things. Fortunately the number of things is decreasing, otherwise, as she gets older we will probably need to investigate further. I do not have an answer for you , just to say it is getting better and you are not alone. As for the "second sight" of seeing spirits....I have to admit we did think of it, but now the fears do not really fall into that category ???? so I just respect her fears and make adjustments. Good Luck

does your son exhibit the same behavior at his school? it might be a good thing to talk about with his teachers. maybe he's a bit insecure about the move?

Kids are more open to seeing things that most adults do not see... what I mean by this is spirits. You might try talking to him to find out what is making him scared or maybe he can draw it or somehow act out what he is seeing with toys. I have to say that this was the first thing that came to my mind.

My son is now six and he still does that my 4 year old sleeps in his room and I have no problems with him however the six year old will not sleep in there even with his brother. We tried many things with no luck til about a year ago my husband got an old style new roll away bed and we put it in the living room every night and he loves it, he sleeps there every night and won't let anyone else in his bed. I also made him a pillow recently with a picture of his Papa (who passed when he was 2) on it and he has to sleep on it every night, another thing I did a while ago was my mom found this great stuffed monster doll that had a clear pocket over the face, I laminated a picture of mine and my husbands faces front to back and slide it into the space, it's a little freaky to me but he loves it, he can sleep with either one of us and it makes him more comfortable.
I'm not saying for you to do all this, this is what worked for my son, everyone is different. My advice to you is find out why he is scared and make sure that he knows he is not in trouble that you just want to help him. Then you can find something that will work for you and then also try to get something new that he hasn't seen before that will be comforting and you can tell him will watch over him and not let anything happen to him. Good Luck, I hope this helps.

Hi K.,
I remember back when I was 3,4 and 5 or 6 being terrified of the Hallway in our home that led upstairs to the only Bathroom. I would jump from the 2nd top step down to the bottom, I would be so freaked out, w/ NO Reason to be. Just being a kid I guess. But that memory is VERY clear and the fear was very real.

I also know people that I believe are telling me the absolute truth, saying as young children, were able to see Spirits of relatives, and strangers in their own home and homes of others. Which for a child MUST be totally terrifing. One of them had a completely supportive Mother who totally believed her child. She gave me the explanation that her child had been born w/a "Veil" over her face. A term I had thought was only old Southern superstition. They both assured me it wasn't, and they accepted and lived w/ the results until they were outgrown .
This may not be at all what your son is experiencing,but his fear sounds real and should be lovingly addressed (if only matter-of-factly.)
Good Luck! I pray it soon turns out well for your family. T. C.

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